#4 - Hoarding, Sorting, Organising, Friendship, Understanding. All On One Thread.

[Solo]

Are you a hoarder? Are you in a mess, untidy, disorganised? A bit lazy with housework? Are you are ill and not coping with the housework? Are you totally overwhelmed? Are you are emotionally attached to items for whatever reason and can't let them go? Are you unable to just ask someone in for a cuppa at a moments notice or do dread the meter reader asking for access?
Do you find yourself nodding whilst reading any of this? If you have a combination of any or all of these things or something completely different, please come and join us. There is no judging. We have something in common here and we have a common goal. We share our ideas and we share our disappointments no matter how big and our celebrations no matter how small. We cheer one another along and drag the drowners from the depths of despair.

Join us; we don't bite! Welcome to thread number 4.

Saw this and thought of me

I’m not a hoarder but one of my very dear friends is.
I have some questions and need some advice from you all if you don’t mind
It’s very bad her house.
So bad that somehow SS are involved and after many many months of meetings, sending in volunteers, there is not much progress.
She is now on countdown to a big meeting where the decision will be made about removing her children.

I am probably the only person permitted into the house, I did go regularly to help but ended up having a cuppa and really listening to her troubles of which they are mountainous. Just horrendous.
As no progress has been made, as her issues have grown, what can I do to help? What would you like me to do for you that would help?
I feel helpless.
I have helped her clear corners of some rooms but go back a week later and it is piled high again.
Her husband does nothing/little to help & is aware of the threat to remove their children.

Have any of you been threatening in such a way?
What helped/helps you day to day?

I adore her, I can’t bear to see this happening. I can’t accept that there is no answer to this but I can’t think of an answer.

Lol cherry that’s brilliant.

Well done incy!

I’ve not managed anything lately. Had a massive pain flare up and with DH still being in epic pain too everything is going to shit, financially, emotionally, housework... fuck.

Crosser that’s so sad :( I am not sure what to suggest really. Unfortunately with this sort of thing change really has to come from within. I have read about forced declutters where they just come and bin everything, that may be her only hope at the moment. Is she having any mental health treatment? They need to look into OCD if they haven’t already, it’s easy to dismiss everything as depression and anxiety but sometimes it runs deeper than that. From a personal perspective (and some friends who have similar hoarding problems) it is also worth considering autism. I don’t know if any diagnosis would actually delay decisions but it’s worth doing. As for the husband, I have no words, is he a hoarder too?

Crosser while sometimes I dream of someone coming into my house and transforming it into a spotless minimalist abode, I do know that until I address the why it would soon revert to chaos.

Marie Kondo says that the fear of letting go of possessions is either a fear of letting go of the past or a fear of the future.
Whilst I agree in principle I do think there can be an element of laziness in some cases.

Severe MH issues unfortunately.
Her husband also has hoarding issues.
She is undergoing intensive MH help and therapy and yes they are both definitely autistic.
They will loose their children though.
This will finish her I know.

That is awful :( but really, if this won’t push them to try and change I don’t know what would :(

What a very sad situation, crosser. Was your friend not offered any help before it's come to SS involvement? (I know that some areas just don't have the funding, though ). Both my parents are terrible hoarders, my DM is moving house soon but has delayed and delayed it (for years!) as she can't face sorting/ tidying/ packing her stuff. I think that's why I find it hard to have a grubby house, it feels like a slippery slope to being back living with them! although clearly I still procrastinate on MN rather than cleaning

Does your friend and/ or her DH work - could she prove to SS that she can access help that way? But yes, it does sound like even a massive declutter wouldn't work unless they are both prepared to make lifestyle changes.

Are you feeling any better now Cag?

Cherry Marie Kondo would probably have a field day in my loft

Countdown list to half term when the house will no doubt turn into an utter tip again :

• clean kitchen worktops & cupboard fronts
• clean kitchen floor
• hoover upstairs & downstairs
• dust upstairs
• keep on top of washing (and putting it away)
• more cooking to avoid buying ready meals and save £££

Off to start by clearing the kitchen table.....

Hi all.
Crosser what a sad situation and one that I can relate to; I fear anyone seeing the state of my house and SS getting involved because I too would lose my Dd. We have a lot of autism in our family and my brother and son are always telling me I am autistic but, I won't admit to knowing that fact. We are all hoarders.
I agree that there are many different things including laziness but, of course, it is far deeper than just not being bothered; I'd love to get it sorted because it does bother me. A lot.
She's lucky to have a good friend like you :) and you are very privileged to be admitted into her home; I do not allow anyone into mine.
I hope things can change for your friend. And for all of us, including me.

Always happy to discuss the autism thing here if it helps anyone. Knowing it has made an enormous difference to me.

Thanks ruby I’m a bit better physically, joints have stopped cracking and popping and hurting! Managed a gentle exercise class today.

Mentally not so good. Things are ridiculously stressful round here and to top it all off we have had DS’ DLA rejected. I’m just so done, everything is a battle!

So no decluttering done obviously. However DH and I have had a discussion regarding board games. We have a lot as they are my obsession but really we don’t get much chance to play and there are a lot that aren’t worth keeping. Some I could sell but getting the space is a priority really. It’s so hard to keep on top of the living room with a tornado toddler.

ASD household here too.

My eldest is good at clearing out, but she has to be in the right name of mind. She’s mid exam season though, so that’s not now.

My younger two have to be out of the picture to enable me to hit their crap. They’re the worst sort of whingers when it comes to their treasure.

Glad you are (physically) feeling better Cag. We have quite a few board games for the DC and keep them on some little shelves (the boxes are only small). I don't let the DC at them unsupervised though or I'd be picking the pieces up for hours on end from wherever they manage to throw them!!

A family member has Down's syndrome and has had their DLA claim settled going back years, he got a back payment as well. It is awful that people who need the money for even basic requirements are denied payments; I hope things improve with your DS's situation soon

Did tons today only to have some of it undone by grubby toddlers , the to do list stands at:

• dust bedroom
• clean kitchen floor
• clean bathroom
• clean utility room
• wash sofa covers

It struck a chord what PP were saying about not wanting people in their house; I used to loathe having people over when I lived at home (with DM & DF) as they were incredibly messy, the house was a tip and DF wasn't very welcoming. That was 25 years ago and my house is now usually reasonably tidy, but I still don't like having people round without plenty of notice!

I used to invite people in all the time but, I was tidy back then. I have not had anyone in my house for years even refusing a friend the use of the toilet and it took a lot for me to let my Ds in a few months back to use the loo and he was living here a couple of years ago.

Well, I haven't got rid of any toys but they are all put away in a lovely unit with baskets I bought! The lounge looks so much better. Going through things, I realised as well as the emotional attachment we also still use a lot. Even baby toys we still use for rehab exercises (my son has been seriously ill). In ten years time when they're teenagers I'm sure I'll miss having all the toys around, so I'm focusing on that at the moment!!

I've been such a hoarder with baby stuff Pocket! At the beginning because I thought we'd have another DC, but now I feel too old and generally knackered and skint so I think it's unlikely, therefore I'm keeping them out of nostalgia. And yes, I do remind myself that one day they'll be ginormous teenagers and I'll long to have the toddler days back again, hard as that may be to realise at the moment.....

House is still reasonably tidy. At least with the weather being good I can bundle the DC outdoors before they make too much mess inside! Hoping to clean the kitchen floor when I get time as well. I just hate doing it even with a steam mop

I mnaged to get rid of a small bag of old electrical a the other day. We’re saving up for a second hand Xbox, so they were traded in for vouchers. Space vouchers, that’s a win.

Have managed a fair bit of laundry so far today, and I’m off upstairs in a short while to see if I can do another couple of bags for the clothes recycling collection.

Hope the bank holiday is being productive where it can be for you all.

Started sorting some games to sell today. Being very careful about checking pieces etc.

Another two bits out of the house today. Slow going, but going nonetheless.

Hoping to do some paperwork tomorrow, there will be a lot of caffeine fuel needed.

Hope the caffeine helps Incy!

I feel like I'm fighting a losing battle keeping the house tidy during half term whatever I'm cleaning/ tidying, they are behind my back making mess at least twice as fast!! And they are only toddlers so I can't be too cross, just very frustrating. Plus DS1 is waking up far too early again, meaning he's chronically tired by lunch time and I'm permanently shattered and grumpy.....

Sympathies on the lack of sleep! It affects everything. Cagletini outdid herself last night by being awake 3-6.45am thankfully we then dozed off till 9.

I’ve got 20 items ready so far to try selling on FB, not sure if I’ll have much luck really as some are obscure games so not sought after, but I’ll give it a go and then I’ll have to decide what to do with the ones that don’t sell. I’m trying my own profile first for friends, then I’ll try the local groups. I am very wary of selling on eBay these days.

I won't sell on eBay either Cag as the only time I did, I sold 3 beautiful items and got pennies after all the fees and costs were taken out. Waste of time.

I need to get on. Have a good day.

I'm just shattered Cag. The house is a tip if I don't stay up to tidy it, we eat rubbish if I don't do some meal prep in the evenings, but all I want to do is go to bed when the DTs do. They are non stop during the day and I can't keep up, when one of them decides not to sleep it's just the final nail in the coffin!! DS1 is not an easy child for many other reasons but with lack of sleep he's appalling - his speech isn't great at the best of times but he becomes completely unintelligible and always on the edge of a meltdown

Sad that both you and Solo have had bad experiences on eBay. I've only ever got good stuff (although it was much easier when the 'local stuff' app worked). I'm waiting to sell our old pram but want a 'no fees' weekend as I don't want to lose £££ in fees!

I’ve had plenty of great experiences buying on there. I just hear too many bad things about dodgy buyers, saying it’s not arrived etc. And I am really risk averse generally so it makes me really anxious! So I’m hopefully sticking to FB as at least it is local and cash.

Sorry about the tough times ruby toddlers are tough at the best of times.

DH has taken the Caglets to Asda, I am sitting on the sofa like a zombie. Netflix time I think.

Haven’t managed to start the paperwork yet u fortunately. Have had a go at the living room with the children though, and unearthed an old games console that I’m about to poke to see if it will still run Minecraft. It feels as though everything in my house needs to run that damn game at times. I’m quite stunned that I get laundry out of the washer, not cubes!

I may need another coffee!:o

Minecraft house here too! DD is currently building Hogwarts in a mash up of her two biggest obsessions (DS’ other obsessions are Lego and Transformers). I didn’t get it for them until we got the PS4 at Christmas so it’s still quite novel.

Paperwork is the bane of my life! It’s just shoved in a box. We do have a noticeboard by the front door now for current stuff but must make sure we don’t let it build up.

Got a bit more sorting done yesterday, though as usual this half term we’ve not done nearly as much as I hoped. But still, progress.

DH cleared the windowsills in the living room so now they have the house plants on them and it is making me happy!

Also I listed 24 items (mostly board/card games) on my personal FB last night and sold a few already. My plan is to then try local/home ed based selling groups. Anything that doesn’t go, maybe I will try to eBay because if I haven’t managed to sell otherwise then I’ve not really lost anything if I get shafted :o

I’ve still got lots more to sort through and clean up to try selling (again mostly games) and then I hope to finally organise the game shelves as everything just got shoved on when we built them in summer! I got a couple of lovely boxes yesterday for all the games/puzzles that are in fabric bags.

I’m really glad I did delay some of the decision making and not have a bigger clear out during the move now as at least I can make some money from it. Hopefully it’s worth all the time cleaning it up etc, at least in this house we have the space to put it aside while being sorted and sold.

I don’t think I’ll get anything done today because DH is out at a hospital appt, the first of three in the space of 8 days all for his back related conditions. Stressful times here!

I’ve been a bit unwell the last day or so, so haven’t managed much other than laundry.

The old console did manage to run Minecraft, and has updated to current version.