How can I be more "French"?

[hangingoutattheendofmywick]

So this morning I did an Ocado shop and stumbled across the world foods department. There is a French section and I was immediately transported to my holidays when I was young at Keycamp in France. I basically ordered a shed load of French delights and as I'm currently really down in the dumps and life is a bit shite I've decided to BE more French.

Other than learning the language again (I've lost it since GCSE) and eating / drinking all my French delights I'm wondering what I can do to make my life a bit more French. Any ideas?

I'm looking for :
Music
Literature
Recipes
Drinks
General ways of living.

Ta!

I was going to say eat more cheese, but you've already prioritised that, so, good

Read Sartre, Proust. Listen to Serge Gainsbourg. Wear black. Take up smoking if you don't already. Or just stick to the cheese, I would, except for the Proust, I actually enjoy that.

Watch some Julie Delpy films, the Before Sunrise series and 2 days in Paris are funny and dwell a bit on what it is to be French.

Remember: French people's children never misbehave. I suggest you focus on intensive behaviour management for the moment

Learn to give a gallic shrug and go "Bof!" when asked your opinion.

Take up smoking. Only smile if absolutely necessary. Talk about food a lot. Have friends round for an "apero" at 19h (that's another one , only use the 24 hour clock) and boot them out at 20h. Have lunch at midi. Go back to work at 2. Take as much sick leave as possible. Leave work by 15h30 at the latest on Friday.

Cultivate a deadpan expression for when driving (this also helps calm your inner road rage).

Stop working and go on holiday for the whole of august. Smoke Gauloises. I second Melanie's suggestion above too.

Stromrae (Belgian rapper) v popular music-wise.

Whisky a very popular drink.

Only eat seasonal fruit / veg.

I think you should take a lover immediately. Whilst smoking. And eating cheese.

Being French sounds kind of fun actually

Don't even think about working for the entire month of August.

If your office is due to close at 5.00, make sure you lock the door, don't answer the phones or respond to emails from 4.15 - just so that you are sure to leave on time.

If you work in public service be as unhelpful as possible - if it's 11.55 and you're due to go on your lunch at 12.00, don't check the computer, don't answer the questions and just respond to anything with a gallic shrug.

Always make sure you have a man on hand to deal with any tradesmen or even sales people in a DIY store, because as a woman they're not going to give you the time of day.

(Lives in France, pissed off with the bureaucracy)

Shop for bread twice a day.

Go and choose your chicken at the market and then stand and watch while the butcher kills it for you.

Never even try and go swimming if it is term time, you apparently have to belong to some kind of secret organisation unless it is between 8am and 10am on the third Thursday of the month.

Complain all the time about everything. Start believing in homeopathy. Cultivate a healthy disrespect for rules of normal social behavior.

Stock up on pâté (accents are obligatory), wine, bread, cognac and cheese and then go on strike.

Oh, and tell everyone that you suffer from "Heavy Legs". en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Heavy_legs

All the above, but don't forget to constantly obsess about your weight, never eat more than a few bites of crudités for lunch alongside your miniscule portion of cheese.

Also, you need to plan and book holidays a year in advance. Toussaint holidays in a Mediterranean city, Feb holidays skiing, August in Brittany or La Rochelle.

Ship your kids off to your mother for the duration of the summer holidays.

Only ever wear matching underwear sets, preferably in coloured lace.

Never eat between meals.

Confide in your dermatologist and gynaecologist, unless it all gets too much when you must confide in a psychoanalyst.

Go on a diet every time you gain a single kilo in order to regain your "poids de forme".

Yy to "take a lover" and "Bof!"

well these are wonderful! Tres Bon!

I don't have the time or inclination for a lover right now. I'm currently a SAHM with a 2 year old and a baby almost here. Not sure I will do very well with the children never misbehaving.

I def cant smoke - tried it more than once and just makes me yak!

However - the bread and cheese thing I can do!

Any other suggestions? Do they drink anything other than really good quality wine? Any recipes I should learn? more music and films please / ways of life - this is fab!

Keep your BMI under 20.

Never buy low fat or any processed foods, just eat minuscule amounts of anything you fancy.

Drink a single glasses of wine, never go out on the lash.

Never wear trainers, or indeed any other sports clothes, in public unless you are actually participating in a sport at the time.

Have a small incontinent dog.

Shrug.

Watch the entire back catalogue of Juliette Binoche. Watch Un Coeur en Hiver. Or indeed any French film involving tense silences across coffee cups.

Get your French back up to scratch and read Flaubert and Stendhal.

Stock up on wine and tisanes.

Your main drink has to be wine, but an occasional pastis is OK.

And dispense with thoughts of animal welfare as you tuck into white veal and foie gras.

And ask for every medication you need to be supplied as a suppository.

Listen to Francis Cabrel

It's lovely, relaxing, and very French.

Yes, drink Verveine after dinner instead of coffee.

Give your DC bowls of hot chocolate for breakfast, with buttered baguette.

ah! I'm troubled by the 'dont put on weight' bit.... not sure that is going to be achievable what with all the cheese / brioche and crepes I just bought.