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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

My 16yo DS and his girlfriend (Part 3)

999 replies

workworkworkugh · 14/05/2021 22:24

Link to part 2:

My 16yo DS and his girlfriend (Part 2) http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/amiibeingunreasonable/4223467-my-16yo-ds-and-his-girlfriend-part-2

Someone recommended I start another thread. I was a bit hesitant to do so I will admit.
I truly thought this would have been over in January, but here we are Confused

OP posts:
Thread gallery
6
Hoghgyni · 14/05/2021 22:36

That will confuse everyone as you can have up to 1000 posts across 40 pages.

FilthyforFirth · 14/05/2021 22:46

I'm not sure you have answered this (obviously you dont have to!) But what do his brothers think? Does he talk to them at all? Is there any contact?

ArnoldBoo · 14/05/2021 22:47

Hoghgyni that's the least of her concerns. Lets just be supportive. workeorkworkugh so many behind you, knowing this could easily happen to any of your kids. I'm so impressed by your strength. Just keep going, amazing advice at the end of the other thread and you have always acted with your child best interest throughout.

ArnoldBoo · 14/05/2021 22:48

workeorkworkugh I typed our kids and my phone changed it to your! Sorry!

Original poster
workworkworkugh · 14/05/2021 22:56

@Hoghgyni I'm using the app so I can't see how many pages there are.
Someone recommended I start a new thread so I did.

OP posts:
Original poster
workworkworkugh · 14/05/2021 22:58

@FilthyforFirth he hasn't had any contact with them. They are 12 and 9.
The 12yo doesn't have his own phone yet, he does go to the same high school but has been away sick this week and they don't usually see each other there anyway as it's quite a big school.

OP posts:
MumofSpud · 14/05/2021 23:00

Following - I have no advice just sympathy for you.
Is your DS still at the gf's house?

Hoghgyni · 14/05/2021 23:15

That's the least of her concerns. Lets just be supportive.

Err, pointing out that there are now two threads both attracting posts is hardly being unsupportive. Just trying to minimise the risk of the story rolling around between the two.

MrsElijahMikaelson1 · 14/05/2021 23:19

💐

vivariumvivariumsvivaria · 14/05/2021 23:19

are your younger kids doing ok? Its not easy to juggle one dramatic kid and two other kids

DeRigueurMortis · 14/05/2021 23:43

Just seen the news thread.

I think you were right to leave the clothes etc outside.

It must be so very hard to disengage but I can't see another way at this point.

You need to give neither of them any fuel.

Without you or your DH as an active "enemy" to bring them together the only drama they can create is amongst themselves.

notapizzaeater · 15/05/2021 00:03

I walked out after an argument with my mum and an ultimatum when I was 17, she got in touch a couple of days later and just let me know the door was open. Took me about 4 months before I skulked back, hopefully your son will see sense soon.

Sally872 · 15/05/2021 00:05

Hope your son is back home soon Flowers

BlueVelvetStars · 15/05/2021 00:12

@ArnoldBoo

Hoghgyni that's the least of her concerns. Lets just be supportive. workeorkworkugh so many behind you, knowing this could easily happen to any of your kids. I'm so impressed by your strength. Just keep going, amazing advice at the end of the other thread and you have always acted with your child best interest throughout.

agreed 🌸🌺

fireproofwitch · 15/05/2021 00:22

Op, there aren't too many relationships that last at that age, so, barring a pregnancy, it is probably a matter of waiting it out. Not much comfort when he is an abusive relationship, I know, but now that the drama is gone, hopefully they will start getting bored of each other.
Flowers, I know his behaviour has been extremely hurtful and he is extremely lucky to have you.

TommyShelby · 15/05/2021 01:07

Did an alternative famiily liaison officer ever get in touch with you?

EverythingRuined · 15/05/2021 01:09

.

Allwokedup · 15/05/2021 01:29

Your poor thing op.

MyOtherProfile · 15/05/2021 07:06

Heartbreaking. The girls parents are unbelievable, supporting this and reinforcing her behaviour.

Standrewsschool · 15/05/2021 07:54

Sending my support to you and your family.

Until mn, I didn’t fully appreciate the nature of controlling behaviour and how you can be sucked into it. I worry that my trusting (and naive) dc will fall into the same trap. Hoping the situation will resolve itself soon, and your son will be home.

AcornCups · 15/05/2021 08:44

This question isn’t about your parenting style and I can see that advice given varies considerably depending on what the posters parenting style is themselves.

What I am asking or really just asking you to think about is your DS past. Very often victims of abusive relationships have had something happen in their past that has made them vulnerable. This occurrence may be totally unknown to the parents and closest friends.

Dillidilly · 15/05/2021 09:02

Did an alternative famiily liaison officer ever get in touch with you? TommyShelby

Very good question, asked before, but I don't think I've seen a reply?

CoraPirbright · 15/05/2021 09:51

Sounds like you played it absolutely perfectly after DS’s match. Well done OP - that must have so hard but you kept it all light. It will have done so so much good.

Budapestdreams · 15/05/2021 10:38

Just joining this thread. You have been amazing OP, and I hope this can continue to be a place you can vent and also get support.

Cookies2523 · 15/05/2021 11:23

You really are an amazing mum. Hang in there - you will get your son back one day.