Terrible twos / threenager support thread

[Belleende]

Hello all,

Thought I would start this and see where is goes. I am mum to 2 DDS. One 7 weeks and one 2.5. currently on mat leave.

My DD1 has always been a lively high energy kid, but has lately been incredibly challenging. Last week it took me 1.5 hours to get her into her clothes and out the door. I started a thread here and got great support.

There are lots of separate threads with good advice on, but I thought it might be helpful to have a go to place for help support and advice on dealing with the daily challenges of toddler wrangling.

My current challenges include, how to get dressed without a drama, how to manage transitions without meltdowns, to nap or not to nap, how to maintain sanity when toddler asks for a bath and then refuses to get in it, how to keep it light and playful when you are feeling just short of murderous.

Say howdy if you think this might be useful and we can go from there.

That's a good point about advice Plucked. It's hard to advise each other because what works with one kid won't work for another. In my experience it sometimes doesn't work for the same child the following day! It's nice to know it's all normal though and we're all in it together.

I'm just having a brew while DD1 plays nicely with the dts. How long do we think this will last?!

I bought the how to talk so little kids listen yesterday. I have only read three pages but I managed to get DD (20 months) into nappy and PJ last night without her complaining or running away. On a night time is is currently wearing ‘knickers’ (pull ups) and this had made things easier.

I am going to give up on giving her a choice of clothes as I think it is over whelming her as she can’t decide or wants both or gets half dressed and then changes her mind.

So ladies. Need some advice. I am going into London today. Was planning on leaving toddler at home, but I would really like to take her. I have been somewhat emboldened by a few days of results from stickers etc, but am I nuts.

Trip would involve, 10 minute walk, half hour train, bus then lunch in a pub. There will be loads of us and lots of other kids, but she would be the youngest. I am more worried about keeping her entertained in the pub, and how to manage her when I am feeding her sister. My friends are either child free by choice or are out the other side of toddlerdom, so not sure if it is fair to ask them to help loads.

That said, I want to take her, even if just to prove that I can! Am I bonkers?

If you have another option, then yes!!! If not, then I old see it as something that had to be surpassed, rather than a trip to the pub.

If you don't have to take her then I probably wouldn't. You won't get to talk to anyone whilst chasing her around! She'd probably enjoy the train though!

Are the older kids old enough to keep her occupied? I spent yesterday with friends who have older kids (about ages 6 to 12) and they were fabulous playing with my just 3 year old. He loved it too, no whining or demanding at all.

On the other hand, a toddler free lunch is a very attractive option...

I've just bought that book too @chaosofcalm. DD was remarkably well behaved yesterday. We did have a bit of a wobbly in the supermarket where she didn't want to leave but not too much of a tantrum fortunately.

She's been very good so far this morning but we need to go out soon, that's usually when it all unravels....

And as I typed that I can hear DH arguing with her in the garden, oh dear...

We are attempting toilet training next weekend. Argh!

@Belleende if you have the option to leave her at home I'd do that... last thing you want is to have a stressful lunch thinking you didn't have to!

If you really want to then like tawdry says the older kids may by happy to occupy her!

Hello, may I join in? DS has just turned 2 and someone seems to have told him that he is now expected to be an obstreperous little bugger because Oh. My. God.

He is non-verbal so can’t actually tell me what he wants (food, drink, toys, world peace as suggested by a pp) but he makes sure everyone knows when he doesn’t get it. He is also really tall and quite heavy so physically man handling him can be a challenge. Nonetheless I did end up tucking him under my arm like an angry rugby ball and marching across the road (as he kept sitting down in the middle of it!), carting his bastarding balance bike which he refuses to try in the other hand, for a lovely trip to the playground, then repeating the process to leave later on, by which time I was so frazzled that I nearly caused a car crash . Nap time is suddenly only for the weak as well, so I’m not even getting a break!

I’ve tired being all enthusiastic and making things he doesn’t want to do into games, but he just shoots me a withering look and does what he wanted to do anyway / wails when prevented from creatively maiming himself...

Send help / gin

Oh god, and warm clothes! Also for the weak. I keep reading judgypants threads on here about toddlers not being wrapped up and stuffing him into hats and scarves only for him to fling them off with wails of fury and unzip the warm bastarding coat it took me ages to find in the shops. His gloves only remain in our possession because they’re on a string and are fingerless (I knitted them, if he loses them I will weep) but his hands are often like icicles - not that it seems to bother him. It does me though!

Argh argh argh

This is very cathartic, DM just laughs at me and there’s only so much moaning one can do in RL

Hi all,

Good to hear some others out there feel my pain.
My ds 3 1/2 y is not going through a phase at the moment. He has been a stubborn,wilful, wild child with a temper since he was born. It’s his way or we all suffer.
Obviously love him to bits (yada yada yada) but my god he makes us work for it
We have been “that child” since baby massage class right up to preschool and every social engagement since

Latest thing to try my resolve is to correct every. Word. I. Speak 😫

It’s not a bike, it’s a fire engine bike

It’s not a look out tower, it’s a paw patrol look out tower

It’s not toast it’s cheesy toast

I’m not mister I’m ds

All. Day. Long😩😩😩

Following! Mine are 2.5 and 10 weeks. DD has always been high maintenance but it's only since having DS I realise how much work she was as a baby!

Our afternoon nap is now refused so she is ridiculously tired from about 3pm onwards and often falls asleep on the sofa/ in car/ on floor at some point in afternoon and then is totally feral when she is woken up. So that's fun.

Re: getting dressed and other battles, my current strategy is to say E.g
Me: 'Ok DD, it's time to brush your teeth'
DD: No! (Sometimes accompanied by foot stamp)
Me: Would you like mummy to do it or daddy to do it?

This question disarms her while she decides and seems to make it clear that it's happening whatever, it's the fine details she is in control of. I also use 'Do you want to do it in your bedroom or in the bathroom?'
You get the idea.

It is such hard work though, oh my god. DD has just started "why?" For everything. So if I say
'DD, please take your shoes off if you're going to sit on your bed'
I then get 'why?'.
'Because they're dirty'.
'why?'
'Because we've just been to the park'
'Why?'

Before I know if I'm engaging in a ridiculous conversation and my head feels like it will explode. Anyone got a good strategy for the why's??

And spudlet we have the opposite clothing problem as we're in Australia and it's summer. The other day it was 34 degrees and my DD insisted on wearing a woolly jumper and wellies and chucked a fit when we said she wasn't wearing them to daycare.

Spudlet don't worry about the balance bike - DS got one for his 2nd birthday but showed NO interest for about 6 months. Now he can't be separated from it and goes for miles with me trotting breathlessly behind.

As for the naps and glove resistance, I feel your pain. On the bright side, quitting naps about 2 seems to make for better night sleeping. DS has friends who are still napping at three, but the naps get later and the nights get later...may as well bite the bullet now.

I quickly abandoned all advice to turn every basic process into a fun game "ooh! I bet you can't put your socks on quicker than me! What fun!!" Because both I and DS are smarter than that, tbh.

I am taking her. Eeeeeee. She loves going to The London on the Choo Choo train.

We are ready to go.

Wish me luck ladies.

Oh my peeps. I have found you

^^

I don't have time just now to type my own woes. Will come back later for some tea & sympathy and hopefully some sage advice.

Oh and good luck Belle

Oh enjoy London! What are you doing there??

Third night of being awake on and off for 2 hours mainly crying and whinging

Good luck Belle Stay strong

[Stands up and salutes Belle]

Glad to hear DS isn’t the only eccentric dresser

I am trying so hard not to be too pushy about the bike, it’s just that he’s too big for his sling now and over the weight limit for his pushchair - I was hoping he might take to his bike so we could get out a bit more. This too shall pass, this too shall pass... I’ve decided to forget it for now anyway, and try again in the spring. Hey ho.

We are on the train. Bit of bartering to get her hair up. But she does love going to the London. Going for lunch with a big bunch of friends. We have scattered so dont see eachother as much.

Wow belle that sounds like having a social life. Don’t think my ds would allow that.

We are off to his friends birthday party. No doubt I’ll be the mum dragging my child out kicking and screaming at the end🙄

Enjoy your lunch. Hope it goes well

Good luck Belle enjoy yourselves!

Trip to shop went as expected. Tears as she wanted to push the trolley and kept ramming it into us. Ended up carrying her round the shop as she cried pitifully and ignored her, which actually worked. Then tears again in the queue as she wanted to "go left".... I'm sure she doesn't know what left is!

Good luck Bell! My DD is going through an awful sleeping phase keeps climbing in ky bed and then touching me all night I hate it!

I'm back! In one piece and sanity in tact. The gods shone upon me. I had actually forgotten she is a good traveller. It is like when we are on the move she knows she has to do as she is told. I took with me a veritable toddler toolkit. Crisps, juice, a bottle, cbeebies magazine (a god send), tablet (didn't use), pens, pencils and dinosaurs. Between my friends being fab and a well timed nap, it was actually an enjoyable day.

DP is now putting her to bed and she is giving him hell. She has head butted him twice and pissed on his lap. I am heading for a loooooonnnnggggg bath.