Best CF Stories

[CupcakesAndCastles]

Lockdown sucks, what’s the best CF stories you’ve read?

[Tramolamodol]

Prior to my mum passing, the LA had paid for her to have a cleaner as my youngest siblings were at home and not even teenagers. My "mother" and the cleaner had decided to work directly with one another to avoid the agency.
When she was taken in to hospital, the cleaner was still supposed to arrive. However, she often didn't arrive as she had numerous excuses. If she did turn up, she'd do a mediocre job upstairs.

After she died, I went to the property and the downstairs was absolutely filthy and had obviously not been cleaned for a very long time. My brother moved in to look after our siblings and the cleaner decided to start hounding him for all the apparent money she was owed. I called her and asked her why she was demanding money/asked her for timesheets etc. She said it was owed to her and she wanted it and would take my brother to court so she could get her money.
I asked her about the side of the cooker (that had not been cleaned in a very long time). She then told me that she hasn't done it as she'd never been asked to. This was just one of many excuses.
She was trying to exploit my brother and continued to call him even after I told her not to. She had not done the cleaning, she did not have a contract and I told her so.
I eventually went to her employer and reported her.

[WaterOffADucksCrack]

I can't believe you handed over the money for the shop. I'd have laughed and then never seen them again. Exactly what I was thinking! Yes there are horrible people who take advantage but in some situations you can just say no and walk away!

[CrazyTimesAreOccurring]

@KarmaStar and @dalmatianmad I dont know which one to be more shocked at

How did you find out it was yours originally @dalmatianmad??

[RiverCrossing]

I had a friend who married an equally CF. They set up a Facebook event for a summer BBQ housewarming and invited about 40 people, then put a post on stating they would be providing condiments and plates, and could everyone attending please bring their own meat and drinks. Now I’m not one for turning up empty handed, but they literally provided ketchup and mayonnaise!

[Clevererthanyou]

Me and my mil decided to treat Gran to a three course meal in her favourite (expensive) restaurant as a treat for her birthday and split the bill for Grans food and drinks. I took my son who ate from the kids menu so a main course and ice cream, I had a main and dessert with a coffee. My mil brought along my bil and they both had the full works plus drinks. I worked part time on minimum wage and wasn’t doing well financially and mil knew this. I went to the bar to order a tonic water after our orders had been taken and a barman(?) asked me to pay for the meals there and then, fine no problem. Only my mil only gave me back a few quid to cover part of her meal so I was out of pocket for the whole thing :( it was worse because Gran then had a handbag given to her by mil and assumed that we hadn’t gotten her anything as she thanked mil for a lovely meal!

[goldopals]

Doodlebug5

You could also look on the subreddits; entitled parents and am I the asshole, as well as some others

[Incontinencesucks]

Gluezilla. The OP's so-called friend wanted her to do all the decorating for her wedding, pretty much set it up and take it down and didn't invite her to any of it.

I think the OP of that was @tidydancer i did wonder if the bride and groom became just as bad after (there were parentzilla speculations) or realised and apologised.

[CallaLilli]

Some years ago I was going to Paris for a long weekend when a colleague told me she'd give me "a shopping list" of things to pick up for her from a parapharmacie.

I said something non-committal like "we're only taking hand luggage" as I didn't think she was serious but a couple of weeks later she sent through her list. All the items on it were salon-size bottles of 1 litre each!

I told her I wouldn't be doing that and she didn't speak to me for several weeks! Shortly after that I transferred to a new office and lost touch with her.

[YeahWhatevver]

"Mexican House Thief":

20/04/2013 14:52. WeAreEternal

My next door but one neighbour is the ultimate in cheeky people.

in the 4 years that i have known him he regularly asks to borrow things, but he thinks that once permission have been given on one occasion that allows him to take the items whenever he pleases.
This includes him just going into my garage/shed/house and helping himself when he wants something, without asking.
I have asked him not to do this many, many times, but he still does it.

It all came to a head in October.

We own a house in Mexico, it is my favourite place in the world and isn't just a holiday house, to me it is my home. We have our clothes in the wardrobes, our food in the cupboards and family pictures on the walls.

We do however, occasionally allow close friends and family to stay in our house, because we are nice like that.
Two years ago SIL, her DH and their DCs went for a holiday there, they managed to get flights for a couple of hundred pounds and were really excited/proud of their amazing cheap holiday.
After they got back they came round for a barbecue, the neighbour 'popped over to say hi' ( which he always did just as we were sieving up the food) he was very impressed to hear about SILs super cheap amazing holiday and really enjoyed looking at her pictures.

The next morning the neighbour came round and told me that he was really impressed with SILs amazing holiday and had looked at the cost if flights to Mexico when he went home.
He told me that he had found some cheap flights and asked if he and his family could stay in our house.
I tried to be tactful and told him that we don't really like people staying there as its our home and not just a holiday house, and that we only let SIL go as it they don't have much money and if was their first holiday in 8 years.
The neighbour then spent the next couple of weeks begging me, telling me how they are broke and can't afford a holiday this year (they live in a five bed detached house and drive a merc and a BMW and he has a very good job, oh and they had already been abroad twice that year)
Finally I gave in and agreed. They went and had a lovely holiday.

Fast forward to last October.
My best friends mum (who I have known since I was 10 and who I call mum) went out for a holiday with her partner.
They had been there for a few days and came home one evening from a day out to find luggage in the hallway and some random people asleep in the beds.
BFM didn't wake them as she was afraid they were burglars as she snook out of the house and phoned me to ask if I knew what was going on and who they were. I obviously knew nothing so BFM called the local police.

The police arrived and woke up the random strangers and asked who they were and what they are doing in the house, they told the police that they are friends of the owners and had permission to be there. BFM told the police that they were lying as she had spoken to me, she was my family, and we had no idea who they were.
The random strangers and their children were escorted out if the house and taken to the local station. All the while ranting they they had permission to stay there and that it was BFM who they should be taking away.
I helped that one of the pictures on the wall is one of me my best friend and her mum, so it was obvious that they knew us.

The police called me and I confirmed what BFM had said, that she was they one with permission to be there and I had no idea who the random strangers were, and certainly hasn't given permission to anyone else as I only allowed family to stay in my home.

The policeman then told me who the people were.... It was the neighbour and his family!!
It turned out that he had made copies of my house keys and had visited my home for 6 holidays in the last two years!!!!

The best part was that after the police sorted it all out and let them go the neighbour and him family still expected to be able to stay in my house!
BFM had the locks changed and told the neighbour where to go.
But on the last day of her holiday they neighbour turned up to check if they were gone yet, because he wanted to move him family in as soon as she had left!

When the neighbour got home he came to bang on my door and rant about how I had ruined his holiday and how terrified his children were. How thanks to me they had be forced to stay in a horrible hotel and then he tried to present me with a bill for the hotel!
Basically he believed that because I forced him to stay in a hotel I should be responsible for the cost.

I was livid and told him that I gave him permission to stay in my house one time, not to use it as their own personal holiday home, and if anything I should be billing him for staying in my house.
He actually tried to act like he had done me a favour as he saw it that he had been 'looking after' my house while he was staying there.

We haven't spoken since, unless he wants to borrow something.

I now have someone that I pay to keep an eye on the place, just in case someone decided to take a free holiday again.

[Jokie]

I've had a few recently.

1. we arranged to go away with the in-laws but I did all the planning as "theyre easy going". I make all the arrangements and check with them before booking. They're fine with what I've selected and chosen. I book. Then suddenly comes change after change (think: no, we all want individual chalets and not to share. we want self catering, not catered etc.). Whilst talking to DH, I find out they're not paying for any of this anyway as they thought it was "our treat" and had already booked their main holiday of the year. This would be fine, if I hadn't checked before with them about the price and when they'd need to pay!
   
   
2. I'm a hobby baker and love making cakes/breads etc. A friend asked me to make her a bread basket for her local group and drop it off as they were doing an "at a distance gathering". I said: sure, if you could just pay for the ingredients, we'll call it quits. She suddenly got very shitty that I didn't want to "gift" them as a present.

[Clancey]

Every year mom used to go & stay with my lovely sis for a week whilst I spring cleaned her house. Meanwhile other lying, lazy, nosy, cunt of a sis would show up whilst I was scrubbing away. She never offered to help, but would make herself a coffee, sit down, then bitch about everything & everyone. I was quite surprised when she handed me an envelope & said that mom had left it for me. When I opened it there was a lovely letter from mom thanking me & £100. A few weeks later mom asked why I’d told sis about the money Mom had actually left the envelope for me on the side, sis had found it & just wanted to see what was in it so she said that mom had given it to her to give to me. The CF was only sat waiting in mom’s house when she got back demanding her £100!

[EggGarnish]

@Witchofzog I had a random text from a number I didn’t know a few weeks ago Essentially saying- “Hi, EggGarnish, hope you’re safe and well. My mum sent me you’re number. Unfortunately our holiday got cancelled and doesn’t look like we will be able to travel this year. Nightmare! Mum said you might have room for me and my boyfriend to come stay for a week when this is all over? Be lovely to be by the sea if the weathers good.”

It was the daughter of a woman who I used to work with years ago (I’m guessing mutual freinds may have mentioned that I’d moved to a popular part of the coast into a bigger house.) I wasn’t particularly close to said woman and had only met the daughter a couple of time’s briefly.

So bizarre.

[Thisbastardcomputer]

Love a cheeky fucker thread

[dalmatianmad]

Crazytimes:

The Neighbour on the other side told us, we couldn't stop laughing about it. Cheeky twat neighbour had taken lots of other things, including some round stepping stones that he tried to sell back to us! We pulled him up on it, he said he was going through a rough time and did whatever to make a few Bob 😜

[KerryMucklowe]

Years ago I lived next door to a woman who had dc the same age as mine
My Grandma gave me a beautiful silver cross carriage pram which my neighbour adored.
When I no longer used it I let her borrow it for a couple of months then one day I went round into my back garden to hang some washing and she was stood in her garden with the pram and another woman giving her a demonstration of how it works - I was too young and stupid back then to confront her but she obviously sold the woman the pram ( she told me she just lent it her) I still seethe about it now and again.

[ProseccoBubbleFantasies]

Obviously, Mexican house thief always wins, but I did enjoy the Maid of Honour-zilla a couple of summers ago.
She tried to dominate the hen party by bringing her children. The bride, who sounded fab, didn't want kids at her hen.
CF MoH then tried to take bride's bedroom for her family and to top it off, had recently become a MLM bot.
It ran for a couple of v entertaining threads I think

[Clancey]

I can't believe the Mexican one, you may fall for it a few times but only a fool ...

As a mature student I became very suspicious of a very beautiful girl who sat by someone different in every class. Then she decided to sit by me in maths & things became much clearer, she said that she'd have to copy mine as she hadn't had time to do the homework from last week. I said I didn't think so, I'd show her how to do it but it had took me fuckin' hours to do it & no way was she waltzing in & copying. Same CF carried a book under her arm for 9 months & had never read it 😏

[ThanosSavedMe]

I love the one where the neighbours used the play equipment in the mnetters garden every time they went out and threatened to call the council when they locked their garden. Wonder what happened

[Fimofriend]

One of my SILs befriended some of our friends with the only purpose of borrowing their car. When she moved further away and it was no longer practical to borrow their car, she dropped them. Years later her DH borrowed our car, as it was bigger than theirs and they needed some things from Ikea. He left is by our house while we were at work without locking it. He "was in a hurry". Our car could have gotten stolen. Luckily, DH agreed with me, that we should never lend them anything again.

[CaptainButtock]

Yep, obvs Mexican House Theif is the stuff of legend, but I have to say, a close second for me was the woman who came round to op's house to explain that they would be knocking through into op"s loft room to extend their house
Naturally op would understand...as she had more children so needed the space more...

[Incontinencesucks]

@captainbuttock wtf? Missed that, how did it go?

[Blobby10]

Not sure my CF friend rates as highly as some of these but here goes:

She (plus H and 2 girls) were moving house and she was 'stressed' about packing and cleaning etc. Worth noting that two months earlier I had done ALL her ironing - over a years worth - as she was stressed about that too! (I enjoyed ironing at the time!) . i offered to help pack and clean her kitchen the day before the move took a days holiday from work to help her actually move, So i'm cleaning and packing her kitchen while she does 'stuff' and as I was scrubbing her oven she swans in with another friend and announces shes off to a candle party just down the road. 'Thanks for finishing my kitchen blobby I wouldn't have felt I could go to the party if you hadn't'. Next day - moving day - I put a casserole in the oven for her and her family so they had a hot meal - then spent the day cleaning her house as furniture left it. Dropped casserole at new house later, shown around it then was summarily despatched as they wanted to get straight. I never got a thankyou or even a box of chocolates for the help!

So then we fast forward a year and Its my turn to move house and we moved to the same village. She's a teacher so I knew she couldn't take a day off to help me but i had NO offers of help beforehand and on the day we actually moved in, she came round in the evening and suggested getting a takeaway for mine and her family. Friend orders takeaway - at least two dishes EACH for her, her husband and each child (aged 10 and 7) but my family had one dish each as per usual (plus rice ). Drove to takeaway - Oh what a surprise she hadn't got her purse but would pay me back half - well reader, I paid in full and it won't surprise you to hear I never got anything back.

Same woman, two years later went skiing during half term and asked me to look after her horse (and dog and rabbits and guinea pigs). Meant visiting stables on my way to work before and after work, mucking out, turning out etc. That week happened to coincide with exceptional snowfall and temps of minus 10 degrees. It was an horrendous job and took ages due to the lack of running water or lights. She did buy me a thank you gift on that occasion - a pack of pate.

It took another 2 years before the scales fell from my eyes and I realised just how one sided this friendship was. I said no to something and she came round to my house effing and blinding and throwing all sorts of insults at me about my kids. I've never spoken to or seen her since.

[CaptainButtock]

@Incontinencesucks

As I recall, the neighbour had come round out of the blue to check that op would be in that evening as she had a builder coming around, and naturally he would need to see her loft room.
"Erm...why?" ...."Well, we've decided to knock through into your loft room to make a nice big bedroom for teenage dd. We've got more children than you, so obv we need the space more".
To add insult to injury, when met with predictable incredulity, the neighbour said patronisingly as she walked off "Well, I'll just have to get my dh round later to explain it to you again" !!!!!

[CaptainButtock]

Should add...not entirely sure how it panned out, but pretty sure batshit lady didn't get her nice big loft room!!

[dottiedodah]

This was in the news a while ago .Bizarrely an older woman used to turn up at funerals in Slough and go the funeral tea afterwards .Stay a while and then help herself to tea /cakes /sandwiches and be sure to take some home!( link/ metro 24 09 17 )in a Tupperware box! The priest said he couldnt ban her ,and she had been doing it for at least 14 years!Every single Catholic wake at that church!