AIBU to ask - if you could go back in time would you still decide to have children?

[Sunflowers095]

I know parents love their kids and it's not a question of regret. But knowing what you know now, if you could go back in time (pre-children) and assuming you wouldn't get the same DC's again - would you decide to become a parent? If so, why/why not?

I feel like it can be a taboo topic and can often lead to unrealistic expectations of parenthood. As a fence sitter I'd be keen to hear everyone's opinions :)

12:05Dancingbinbags i think your arsehole of a husband is more damaging than motherhood. If he were an equal parent i bet you wouldn't feel half as resentful.

Yes. I look at my grandmother, surrounded by children, grand children and great grandchildren and think that is what life is all about. Family is what life is all about for me.

Parenting does put your mental health in jeopardy though, particularly when your children are young. Anyone who feels their days are miserable from start to finish should consider talking to their GP about it

I’d never be without mine for a second- I love them to the moon and back and I love being a mum! Wish I had had 3 actually but I love the 2 I have and would do it all again in a heartbeat 💓

With a co parent that pulls his weight with the care and household crap, sure.

No, I wouldn't do it again. I love the bones of my ds, but life has been infinitely harder and less enjoyable since having him. Life is different, but not better.

Maybe if I had my time again I’d have them with a partner who was more like me in their approach to children and relished it rather than endured it. I’d definitely have children though without a doubt. I have 3 and would probably have 3 again. If I had started younger maybe 2 and a gap and then another 2 who knows 🤣 I think 3 is plenty for me though.

My kids are undoubtedly the best thing I have "done" in my life. If I had a different body I would have had more (had 3 C/S and my scar lining was very thin so decided against any more)

I absolutely adore the bones of my children, they have made me who I am today. But, if I had my time again no, I wouldn’t have had children. Especially given how the world is now.

@Shmithecat2 @BB8sAntenna

Sorry but I just have to ask... what on Earth does it mean when you say you love your child’s bones!? I’m a native English speaker in the U.K. and have never heard anything quite like that before! Thought I’d ask as you both use it so it seems like it might not just be something specific to one of you individually. You love their bones?

Yes I would have children again, I love being a mum and always wanted kids.

Haha, I've always wondered why people say they love the bones of their children as well...only ever heard it on mumsnet, and only in relation to children...

I've always wondered why people say they love the bones of their children as well...only ever heard it on mumsnet, and only in relation to children.
I have heard it a million times or more in Ireland in relation to DC, Grandparents etc.

@BlueSkyPrettyPlease

Haha, I've always wondered why people say they love the bones of their children as well...only ever heard it on mumsnet, and only in relation to children...

I’m dying to know! It conjures up some really disturbing mental imagery. Like... how you would even get to see or hold your children’s bones to begin with. And out of all of the myriad things you could love about a kid, why their bones? It’s quite sickening but I’m intrigued to understand.

No I wouldn't. If I'd known how monotonous being a parent was and how much hard work children are, I'd choose the child free life.

I actually think the only reason I had children was because it was the expected thing to do.

Yes, best thing I ever did. But if I had had them with my ex husband it would've been very different, I think who you have them with makes a huge difference, whether you're financially stable etc etc.

[quote ChangePart1]**@Shmithecat2* @BB8sAntenna*

Sorry but I just have to ask... what on Earth does it mean when you say you love your child’s bones!? I’m a native English speaker in the U.K. and have never heard anything quite like that before! Thought I’d ask as you both use it so it seems like it might not just be something specific to one of you individually. You love their bones?[/quote]
That we love them very much. So not their actual bones but we love them fully and unconditionally.

It means you love them to their core, their foundations. It’s not so literal as you are interpreting it. It’s not “I love their bones” it’s “I love the bones of them”, which has nuance.

I hear it as an expression all the time in the U.K., but it may be regional/cultural

I think the phrase meaning is that you love them right through to their bones.

Yes that’s a good way of putting it

I’ve only heard it on here too about loving the bones of children . It reminds me of elephants when they find the bones of a loved one and they all touch the bones with their try trunks.

No, I wouldn't. I love mine to bits but it has been hard and I would do everything differently, including not having children at all.

Yes I would, but I would have them a bit later in life once I’d traveled, bought a house etc and I’d have more of them.

Thanks everyone. Really interesting saying.

[quote ChangePart1]**@Shmithecat2* @BB8sAntenna*

Sorry but I just have to ask... what on Earth does it mean when you say you love your child’s bones!? I’m a native English speaker in the U.K. and have never heard anything quite like that before! Thought I’d ask as you both use it so it seems like it might not just be something specific to one of you individually. You love their bones?[/quote]
Just that you love them completely and utterly, to the bone, deeply etc etc.