Mmc

[yellowmellw]

Went for my 12 week today and baby had stopped growing at 8+4. They are giving me a week to see if things move on their own. Don't know how to feel but so feel guilty

[Michelle0507]

Congrats @Lphil93 hopefully we'll be lucky like you - lucky probably isn't the correct wording!

Wow! I'm so lucky I get car parts cheap and my Partner does the work!

[PineapplePrincess]

So today should have been my 12 week scan (all be it at 13+2). The only positive is it looks like I’ve finally got a negative on the pregnancy test.

Not sure whether to be happy or sad.

[Michelle0507]

I was exactly the same @PineapplePrincess.

I got a clear two lines today on the ovulation test, so I need to physc myself up!

[Cleozeta]

I know how you feel pineapple, my 12 week scan would have been yesterday (at 13+2) the blow was softened by ovulation thankfully.
I had a positive opk earlier, so I think ovulation might have actually happened today (my normal is +opk on ov day)

At least it looks like we can hopefully all move on now. (Physically at least)

[Lphil93]

@PineapplePrincess a bunny rabbit sounds lovely!! It is very strange when you get to important dates and I think it's when it hits you most. But keep your chin up - a negative on a PT is an emotional one too it kind of symbolises the physical end of that journey - but good news now is you're ready to try again should you want to 🤷🏼‍♀️😘

@Michelle0507 @Cleozeta sending lots of baby dust your way xxx

[Pampl3m0usse]

@Michelle0507 and @Cleozeta looks like we're all on track then..... which is interesting given the variability in timings suggested around the web.
@Lphil93 thank you so much for your story.
@PineapplePrincess I'm so glad the positives are over for you, but sad that you're struggling with it all. Maybe DH just needs a bit of time? Impractical moving forward along with not actively trying but seeing what happens maybe (possibly an easier suggestion for those struggling to conceive rather thanwith miscarriage, sorry :( )
xx

[Pampl3m0usse]

@PineapplePrincess I've decided to take a leaf out of your book.
I hate my current job (well the politics of it anyway) and have wanted to retrain for a while but need to do various conversion courses. Have signed up for the first step which is an OU course from September. Of course this will be totally impossible if I'm in the midst of hypermesis and even if I'm not it's a nine month commitment so I'd hope I'm pregnant by the time it's due to finish, but need to feel like I'm doing something positive!
x

[Michelle0507]

I still havent got round to it. I just feel so fed up and I'm getting lots of head aches.
Go on Holiday on Monday though! :)

[Pampl3m0usse]

Happy holidays @Michelle0507. I'm back to work on Tuesday.... v stressful job with very difficult colleagues / boss who have continued to be difficult through miscarriage process. DH and I have agreed I'll stay until I get pregnant again / go on maternity leave but clearly this puts even more pressure on in terms of getting pregnant soonish which is now making me more anxious.... eek :(
Need to do deep breathing, only seven weeks until the Summer holidays!
x

[PineapplePrincess]

@Pampl3m0usse - good on you with the OU course. Will be hard work, but totally worth it. And yeah, hopefully helps with the Sod’s Law approach.

@Michelle0507 - so jealous of your holibags, need to get something booked ourselves. Hope you have a fab time.

I had a wobble the other day. One of my team members has been successful in a development course in our work. They totally deserve it and on a personal level I’m really happy for them. On a purely selfish level it will mean tons more work and stress for me, and the main person I depend on as well as socialise with (chatting day to day, bouncing ideas of, going to lunching with, etc) will likely not be in my team for much longer. I’m devastated and it’s making going back to work Monday so much harder.

So dreading Monday. Being off was getting to be a nice norm, and a good distraction from the reality of back-to-work-and-not-pregnant.

Feel like when I found out I was pregnant that I mentally checked-out of work, if that makes sense. Was on a count down to maternity leave and was thinking “I don’t need to worry about that - I won’t be here”. Now I have to figure a way to check back in, and not sure how or whether I even want to.

That and how do explain your absence? Do you lie, fudge it or just tell people straight? Who will have already been told? How do deal with the sympathy stares and awkward conversations. Gah!?!

[Michelle0507]

I asked my Manager to tell everyone. Everyone was lovely hugging me saying it's nice to see you back. It was lovely and everyone was like don't do a lot don't push yourself.
The stress for me is as I work for a charity we're only funded till March if my job goes no MAT leave where as before I would have gone on MAT leave in Nov.

[Pampl3m0usse]

@Michelle0507 I'm so please you had so much support at work. I asked my boss to let my colleagues / the parents of my children know (I work with nursery aged children and have a small key group and hence a very close relationship with their parents) but she basically refused. Or she didn't refuse.... she sent out an email saying 'I was a bit poorly' in response completely backing me into a corner.
I really hope that your charity gets a funding extension.
@PineapplePrincess I really hope today has been a positive day for you. I was determined I didn't want to go back until I had my cycle back (and therefore theoretically a chance of being pregnant again), which I have and do but it's still feeling pretty crap. Not looking forward to the sympathy stares tomorrow.
I had a spa day today which was lovely but I nearly had a cry at a couple of things. The last place my Mum was before she died was a very similar gym / spa so the smells / sounds / etc.. reminded me of her. It's also the last place I saw her. I'm also having lots of nightmares at the moment which I think are happening because newly weaned DD is sleeping through the night which means I'm actually having proper sleep cycles.... hey ho :(
@Cleozeta how are you doing?
xxx

[Cleozeta]

Hi, sorry to hear things are difficult.

I am ok, currently 4dpo and frantically awaiting the implantation pains like I had last time at 4 and 5dpo, they are not happening so counting myself out already which is depressing. I wish I could just relax.
The children have gone back to school today, so more thinking time

[Pampl3m0usse]

How's life back at work ladies?
@Cleozeta 4 and 5dpo sounds very early for implantation? You might still be in! I've been having ovulation pains at 7/8dpo but they've begun to subside which I'm putting down to the corpus luteum shrinking because of no pregnancy. I'm also starting to get premenstrual spots (although to be fair I had bad spots with my last pregnancy).
Feeling pretty negative here though.... I'd just like AF to start really so that I can be on a proper cycle. I may well do a pregnancy test on Sunday (haven't been an early tester previously) so I can go into the new week with the bad news before things get intense.
Work so hellish here that DH and I have said I'll give it 6 months and quit if I'm not pregnant. Have had no previous absence before miscarriage and yet boss saw it fit to draw attention to the work absence policy saying disciplinary started for 10 days off within six months and mentioning needing her 'strongest staff' with possible redundancies looming next year. Happy days!

[mk87]

Sorry for all your losses. I think I am joining the "club" again. Mmc st six weeks in March l. Super lucky to conceive again but had an 8 week reassurance scan showing a sac and yolk but no heartbeat or fetal pole. They seemed confident it looked healthy but it's 2.5 weeks behind where it should be even with a late ovulation I can't see that those dates/measurements will be ending positively! Now on a two week wait to check again

[PineapplePrincess]

Handhold @mk87 - sorry to hear this, hopefully they have just confused measurements and dates and all is okay. But I know what you mean, you think you know your own body and dates so it’s hard to be positive.

First week back at work has been meh.

Monday was bumpy, lots of negative thoughts ‘last time I was here I I was still pregnant’. People didn’t talk to me of ages after I went in. Probably my imagination, but felt awkward. Took one of the guys to come over and do normal chat, before everyone else plucked up the courage to speak to me!?! Had an afternoon meeting with CEO (and 6-7 others) where I was probably too candid with my opinions. Maybe needed more time off!?! Gah!

Rest of the week has been better, more distraction. Although there is way to much baby talk - seems to be everywhere!?!

@Pampl3m0use - sorry to hear your work have been such a nightmare. Can’t believe your boss did that! I thought miscarriage is deemed a ‘pregnancy complication’ and as such should not be counted toward you normal sick day count? They can’t discipline you for pregnancy related absence, it’s illegal.

@Michelle0507 will be sunning herself on holidays now. Hope she’s having a fab time. Not at all jealous. At all.

Fingers crossed for the TWW girls. I know I’m not in the running, pretty sure the CM I had before the negative was the real thing. AF should be due next week, if she keeps to her regular 28 day cycle - altho with previous MC can take 4-6wks to get back to normal.

[Michelle0507]

Hi all,

Enjoying Maderia. It's been so hit and miss so much cloud but then the sun does get through! :)

Quite enjoying there being 2 children in the whole Hotel, which probably sounds awful.

Thought I'd share my balcony views.

[Pampl3m0usse]

@mk87 I'm so sorry, the waiting is so hard, and having to go through this again unbearable. I hope the next few weeks are gentle to you. Do you work? Can you get signed off?
@Michelle0507 not awful at all!!! A much needed and deserved break... and I can totally see how not having children intruding on it is enjoyable! Looks like a wonderful view, hopefully a bit more sun for you before you come home?!
@PineapplePrincess sounds like we had a similar experience at work. A good proportion of my staff have been unable to make eye contact this week! The parents of the children who I teach (or those who know anyway) have been lovely, though. Which is nice really....
@Cleozeta how are you doing?
Well I'm feeling distinctively demotivated work wise and symptom spotting is being very distracting (even though I know how unlikely it is I'm pregnant). I'm going out with some lovely Mum's from DS school on Saturday night so that should be a lovely distraction, anyway....
xxx

[mk87]

Thanks xx Yes I work full time and went straight in after my scan not ideal but as I have no physical symptoms I think I'd rather keep busy. I'd just sit at home Googling if I was off

[Pampl3m0usse]

@mk87 fair enough, I can see how sitting at home might not be beneficial in such circumstances. Do take it easy though - is there anyone you can confide in at work in case you need some time out?
xx

[Cleozeta]

I'm ok pample, thank you. 7dpo today and quite happily cruising along on the old familiar train of hope (before af comes and slaps me in the face next week).
Sorry to hear of so many troubles at work, I am grateful that I have no colleagues to consider as am currently a stay at home mum. Which has its down sides too, as way too much thinking (and googling) time once the kids at at school.
Michelle your holiday looks amazing, I could do with one of those!
MK87 sorry you find yourself here, it's such a shitty thing to go through. Hope you are ok.

[Michelle0507]

Hi lovely people,

Hope you're all doing well.

I got my Period today & on Holiday, so I'm really gutted but at least I'll know roughly when to expect my next period etc. Hope it's only a light one. It's also bought the rubbish weather with it cloud & rain, I paid for sunshine! Lol x

[Pampl3m0usse]

@Michelle0507 so sorry about the weather.
Had you been ttc between the miscarriage and the period? Mine has arrived today too (and I usually have 28/9 day cycles so maybe we can be ttc buddies?!! @Cleozeta has yours arrived too?
@PineapplePrincess how about you? Thinking of you xxx

[Cleozeta]

Mine arrived yesterday. Was gutted, had really high hopes after seeing all looking good on ultrasound and hearing about increased fertility after mc. We did all we could but still not enough. Back to square one! Took us over a year to conceive so worried it will take that long again as it'll be too late by then, not getting any younger.
In a really bad mood today, and then I get invited to a sodding baby shower. Grrr
Hope you are all well (aside from obvious af doom)

[Pampl3m0usse]

Sorry @Cleozeta I'm sure i had read that befo4e on another thread and not quite taken it in. I really hope that next month is yours. Maybe the pregnancy has kick started your fertility. My first dd took 15 months to conceiv3 at 26. Always fallen first cycle then. Although worried I'm going to have problems now b3cause of miscarriage complications. :(