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In-laws moving next door

(525 Posts)
Lotsofluv Sat 23-May-20 16:16:58

Just looking to see if anyone else would feel the same as I do about my in-laws moving to the house next door.
When the house came up for sale next to us my husbands parents showed interest, it needed renovation so I never thought them buying the house would happen (mother-in-law is very fussy).
Anyway, they did buy it and have builders in there doing the renovations while they still live in their current house. Once or twice a week they drive down (over an hours drive) to have a look at what’s been done. Am I being unreasonable to get pissed off about this? It’s just it disrupts my day as they expect us to go and say hello/make them a cup of tea, want to use our toilet etc. I know its not a massive deal but when I’m having a lazy day, no makeup, lounge wear on I just don’t want to entertain unannounced people. I’m really dreading them moving in, I’m dreading being out in the garden and them wanting a chat over the fence every time I’m out there.I like my own space and feel they are going to invade it. It’s making me want to split with my husband who I have a great relationship with, it’s making me resent him☹️..
Am I being unreasonable or would you feel the same?

Lotsofluv Sat 23-May-20 16:17:39

Am I being unreasonable

KindlyFOD Sat 23-May-20 16:18:22

Quite honestly, I couldn't cope. It would kill me, and probably my marriage too.

LockedInMadness Sat 23-May-20 16:19:06

Ha, you are a better person than me OP. Have you ever seen 'Everybody loves Raymond'? 🤣

YANBU

BumpBundle Sat 23-May-20 16:19:11

I'm torn.
YANBU for wanting your own space. This sounds like a complete and total nightmare.
YABU for not saying this BEFORE they bought the house. Or did you say something?

SunbathingDragon Sat 23-May-20 16:19:18

I would hate that and if they are already annoying you, it’s going to get so much worse! What does your DH think of the situation? Can you move?

I’d also tell your in-laws that due to social distancing they can’t come in and use your toilet. Then I would make sure I was out exercising when they visited.

TheMandalorian Sat 23-May-20 16:19:54

Oh jeez. Time to start house hunting. ginwinecake

nokidshere Sat 23-May-20 16:21:27

My mil lived next door to us successfully for 11yrs but we had a good relationship.

It doesn't sound like you, your DH and your in laws have any discussion about the move? It also sounds like you don't have a great relationship with them but it's a bit late now they have actually bought the place.

Be firm and pleasant but be consistent, sit down and discuss how it's going to work.

wellerhugs5 Sat 23-May-20 16:21:34

I love my in-laws, but I would hate this. YANBU.
How do you get on with them generally? Did they ask you and your husband how you'd feel about it before buying the house?

thejoysofboys Sat 23-May-20 16:21:46

I like my in-laws but I’d hate them living next door. I reckon my husband would feel the same way though. I assume yours thinks this is a good idea?
Time to set some boundaries for the sake of everyone’s sanity. Once or twice a week I think I could manage, but when they move in there needs to be some clear expectations for both sides.

TinySleepThief Sat 23-May-20 16:22:35

Honestly I would put our house on the market and move. I like my inlaws but it would just feel so suffocating to have no space away from them.

LockedInMadness Sat 23-May-20 16:22:37

Meant to also say, they must be a bit weird to think this could work. I would not want to live next door to my family as much as I love them.
Same town - yes,
Next road- yes,
Next door - no way!

NotStayingIn Sat 23-May-20 16:22:43

I would hate it. How did it all come about? How did they find out about the house? Did they discuss it with you? Did you tell your DH how much you would hate it? If you did and you were ignored I would be livid. But if you didn’t say anything I’m a bit surprised. This is a very big thing not to be clear about from the start.

peony68 Sat 23-May-20 16:23:00

Sorry but this would just be my worst nightmare !!!!

Warsawa31 Sat 23-May-20 16:23:06

The thing is if you move now they will be upset that they moved an hour to be near you. Do you have children

GoFiguire Sat 23-May-20 16:23:18

Are they Mr and Mrs Cummings?

Osirus Sat 23-May-20 16:24:05

I couldn’t cope with that OP.

I would feel the same as you. Not sure what you could do about it though.

Aquamarine1029 Sat 23-May-20 16:25:25

I would lose my fucking mind. Any sense of privacy you have will be shattered when they finally move in. Expect the unannounced pop ins, constantly being monitored in your garden, constant questions like "who did you have over?", "what have you been doing all day?", ad nauseam. Some might think I'm being paranoid, but I have seen this situation turn into utter disasters time and again.

Obviously, you can't control what your in-laws do, but did they ask how you and your husband felt about this before they bought the house? I'm also wondering what their expectations are. Are they thinking you will be their carer and housekeeper should they become unwell?

I would be despondent about this, truly.

HollowTalk Sat 23-May-20 16:26:57

What were they thinking? Was there any discussion? What does your husband think about it?

Sexnotgender Sat 23-May-20 16:27:40

I’d hate that. In the same way I’d probably hate my own parents living next door! I love them to bits but not next door 😂

FourDecades Sat 23-May-20 16:28:15

What's their reason for moving so close to you?

Warsawa31 Sat 23-May-20 16:28:34

If you don’t have children, your husband doesn’t see the issue with this, my advice would be to leave him. This situation will be horrible for you otherwise

Glitter7 Sat 23-May-20 16:30:44

It would really annoy me! I think you should discuss seriously with your hubby and maybe move if you can. Talk about invasion of privacy! Really feel for you - good luck!!

Lotsofluv Sat 23-May-20 16:31:58

No, I wasn’t asked how I felt about it before they bought it and I wasn’t too worried about it when first finding out that they were interested as I really thought she would hate the place as it was in such poor condition. I do get on with them but never feel completely comfortable around them as they are quite judgemental (how tidy peoples houses are/what clothes they kids have on etc). My husband thinks it will be fine and they won’t even see them much, I’m not sure about that🤷🏼‍♀️.
Just for example, they don’t drink but I have a red wine most nights and if it’s nice weather I’ll sit in the garden, now I’m going to be thinking they can see me out of their window drinking my wine in the garden, judging me and I’m not going to feel comfortable in my own garden 😩(not just this but it’s an example)

UrbanHarridan Sat 23-May-20 16:31:58

No you’re not.
I feel it’s really an infringement on personal space, how do they not understand that?
I love my parents and DP’s parents but there’s no frickin way I’d have any of them moving next door. Was any of this discussed before the house purchase?

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