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To think it doesn’t really matter how I hold my cutlery.

(523 Posts)
Frosty2894 Sat 26-Dec-20 21:12:01

With all the things going on in the world right now, I’m writing a post about how we hold cutlery.

I remember being told I’m cack handed by my grandmother when I was a child 🤨 she didn’t say it in a nasty way but said she was similar.

I’m right handed. I hold my fork in my right hand and knife in left. This is the way I’ve always done it and felt comfortable, was never told or taught the correct way.

For years my partner has joked about how I can’t hold a knife and fork properly and even mentioned trying it the other way. I’ve tried - it doesn’t feel right to me. He told me that his mother would probably tell me to switch hands as it’s her ‘pet gate’. We’ve been together for 9 years. He’s not mentioned it for a while (until tonight) and I’ve avoided eating in front of his mother as much as possible else I feel paranoid. Feel like I’m being watched!

Generally my table manners are okay I think. I’m not a complete slob when It comes to eating or anything!

Aibu to think it really doesn’t matter? Partner has mentioned it tonight and does it really bleddy matter?!

OP’s posts: |
latti Sat 26-Dec-20 21:14:05


NorthernSpirit Sat 26-Dec-20 21:15:23

I hold my cutlery exactly the same way as does my step son whose mother still tries to force him to hold cutlery in the opposite hands.

Do what you feel most comfortable and ignore comments from small minded people.

HoofHeartedSanta Sat 26-Dec-20 21:15:40

Fork ‘em !

Cheesefootballfan Sat 26-Dec-20 21:16:32

YANBU! I hold my knife like I hold a pen (rather than my index finger being on top to help "push" it down). People are always calling me out on it... But who the fuck cares?! I hate people that are so fussy and feel the need to shame others for their imperfections.

Cheesefootballfan Sat 26-Dec-20 21:17:16

@latti What is your reason for thinking she's BVU?

skintbutok Sat 26-Dec-20 21:18:08

You could always offer to stab them with your fork every time they're rude to you, they probably won't mention it again. You'll only have to do it once!

KyraGoose Sat 26-Dec-20 21:18:28

I'm right handed but wear my watch on my right wrist. I'm forever being told that's wrong.

Just because it's different doesn't mean its wrong.

Frosty2894 Sat 26-Dec-20 21:18:31

Thank you. Thankfully due to covid we haven’t had to eat dinner with family (sorry not sorry). It feels me with dread! It came up tonight after discussing our own sons use of cutlery (he has additional needs and struggles with motor skills so hasn’t grasped it all).

OP’s posts: |
LittleRa Sat 26-Dec-20 21:19:01

YANBU. I am right handed but hold my cutlery the other way round, my sister also does this- although we are British and were born here, our Mum is Canadian and that’s the way they do it there, so it what she taught us. We were actually just speaking about it at the table at Christmas lunch, funnily enough DMum is one of the most critical of it and apparently wishes she’d taught us the “British” way! All our other manners are impeccable of course fwink

HeyMister Sat 26-Dec-20 21:19:33

I hold a knife and fork the exact same way as you. It makes sense to me, it feels comfortable and I've been doing it my whole life. No one has ever commented (other than my husband)

I would just ignore or take the piss out of the way your partner holds theirs, that's what I've done to my husband in the past. grin Don't let it put you off of eating in front of people, especially his mother!

LeSangeEstDansLarbre Sat 26-Dec-20 21:19:46

It doesn’t matter to me which hand you hold the knife and fork in - left handers generally all do the same thing you do, and that’s fine! - but whether or not you hold them correctly. I’ve seen people holding their knife like a pen, and some even holding a fork in a fist. I appreciate that some people will have disabilities which make it impossible to hold cutlery correctly, but for everyone else, it’s not hard to learn how to do it in a way which gives you the best control. I do think it’s a service to children to teach them correctly, whichever hand they hold their knife in.

If the only issue is that you use the opposite hands to your partner, then he is being wholly unreasonable. If you use a method which means you can’t eat tidily, that’s not very fair on others around you.

213Milne Sat 26-Dec-20 21:20:44


Throughabushbackwards Sat 26-Dec-20 21:20:47

It depends on the company you keep. I often eat with people in professional situations and lapses of table manners such as holding a knife and fork incorrectly would certainly be noticed. If you were at my table I would never comment, but we are teaching our children to have correct etiquette as it may be important for them one day.

VimFuego101 Sat 26-Dec-20 21:21:15

YANBU, it's not like you're grabbing steak and gnawing on it in your hands.

KarlKennedysDurianFruit Sat 26-Dec-20 21:21:16

Which way up is the fork? DF is left handed and uses his cutlery the opposite way to most but still in the same style, I'm not a fan of the shovel technique

Plussizejumpsuit Sat 26-Dec-20 21:22:40

It doesn't matter. You're partner is a knob for making jokes about it. Sounds like negging. It's not like you don't know how to eat! Ffs

AlbusSeverusMalfoy Sat 26-Dec-20 21:22:55

I hold my fork in my right and my knife in my left. Ever since I was a child my dad tells me I hold them 'wrong'. Ever since I moved out, I'm we are eating together and he says it, he's met by a swift 'feck off' and does it matter.

MissBaskinIfYoureNasty Sat 26-Dec-20 21:23:54

YANBU I was bullied relentlessly by a teacher for this when I was in junior school. It didn't "train me" to change hands, it just gave me massive anxiety at lunchtimes. She was an absolute bitch... anyway..
It literally makes no difference to anyone else whatsoever but its one of those little things certain types of people like to get their knickers in a twist over. Ignore it and carry on as you are.

Cheesefootballfan Sat 26-Dec-20 21:24:55

LeSans: I hold my knife like a pen, and because I've been doing it for years, it feels comfortable and gives me the most control because I've always done it that way! Why should I have to relearn it just for the aesthetic, when there is absolutely nothing wrong with the way I cut up food? There are far more important things in life to be concerned with IMO smile

itsmeagain76 Sat 26-Dec-20 21:24:58

It doesn't matter a bit. I hold my fork in my right hand (right handed), have been told I hold a pen 'wrong', and I wear my watch on my right wrist.
I've no idea who makes up the 'rules' or where they come from! Just do what feels right for you.

Ginfordinner Sat 26-Dec-20 21:25:08



No you are.

slipperywhensparticus Sat 26-Dec-20 21:25:35


Thank you. Thankfully due to covid we haven’t had to eat dinner with family (sorry not sorry). It feels me with dread! It came up tonight after discussing our own sons use of cutlery (he has additional needs and struggles with motor skills so hasn’t grasped it all).

Look up caring cutlery for your son it was a game changer with ds

I'm ambidextrous in many things but my default for eating is like you I can eat normally im more comfortable eating as a lefty

MissBaskinIfYoureNasty Sat 26-Dec-20 21:26:25

And ignore the PP who mentioned the company you keep 🙄 snobbery is an immediate indicator as to the level of class and etiquette someone has.

You wouldn't say someone writing left handed was doing it incorrectly so I'm not sure why eating is fair game. You still hold the utensils in the correct position, you just use different hands.

ClinkyMonkey Sat 26-Dec-20 21:28:05

@latti I would also love to know why you think OP is being unreasonable. Why does it matter how someone holds their cutlery?

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