Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU not to allow DH's homeless friend to stay over on this rainy night

256 replies

TheRobberBride123 · 13/05/2021 21:56

DH has a friend from his school days who has taken a few wrong turns and is addicted to heroin, homeless and in and out of prison. DH has spent considerable time and money helping this friend previously and he was clean and doing well for a while, but it went to pot when the pandemic hit.

Friend has just got out of prison and DH wants him to stay here tonight, as he's apparently clean and it's raining. DH is making me feel like a terrible person for saying no. We have two kids under 3 and I won't feel safe with him in the house. Friend has previously turned up outside pur house at midnight screaming for money, once put his foot in the door when I answered, and if I'm honest I really don't like him.

SIL is currently staying with us because she has dropped out of uni due to her mental health, and we have previously had another of DH's friends stay for several months as he had to get out of a bad situation. I do try to help people. Am I an awful person?

OP posts:
MishMashMummy · 13/05/2021 21:57

Yanbu. You have children to think about, you’re absolutely reasonable not to take the risk.

Can your DH take him to a hostel or homeless shelter so he has somewhere to stay tonight?

AnneLovesGilbert · 13/05/2021 21:58

No. Your husband’s white knight complex shouldn’t be invading yours and your children’s home.

AmandaHoldensLips · 13/05/2021 21:58

Absolutely no way.

giantwaterbottle · 13/05/2021 21:59

Yanbu! Exactly what pp has said. What was he in prison for?

mindutopia · 13/05/2021 22:00

Dear god, no. Surely, your dh isn't the only person he knows? Perhaps he could offer to put him up in a travelodge for a few days until he can get on his feet. There must be other options.

Nancylovesthecock · 13/05/2021 22:00

Yanbu op. This man isn't your problem. Your DH has mug written all over him.

Stand firm for yours and your children's interests. Your house is not a hostel and your DH is simply enabling his friend.

lockdownbreakdown · 13/05/2021 22:00

Hell no! Put the children first! No ex con junkies in the bloody house! What is your husband thinking of????

FartleBarfle · 13/05/2021 22:00

YANBU. It's not fair to be dropping this at your feet. It seems a bit reactive and his friend should surely have some hostel or accomodation lined up if he is coming out of prison and has no where to go? It's not your responsibility or load to bear anyway. Your concern is your children's safety and based on past experience you cannot rely on this man for that.

Sorry you are in this position but you are clearly already helping people out, it's too much to expect anyone to take on and totally unfair.

picturesandpickles · 13/05/2021 22:01

I don;t think you can really do that with children in the house. You don;t know this person as they are currently.

Earlybirdmissedtheworm · 13/05/2021 22:01

I wouldn't want him staying either.
Why would it just be for the night, does he have something sorted for tomorrow and ongoing?
If so I might be inclined to pay for a hotel for him as I would feel bad.

TrickorTreacle · 13/05/2021 22:02

That's his drugs.
That's his prerogative.
That's his problem.

/thread

GappyValley · 13/05/2021 22:02

Hell no
Can he help him find some emergency accommodation?

Newmumatlast · 13/05/2021 22:03

No you're not wrong. I am a bit of a saviour personality but I wouldnt do this. Your kids should come first and this isn't safe for them

picturesandpickles · 13/05/2021 22:03

Pretty horrendous to have to make this choice. Very hard.

MadMadMadamMim · 13/05/2021 22:03

No. You have children.

An adult male, just out of prison is not your problem. And I think you need serious conversations with your DH about the fact that now he has a wife and children he cannot take people with issues into your home.

Icancelledthecheque · 13/05/2021 22:04

God no, he’s a bloody criminal, not someone that’s fallen on hard times through no fault of their own!

Fixitup2 · 13/05/2021 22:04

Nope. Not with children there. Absolutely not and your husband shouldn’t be suggesting this.

hedgehogger1 · 13/05/2021 22:04

No if it was only ever one night can you afford to pay for a travel lodge? Is there no support for him from the prison service?

RachelRaven · 13/05/2021 22:05

Not hard at all. It wouldn't be best for your children, so fuck no.

MerryDecembermas · 13/05/2021 22:05

YANBU

DH needs to get a reality check, they are his DC not just yours, ridiculous.

SuddenArborealStop · 13/05/2021 22:05

No no no no no no no no
You have young children in the house no way should you be dropping your boundaries and allowing this, raise all the boundaries,pull up the draw bridge!

Whatsthescoop · 13/05/2021 22:05

I would not. My brother is a heroin addict. Iove him dearly but he would rob you blind & carry on like nothing happened. I would never leave him unattended in my home. I would maybe offer him a tent in my back garden. You are under no obligation to give him shelter.

MeadowLines · 13/05/2021 22:06

Yanbu Id say theres no room so you'll pay for a room for him nearby if you can afford to, but only 1 night.
Think your dh has a bit of a problem tbh

PassGo · 13/05/2021 22:07

You need to protect your family first. No doubt he is having a hard time so I agree with pointing him in the direction of a hostel.

Cherrysoup · 13/05/2021 22:07

Your kids are your priority, no way should be allowed in. Your dh needs to prioritise the children. Also, if your sil is vulnerable, it’s a dreadful idea.