AIBU not to allow DH's homeless friend to stay over on this rainy night

(257 Posts)
TheRobberBride123 Thu 13-May-21 21:56:21

DH has a friend from his school days who has taken a few wrong turns and is addicted to heroin, homeless and in and out of prison. DH has spent considerable time and money helping this friend previously and he was clean and doing well for a while, but it went to pot when the pandemic hit.

Friend has just got out of prison and DH wants him to stay here tonight, as he's apparently clean and it's raining. DH is making me feel like a terrible person for saying no. We have two kids under 3 and I won't feel safe with him in the house. Friend has previously turned up outside pur house at midnight screaming for money, once put his foot in the door when I answered, and if I'm honest I really don't like him.

SIL is currently staying with us because she has dropped out of uni due to her mental health, and we have previously had another of DH's friends stay for several months as he had to get out of a bad situation. I do try to help people. Am I an awful person?

OP’s posts: |
MishMashMummy Thu 13-May-21 21:57:37

Yanbu. You have children to think about, you’re absolutely reasonable not to take the risk.

Can your DH take him to a hostel or homeless shelter so he has somewhere to stay tonight?

AnneLovesGilbert Thu 13-May-21 21:58:15

No. Your husband’s white knight complex shouldn’t be invading yours and your children’s home.

AmandaHoldensLips Thu 13-May-21 21:58:54

Absolutely no way.

giantwaterbottle Thu 13-May-21 21:59:42

Yanbu! Exactly what pp has said. What was he in prison for?

mindutopia Thu 13-May-21 22:00:11

Dear god, no. Surely, your dh isn't the only person he knows? Perhaps he could offer to put him up in a travelodge for a few days until he can get on his feet. There must be other options.

Nancylovesthecock Thu 13-May-21 22:00:26

Yanbu op. This man isn't your problem. Your DH has mug written all over him.

Stand firm for yours and your children's interests. Your house is not a hostel and your DH is simply enabling his friend.


lockdownbreakdown Thu 13-May-21 22:00:46

Hell no! Put the children first! No ex con junkies in the bloody house! What is your husband thinking of????

FartleBarfle Thu 13-May-21 22:00:57

YANBU. It's not fair to be dropping this at your feet. It seems a bit reactive and his friend should surely have some hostel or accomodation lined up if he is coming out of prison and has no where to go? It's not your responsibility or load to bear anyway. Your concern is your children's safety and based on past experience you cannot rely on this man for that.

Sorry you are in this position but you are clearly already helping people out, it's too much to expect anyone to take on and totally unfair.

picturesandpickles Thu 13-May-21 22:01:25

I don;t think you can really do that with children in the house. You don;t know this person as they are currently.

Earlybirdmissedtheworm Thu 13-May-21 22:01:26

I wouldn't want him staying either.
Why would it just be for the night, does he have something sorted for tomorrow and ongoing?
If so I might be inclined to pay for a hotel for him as I would feel bad.

TrickorTreacle Thu 13-May-21 22:02:02

That's his drugs.
That's his prerogative.
That's his problem.


GappyValley Thu 13-May-21 22:02:10

Hell no
Can he help him find some emergency accommodation?

Newmumatlast Thu 13-May-21 22:03:01

No you're not wrong. I am a bit of a saviour personality but I wouldnt do this. Your kids should come first and this isn't safe for them

picturesandpickles Thu 13-May-21 22:03:21

Pretty horrendous to have to make this choice. Very hard.

MadMadMadamMim Thu 13-May-21 22:03:54

No. You have children.

An adult male, just out of prison is not your problem. And I think you need serious conversations with your DH about the fact that now he has a wife and children he cannot take people with issues into your home.

Icancelledthecheque Thu 13-May-21 22:04:55

God no, he’s a bloody criminal, not someone that’s fallen on hard times through no fault of their own!

Fixitup2 Thu 13-May-21 22:04:55

Nope. Not with children there. Absolutely not and your husband shouldn’t be suggesting this.

hedgehogger1 Thu 13-May-21 22:04:59

No if it was only ever one night can you afford to pay for a travel lodge? Is there no support for him from the prison service?

RachelRaven Thu 13-May-21 22:05:07

Not hard at all. It wouldn't be best for your children, so fuck no.

MerryDecembermas Thu 13-May-21 22:05:24


DH needs to get a reality check, they are his DC not just yours, ridiculous.

SuddenArborealStop Thu 13-May-21 22:05:24

No no no no no no no no
You have young children in the house no way should you be dropping your boundaries and allowing this, raise all the boundaries,pull up the draw bridge!

Whatsthescoop Thu 13-May-21 22:05:35

I would not. My brother is a heroin addict. Iove him dearly but he would rob you blind & carry on like nothing happened. I would never leave him unattended in my home. I would maybe offer him a tent in my back garden. You are under no obligation to give him shelter.

MeadowLines Thu 13-May-21 22:06:42

Yanbu Id say theres no room so you'll pay for a room for him nearby if you can afford to, but only 1 night.
Think your dh has a bit of a problem tbh

PassGo Thu 13-May-21 22:07:13

You need to protect your family first. No doubt he is having a hard time so I agree with pointing him in the direction of a hostel.

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