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(428 Posts)
yellowmellw Thu 10-May-18 11:56:13

Went for my 12 week today and baby had stopped growing at 8+4. They are giving me a week to see if things move on their own. Don't know how to feel but so feel guilty

OP’s posts: |
edinbeezer Thu 10-May-18 13:12:05

@yellowmellw I'm so sorry for your loss. I had a mmc at just over 6 weeks. It was hard but I'm now through it (had surgery 3 weeks ago) and feeling better every day. I felt guilty too but the midwife told me that the outcome of that pregnancy was decided at the moment of conception and there was nothing that could have been done, nor did I do anything to jeopardise the pregnancy myself. I found this very comforting and now I can start to think about trying again. Here if you need a chat. X

Pampl3m0usse Thu 10-May-18 18:38:26

hello yellow. I was due in December too but scan showed the baby had died at 8+4. I've been having heavy bleeding for ten days which they insisted was cervical erosion but I was convinced was not.
I insisted on active management in part because I've three small children at home and ASAP full time teaching job and just want it done with, in part because I'm 34 today (great birthday present sad ) and want to try again ASAP. I'm going in for medical management tomorrow. I feel bad because this baby wasn't planned and we were initially unsure we would keep it. also it's due date was the first anniversary of my mum's suicide. all seems a bit much sometimes but I'm working on the basis I am very lucky already and in twelve months time the sadness will have faded and I'll hopefully be pregnant with another one.

yellowmellw Thu 10-May-18 19:14:48

So sorry to hear this, your story is similar to mine. My baby died at 8+4 which I found out today about. They are making me wait a week before deciding on what to do. It must be nhs criteria here.

I haven't started the miscarriage process yet I just hope it happens this week so I can deal with it as best I can. Feel so sad about it all. It was also unplanned but we were so happy about it. I'm just in that mode where I'm sorting the practicalities such as cancelling further scans and telling people etc.

Ps my mum died by suicide also but it was a number of years ago.

OP’s posts: |
Mrsbroodymamma Fri 11-May-18 13:23:30

Sorry to hear of your losses I can't begin to imagine how painful it must be. Can I ask if you had a lack of regular pregnancy symptoms leading up to your losses?

edinbeezer Fri 11-May-18 14:00:06

@Mrsbroodymamma Hello. I didn't suffer any loss of symptoms at all, if anything they were stronger. I went along to the EPU after bleeding and the scan revealed that the baby was the right size but that the heartbeat was too slow. I had to wait 2 weeks for the follow up scan and because I continued to feel sick and exhausted I was almost convinced everything was going to be OK. Bodies can be very cruel.

PineapplePrincess Fri 11-May-18 14:41:23

Hey guys. Can I join you? In the same boat, miscarriage diagnosed this morning via private scan. Need to go back to NHS for a second scan tomorrow. Suppose to be 10+3, but measuring 8+4 with no HB.

Devastated. Can’t believe I let myself get my hopes up.

Pampl3m0usse Fri 11-May-18 14:49:07

Of course Pineapple but I'm very sorry you have to join this unhappy club. Hopefully we will all have much better news in a few months time.
I went in for medical management today and was rather proud of myself for giving the EPU team what for for leaving me to wait in the waiting room with lots of pregnant ladies for forty minutes when I'd told the receptionist I was in for miscarriage management.
I'm probably less upset than I might have been as I've had bleeding and lack of symptoms for weeks and was convinced all was not well, but I did see the heartbeat repeatedly and beyond 8 weeks so I think I was just very unlucky.
Hope you're all doing OK xx

PineapplePrincess Fri 11-May-18 15:32:28

Oh @Pampl3m0usse, that’s just awful - how could they be so insensitive. I’m glad you gave them whatsfor, did the at least apologise?

How is the medical management going?

I’m opting for ERPC if I can wait it out till they have a theatre space. Fourth miscarriage now, previous at 10wks, 6wks and CP. My 10wks last year I ended up in and out of hospital, so hoping to avoid the same this time.

I can’t stop crying. You would think after so many, I would handle it better. I’m so angry at myself for raising my hopes and thinking this one would work out.

Pampl3m0usse Fri 11-May-18 16:18:54

they just said "oh we were supposed to be offering miscarrying women a separate space now". no real apology.
it sounds like you've had a really tough time. do you have any children yet?
pretty uncomfortable but more worried its not going to work. I found out on my birthday yesterday and supposed to be going out tomorrow so just want things moving so i can get on with life.
how long do you need to wait for a theatre spot? xx

PineapplePrincess Fri 11-May-18 16:42:06

They sound hopeless! Gah!

I have DS who is 4 and desperate for a sibling; he would make an amazing big brother. After three years of trying, this was supposed to be our last try. I turned 42 on Monday there (happy birthday to us!flowers) so hubby is worried we’re just getting too old now. Had managed to convince him, one more go.

I’m conflicted now, TTC is what’s got me through the last year; I’m not sure how to just give up. That and maybe we’ll finally get referred to recurrent miscarriage clinic - have battled the last six months to get seen, to no avail! Maybe if they could find something, giving up now would be wrong?

Hospital won’t confirm theatre availability till tomorrow but said likely to be Friday next week at the earliest. Bleeding is getting heavier, but not yet period like yet - so not sure how the week is going to go.

I can only imagine you have your hands full with 3 DC and this. xx

Pampl3m0usse Fri 11-May-18 17:08:49

we had told them so they're being lovely but sad, the eldest two (5 and 7) have lovely teachers who have steered them through the day.
I'm so sorry you're having to wait so long. my bleeding isn't period like yet either and I was cramping but that's calmed down... Im pretty convinced I'll be back again Monday. I have my mum's inquest next wednesday so just want it done with.
I really hope you get a referral. can you ask for them to test the baby to see if there are any obvious issues?
I'm 34 but DH almost 40... he's being OK (for now) about not feeling too old. this baby wasn't planned but was due on the anniversary of mum's suicide so it's all a bit much at the moment.
I teach nursery children full time and have a lot of heavily pregnant parents at the moment so not looking forward to going back to work....

PineapplePrincess Fri 11-May-18 19:00:49

Bless your two oldest, hope they’re doing okay. It’s hard for us to comprehend, not sure how kids process it. But at least they can understand and support you.

I can only image the stress you are under with your Mum’s inquest. flowers

It’s strange how dates work out, or maybe our logic in trying to rationalise them). I started miscarrying last year on the one year anniversary of my Mum’s death, and was convinced it was some kind of punishment - still do to a point! I spent most of the week of my son’s 3rd birthday in hospital leading up to the ERPC, I had to discharge myself to attend his party and then go back in the next morning the pain was so bad!

I have cramping that comes and goes at the moment. Not taken any painkillers yet, not sure when to crack them open go have the best effect.

Mind is playing games too, going over things or toying with half made plans that will now be shelved. Just wish I could go to sleep and wake up from the bad dream!?!

Norwood86 Fri 11-May-18 22:27:55

Sadly it's looking the same for me. Had a private scan Sun should have been 8w, measured 6w3d with no HB. I knew I'd lost all symptoms but still had an early scan for that bit of hope. I'm at my local EPAU on Mon. Really hoping they won't make me wait as I know it'll be the same outcome, and carrying a baby with no HB for a week has been so tough! sad
Would the EPAU be able to sign me off sick? Work have allowed me this past week off but there is no way I could go back to my job yet! sad

Pampl3m0usse Sat 12-May-18 05:46:33

princess i know about the punishment thing. I started bleeding the day before my grans funeral at which we also buried my mum's ashes. I spent the church service saying (in my head) to them both "you're not having this baby, he's mine".

hopefully in a bit of time when you've fallen again it will feel more bad dream like? that's what I keep telling myself anyway.

so medical management has done absolutely nothing for me so now going to call gynea this morning.

I actually said to the midwife if had a failed induction before and was it the same sort of drugs "no different drugs" I was told. but they're still prostaglandins so work in the same way which she negleglected to tell me (I don't even know if she knew). I really need this sorted before Wednesday;sad

Pampl3m0usse Sat 12-May-18 05:49:30

Norwood are they making you wait to check no growth / heartbeat? if so take the private scan report with you so you have the evidence from that and they don't insist on checking again in another week independently. your gp will sign you off and pregnancy related sickness doesn't count towards your sick record. I had ten days of heavy bleeding and was sure everything was going tits up so got signed off. I teach and it's a fortnight until half term. I won't be going back until after the hols. x

Cleozeta Sat 12-May-18 09:21:01

Hi, I have also had a mmc. I was supposed to be 10+2 yesterday but found out baby had only made it to 6+5 (we saw heartbeat at 6+4). So gutted. I'm 41 and we were trying for over a year for this baby, not sure we'll get another chance.

Last night I had really strong cramps and bleeding became heavy. Then cramps faded and this norning have completely gone. I have not had many clots so I know it's not over yet. I really just want this done now. Going back for another scan next Friday as the baby measured less than 7mm they like to make sure its not just incorrect dates. I know it isn't but I'd like the scan anyway just to make sure everything has cleared and if it hasn't I can get help.

I hope everyone is coping ok. Mmc's are so cruel. And surprisingly common. Stats on this are totally incorrect. They say 1% of pregnancies end in mmc. I think they need to re-evauate this as it's clearly completely wrong / out of date.

Michelle0507 Sat 12-May-18 10:17:59

Yes checking on Mon, but I know nothing's changed. Yeah I have the report to take.
That's good to know, was a bit worried about being off longer. I don't want to be off and I know I need to be there to support the young people I work with but I just couldn't do it.
Didn't realise how common a silent misscarriage was. :*

PineapplePrincess Sat 12-May-18 12:56:32

Welcome @Cleozetta and @Michelle0507 - sorry you find yourself here. flowers

Ended up over four hours in A&E last night with DS and a perforated eardrum. Didn’t get out till after 2am. Then back for NHS scan this morning for them to confirm themselves the miscarriage.

I have a pre-op assessment Wednesday, and op scheduled for Friday PM. Tried to see if I could get a date sooner through work private policy, but they are giving time out to the following week.

Have asked for testing on whatever they remove to see if they can identify what’s gone wrong, as well as an immediate referral to reoccurant miscarriage clinic.

Hubby really not up for trying again. I think if they pin point a cause that could be treated, I may be tempted. But after three years trying and 42 (& 45), I’m wondering if we are just too old now.

Have told my boss that I won’t be in this week coming, and tempted to go to GP and get a further two weeks. My GP was very understanding last time, and I really can’t see me being able to function in work for a good while yet. Hoping to take the time and spend it with DS doing fun activities.

@Pamp3m0usse - how did you get on with the gynea?

Pampl3m0usse Sat 12-May-18 13:45:24

they said they will have another go with medical management tomorrow morning if nothing has happened by then... their position is that the drugs often take longer than 24 hours to work even though I was told 4-6 hours and all done within 24. to be honest I'm really struggling with it as I really need things sorted by Tuesday to be confident trAvelling 200 miles to this inquest. I'm sorry you're having to play the waiting game is your little chap today? xx

Pampl3m0usse Sat 12-May-18 21:37:42

how are you all doing? I was supposed to be going out for dinner with DH tonight but cancelled as didn't want to be bleeding heavily while out. we had a lovely meal at home and watched some of "the bridge" which id recorded and had a glass of wine. it was a relief to be normal for a while. back to hospital for more drugs in the morning. x

Michelle0507 Sat 12-May-18 22:14:44

I'm just so desperate for Monday a final answer and then I can get my life back. I know how selfish that sounds.
Glad to hear you've had a nice night.

Cleozeta Sun 13-May-18 08:17:34

I'm still waiting too. No more cramps or clots since Friday and not much bleeding either. It's almost like my body thinks the contractions I had on Friday have sorted it, but I really don't think I had enough blood or clots for it to have been 'the main event'. I'm wondering if body will try again or if I'll end up having to be 'assisted'. Wish it was just over.
Had a glass of wine and watched eurovision last night for normallity, but I keep bursting into tears at random moments.
Good luck with the drugs pampl, I hope it works

PineapplePrincess Sun 13-May-18 12:47:58

Cramping really badly at the moment. Coming as contractions, but with no real blood loss. At maximum tablet dosage, hoping they will have some impact soon; otherwise if this keeps up I’ll have to call the EPU.

Hubby has had to leave to take DS to the hospital, who has somehow perforated his eardrum. Spend 4hrs in A&E on Friday night with that, ear is now bleeding so managed to get a GP out of hours appointment.

Gah, why does everything happen at once!?!

Pampl3m0usse Sun 13-May-18 14:37:20

Michelle it doesn't sound selfish at all. I'm in a bit of a state as my second lot of medical management appears to have achieved nothing and the prospect of a week at home on my own is not filling me with delight under the circumstances. my boss also said she'd "hoped I was coming back" a week Tuesday which was the date I'd given when I was having bleeding but before id found out about the miscarriage.

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