To think it doesn’t really matter how I hold my cutlery.

[Frosty2894]

With all the things going on in the world right now, I’m writing a post about how we hold cutlery.

I remember being told I’m cack handed by my grandmother when I was a child 🤨 she didn’t say it in a nasty way but said she was similar.

I’m right handed. I hold my fork in my right hand and knife in left. This is the way I’ve always done it and felt comfortable, was never told or taught the correct way.

For years my partner has joked about how I can’t hold a knife and fork properly and even mentioned trying it the other way. I’ve tried - it doesn’t feel right to me. He told me that his mother would probably tell me to switch hands as it’s her ‘pet gate’. We’ve been together for 9 years. He’s not mentioned it for a while (until tonight) and I’ve avoided eating in front of his mother as much as possible else I feel paranoid. Feel like I’m being watched!

Generally my table manners are okay I think. I’m not a complete slob when It comes to eating or anything!

Aibu to think it really doesn’t matter? Partner has mentioned it tonight and does it really bleddy matter?!

I do this and always have done. I couldn't give a fuck if someone judges me for it.

This is one of those debatable things - do etiquette standards matter? Probably not in the grand scheme of things, unless you are dining with royalty at formal events, although some people will judge and make assumptions
On a separate note I think anyone commenting about holding a knife like a pen deserves to be stabbed with it. Snobbery at its most irritating!

Cutlery etiquette has to be one of the most pointless, stupid things to care about and belittle people for. So long as people make an effort to be polite don't chew with your mouth open, don't spill food all over the place, don't slurp loudly I can't understand why anyone gives a single solitary thought to how they hold their knife and fork.

Obsessing about it is indicative of a petty, small mind.

Well of course it's not correct in terms of society norms. How much you give a fuck about that is totally up to you.

Only a proper hyacinth bucket would ever dream of commenting on it, however.

I eat with fork in my right hand and give zero fucks what anyone thinks of that.

I’m right handed. I hold my fork in my right hand and knife in left.

Me too. A few people have asked if I'm left handed over the years but I've never been told its bad manners. Which hand people hold their knife and fork in is something I've never paid attention too. I can't understand why it's pathetic to find it more comfortable, it feels natural to me.
The function of cutlery is to cut food into bite size pieces and carry it to your mouth without making a mess, anyone who thinks it's a class or etiquette issue is being a snob.

My father told me off for holding my cutlery the wrong way when I was three. I remember it. My mother explained how I should be holding it. This in itself speaks volumes about my father’s attitude towards me - but five decades later, I am glad I was shown the ‘correct’ way. There is no moral value in how you hold your cutlery, OP, but being able to conform to social norms about this has given me the confidence to eat out anywhere and with anyone.

@DinoGreen

Well I’d definitely notice and judge you for it I’m afraid. It’s about table manners. Children with special needs I can make an exception for, but there’s no excuse for adults - “it isn’t comfortable for me” is a bit of a pathetic excuse.

Why the hell would you judge someone for using their cutlery in a typically left handed way? There is no law that says that right handed people are not allowed to hold their knives in their left hand and fork in their right.

OP, don't listen to the judgemental idiots. Hold your cutlery in the way you find comfortable.

I don't think I ever even notice how others are holding their cutlery. I really can't see why some people seem to find it such a huge issue.

I do it the same as you OP.

shrug
My brother and sister, both right handed, eat "crack handed" as well. While DH, MiL and BiL, all lefties, eat with their cutlery the "proper" way around.

Who cares how you eat? So long as it isn't with your mouth open.

I also wear my watch on my right wrist because I have tattoos on my left forearm and a watch ruins the effect 😂

@mouse70

As long as you keep your mouth closed while you chew you can hold knife and fork in any hand you want.

Absolutely this.

The 'rules' about which hand uses which implement were only important when everyone was crammed around a table with lots of cutlery, to avoid elbows clashing and food skidding about.

That and being left handed was some sort of crime...

We don't have so much cutlery and we don't tend to have so many people seated at the table so which hand holds which is far less of an issue.

Holding your knife like a pen is an issue as you cut less effectively with it and are much more likely to send food flying across the table, or to clink knife against plate which is unpleasant, so I think it's still relevant and sensible...

However it is also extremely rude to comment on whether someone uses cutlery correctly or not, so I personally wouldn't!

I don't think I have ever noticed how another person holds their cutlery. And the only time anyone has ever commented on how I hold my cutlery was when I was a teenager staying with a German family and their small children pointed at me, astounded, because I held the fork 'wrong'. I held it pointing down and they held it the other way and scooped the food with it. Their parents apologised profusely for their lack of manners (although it didn't bother me at all) and the children were made to apologise to me.

I regularly eat out at fine dining restaurants. Some of them even lay out my knife and fork the way I use them after the first course as they noticed that I use the cutlery that way. No one has ever commented but if they did, they would receive a comment back in return. My parents tried to teach me to use them in the usual way but I always reverted. It has not affected my life in any way whatsoever. I eat with my mouth closed and do not talk whilst eating.
Ignore anyone who has a problem with it OP. It's their problem not yours.

It doesn't matter at all and it would be much much ruder to comment on it anyway. In some countries it's considered rude to eat with cutlery when you should use your right hand...and actually it's really difficult to eat rice and sauce neatly using just your hand!

Bad manners are those that affect others negatively, such as, not passing the food around, starting before everyone has been served (especially if eating from a shared dish), excluding people from conversation, etc.

Ok it is not the conventional way to hold cutlery, but as long as you sit up straight and don't make a mess probably no one will even notice. If another adult comments then they are the rude one, just point that out to them!

Who watches people's hands when they eat, anyway? I'm usually focused on either my own plate or other people's faces as we converse.

I'm not even 100% certain how my husband holds his knife and fork, come to think of it. Actually, I'll have to pick up a fork myself to know if I hold it like a pen, myself! That's how little attention it deserves, in my opinion. It's simply not on the radar at all!

@DinoGreen

Well I’d definitely notice and judge you for it I’m afraid. It’s about table manners. Children with special needs I can make an exception for, but there’s no excuse for adults - “it isn’t comfortable for me” is a bit of a pathetic excuse.

So, I could eat my dinner incredibly neatly, But because my firm happens to be in my right hand.... That's it, bad table manners???

What actual difference does it make what hand I hold my fork in?

Really?

I've never seen anyone do that. But why not?

Whatever feels right to you. Just get the food from your plate to your mouth!

My husband always says this, but then struggles at times partly due to how he holds the cutlery. If he held it in the convential way he may not struggle so in some ways he is being unreasonable.

Oh and some of the judgement over 'HKLP' is that it is thought that some people think holding their knife like that makes them look posh and dainty and well to do...

I know someone who actually said thats why they hold their knife like that... I refrained from pointing out what Debretts says about it!

In fact @DinoGreen if you forced me to swap hands at your meal because of my pathetic excuse. You'd be horrified at me dropping food and struggling to cut neatly etc it would be much nicer for everyone to let me do it my way!

YANBU, I do the same! It apparently can be to do with not introducing a knife early enough in childhood. I do try and hold them properly when we go out though!

@DinoGreen

Well I’d definitely notice and judge you for it I’m afraid. It’s about table manners. Children with special needs I can make an exception for, but there’s no excuse for adults - “it isn’t comfortable for me” is a bit of a pathetic excuse.

Are we back in the 19th century where left handers were forced to write with their right hands, and eat with their knives in their right hands?

I would just assume that someone holding their knife in their left hand was left handed, and I would never be so crass as to embarrass anyone by pointing it out.

I hold my fork in my right hand too OP. I didn't know that there was a law stating that you're meant to hold your fork in your left hand

If somebody doesn't like it, tough 5hit