#4 - Hoarding, Sorting, Organising, Friendship, Understanding. All On One Thread.

[Solo]

Are you a hoarder? Are you in a mess, untidy, disorganised? A bit lazy with housework? Are you are ill and not coping with the housework? Are you totally overwhelmed? Are you are emotionally attached to items for whatever reason and can't let them go? Are you unable to just ask someone in for a cuppa at a moments notice or do dread the meter reader asking for access?
Do you find yourself nodding whilst reading any of this? If you have a combination of any or all of these things or something completely different, please come and join us. There is no judging. We have something in common here and we have a common goal. We share our ideas and we share our disappointments no matter how big and our celebrations no matter how small. We cheer one another along and drag the drowners from the depths of despair.

Join us; we don't bite! Welcome to thread number 4.

Sorry to hear that Luna..just stopping it getting worse, or slowing the decline is a help. Just channel Mrs Tesco...every little helps!.(had to tell myself this many times)

I managed 30 minutes in the bathroom: cleaned bath, sink and outside of the loo. Scrubbed some of the grout that was beginning to go, and brought a load of washing down to put in the machine. (Half an hour for minimum maintenance level) I don't scrub the grout each time.

Kitchen:20 minutes mainly cleaning the drainer and starting the washing up. Then have had to rest as my hip was beginning to hurt and I was tired. (Must see GP about that) I think it will take a minimum of an hour to do kitchen minimum maintenance level. I am going back after the now show to make lunch and do more.

I have to be careful about using too many "spoons" and leaving myself too exhausted to function tomorrow.

Sometimes a day of achieving nothing, achieves something important, Self Care!
I am relieved and sympathetic of people being slow today...I feel very sloooow.
I've washed a mothy jumper and hung out Dds sheets, which she did wash herself admittedly. Hidden some of the clean clothes so no one uses them.
Ds 2 is returning today. So there will be even more laundry and stuff everywhere.
My house is a squash and a squeeze...take in your goat wise old man can you help me please etc etc. When he leaves again in a month it will feel like a palace (much as I adore him)

But the good news is my study is almost usable for lounging teens!!!!?!! They have the habit of commandeering any vaguely tidy room for "chilling".[

I really do need to wash the bathroom floor and scrub shower/ bath. It is so grimy, and the light has gone so I never look closely at anything ( battery powered lamp ATM) it is also freezing in there so we don't linger. DD has a sep bathroom which I leave her to clean...she doesn't but I've given up...it is her problem not mine. It is also the downstairs loo, so I do clean it everyweek I suppose just not the bath bit. Lockdown makes me care much much less.

I love A Squash and a Squeeze @Nettleskeins thank you for reminding me of of it.

I have a horrible complicated form-filling admin task that I have been procrastinating over for literally months and I’m really short of time now. I have already spent hours and hours and hours making notes and gathering together and reviewing documents, but have a mental block about actually filling in the form itself. It’s quite emotionally draining and it just feels overwhelming. I must must must do it this weekend (I have said this to myself every weekend for the last month).

I remember doing Ds2's EHCP a few years ago miaowse. It took me about two weeks to actually fill in the bits, after a year of collecting and organising. Those two weeks I just did nothing else, ready meals, bit of laundry. It was really difficult. I think I broke it into tiny chunks. First draft, second draft, third draft rather than trying to get all wording right first time. I wrote out versions with pen and paper too, in rough.

Good luck with paperwork. (Ignores census pack)

Just eating lunch. Trying a different pattern of eating to try and improve the acid reflux. But it is pissing me off. Takes planning and thinking about.

I have two entries for the my bathroom is worse than your bathroom competition...mine and ex's. The worst bit of mine being the junk stored in there and the floor.

Ex's is just all bad...

As for cleaning and sorting?
Kitchen: put the first lot of washing up away. Washed up some more, wiped the bread packets that were unpacked to the floor, fitted the carrots into the fridge, rinsed some recycling and put in hall, put the washing machine on but currently ignoring it beeping at me. It is still a bloody mess in there though. More pots are soaking as my hips hurt, again.

Bathroom: ninja cleaning every time I go to the loo. Maybe another 15 minutes achieved. Wiped 2.5 sides of doors, washed two dusty coat hangers and a washing up bowl.

Also moved some stuff off the shelves that are for recycling and replaced with school books that were in a heap near by.

Confiscated a phone, read riot act and moved my radio that has just been kicked. I will be doing deep breathing and destressing for a bit after the bloodcurdling screams assaulting my ears. Hoping any new neighbours don't call the police. (All the old ones know why)

@Miaowse and @Elleherd thank you for your kind comments 🙏

@Miaowse well done for resisting the urge to re-stock! 👍 Soon your cupboards will be neat and easy to navigate through!

@Elleherd I also believe that it was a good decision to keep the extra unit 👍 wishing you lots of energy so you can make the most of the next three months!

@FiniteSagacity if you’re already applying the TOMM method or will be applying it in the future please share your experience and results! 😉

I think combining different methods into one bespoke system is the way to go. I would not be able to follow FlyLady’s method to a T since my life style is very different to hers but I’ve adapted it to my needs as much as I could.

Nevertheless, I’m still a long way away from applying either TOMM or FlyLady’s cleaning methods 😟 So far, I’ve only done it on paper, i.e. I’ve divided my flat into five zones, and created a detailed cleaning list for each one of them. I am currently wading through my kitchen cleaning checklist which I've made to be 25-step long 😵 I will try the zone rotation once all of my zones are fully decluttered and deep cleaned.

Wishing everyone a happy and energetic weekend! 🌷

Progress in the study as I filed lots of paperwork (files are in another shelf out of camera)

Now I'm left tripping over the hoover and the footspa so I need to clear out the cupboard under the stairs! 2 bags of rubbish in the bin means I've achieved "something" though, not just moved everything in circles.

The room has a strange "hole" where the decommissioned boiler used to be; it never looks quite right with the shelves I put in, but it is a handy cubby hole.
Tomorrow I will reveal the sofa side of room!

Looks lovely @Nettleskeins - your floors are gorgeous and you have so much clear floorspace! Yep, fellow SEN parent here - it feels like constant paperwork and guilt at failing to win the battles for support and the further guilt when you aren’t tenacious enough to keep up the fighting.

@BlackeyedSusan you’ve done loads! Well done. Oh god, must not forget the census; I haven’t even opened the envelope yet. How long do they give you to submit the answers?

@CherryMargo having a plan is a huge step forward. I used to have a bullet journal and I’d colour in a box everyday I did a particular task & it really helped. I just don’t have the headspace to do that at the minute, but hope to resurrect it soon.

@LunaHeather don’t be hard on yourself, and like BlackeyedSusan said every little thing does make a difference. I’m going to take that advice myself & go and tackle my recycling hill before it turns into a mountain.

@DownUdderer I love house plants too. I don’t have loads but the ones I have make me smile and they are meant to be very beneficial for air quality and general well-being, aren’t they? Hope you’re still having a good week.

@FiniteSagacity I read a really good article about decision fatigue a while ago - may have been in the New York Times? - and it was so illuminating. I really struggle with decisions and I’m sure being constantly surrounded by clutter is so mentally draining because it’s being surrounded by all a visual reminder of all the unmade decisions we’ve been procrastinating about. It sounds like you’re powering through the decisions with all those tip runs, well done! I seem to recall eating something calorific gives a temporary boost to decision making skills.

@Nettleskeins you have done loads!! I would love a study, but (a) we don't have the room and (b) I'm not studying anything, so it would feel like a waste... but should I ever be able to justify it then I'll definitely go for one. I would love some bookshelves too - we don't have any, all my books are in storage in the loft - but those will probably have to wait until the DC are a bit bigger and most of their bulky toys have gone.

I am just deeply depressed that the house never seems to get any tidier/ cleaner - the DC can trash a room within minutes - and with the Easter holidays coming I don't see how I can keep on top of it I can definitely empathise with decision fatigue @Miaowse - I just see so much that needs doing that I get too exhausted to even start! I try to make "don't let the perfect be the enemy of the good" be my motto in such times, and just do something...

Miaowse, just a thought, your local Parent Partnership can often give commonsense advice on filling in forms. They help a lot of parents through the paperwork...I know they often demystified a lot of the wording that was required, for me. Every LA has a PP, they are meant to be independent, although funded by the council.

I need some houseplants! I bought DD some fake ones for the bathroom.. for her birthday.

Ive eaten a lot of hot cross buns today whilst making decisions!

Clara your DC's are doing what children should do, play and make a mess in the process. At this stage there just isn't any way to avoid the mess unless you a) have a housekeeper and cleaner b) they are out of the house 8 till 6, c) you spend every moment tidying up after them and getting cross.
It is a stage and we beat ourselves up too much over it. You sound so sensible to have the books in the loft and make room for the children bulky toys. Books can be treasures you put in a special place, not like in our house overwhelming me in great heaps.
But I've decluttered a lot of them and beginning to enjoy them as old friends again, not resent them.
My study isn't a real study btw, it is the telly room but I made them move the TV to the front room because of the dog needing to sleep peacefully. And after a bit it became a good place to escape from my family! But a bit of a junk room for paperwork, books and board games. Also photoalbums, sewing and all my clothes.

Everyone is making progress - I’m taking a self-care day tomorrow as today has been draining. I want to bake something, which used to be a hobby.

@BlackeyedSusan every little helps and not using too many spoons both resonate with me too. I have a habit of starting too many jobs with good intentions but not enough time and ending the day in more disarray than I started. Census honestly wasn’t too bad online, took less time than I expected.

@Miaowse decision fatigue is definitely the issue here and DC woke very early today so I wasn’t well rested either. Good luck with form, just start and have a reward ready for doing any of it.

@CherryMargo I think the full TOMM will be too much for me - the level 1 jobs seem to take all day at the moment (I already put a wash on every day, plus clearing after meals etc) there is also a bit of a fixation with windows and mine are terrible. But I’m trying to make a plan that works for me and just focus on one area a day and do base level cleaning through the week then Friday a bit more in one area before hopefully making more progress on stuff mountain(s) at weekends.

I did take recycling out - plus job of the day, scrubbing grout and descaled kettle and kitchen sink, plus a sink organiser thing which had gotten disgusting. Also talked to hoarding parent about using their rubbish and recycling kerbside collection - for them not me - I try to use recycling day as a deadline and they need to as well.

i found with autistic kids and disabilities of my own that breaking down jobs into small chunks helped. eg folding washing. better to put 5 or so items away than to fold twenty or thirty then have a meltdown fling them to the four winds again. repeat in small chunks as necessary. dd puts washing away now. she has the wardrobe in her room. she has put away a basket of washing today. ds brought his dish down.

I can add: cooking the chicken. getting the cooked chicken tetrised back into the fridge. (brexit stash/covid self isolation/disability prep) (i fear i have potential to be a bad influence here)

playing with the kid. (unusual these days)
duct taped verucas and anbesolled ulcers. washed the scissors.
cooked kid's tea made two snacks for kid, plus drinks, plus pudding. Still chasing up teeth and getting to sleep.
sending the recycling down with ex. (packed by dd and a little help from me)
sending the compost away with ex. (he has the compost bin. we grow veggies in his garden)

hoovered under the washing. and one small space of visible floor. (they have scattered the waste material bag which has plans for making stuff or recycling to charity whichever comes sooner. )
hung the washing that was in the machine.
took the dry stuff off to take upstiars for dd to sort tomorrow.

I live in a two bed flat with a kid in each room. the living room doubles up as living room, office (computer corner) dining room, pantry, craft room, home gym, laundry drying room and my bedroom. I have a double wardrobe in what was my room upstairs, my chest of drawers is in here, and an ottomon for storing my clothes. the flat was in teh process of getting done up when ex left me with the two children. and it has not been easy to finish it since. ran out of money and time. either had one and not the other or vice versa.

I remember getting to that point with the kids when I wasn't fighting to keep control of the house all the time but enjoying sharing it with them Susan...it sounds like you have reached that balance with them. So hard dealing with ex who has let you down though, I'm glad he at least takes them away to grow veg.
I've been for a long walk with a friend and I'm now lying in my bedroom with the dog asleep on the bed (unusual) I don't think I can face downstairs noise. The teens are eating lunch (ds2 has returned from uni) and it is all loud and lively and chaotic. The hall and kitchen are full of coats and boots and dishes, no one minds (I'm trying not to and succeeding ..exercise helps)
Just staring out of windows at trees and recharging.

Susan what are you hoping to do with the flat renovation wise?

Paint and wallpaper mainly. My old, ds's new room. Hall landing and bathroom. We did new kitchen, it is now a fifteen year old new kitchen! We put in new bathroom again now 14 and a half years old but never finished the decorating. Living room and kids room were done but the rest got stuck as two kids with autism, one hypermobile, chucked ex out, decline in my health....my dad died, mum got ill, DD got very ill, other minor crises...

Today is experimenting with "mrest day", relax recharge, probably running from yesterday afternoon until this evening? Still need to wash up and feed children though and possibly wash uniform. Not going to rest if worried about uniform. The vicar is very keen on getting us stopping working one day a week. I need to rest but rest days come at random intervals when I am too fatigued. I am working on getting the balance right but not yet succeeded. The rest should be for our benefit not just rule following...so going to work out where best to fit it. Maybe a Wednesday midweek would work best as that is the day I have lots of non work meetings to join in on. I took last Wednesday off other than school run. Kids went to dad's for tea. It is tricky working out the balance with various disabilities. Learning to relax when I am not too shattered and sleeping will be difficult. On the other hand, it will increase the speed the yarn stash gets used and the material stash as I will be able to use it up! And I might clear the table to use the sewing machine...a double win. Relaxation and decrease in materials stashes!

Going to check if I need to do washing then seeing what I will do for lunch. (Another thing I am trying, changing when I eat to improve acid reflux, changing what I eat too. It is pissing me off quite frankly, but getting a sore throat was too to be fair.)

Are you starting a new thread?

Shabby! Two bin bags! I bet that felt good. Throwing away rubbish/trash can be an easy one for me. And it just feels great to get it out to the outside bin ready to go away forever

Hi all,

I took a liberty of creating a new thread for us.

I hope @Solo is OK, and will come back to us soon! 🙏

Thanks @CherryMargo. See you all on the other thread