Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6 ··· 12 13

Original poster

AIBU to ask - if you could go back in time would you still decide to have children?

304 replies

Sunflowers095 · 02/06/2021 22:16

I know parents love their kids and it's not a question of regret. But knowing what you know now, if you could go back in time (pre-children) and assuming you wouldn't get the same DC's again - would you decide to become a parent? If so, why/why not?

I feel like it can be a taboo topic and can often lead to unrealistic expectations of parenthood. As a fence sitter I'd be keen to hear everyone's opinions :)

OP posts:

MysteriousMonkey · 03/06/2021 01:34

I wouldn't have children. I worry about them too much. It would be a purely selfish decision not to have them and I suspect I'd be a worse person but I could live with that 😂

MizMoonshine · 03/06/2021 02:06

Without a doubt.
Only thing I would change is that I would be a better mum.
More patient, more playful.

HeartvsBrain · 03/06/2021 02:31

In this life, yes I would be a Mum again. If you can call being a Mum a career choice and a vocation, then that was mine. I know that if I couldn't have had children either naturally or through adoption, I would still (in my 60's now) be devastated. If I get to have another life after this one (and I have my own belief system that thinks I will), then next time around I wouldn't have children as I would like to work anywhere in the World with any animals that need human help (sadly mostly because of us humans in the first place).

Iniyat · 03/06/2021 02:31

Yes. I have 3 and would have more if I was younger. Will be trying for another one next year and that will be it I think.

stairway · 03/06/2021 03:03

I have four and no regrets. They give my life meaning. Love them so much it hurts.

JeremiahHeapOShite · 03/06/2021 03:06

I would because I do love being a Mum but OMG if I’d realised how bloody hard it would be, the constant debilitating anxiety, I’d have thought twice about it.

Dc are absolutely bloody brilliant so no, no regrets but I do think dh and I launched into parenthood with laughable naivety (as most people do!) - I’d tell my own dc to be very sure and completely ready before they take the same step. One of them will definitely want dc, the other is pretty sure they don’t so it will be interesting to see how that works out!

OneTitWonder · 03/06/2021 03:10

If I could go back in time, I'd meet my DH ten years earlier and we'd have more than one child.

Piglet89 · 03/06/2021 04:50

These threads are often so interesting.

I was devastated when I learned I would be very unlikely to get pregnant naturally because of PW ovarian reserve. Then two years later I did have my son after a spontaneous conception!

Because I had only just really come to terms with not being able to have children, I didn’t consider at all the challenges that come with babies and small children. I was just delighted to be pregnant! I was so lucky!

Then the first lockdown happened when he was around 6 months, it all got really difficult and I’ve ended up with PND.

But I would still have him because he’s a wonderful little guy and my husband is really really supportive - but it has been a lot more difficult than I expected.

jozipozi31 · 03/06/2021 05:02

Yes a million times over

kittie01 · 03/06/2021 05:08

No I wouldn’t have kids. This world is a horrible place to bring up kids. My kids are great and I wouldn’t be without them but I despair at the world we’ve provided for them.

alwayswrighty · 03/06/2021 05:42

Difficult really I'm erring on the side of no, but if I did I'd want to ensure I was having them with the right person this time not vile abusive pricks

UpTheRainbowRoad · 03/06/2021 05:57

Very difficult. If I'm totally honest with myself yes, but I would've stopped at 2. My third one is definitely not getting the best of me. I'm old and tired with various health issues. Although he is very loved and brings lots of joy. He also has wonderful dad (unlike my older 2) which does make up for it

Goawaymuppet · 03/06/2021 06:04

I adore them and couldn’t stand to be without them. But I’m terrified of what their future will be like with climate change.
I suspect trump will get back in and reverse all that Biden has done at which point we will reach the end game for the human race.

Chunkymenrock · 03/06/2021 06:05

I would definitely not have children ever again. It's ruined me and my life. I was too naive to question convention so I sleep walked into it and threw away the most amazing parts of my life. Now trying to get the remnants back which will no doubt affect them and they'll need therapy to get over it. I should have stayed single and sponsored a child from a deprived country instead, so I really could do some good without the actual responsibility and day to day horrors.

PurrBox · 03/06/2021 06:06

I loved having young children more than anything else in life- such a happy time for me and for them. Now that they are adults, I feel the worry about their inner struggles with themselves and the worry about the horrible world we have created for them to live in. Also, if I am very honest, I think that without children my marriage probably would not have lasted, and that might have been a good thing for me. I feel torn.

ShadierThanaPalmTree · 03/06/2021 06:09

If you had asked me in the first two months, I would have chosen to never have them. But now, my daughter has so much personality, she's so funny and clever. And even on her worst days she makes my day better just by existing. So definitely would do it again! The older she gets, the better it gets.

LongPauseNoAnswer · 03/06/2021 06:21

No, no way I would voluntarily go through that again.

My DD is amazing, she was a great sleeper and never gave me a moment’s problem but I hated the day to day parenting. It was mind numbingly boring, relentless, exhausting and frustrating.

Yes I raised an incredible person but it wasn’t a fulfilling life for me. I felt lost in the “Mum” identity and felt hollowed out by lack of me being able to be my own person, I was just Mum.

I would have had a career, travelled and had exotic lovers instead

Choices21 · 03/06/2021 06:25

I debated this long and hard in life. I’m 99% sure I’ll be childfree. There is always that wondering but you just don’t know how it will be if you roll the dice and decide to have a child. It’s a huge responsibility. Massive! It seems like very hard work all of the time.

But I realise it’s joyous too.
What’ is making you sway?

SayersScripts · 03/06/2021 06:27

My first child wasn't planned and if he hadn't been conceived I probably still wouldn't have kids- I wasn't confident enough that I wanted kids to bite the bullet and go for it. The thought that I could have missed being a mum makes me feel sick. I would go back in time and tell myself that I'm going to love being a mum, and not to sit on the fence for so long!

Trewawgy · 03/06/2021 06:32

“ I honestly don’t know how people aren’t constantly worried about the future their children will live in”

People are

Roselilly36 · 03/06/2021 06:32

I would definitely have children again and possibly more, than the wonderful two children, that I am lucky to have. Having my children has made my life.

SimonJT · 03/06/2021 06:37

I still would, I wouldn’t know I was missing out on raising my son as in that universe he wouldn’t have existed, just like right now I don’t know if I’m missing out on raising a different child. I would very much like another, I sometimes do wonder if they’re already born, where they live, what their name is etc.

Choices21 · 03/06/2021 06:38

@Scarify. What was your alternative plan?

ChaToilLeam · 03/06/2021 06:50

Childfree, and still glad of it. I’m an aunt to two, godmother to two and courtesy aunt to many, but I never, ever wanted my own. The sheer relentlessness, mess and noise don’t appeal in the slightest. Most of my friends now have children and while they love them and have so much pride in them, I also see their struggles.

Don’t think that the childfree always have amazing lives though! We don’t live in a fancy house, have amazing holidays or stellar careers. Pretty ordinary really.

LeafBeetle · 03/06/2021 07:07

Definitely yes. I love being a mum (mine are 11, 13 and 15) and I'd have been devastated if it had never happened for me.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6 ··· 12 13