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#4 - Hoarding, Sorting, Organising, Friendship, Understanding. All On One Thread.

(998 Posts)
Solo Sat 30-Mar-19 23:56:53

Are you a hoarder? Are you in a mess, untidy, disorganised? A bit lazy with housework? Are you are ill and not coping with the housework? Are you totally overwhelmed? Are you are emotionally attached to items for whatever reason and can't let them go? Are you unable to just ask someone in for a cuppa at a moments notice or do dread the meter reader asking for access?
Do you find yourself nodding whilst reading any of this? If you have a combination of any or all of these things or something completely different, please come and join us. There is no judging. We have something in common here and we have a common goal. We share our ideas and we share our disappointments no matter how big and our celebrations no matter how small. We cheer one another along and drag the drowners from the depths of despair.

Join us; we don't bite! Welcome to thread number 4.

OP’s posts: |
Cagliostro Tue 02-Apr-19 10:42:10

Woohoo! Found you.

Cagliostro Tue 02-Apr-19 12:16:28

Also as I was (finally 😳) catching up on the previous thread, I was so, so struck by this quote from nettle and I thought it deserved a prominent posting here in the hope it will inspire us to move forward however imperfectly. Hope you don’t mind. 💐

I don't think, when you are dissatisfied, untidy person, that you do know what makes you happy, really happy. Because you seek comforting patterns that may be quite destructive, and achieve short term hits in terms of comfort/reassurance that are long term making you miserable. It takes a while, several years perhaps, before you can make the link between what is really making you very unhappy and your fixations on how x y z should be done, or how such and such is impossible if such and such has happened.

At the moment, my "impossible" is that the house will ever be clean and tidy, and that is actually holding me back from cleaning it in a reasonable step by step way, or accepting that middle range tidy might be a good thing.

So today I'm focusing on some small steps and thinking, that is going to help but I'm not going get upset when perfection is not reached at the end of the day. The great is the enemy of the good.


MikeUniformMike Tue 02-Apr-19 13:19:19

Hello. I have read the Marie Kondo book more than once, but she started off with not much stuff didn't she... Off to do some dusting.

Solo Tue 02-Apr-19 15:03:03

Cag smile

MUM yes, she had no issues to begin with imho.

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Cagliostro Tue 02-Apr-19 15:20:58

Yes she is coming from a very different angle. I totally found her book helpful but it isn’t enough on its own if you have genuine hoarding tendencies.

DH did some sorting and tidying and fuckloads of laundry today. I focused on the home ed, which is really going from strength to strength lately. Just this week of “work” though and then two weeks of Easter hols (we keep to the same term times) and I really hope we can focus a bit more on the house. The Cagletini end of DD1’s room (not that she will be moving into it for a while) is still a mass of boxes. It’s covered by her kallax unit but still, not great.

Gingerkittykat Thu 04-Apr-19 11:36:17

I'm in.

My house is a mess, a combo of struggling with my mental health, not knowing what to do with stuff and just being overwhelmed by it all.

I'm tired right now so the everyday stuff is not getting done, will have some holidays soon and will need to make a start.

I've actually got some money right now to use for decorating, carpets and blinds but things are just too messy to even get started there.

DownUdderer Thu 04-Apr-19 11:56:28

Hi! New thread! Wooh!

Our car wouldn’t start on Tuesday so it needed to be towed to the garage to get fixed and that forced me to clear it out! It was a job that needed doing and I suppose it made me grumpy but it’s a job done and I’m grateful for that.

Solo Thu 04-Apr-19 22:08:07

Welcome! Hello Ginger smile Same here but, sadly I've been in this state for a very long time.

Down OMG! My car is in a mess too! I need to empty it so that I can get rid of a load of rubbish!

See how at home I am with you all? thanks

OP’s posts: |
DownUdderer Sat 06-Apr-19 09:47:41

My MIL has gifted me some Easter themed tea towels and I could weep with frustration! I honestly feel so fed up that she can see awful bloody cheap tea towels and think of me. She literally gave me Christmas ones at Christmas. She’s in the UK, we live in Australia and my parents are here visiting and she sent things over with my parents for us. Anyway I’m pissed off with it.

Cagliostro Sat 06-Apr-19 10:36:27

Welcome ginger frequent struggles with MH here too, it makes these things really difficult doesn’t it?

Oh I would be annoyed too down I hate event themed fripperies like that. Ugh. I can just about cope with a couple of Christmassy things because they can be stored neatly with the tree decorations (although actually my little wintery penguin plates - bought for me by mum because I love penguins - are used all year round) but Easter, Halloween etc themed “stuff” can just sod off.

So, Easter holidays have begun, no home ed to think about (other than some planning for various subjects) is this the fortnight some house stuff will get sorted..?

Solo Sat 06-Apr-19 17:50:49

Down I'd be annoyed too! Bloody tea towels as a gift? Does she buy your Dh nails and screws for his DIY? angry on your behalf!

Cag I really hope so. I've got 10 days off soon. I really want to dooooooo stuff but, also take Dd out for a change here!

OP’s posts: |
DownUdderer Sun 07-Apr-19 07:12:00

The tea towels made me cry! I’m just being honest. I was tired and just cried!

My mum has been cleaning and cleaning and cleaning! She is a super star! My dad is going to trim our hedges for us! Amazing!

ShabbyAbby Sun 07-Apr-19 16:18:25

Don't even know where to start... I need to get in control of my stuff. I need to accept that most things for new baby will be second hand (and that I'm never going to have enough space to keep all this stuff anyway).
I need to make it manageable (and take the sentimental out).
Prioritise DCs stuff and useful things over scraps of wrapping paper and birthday cards from people I no longer speak to and things I might get round to using and books I don't read (or are from the library and never returned) and odd socks and half of sets and clothes I no longer wear and things like that.

I need to let go of the life I thought I was going to have and start to accept the one I have. And I need to start with stuff. These are the things that complicate my life- stuff, space, money. Storing people and Storing their things. And the crippling, overwhelming waste of a life where I thought I could afford nice things (when I clearly can neither afford them nor look after them).

It's just stuff...

And breath!

Solo Sun 07-Apr-19 23:31:17

Welcome, Shabby thankssmile

OP’s posts: |
ShabbyAbby Sun 07-Apr-19 23:36:37

Thanks @Solo

Started this evening got 2 bin bags full of rubbish blush feeling a bit lighter already though

DownUdderer Mon 08-Apr-19 11:16:51

Shabby! Two bin bags! I bet that felt good. Throwing away rubbish/trash can be an easy one for me. And it just feels great to get it out to the outside bin ready to go away forever smile

Cagliostro Mon 08-Apr-19 19:34:21

Hiya shabby welcome smile

I’ve had a proper crappy day, just one of those everything going wrong type days. I have taken some anxiety meds which I don’t do much lately.

The one positive is that I did sort through some of the boxes of crap, managed to gather a big box of rubbish etc.

Solo Mon 08-Apr-19 22:14:26

Good start Shabby well done! smile

Cag you will get through it thanks

OP’s posts: |
Cagliostro Tue 09-Apr-19 16:01:32

Cheers solo we will indeed. I think part of it is that we need to take the bull by the horns so to speak and actually tackle what we can do. Thing is, at the moment so much of life is outwith our control and that’s what is getting us down (health mainly, the knock on effect on finances etc).

But I had a bit of an epiphany lately that really the feeling of not being able to control it all is what’s been freaking us out and it has such a paralysing effect doesn’t it?! But I have come to the conclusion that we need to actually do something about the small bits of life we CAN control. Seems obvious really but thinking of it in those terms is helping a bit. So rather than having another day of aaaaargh we just did another hour or so of sorting boxes of random crap upstairs while Cagletini was asleep.

Having said that the several hour nap definitely helped too grin

ShabbyAbby Tue 09-Apr-19 16:17:46

Had a very bad day depression wise today and desperately need to sort the house out (it's a bit grim)
I thought I'd done really well but there is stuff everywhere again.

5BlueHydrangea Tue 09-Apr-19 16:29:54

I think I'd better join you... things here seem to be particularly bad at the moment! Started with dd2 today, put some music on, decided to tackle the dining room (the worst place) but after a few minutes she got bored so it fizzled out a bit.... need help!!!! Actually my sdd (adult) did say once 'you can get help with that you know' which made me feel... not good.

Cagliostro Tue 09-Apr-19 17:59:16

Welcome blue! Well done for making a start. It’s so hard to keep motivated and not get bored though!

Sorry you’ve had a rough day shabby I hate how quickly “stuff” just gets eeeeeverywhere. Do you mean new baby is here already or are you pregnant? Do you know if you’re having a boy or girl smile

It’s so important to remember that every tiny bit of stuff out of the house IS progress. No matter how much of a mess the remaining stuff is, if there is LESS then you are moving forward!

DownUdderer Wed 10-Apr-19 05:54:49

Hi everyone, I’ve had my stitches out from the mole I had removed and it turns out it was a basal cell carcinoma so I’m pretty relieved it’s been removed and now it’s all gone for good. They said it had clear margins so I don’t need any more surgery. I’m very relieved and happy and was momentarily shocked that it was ‘dodgy’ but I’ll happily forget about it now.

My parents have been cleaning everywhere. They just get on and do it without saying anything and I’m very grateful to them. It fills me with hope that I can keep on top of it when they return home.

Cagliostro Wed 10-Apr-19 10:47:46

Oh gosh down that is quite scary. What a relief they’ve got it all though! Aah I’m glad your parents have been so helpful too. It can make all the difference to have someone who is just there helping and not judging

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