Mmc

[yellowmellw]

Went for my 12 week today and baby had stopped growing at 8+4. They are giving me a week to see if things move on their own. Don't know how to feel but so feel guilty

[Michelle0507]

I've rang EPAU she won't let me go. She says I have to go to A&E no way can I sit in A&E!

[Cleozeta]

Michelle I had the same thing, a lot of pain but not much bleeding. It eased off and I've had nothing since. I feel normal now so hoping somehow, it's finished. I understand why you would not want to go to A& E, the thought of not only being there - but making the journey in that pain would be a no go for me. Hope you are ok x

[Cleozeta]

Littlegoth - I understand. I'm having wine tonight too.

[Michelle0507]

@cleozeta I think I've passed the foetus. I was having contraction like pains where I had to sit on the toilet, I sat down and heard the most almighty plop, when I looked there was a large bloody blob. I guess I'll find out in the morning.
Cocodamol helped the pain.
Not looking forward to being nil by mouth from midnight in case I still need the op tomorrow. I'd be stunned if I do.
I'll update you all tomorrow.

Hope you're all well. Thinking of you all x

[Cleozeta]

Sounds like you're done. Hopefully the pains will ease off now.
I had a plop on friday night but it didn't seem dramatic enough to the the main event, and I didn't see much as it sank.
Although the pain did ease afterwards. I'll find out on Friday.
Good luck for tomorrow, I hope it's finished for you

[Littlegoth]

@michelle0507 that sounds right - thinking of you and hope you don’t need intervention xx

[PineapplePrincess]

@Michelle0507 can’t believe they just referred you A&E. Our EPU is attached to a gynaecology ward; so they accept emergencies direct. Hope everything has passed and the pain has eased off.

@Cleozeta fingers crossed for you also.

{{{hugs all round}}}

[Michelle0507]

I haven't passed it so waiting to go.

The staff today aren't very nice

[PineapplePrincess]

So sorry @Michelle0507, it’ll all be over soon. Are you still scheduled for ERPC today?

It all comes down to the people who care for you. I can’t understand why some can be so horrid. Good nursing staff makes such a difference. Feel free to vent.

I’ve got a sick line for another two weeks today, after a visit to the doctors this morning. Hasn’t been a good day so far. I couldn’t sleep last night with thoughts whirring through my mind, then burst into tears dropping DS at nursery to a pregnant nursery worker. Headed to the doctors to see all the pregnant ladies waiting on their midwifes appointment, and then had to sit though sad songs on the radio in the doctors reception. By the time I made it in to the doctor I was in floods of tears. I think he would have gladly signed me off for the rest of the year!

[Pampl3m0usse]

LittleGoth I'm so sorry you;ve had to go through this too. I actually had genuine cervical erosion in my first three pregnancies, which is how I couldn't quite believe the diagnosis this time (there was so much blood).
Michelle that sounds pretty much like what happened with me. Part of me feels like I should've taken a proper look but my DH flushed it away as it was all a bit distressing. I'm so sorry they just referred you to A&E that doesn't sound helpful at all. (Sorry just read further down) so sad for you that they aren't being sensitive. So rubbish. I think medical staff get desensitised to all of this.
Princess what an awful start to the day for you. Fingers crossed for a sunnier afternoon.

News in Pamplemousse land: I went for a coffee with a good friend today and talked through some stuff which was lovely.

Yesterday's inquest was horrible. The mental health service's solicitor asked me directly "why I hadn't been in touch with the mental health service directly myself" given I was so sure that my Mum was going to commit suicide (she was making specific threats). I live 200 miles away, work full time and have a 1, 5 and 7 year old. I also had 25+ years of battling with my Mum's mental health issues, which had a significant effect on my own mental health so have worked hard to protect myself. i made my concerns known to my brother who had the same concerns and told the mental health team repeatedly. My Mum made the same threats to the mental health team. Anyway the solicitor kept on with this line of questioning for several minutes despite me being in tears and until the coroner told him to button it. I'm seriously making a formal complaint though - I'm strong enough to deal with it but I didn't appreciate the implication that my Mum's care was lacking because of something I hadn't done. So all in all a pretty difficult day.

[Michelle0507]

Hi Ladies,

I'm feeling 80% human, assume it went well. Just had my tea and toast.
Never got my pain killers I asked for at 7am went down at 10. Theatre staff were amazing. The two health cares have been fab. Nurse is hit and miss.

Now to wait for discharge.

[PineapplePrincess]

How are you feeling today @Michelle0507? Hopefully you got home okay and everything has settled down.

@Pampl3m0usse, sorry to hear of your rough time at the inquest. Sounds like solicitor is trying to deflect blame. I'm sure you would have done everything in your power; and it definitely sounds like you've had a horrendous time and your hands were completely full without the stresses of your Mum. We're not good on mental health in this country, I vividly remember some of the battles I had with my parents as we came to terms with their dementia diagnoses. Even the supposed experts were woefully inept at understanding the condition.

@Cleozeta I hope you're doing okay today

And @Littlegoth welcome, sorry you find yourself here also.

[Michelle0507]

I got home at 3pm, felt okay. Struggled to sleep constantly felt hot but don't think I had a temp.
Don't feel good today, weird head ache and just can't pin point it to something. Thanks for asking @pineappleprincess

[Pampl3m0usse]

@Michelle0507 really hope that you start to feel a little better soon. I was thinking of you yesterday evening, the first few days afterwards are tough, and it sounds like you have a lot of physical stuff to deal with on top of the emotional side.
@Cleozeta and @Littlegoth thinking of you both today. Do drop in if you feel able. I think you're all doing remarkably well all things considered....
@PineapplePrincess how are you doing today? It's beautiful and sunny here... hope you have some time to 'enjoy' the weather (better than grey and miserable I'm thinking). You're right about mental health, I feel better today although still annoyed at solicitor's lousy behaviour which was apparently under instructions from the psychiatrist (glad she isn't caring for my mental health is all I can say!!!).
I went to have my eyebrows done today and then had a wander around John Lewis baby department and had a bit of a sob! Probably too soon but trying to brave things rather than avoid them....

xxx

[Cleozeta]

Pample sorry you are having such a hard time with things on top of all this mc stuff. I must say, going around a baby section was a brave move! I'd have been blubbing too.

Michelle I have been getting headaches too. I think it's to do with a sudden drop in hormones. Yesterday I had a stinking headache all day and then burst into tears when taking my daughter to dance class (I have no idea why).

Today I went for my scan at EPU and was told there was still stuff there (I kind of knew that anyway) and so I was booked into medical management starting on Sunday. I had a look through the information sheet and it looked horrendous. My body obviously agreed, as just as I was walking out of the hospital it all came out. One mahoosive clot the size of my hand. So tomorrow I need to go back and see if that was the lot and hopefully cancel the medical management!
Nice and dramatic for a sunny friday morning.

[PineapplePrincess]

Good to know you’re home @Michelle0507. Likely you’ll be out of sorts for a few days; while it’s a minor op, the anaesthetic takes its toll.

@Pampl3m0usse, yay! on the eyebrows, boo! on the baby department. You’re brave, I don’t think I’d have made it out of there in one piece!?!

@Cleozeta fingers crossed it has all passed and you get the all clear tomorrow.

I’ve had a meh day. Done nothing, achieved nothing and generally felt sad and mopey all day. Need to snap out of it, but not sure how.

Tempted to try counselling. Tempted to consider TTC again (I must be mad), but only if tests can reveal a cause and support. And I can convince my DH. Gah!

[Cleozeta]

Pineapple I was a bit like that yesterday, it's rubbish isn't it. I think it may be part hormone, and part what we've been through.
I'm feeling a bit more positive today after hopefully finishing up the mc. I feel I'm getting closer to moving on. Will definitely be ttc again straight away. At 41 and having been diagnosed as perimenopausal before my bfp I feel I have no time to waste. Come on eggs, back to it.

[PineapplePrincess]

Yeah @Cleozeta, just couldn’t find any motivation today. Brain feels like it’s punishing me; reminding me of ‘when I was pregnant’ or reminding me why I can/can’t do something now I’m not pregnant. I just was to scream for it to stop!

I feel like I need something to focus on, some light at the end of the tunnel. TTC has been that for me previously, hope amongst all the devastation. The idea of TTC being off the table just makes me despair at the moment.

But after 4 losses and turning 42 (just last week!) the odds are against me. My only sliver of hope is the tests on the pregnancy reveal something; or they run some tests on me and find something and it can be treated/controlled.

DH is dead set against trying. I really had to convince him this time; I’m not sure I can this time.

[Cleozeta]

Oh that sounds harsh. 4 losses? I hope they find a reason. Maybe it's something as simple as needing to take aspirin daily? Or progesterone cream? Or if its chromasomal you can take suppliments for egg quality like ubiquinol? Once you know the problem you can work with that. Don't give up!
I have decided to take aspirin and progesterone cream if I get another bfp. Neither will do any harm and I don't want to take any more chances!

[Michelle0507]

I am still feeling really rubbish but as mentioned above maybe it's my hormone levels. I just don't feel right, I'm not and sweaty. It can be 30.c and I'm still usually cold. Lol!
I've woken up with quite a few spots around my neck today which is usually hormone related. Suffering massively with my throat goodness knows what size tube they put down. Also having issues with where the cannula was inserted. Honestly it's just not my week, I have no real pain or bleeding it's just everything else.
Sorry for my moanyness!!
How is everyone else?

I'm feeling very much like I need another baby to heal my heart if that makes sense? Every tv programme seems to be someone getting pregnant etc it's just everywhere. I'm just sat her thinking I should be 10w tomorrow. :( x

[Cleozeta]

Sorry to hear things are not good Michelle. I am not so good today either. I totally understand what you mean by its everywhere. I see it too. And I should be 12 weeks this week. Instead I'm starting my medical management. Took first tablet today and going in for top rate drama on Tuesday. Scan today revealed still loads left. I'm really nervous.

[Michelle0507]

Sorry to hear, when they scanned me I still had everything. I don't think I could have passed it naturally, would have been too upsetting. Although I had to sign to say what I wanted to happen with everything they removed, which shocked me and made it more real.x

[Cleozeta]

I know, it's so upsetting isn't it. I just want another chance now.

[Pampl3m0usse]

@Cleozeta how are you doing today? I hope the medical management hasn't been too traumatic. When I had my scan (after two lots) it looked like everything had gone, although after several days of no bleeding it appears to have started again (possibly because we DTD?) Anyway... my point being that assuming everything is gone mine was pretty uneventful. I felt crampy and wandered around my kitchen for an hour or two and then passed everything on the loo with fairly minimal physical discomfort. I'd read some horror stories so was expecting all sorts of gore at almost 10 weeks....
@Michelle0507 how are you today? I'm also erupting with spots. Even my not quite two year old delighted in pointing them out today. Also feeling super hormonal. I finished breastfeeding her on Friday night... I explained that she was a big girl now and she didn't need Mummy milk and she had a tiny whimper and then accepted cuddles / singing to sleep. She was such a star, but I'm feeling quite sad as I don't think I'd have forced it so soon if I wasn't desperate for another baby and sure it could impact on my fertility. Anyway boobs rock solid for the last couple of days so she was evidently drinking quite a lot at night still, which means it probably would have had an effect. Still sad though and extra hormonal.... I totally get what you mean about a healing baby.
I've felt utterly crap today. Had a strop about something minor but was really just sad that it should have been my 12 week scan this week and instead I'm here :(
@PineapplePrincess I really hope they manage to pinpoint something for you. It seems so unfair to think that this was your last experience of being pregnant. I'm sure your DH is just concerned about protecting you; maybe when you've both had a bit of healing time he will be keener to try again?

My brother in law (DH's brother) has apparently booked in for the snip (has two children, we have three already) and I heard second-hand was making hints that DH should 'go along with him'. Given that they know what I've been through (pregnancy and everything else) I'm pretty cross at the implied disapproval of us trying again. But maybe just being over-sensitive.

[Cleozeta]

Ignore brother in law, if you want to try again thats your business! That would have annoyed me too.

My 2nd part of medical management is on Tuesday. Did you have anyone go with you for the hospital day? I planned to go alone, but a friend has just suggested that I'll probably need DH with me.