Page 2 | AIBU to ask - if you could go back in time would you still decide to have children?

(302 Posts)
Sunflowers095 Wed 02-Jun-21 22:16:09

I know parents love their kids and it's not a question of regret. But knowing what you know now, if you could go back in time (pre-children) and assuming you wouldn't get the same DC's again - would you decide to become a parent? If so, why/why not?

I feel like it can be a taboo topic and can often lead to unrealistic expectations of parenthood. As a fence sitter I'd be keen to hear everyone's opinions smile

OP’s posts: |
BoxHedge Wed 02-Jun-21 22:47:35

Yes definitely, they bring me an immense amount of joy every day.

Trewawgy Wed 02-Jun-21 22:47:41

Absolutely yes. I can see the advantages of being child free of course. Mine are small and still need a lot of time and energy and I am knackered and often crave time to myself but they are wonderful little people and I feel lucky to be their mother.

cadburyegg Wed 02-Jun-21 22:47:45

Yes

I’m a single parent and i’ll be honest, 90% of my life is a relentless exhausting slog. but the other 10% is then knowing I’m the one they can rely on 100%, I get the best times as well as the worst, my love for them is like nothing else and I know one day it won’t be so intense so I will just have to hope it’s worth it

IHaveBrilloHair Wed 02-Jun-21 22:47:52

Yes, I think so, but one was absolutely enough.

Suzi888 Wed 02-Jun-21 22:48:14

Yes I would and I always said I’d never have children. It’s hard work though and I do envy childless friends. The grass is always greener!

Popcornbetty Wed 02-Jun-21 22:48:21

1 billion percent yes without a shadow of a doubt. If anything I would have got my shit together alittle younger so I could have have started slightly younger. My life is so much more amazing and fun with my mini people in it!

Advertisement

GreyTS Wed 02-Jun-21 22:50:00

Yes, In fact I wish I'd had more, but mine are in their last years of primary, ask me when they are both teenagers and I might feel differently

ThornAmongstRoses Wed 02-Jun-21 22:50:08

I feel like having children has aged me.
You have to be a responsible grown-up when you have children, their needs have to come before your own, your days are planned around them, you can’t just be ‘you’ anymore. You can’t just do what you want when you want because you always have to factor them in to the equation. It’s a huge sacrifice.

Me and my DH were never that fussed about children but then we had one and then had a second.

I really, really miss having the freedom to live my life without having to always consider someone else. It’s not a huge hassle....but it’s always there.

Maybe I would feel differently if I had always been strongly passionate about wanting children, I don’t know.

I certainly wasn’t ‘born to be a mother’ - I just am one that misses aspects of pre-child life.

GroggyLegs Wed 02-Jun-21 22:50:44

Without hesitation I would. I love being a Mum.

Given my time again with DH, we would have them 5 years earlier &, dependent on their needs, probably try for a third.

katienana Wed 02-Jun-21 22:51:44

I love being a mum but I love being their mum even more! So not getting the same dcs is a weird thought.
Today I took my 2 boys out for the day, I had to tell them off a couple of times but nothing major. The rest of the time we were walking round a big garden holding hands and it was wonderful. They are so loving and honestly I do give them all I can of myself but I feel like they adore me in return so it's worth it! It would always be worth it actually because all children deserve love.

Sweetpeasaremadeofcheese Wed 02-Jun-21 22:53:30

Yes, I would have my exact children over again in a heartbeat. I think the fact my DH is a VERY hands-on dad makes all the difference.

BackforGood Wed 02-Jun-21 22:54:28

Yes, 100%

Absolutely. I just can’t imagine not being a mum. I’m not particularly good at many aspects of parenting, and there are tough days, but I genuinely get so much joy from my kids.

I could have written this ^

My dc are adults and I am so proud of the humans I have raised.
There have been times when being a parent has been so hard, but that sort of makes the good times all the better. The joy and laughter they have given me can't be overstated.

Hoppinggreen Wed 02-Jun-21 22:54:37

Yes but only one, even though I adore no2

BloomingTrees Wed 02-Jun-21 22:54:42

No regrets, my DC are wonderful. BUT they are healthy, happy and without any particular problems (although the 2nd could sleep more). You really roll the dice when you have a child.

I was happy before DC though so I think I would have been happy without, but not as appreciative of a child free life as I should have been as I didn't know how much hard work they are.

So if you do remain child free then really enjoy it. If you do have DC then get lots of help lined up to make it easier on yourself.

UpHillandDownAle Wed 02-Jun-21 22:54:55

I love it. Would have had more if we’d started younger. We met late teens but I didn’t think I wanted kids till I hit 30.
Having 2 under 2 was a challenging 6 months but now they’re all at school, I love it.
I parent by the mantra that it’s my job to help them with the things they can’t do themselves not do the things for them they just don’t want to do. I love seeing how their personalities develop and grow. I always explain that they have to live by the family rules my DH and I set, the rules of school and the rules of the country but when they get to be grown ups they can live by their own house rules and choose a job that fits them (I always get in here: working hard at school will maximise job choices!) but will still have to live by the country’s rules! This one or another if they move.
The toddler years are exhausting with the days being long and the years being quick (as is often said) but the school years and early teens have been great fun...so far. I hate being told what to do myself so I have no desire to control them but do (forcefully) guide them and explain my reasons.
Sorry... rambled off on one there! Summary is I totally love it and am now filling up my baby nurturing with lots of different animals so I don’t cling onto the kids.

scrambledcustard Wed 02-Jun-21 22:56:10

One of my friends never wanted children and her and her partner have a blast, gorgeous child free hotels, eating out at fancy restaurants, Cocktail bars on a school night.

Another one of my friends worked on her career but wanted children but when the time came wasn't in a relationship and is now thinking about sperm donor. She is 43 and heartbroken about it as this wasn't supposed to be in the plan.

I had amazing holidays ect..with ex pre kids but the kids really did add something amazing to my life. I know it sounds cliche. Im lucky I have three amazing girls.

I was sorting out washing this morning and found a pair of footless tights. Turns out my middle dd couldn't find matching socks so took the scissors to a pair of tights to 'make socks'. I've chuckled about it all day.

MuchTooTired Wed 02-Jun-21 22:56:14

Yes, I would still have kids if I knew then what I know now. My kids drive me bonkers, I’m knackered a lot of the time and crave time away without a mini me following me around but I wouldn’t undo having them if I had the choice. They’re the most amazing human beings I’ve ever met. Watching them grow is a delight, every little achievement feels incredible.

My DTs have both been raised the same way, but have had completely different personalities and behaviours from before they were born.

I couldn’t possibly undo these little people. Even if I didn’t know their personality, just knowing about how my baby would gain one would be enough for me - I’d be much too curious to find out who and what they’ll be as they grow.

I’ve got two embryos in the freezer and I am very regretful that I won’t be using them as I’d like to know all about them (assuming the transfer was successful). My DTs are pretty much all I can handle as a mother though, so I’m stuck to wondering what my other two embryos would be like.

PeteGibbons Wed 02-Jun-21 22:59:26

On a personal level, I definitely would. Parenthood is hard but for me my kids have brought me a level of fulfillment that I hadn't found in anything else in life so far.

In terms of the world they'll grow up in etc, I don't know yet. Ask me in thirty years I suppose.

Footloosefancyfree Wed 02-Jun-21 22:59:54

I wish I didn't get pregnant with ds1 aged 21 with the wrong person. I missed out on my youth and my career in nursing, I wish I had been older experienced things first and it was with the right person however my life would be completely different from what it is now.

SantiagoSky Wed 02-Jun-21 23:00:54

I have one and would definitely go for him again.

BabyPotato Wed 02-Jun-21 23:01:08

I totally would. In fact I wish I'd started a tiny bit earlier so I wouldn't have to worry about deciding on another one quite yet. Although I'm glad we had ours quite late so DH and I had a good decade of child free time together and we did lots of stuff you couldn't do with kids. My only real regret is how I let myself get stressed about the lack of sleep and general baby worries, which made DH and I anxious and we argued quite a bit during the first 6-12 months. It was the first time we had issues in our relationship and I didn't like it. I like to think I would be more chill if we had another one.

But yes, I love my 4yo so much and I think he's just the best person ever. He's clever, funny and kind and he melts my heart every day. I always thought I didn't want kids and then I had one and I absolutely love being a mum. I also know that I'm a good mum and it feels nice to know that we're able to give our son a good, loving family.

toconclude Wed 02-Jun-21 23:01:58

Nope.

AgeLikeWine Wed 02-Jun-21 23:02:14

I chose not to have children, and it was absolutely the right choice. If I could go back in time, I would do the same.

kerkyra Wed 02-Jun-21 23:05:21

I love being a mum,I'm a nursery nurse and always wanted DC.

However, I thought once they were approaching adultulthood the mental load would lessen but it's really tough. I'm a single mum and their dad doesn't seem to worry or even care what they are doing in regards to college,driving lessons,sorting cars,jobs,renting.
I'm emotionally knackered with my three. Was a quiet time between may be 8 and 16 then it's a rollercoaster.

HappyDaysToCome Wed 02-Jun-21 23:06:49

Yes I would have children again, because I remember how desperate I felt about having a family.

But it hasn’t entirely lived up to expectations. If I didn’t have that ‘need’ or ‘urge’ then I’d have been sensible to give it a miss. I certainly don’t feel as though my child free friends have missed out, as long as they have things that fill their lives with interest or fun.

It would be interesting to know how people’s responses differ based on age of children. When mine were babies/ toddlers I’d have been much more enthusiastic, because although it was hard I believed it would stop being hard once they hit a magical age. They are now late primary and it’s a different kind of hard. And it’s relentless. A decade of relentlessness so far.

Join the discussion

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet

Already have a Mumsnet account? Log in