To think it doesn’t really matter how I hold my cutlery.

[Frosty2894]

With all the things going on in the world right now, I’m writing a post about how we hold cutlery.

I remember being told I’m cack handed by my grandmother when I was a child 🤨 she didn’t say it in a nasty way but said she was similar.

I’m right handed. I hold my fork in my right hand and knife in left. This is the way I’ve always done it and felt comfortable, was never told or taught the correct way.

For years my partner has joked about how I can’t hold a knife and fork properly and even mentioned trying it the other way. I’ve tried - it doesn’t feel right to me. He told me that his mother would probably tell me to switch hands as it’s her ‘pet gate’. We’ve been together for 9 years. He’s not mentioned it for a while (until tonight) and I’ve avoided eating in front of his mother as much as possible else I feel paranoid. Feel like I’m being watched!

Generally my table manners are okay I think. I’m not a complete slob when It comes to eating or anything!

Aibu to think it really doesn’t matter? Partner has mentioned it tonight and does it really bleddy matter?!

@DinoGreen

Well I’d definitely notice and judge you for it I’m afraid. It’s about table manners. Children with special needs I can make an exception for, but there’s no excuse for adults - “it isn’t comfortable for me” is a bit of a pathetic excuse.

Ridiculous comment imo. It's not just that it is not comfortable, it's a basic human function for us lefties to use which ever hand we can. So many lefties do not have the dexterity to work in the right handed world so we have had to learn to adapt. Granted, a lot of lefties are fairly ambidextrous but many things are just not possible for a leftie to perform in a rightie world. Foolish uneducated comment imo

Hmmm.
Grew up working class.
Then mingled with 'proper' folk, one of whom 'taught me' my cutlery before he would take me to lunch or supper. At the time I thought it was kind. Now I realise what a patronising old git he actually was.

30 years later, both my kids have Autism, with sensory issues.
I bought Caring Cutlery too - it helped to a certain extent.
They know to try to share communal dishes, try to talk to others, and would never be mean to someone else about their 'table manners'.

DialSquare, are you a Gooner?

@verylittlepen

I have no respect for people who judge how another person holds their cutlery. It’s rude and unnecessary.

I'm the same

I don't go anywhere I think I might be judged in this way.

I'm right handed but I eat left handed as that's the way I was taught to eat by my left handed mother. It feels comfortable and it achieves the aim of transporting food to mouth. Which is kind of the whole point.

I honestly cannot bring myself to care enough about which way a person holds their knife and fork. Do it whatever way works best for you, I honestly cannot see how it matters which way round you hold them.

@Burnthurst187

DialSquare, are you a Gooner?

Yes I am! Quite a happy one today unusually!

You asked, I answered 🤷‍♀️ To all those commenting in horror, if I were eating with you I wouldn’t comment or force you to swap as someone up thread suggested! That would be equally bad manners. But I would silently judge. It’s not remotely the same as writing left handed IMO. Writing is something you do with one hand, eating with cutlery requires the use of both.

@DinoGreen

Well I’d definitely notice and judge you for it I’m afraid. It’s about table manners. Children with special needs I can make an exception for, but there’s no excuse for adults - “it isn’t comfortable for me” is a bit of a pathetic excuse.

I'd be interested to know what judgement you would make about someone who didn't meet your standards of table manners.

I'd be interested to know what judgement you would make about someone who didn't meet your standards of table manners.

The judgment I would make is: “Oh, that person doesn’t have very good table manners.” Just the same as I’d think if you had your elbows on the table, phone out, or licked your plate.

DialSquare, late Christmas present!

Of course you're NBU. Why would anyone even notice, let alone care or judge someone , on which hand they hold their fork in?

For what it's worth, my husband and I are both left-handed and hold our cutlery the 'right-handed way'. DS is right-handed and eats this way, DD is right-handed but holds her fork in her right hand. It feels more comfortable and logical to me to hold my fork in my dominant hand, so I understand why my DD does this too.

Have I made taught her to hold her knife and fork the other way on the off chance she has ignorant in laws one day, just to please them? Erm, no. I respect her as an individual and really hope any future family she gains when she's older will do the same.

Some people have too much time on their hands to get upset about such nonsense

I'm surprised by the number of people on here who don't understand the value of at least knowing and being able to participate in what is correct and appropriate in a more formal dining situation. I will quite often eat one handed with the fork in my right hand at home or eating out casually with friends, but when manners are required I think it's important to know what to do.

And very welcome it was Burnthurst187!
Are you a Gooner too? It's unusual for people to know the connection unless they are.

@DinoGreen - Eating with cutlery does require both hands however one hand is more dominant and for lefties it is obviously the left hand. So if someone uses what you consider to be their incorrect hands even though they hold their cutlery in their own correct hands according to their dominant hand, do you consider that as bad as eating with mouth open ? There's a lot more to good to table manners than which hand you consider appropriate.

Lefty who uses left hand to eat. I think you would have to be very small minded to judge someone negatively based on the hand they use to eat. Like there is no judgment required. It means absolutely nothing and must be some sort of snobbery thing. My ds and dd, both left handed set the table with knife on the left and fork on the right and why not as most of the time they have to adjust their cutlery to fit in with the norm.

@DinoGreen

I'd be interested to know what judgement you would make about someone who didn't meet your standards of table manners.

The judgment I would make is: “Oh, that person doesn’t have very good table manners.” Just the same as I’d think if you had your elbows on the table, phone out, or licked your plate.

So you see those of us who are a bit awkward with cutlery as on a par with people who lick their plates in company?

I'm interested in this because I would be sad to be thought of as ill mannered, but to me that is more a question of being polite and kind rather than holding my fork a certain way.

People tend to hold their knife in the hand with which they write. It's silly to try to change a lefty...... so many people were forced to write with the opposite hand

However I will say that I would judge you if you have your elbows out don't really appreciate being jabbed as I eat

Not putting your elbows on the table was the sort of thing I remember reading about in picture stories about a poor orphan being adopted by a rich family in Mandy or Judy magazine when I was a child. I had no idea that, outside of dinner with the Queen, this was something that vexes real life people in 2020.

My parents were very strict on not chewing with your mouth open and not taking a drink whilst you had something in your mouth, and not talking with your mouth open and all that sort of stuff. But elbows on tables was never mentioned.

One of my children and I eat with knives in our right hand and forks in our left. My dh and other children are the opposite. All of us are doing it the right way for us.

@DinoGreen

You asked, I answered 🤷‍♀️ To all those commenting in horror, if I were eating with you I wouldn’t comment or force you to swap as someone up thread suggested! That would be equally bad manners. But I would silently judge. It’s not remotely the same as writing left handed IMO. Writing is something you do with one hand, eating with cutlery requires the use of both.

I judge you for judging. You really don't have a clue do you? Some right handed people and most left handed people are simply more dextrous using cutlery "the other way round". It has nothing to do with table manners or etiquette. This isn't the 19th century.

I'm right handed, and if I ate with my knife in my left hand and fork in my right hand half the food would end up on the table.

TBH I wouldn't even notice anyone using their fork in their right hand, but it wouldn't occur to me to notice.

There is extreme snobbery about it.
In my world there is no judgement I might be offended if you used your feet to eat otherwise I wouldn't notice.

BTW your mil does not, should not, get to tell you to swap your cutlery without being challenged.

I'm righthanded and hold it the same way as you. My DF and siblings all do so it's normal in our house. My OHs family are a bit well to do and strict on table rules. When I sit at a prelaid table, I rearrange the cutlery 😆 MIL now reluctantly lays my way for me.

I'm right handed and hold my knife in my right hand and fork in my left. Everyone else does it the other way around, ê are left handed and one right but does a lot of stuff lefthanded.

When I was growing up I was told off for putting my elbows on the table, eating with my mouth open and holding my pen like a knife.