To think it doesn’t really matter how I hold my cutlery.

[Frosty2894]

With all the things going on in the world right now, I’m writing a post about how we hold cutlery.

I remember being told I’m cack handed by my grandmother when I was a child 🤨 she didn’t say it in a nasty way but said she was similar.

I’m right handed. I hold my fork in my right hand and knife in left. This is the way I’ve always done it and felt comfortable, was never told or taught the correct way.

For years my partner has joked about how I can’t hold a knife and fork properly and even mentioned trying it the other way. I’ve tried - it doesn’t feel right to me. He told me that his mother would probably tell me to switch hands as it’s her ‘pet gate’. We’ve been together for 9 years. He’s not mentioned it for a while (until tonight) and I’ve avoided eating in front of his mother as much as possible else I feel paranoid. Feel like I’m being watched!

Generally my table manners are okay I think. I’m not a complete slob when It comes to eating or anything!

Aibu to think it really doesn’t matter? Partner has mentioned it tonight and does it really bleddy matter?!

What is considered "correct" is culturally specific. And meaningless.

I have no time for people who get uptight about this or use it to try and make other people feel small. It's pathetic.

It doesn’t look great to be honest.

Pisses me right off that people
even have an opinion on how people use cutlery never mind mentioning it, and even worse trying to change it.

What the hell has it got to do with anyone else. Now if you were scraping it across plates and making a noise, or flicking peas all over the table, fair enough.

Shall we all do a "Beauty and the Beast" and slurp our food straight from the bowl in future? At least there won't be any cutlery involved to be judged on!

The MM snobs will be on here soon to lecture you on the "correct" way to hold cutlery. It's all about controlling membership to some secret club that they hang onto as if life depended on it.

Thankfully we live in a global world now, so unless you look like you are going to take the eye out of a fellow diner, crack on and use it as you like, the only people who care are the people who are irrelevant yet think they are important.

Holding your cutlery in the “wrong” hands isn’t anywhere near as bad a faux pas as holding your knife like a pen or your fork like a spoon/shovel.

Well I’d definitely notice and judge you for it I’m afraid. It’s about table manners. Children with special needs I can make an exception for, but there’s no excuse for adults - “it isn’t comfortable for me” is a bit of a pathetic excuse.

YANBU!
I have impeccable table manners, and by that I mean I don't comment on or make faces at my dining companions habits...

@KarlKennedysDurianFruit

Which way up is the fork? DF is left handed and uses his cutlery the opposite way to most but still in the same style, I'm not a fan of the shovel technique

Meh not sure what you mean by shovel (holding it so the prongs are horizontal and can carry food easily?), although it's more sensible than the contrived act of delicately trying to balance food on the slanted 45 degree back of a fork. We don't use spoons upside down.

Humans and the bullshit rules we invent ...

“it isn’t comfortable for me” is a bit of a pathetic excuse.

The thing is, it isn’t about comfort, it’s about dexterous ability. I cannot for the life of me clean my teeth or use an iron with my right hand. If that was a social standard, I would be judged for it. Some people use their cutlery in the way that suits their handedness. They might be right-hand pen writers, but they are left-hand cutlery users.

Yabu

@m0rt

This.

I do this too. I have no idea why. As I've done it my whole life doing it 'correctly' feels wrong like I'm holding them in the wrong hands. I've had a couple of comments but I don't really care. I guess people must presume I'm left handed sometimes if they just see me eat. I really don't think it should matter as long as you have good table manners in general.

You should tell him that the whole POINT of etiquette is to make others comfortable. So you should never point out of someone is doing something different ...

Very rude of him

@DinoGreen

Well I’d definitely notice and judge you for it I’m afraid. It’s about table manners. Children with special needs I can make an exception for, but there’s no excuse for adults - “it isn’t comfortable for me” is a bit of a pathetic excuse.

Do you judge people for writing with their left hand?

Depends on the situation. Anywhere formal or smart or nice, or with my parents, etc, I’d eat with cutlery the correct way. At home, I often eat with just a fork in my right hand.

I do the same thing. I didn’t realise it was different until I can remember going out to eat and the fork was always on the “wrong” side. No one has ever commented but even if they did, as far as I’m concerned it’s no one’s business but mine.

@superram

Yabu

No you are

I have no respect for people who judge how another person holds their cutlery. It’s rude and unnecessary.

My father was ridiculously fussy about etiquette and table manners. We lived in a council house and were poor but he was really strict on it. We hated it at the time but I have ended up in a job where I have had to attend dinners in some VERY posh places and I thank my lucky stars I know which glass and set of cutlery to use. It has saved me a lot of embarrassment

I have put up with comments from my mother my whole life about this, telling me "we are British, not American" . I asked her once would she still be on my case if I were left handed? No response.
My siblings also eat with their fork in the right hand, as do my kids. We all have impeccable table manners.
Do whatever works for you.

Why does it matter ?
Im left handed hold my fork in my right hand and knife on my right.
I hold a spoon in my left hand . People say it looks odd .. I dont care . Its not them eating my food for me .

My stepdaughter is right handed and holds them the same way you do .

Whats the problem with your dh .

As long as you keep your mouth closed while you chew you can hold knife and fork in any hand you want.

I'm just gobsmacked that anyone thinks you're being unreasonable.

Until recent years I'd have scoffed ( and I have when seeing children at school unable to use cutlery at all and would only use their fingers, though I do scoff when I see them scraping runny food off their plates with their fingers) until I realised that much of the world doesn't actually use cutlery.