Best CF Stories

(1000 Posts)
CupcakesAndCastles Mon 11-May-20 13:46:38

Lockdown sucks, what’s the best CF stories you’ve read?

OP’s posts: |
Gawdsake2020 Mon 11-May-20 13:50:04

Mexican house thief. Search for it on here.

oversomerainbow Mon 11-May-20 13:52:08

^ and gooseberry lady!

AnathemaPulsifer Mon 11-May-20 13:55:41

Mexican house thief was a post on a thread, not a whole thread in itself.

20/04/2013 14:52 WeAreEternal

AnathemaPulsifer Mon 11-May-20 13:56:33

Saved that to find it more easily. You’ll also find loads more tales of cheeky fuckery in the thread.

LisaLops Mon 11-May-20 15:18:13

I had a “friend” who was very much into drinking a lot and taking drugs. Always skint. Always borrowing money which I never got back.
Anyhow, she was getting the internet installed (which 2 months later got cut off through lack of payment).
I am a bit of a computer nerd and fix laptops and pc’s etc. She asked me if I could fix her laptop for her. The screen was shattered, the hard drive was knackered.
I have lots of spare parts laying around.
To replace a laptop screen is expensive if done in a shop, but me being naive and a walkover agreed to do it for her so she could surf the internet.
I fixed the laptop, fitted a new screen and hard drive.
It was as good as new.
She picked it up from me and said she would be back later that day for a coffee and chat etc.
She did come back later that day. Completely pissed.
She informed me she had sold the fixed laptop to the pawn shop for £150 and went to the pub.
It took a couple more years for me to finally fuck her off but that’s another story....

Clevererthanyou Mon 11-May-20 15:19:18

Lisalops shock

TinRoofRusty Mon 11-May-20 15:23:32

Gluezilla. The OP's so-called friend wanted her to do all the decorating for her wedding, pretty much set it up and take it down and didn't invite her to any of it.

Daisyhut Mon 11-May-20 15:38:57

My friend never brought food/drink/ nappies/warm clothes/enough money for entry to soft play for her kids when we went out on play dates. I would always use my supplies for her kids because I felt bad. She was always going on expensive weekends away and Spa days, could afford bottles of prosecco in the pub but could not be bothered to provide for her kids if I was going to be there because she knew that I would.
Now the kids are older she has not changed and I still add extra food for her kids otherwise they guilt mine into giving them theirs. She is otherwise reasonable, and lovely apart from this one huge blind spot.

MyOwnSummer Mon 11-May-20 15:53:46

@TinRoofRusty I think I know the married CF person in that OPs story. Had a full weekend "festival" style event for the wedding, but didn't hire anyone to help set up, run it or clear away the structures afterwards apart from a few catering staff for four hours on the main day. The rest of the event was run by three or four "guests" including my friend, who essentially worked their arses off for free, for about four days.

The groom then had the nerve to have a go at my friend on the Monday morning. She was sat down having a (well deserved) fag break and he snarked at her that the kit wasn't going to pack itself away. Having not actually helped to do any of the work himself.

That wife and groom pair were well matched, that's for sure. I still despise them for the way they treated my friend. I personally cut contact with the CF couple after an incident at a festival a couple of years prior to their marriage.

In that story, a big group of us were attending a festival together. We all travelled and arrived separately. By around 7pm, everyone had already arrived and set up their tents when CF couple arrived. They had a massive elaborate teepee style thing which needed several people to put it up.

So, CF couple asked us all to pitch in and help us to construct this ridiculous thing. And then dropped the bombshell "ok so if you could all get on with that, we are going to get something to eat. Thanks!"

I laughed at her and sat down on my arse, where I remained. Watching the other guys in the group scramble to put up their tent, while they swanned off to have a nice meal. Fuckers.

Sparticuscaticus Mon 11-May-20 16:11:02

A mum friend -who had been my ex-cleaner but hadnt yet returned my keys- let herself in my house when I was at work and took my kittens new cat basket for her new cat, as mine "wasn't using it" (he was and I'd just bought it).

It took me weeks to get it back from her and my keys, I stood at her door in the end whilst she tried to argue how her kitten needed it and "mine didn't". My children had chosen kitten's basket with me, and were really upset it had gone.
Douche move.

We later found out she'd 'borrowed' other things of ours

thecatsarecrazy Mon 11-May-20 16:11:55

I saw a bloke a few times who didn't spend money. He had a car he was always working on and buying bits but said he had none. I was a mug but.. he would message and ask me to buy condoms, we stayed the night in a hotel it was only cheap but he was happy for me to pay never even offered. Then that night he told me he was going to buy an expensive tv sad he bought a Mcdonalds the next morning but he picked what I was having and worked out the cost. Never heard from him again. Haha

Doodlebug5 Mon 11-May-20 16:16:33

Look up r/slash on youtube. Its fabulous just a collection of theses stories.

Saturdaysnotforexercise Mon 11-May-20 16:23:56

Relatives moved here some years ago from overseas. They were invited to family Xmas dinner hosted by their aunt. Bizarrely rang her a couple of days before and started comms with “we’re having trouble arranging transport” - not a word about “thanks for the invitation, what can we bring etc”. When it was pointed out they had been offered a lift by a cousin they just casually said “but we like being independent.” Ended up coming with said cousin. They brought a dirt cheap wine bottle with them, then set new Olympic and World records for booze and food consumption - he was going for thirds before anyone had gone for seconds. Everyone but them helped set up / clear away - no one was asked, it was just done as it was a family event. At a later family gathering they again managed a personal best downing alcohol and ordering courses and wanted the bill split equally despite two others being pensioners who had a single course each with no booze and a third being pregnant so drinking nothing. God how we have loved the family zoom socials since we can see how they fare with their own hospitality (god they are miserable hosts!) this was a mystery as they have never, ever hosted Xmas etc at theirs despite being loaded and children having left home years ago.

Straycatstrut Mon 11-May-20 16:25:23

Mexican house thief hands down. I had a gobsmacked expression for a week after reading that!

Witchofzog Mon 11-May-20 16:28:29

I used to live in a hugely popular seaside town but moved away a few years ago. I went back down to a friend's hen party and briefly got chatting to another woman there who was also living in another part of the country. She added me on Facebook and that was it until about a year later when I got a random message from her saying "Hi hun. Let's catch up. Not seen you in ages. Shall I come and stay with the kids?" I realised that she was assuming I lived in hugely popular seaside town and also that she was a huge cf looking for a free holiday.

I decided to call her bluff so sent her a message back saying "Hi hun. Lovely to hear from you. Yes - let's catch up. I live in Grim Northern mining town now which is soooo much closer for you. Can't wait to see you xxx"

Needless to say she didn't reply and deleted me shortly after. If you are reading this Kelly, nice try love hmm

Nomorepies Mon 11-May-20 16:28:30

Mexican House thief still a winne for me!

TinRoofRusty Mon 11-May-20 16:49:32

There was another on here who did live in a popular seaside town. Had a pisstaker friend who'd been using them for free holidays for about 4 years, the final one, the OP and her spouse paid for the CFers ferry fees. And the penny still hadn't dropped! It was only when the OP and her h were driving the CFers to the ferry, the OP noticed their teenager daughter had taken an 18ct bracelet belonging to the OP (had rifled around in her bedroom, found it and nicked it), was wearing it and the CFers actually had the nerve to try to get the OP to let the girl keep it!

Witchofzog Mon 11-May-20 20:06:08

Bump. I love threads like this. Please keep it going!

Saturdaysnotforexercise Mon 11-May-20 20:41:04

Another was a friend who came around god knows how many times - dinner / drinks / afternoon tea etc etc. On the one - yes one - time we had a dinner invite back, she asked to borrow virtually everything from us in order to host, because apparently she would otherwise have been a plate or fork short and then things wouldn’t match!

feelingsomewhatlost Mon 11-May-20 21:22:01

I had a friend who decided to set up an online business selling items that she'd personalised. She asked me to 'help her out' by writing all her facebook and instagram posts in exchange for... a water bottle. hmm Each product was being sold for roughly £15 - £20 each.

KarmaStar Mon 11-May-20 22:49:33

My brother and a friend rented a small terraced house and the landlord laid a new weekend both of them were away.when they came home,no patio!
It was eventually discovered next door,the neighbours had decided they liked it so dug it up and laid it in their own garden then refused to return the slabs saying they could not prove who owned them.unbelievable!

dalmatianmad Mon 11-May-20 23:02:14

When we moved into our house about 6 years ago we could see that there used to be a shed in the corner of the garden.
Neighbour popped his head over the fence, introduced himself and asked if we needed a shed.
We brought it off him and he helped us put it up. Turns out it was ours anyway, he stole it the week before we moved in 🙄

AnotherBoredOne Mon 11-May-20 23:14:43

A BIL who came to stay from overseas. Not one offer to help cook a meal or clear up after one. He treated us like a fully catered hotel. I got him back recently when he came to stay with us and didn't buy in any groceries. Accommodation was not our normal home so I kept everything empty and left him and my DH to fend for themselves. His trip was cut short as he wanted to visit his parents, I know this was so his parent could feed him and he then did not have to pay.

AnotherBoredOne Mon 11-May-20 23:24:56

An oldie but we had friends who invited us over for a bbq. Asked the what can I bring q?
Host said it's ok I will go shop and we can then just split it.
Host went and did her full weekly shop so our afternoon bbq got spilt between all the guests and divided per head including children. We owed over a hundred for that afternoon bbq as we had two very small children who are no more than a sausage and in-laws also came with us so we paid for them. I would have spent half the amount if I had brought some sausages a few bottles of wine and nibbles.
Never again did I back to there place for a bbq, we just met at pubs after that. And we previously hosted so know the cost can be more but if everyone hosts at various times then it all evens out.
She also used to rent a room out, there accomodation was free and then also go thirds with whatever person was sharing so they could keep cost of bills down. She openly said this.
He also used to go to work on days off as it was fully catered and he would go only for the meal then go home.
They later when on to have a multiple pregnancy and I laid very low when offers to help were put out, I'm pretty sure her family and friends would have been paying for food and nappies for those children for years and they would not have had a problem taking it from them:

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