Best CF Stories

[CupcakesAndCastles]

Lockdown sucks, what’s the best CF stories you’ve read?

Mine isn't as good as many but was inspired when I read some on the same thread as the mexican house thief is on.

Years ago I went to uni and my best friend and I got a flat together. It was our home and not just a room with some shared space. Unfortunately my friend got a boyfriend at Christmas after our first term who lived in our home town which was an hours commute. After Easter she didn't return as she found a neighbour drive in every day. She had paid rent for the year but left me with the bills to cover alone.

So this is how I came to meet my cf. I put an advert out looking for a flatmate. I was up front about wanting a flatmate I could get on with and that this was a shared home etc. One of the rules I had was no smoking in the flat, I hated it and didn't want the flat to stink. CF agreed, she didn't smoke etc. As friend had moved out I agreed she could live rent free for the rest of term and just pay half bills.

After moving in she tried to bring her dog which was specifically against our tenancy and she knew this. Apparently her mum refused to keep the dog so it was my fault she had to have him pts.

She would regularly go missing - not an issue but have to admit the first time I got worried. She left on Saturday with her boyfriend to go shopping and said she would see me later. He mum rang on Tuesday and to speak to her and I said I hadn't seen her since Saturday and didn't know where she was (I have to admit as a 19 year old living alone it had been worrying me that I should report her missing). Anyway, her mum rang me back and said she had tracked her down to her boyfriends. When she came home she wasn't happy as her mum had told her off for being so selfish etc.

She had lots of mates around which of course was fine but they were smoking in her room (she thought I wouldn't know) plus I never knew who was in the house. I was sat in the living room in my pjs once, had been home hours and out walks some strange lad to go to the toilet.

I decided it wasn't working so asked her to find somewhere else to live. It turns out she was and was moving out the following week!

This is where she became a cf. She moved out taking a pan, half the (matching, didn't even take the off stuff my GF gave me but the matching set me and prev FM bought!) crockery, food plus other bits and bobs and ran up a huge phone bill (her new flat mate was german so she had been ringing her to arrange the new flat.

Multiple calls to her I eventually rang her mum and said I needed the phone bill paying and I wanted my stuff returned. A couple of days later a kid came to the door (her little brother) and thrust a pan at me and ran off. Inside the pan was money, cutlery and some sweaty cheese 😂

Neighbours daughter came back from abroad where she lived for the winter hols along with her young daughter, neighbour doesn’t have broadband, daughter kept asking for my password I kept saying it’s running slow (which it was) one night I had to go to hosp & asked neighbours daughter if could babysit kids till DH got home (phone was off tried ringing him) this was October, fast forward to January & my broadband was running really slow so looked up how to change password, managed to do it then not long after got a txt off the daughter asking why MY broadband wasn’t working?

Not long after DH rang to ask why I had changed the password because neighbours daughter couldn’t use it & her little girl wasn’t well & NEEDED the broadband, a huge argument started not long after, DH took her side, she offered to pay but told her to fuck off, still convinced something went on between her & DH?!

My aunt died a couple of years ago of a rare disease after a fairly short illness. My uncle has always been a massive cf but I think this story takes the biscuit.

A month or so after she died my grandmother (aunts mother) went to visit her sister who lives on an island. My aunt had always had my grandmother park at their house which is about a 15 minute drive from the ferry terminal (they have multiple parking spaces). My aunt would also give her a lift to the ferry terminal as she couldn’t take her car.

As my aunt had died, DGM had asked my uncle if it was okay for her to park there and my uncle had suggested that he drive her to the ferry terminal as my aunt would of instead of the taxi my grandmother suggested. He then charged her what the taxi would have cost and a daily fee for parking.....

God I love threads like these

@IThinkImBSCrazy
Did you drive her to her home or yours?

Do you remember the lady who ended up with the Zilla over play group.
Because a friend had paid for the lady the Zilla said the lady should pay for her.
If was quiet a long thread.

Boz, the real CFer in that is your 'D'H.

Far too many CFer flatmates to count. By the time I left uni I'd learned my lesson and would find people who were looking for clear agreements about overnight guests, use of communal areas, food sharing, bills and cleanliness.

My dad worked overseas for a few years and in that time my parents rented out the family home.

The tenants complained that the carpet in the small bedroom wasn't in a good condition. My parents agreed and gave them £200 to carpet the room to their liking. It's a small room and this was years ago. It would have been about £100 to carpet the room cheaply, £170 if you went for really expensive carpet.

When they moved out they took the carpet with them. They claimed as they fitted it and had the receipt it was theirs. Cheeky fuckers.

I had forgotten this one
My DD wanted to join a sports club that school were running.
DD gets the last place on the team.
Next door then goes and demands her DD gets a place. The teacher let her join. This was at 4.30pm.
She rushed her child to Sports Direct and grabs a standard generic racket .
Calls my child over so her child can brag about having the kit first.
We went online and found a child size racket, absolute bargain, and my child was quiet short.
It arrives 3 days later and my child goes to show her friend, so they can practice together.
That afternoon when the dad arrives home they demand I go over, I thought something was wrong so go over.
The mum demands I send my racket back and wants more money than I paid so she can buy my child the same racket as her child, because her child is jealous.

Trivial but still CFs...

1. Fairweather friend, always skint comes over to have takeaway with larger group. Orders chips, then eats from everyone else's food, THEN asks me for a container to take home my leftovers!! Wise to her I just laughed and said, "oh you're so funny, ha ha!" And then hid the leftovers!!

1. My Nan (now dead) was such a CF. Notoriously tight. She came to birthday meal for my mum at an Indian restaurant but stated, "I dont like this food". She wanted to treat my mum for the meal. She refused to order a starter then ate mine and my sister's food, and same with the main and sides. At the end she "discovered" she did not have a card to pay. We covered it, then she went to the shop next door and bought a bottle of plonk for herself. I ended up paying for her and was still hungry - part of me admired her CFery! Learned my lesson there!

1. Ex friend who came to our wedding with her 8 month old and hijacked my very expensive photographer to do a little portfolio of her PFB son. I only found out when my photographer thought I knew my photos were online as my ex friend had reviewed them and bought loads of her son - she never said a word to me. Ex friend for a reason

Wow Tistheseason17, ex friend for sure but i would have been bloody pissed off with a professional photographer allowing that too. Pair of CFs!

@Incontinencesucks
Our photos were stunning and it can't have been easy for the photographer to respond to - she's actually a good friend of ours now (12 yrs) and she felt awkward and bullied by the Ex Friend!

Ex Friend has form. She had not seen me for ages, but when I got engaged she insisted on visiting to review my ring and show how the carat was smaller than hers, but apparently the colour was good? Then we moved house so she rocked up after no visits for 2 yrs to check the size of our house!!

Worth mentioning she met her now DH and told me that she was not interested and would not see him again as he was unattractive and had acne scars. The next week she has another date as she found out he was a millionnaire. Married within a year, security baby within 9 mths. Niiice! Not

Not a nice lady. Hmm maybe not so cheeky on photographer though i imagine she got a nice dollar bonus from the photos...

It's good CF is an ex friend. Sometimes those kind of people are unflushables.

@Incontinencesucks - it took 6 yrs for me to ditch her and I'm usually quite up front! 🙈

Lol definitely an unflushable!

😂😂😂

My niece was 6 last year and her mum organised a party at a local hall for the whole class. Amongst them was a little girl 'Olivia' who had turned 6 the week before.

Throughout the party Olivia's parents referred to DN and their daughter as 'the birthday party girls' or 'birthday girls' and spent their time telling people about their new car, holiday home in Malta etc.

Party was lovely and the everyone gathered around and sang happy birthday to DN. Out of nowhere, Olivia's dad produces a birthday cake, candles and a ligher and shouts "Olivia's turn."
Dsis didn't want to upset the little girl so let it go ahead.
At the end of the party some guests even thanked Olivia's parents and one text Dsis apologising for not bringing two gifts and explaining that they hadn't realised that it was a joint party.

Dsis is so lovely that she would have probably let them share the party of they had asked before and were struggling with money but that was clearly not the case. They were just huge cf.

Not dreadful in the scheme of things but my sisters best friend and I threw a baby shower for my sister recently. It was in a nice hotel and it was £20 a head for afternoon tea, which people seemed happy to pay. I paid for all the decorations and balloons etc which were quite expensive because I wanted them to be nice. BF paid for the cake.

One of her friends, who is vegan, wanted to bring her vegetarian mum (who my sister is fond of) and that was fine, BF and I booked all the meals (there was a complex mix of sweet and savoury choices, veggie and vegan and allergies). We paid deposits on BFs credit card. Worthy of note is that I was the only other vegan, also worthy of note is that it was all arranged in a group WhatsApp where it was made very clear that it was a child free event, and one person was unable to come because they didn't have childcare for their toddler.

Then vegan friend announces that she and her mum have 'decided' that they will just share one vegan afternoon tea between them, and could I please notify the hotel. So I, not wanting to rock the boat, had to have a really cringey conversation with the hotel about these two guests sharing a meal. Then she doesn't pay when asked and had to be chased by BF and then by me to pay the money for their shared meal, ultimately quite forcefully.

Then she turns up on the day with her mum, and her bloody toddler in tow like that's totally acceptable at a child free afternoon tea. Meals come out and the vegan offering is decidedly more stingy than the veggie and omni versions (I did complain after the fact). Cue them asking me to give up some of my food as there's not enough for the three of them to share and as I'm the only other vegan, mine was the only food suitable for her child to eat.

She then let him run riot around the room kicking balloon weights and nearly cracking his head open on the fireplace and generally being annoying, then insisting he was in all the group photos, resulting in the guest who declined due to childcare getting really upset because someone else's child was there. If it had been a child friendly event, I'm not sure why she thought my children, WHO ARE RELATED TO THE MUM TO BE AND BABY, were elsewhere on the day...

My sister didn't want to cause a ruckus and begged me to leave it go but it fucking rankles to this day.

One Christmas MIL bought me season 2 of Downtown Abbey on DVD then borrowed it immediately and never returned it. It's her favourite show... I hadn't even seen season 1.

Another Christmas Christmas she gifted me one of those multipacks of knickers, this set was supposed to have five in it.... Three where missing

Mild but still rather bold but poorly executed attempt at CFery. When I moved out of a rental flat, my staying-put co-tenant advertised for someone to take my room. The new tenant was the first to view & said yes immediately. At her viewing, she admired all the furniture in the place but especially in my room; the room for rent. The flat was actually let unfurnished & we immediately made this very clear to the incomer to avoid confusion on ownership of items either then or later. My flatmate had gratefully received lovely family hand me downs to furnish shared space before I moved in, so whilst nothing would change there, all the stuff New Girl had been admiring in MY room would be gone- I was going to another unfurnished house so had no desire to part with MY furniture - which was nowt special, nice enough but basic and either fairly cheap or family hand me downs. She looked a bit irked but made it clear she understood.

Shortly before move out/move in, we got an email announcing that New Girl couldn't move in because she had no £££ for the requisite furniture- not even a camp bed to her name, leaving my flatmate high & dry. We remembered her appreciation for my furniture, called New Girls bluff & emailed back offering to kindly sell her my bed & mattress for £20 to "start her off", making sure to point out that said items were old and worn. It was my only naff item of furniture and I had been going to bin it as the frame was cheap & breaking and I had saved enough for a nice new one of different dimensions - so no use for the also worn & cheap mattress either. It was in a sad enough state that I hadn't felt able to offer it when she viewed. We also told her which charity shops sold furniture near us & suggested free cycle, cheap furniture shops, loan of camping stuff and links to the exact bits of my furniture she'd admired on the Wilko website. Got an immediate no thanks in reply & her parents suddenly and v rapidly stumped up for all new furniture of New Girl's choosing (similar to but much nicer than mine)!

Ok. One of the better ones about my MIL.

A new Tesco has opened in the next village along, and vouchers were sent to local residents (my MIL being one of those) for £5 off £40. So I phone MIL and she's dropping hints of how she wants to go but is nervous as she's not been there before and she's got six of these vouchers and she never spends £40 but knows that I do and what use is a £40 voucher to someone like her who is all on her own etc. So I offer to take her.

So we get to this Tesco. I'm plonking stuff in my trolley and she's not buying anything. She keeps looking at my trolley and then looking away. Then we get near the till and she picks up a fancy box of chocolates. Bearing in mind she doesn't ever buy chocolates for anyone, I say who are those for? She says myself, I like these ones. I'm like but then I say. Good for you , it's nice to get something you like every now and then. So then she insists I put my shopping on the checkout first. So my bill tots up and she hands me the voucher and says 'for my chocolates'. she basically used me to spend 40£ so she could get £5. I was gobsmacked. All take way home I was thinking she was adding up the contents of my trollley.

I would never have though to do that in a million years. It will remain a testament to how crafty she is and serves as a reminder to me to always be on my guard with her.

These are brilliant

I had a flower mirror (quite substantial) up for sale for £100. A lady offered me £60 and I said the lowest I’d go would be £75. So she agreed £75 and said she would pick it up the next day.

The next day came and she message to say she would be with me in 30 minutes. I said ‘great’.

And the. She goes ‘I’ve got to get a lift to you to get the mirror, can you pay the petrol money for me’ 🤦🏼‍♀️

Funnily enough the petrol cost the exact different of the first amount she offered me 🙄

DH works in car sales. Last year another salesman told DH his friend Sarah had been in to buy a car and he’d given her a large “friends and family” discount. DH said I don’t know any Sarah? The salesman was adamant that Sarah knew him - she knew the names of his wife and DC, his previous employer (where she claimed to have been his colleague), stuff about DH’s hobbies etc.

Turns out Sarah was just some random who tried to blag a discount by pretending to know an employee. We presume she googled the company to find out who worked there and then researched them to pick a victim. Everything she mentioned to fool the salesman into thinking she was a friend could have been found out from DH’s social media profiles. Needless to say the sale was cancelled and solicitors were involved because the company deemed it to be a fraudulent use of their friends and family discount scheme.

charged each guest £50 for the privilege of attending
Oh I have a better one! A couple I know had a “fundraiser” engagement party and charged everyone £20 to attend - £10 to cover the cost of the engagement party and £10 towards the wedding. They invited a lot of people to the engagement party and the majority weren’t invited to the wedding. So basically they were good enough to contribute towards the cost of the wedding but not good enough to actually be invited!

I remember some of these from other threads. I'm shocked (at the audacity), but not surprised anymore that people are genuinely this fucking cheeky!!