To think that wedding registeries are outdated?

[GingaNinja84]

Trying to explain this to my mum is a nightmare.

Getting married next February after seven years of living together. We have everything we need after living together for so long.....however, for our honeymoon we have our sights set on a long weekend in Singapore next year for the Formula 1 Grand Prix.

My mum says it's rude to ask for money and she can't believe I'd ever even consider something like that. She says I should make a registry with Amazon and if people want to give money instead they can send a cheque. But I shouldn't be asking.

AIBU here to think that a registry is slightly outdated now? I see her point in that I could use it as a chance to get nicer versions of things we already have (Le Creuset casserole dish instead of my old TK Maxx special etc....)....we just don't value material possessions that much! I'd kill to see the Grand Prix in Singapore. Even if each guest gave £5 we'd have enough to cover the grandstand tickets.

Am I being an awful person for even considering this?

[Purpleartichoke]

Surely you could use some new linens or some plates. Things do wear out. Make a small registry filled with boring items and plenty of people will still send you money, but you won’t risk offending anyone by asking for money directly.

[june2007]

I didn,t do an online list but some do. How about saying if people want to give you are raising money for...… And leave it as that. It,s not as if your just setting up home together.

[LIZS]

I agree asking for cash to fund a holiday is a bit much. Unless there are specific excursions or tickets they can contribute towards.

[flooredbored]

I didn't ask for anything. We received both gifts and money.

[firstimemamma]

Your mum is being old-fashioned. It sounds like she can't accept times have changed - in her day asking for money probably was seen as rude but it's very much normal now.

We give money every time and it always goes down well. Quite often it's asked for too.

Just crack on with your own plans, you don't need your mum's approval.

[RachelEllenRE]

I really dislike it but loads of people ask for honeymoon money nowadays so a lot won't think it is rude.

[aroundtheworldyet]

Funding for a holiday is tacky as fuck.
In fact if you’ve been together 7 years I would think asking for presents full stop is tacky as fuck.

I would ask for no gifts and a contribution to a charity of your choice.

[Curiosity101]

Make a unique registry based on itemised parts of your honeymoon?

We did that and we had things like:
Airplane Tickets
Event Tickets
Specil Meals

We made our own website for it so that people could buy 'parts' of each of the thing and then it's have a progress bar that filled up.

It worked really well and after the honeymoon we were able to thank people for the specific bits of the honeymoon they put towards.

I'm pretty sure their are registry sites that do this?

[Newkitchen123]

We got married abroad and said no gifts. People had spent enough
I'm on the fence with this

[WorraLiberty]

It's considered rude in some cultures and fine in others.

Like a PP, I didn't ask for anything and got both gifts and money.

[BabyWenger]

I don't see what the difference is. Why is it tacky? I'd much rather give £25 towards a honeymoon they will life, than give them a tablecloth they don't want or need.

We're getting married this year. The wording on the invite says that we really do not require any gifts, we've been together many years, but if people would like to make a small donation to our honeymoon fund or our favourite local animal shelter then we would be grateful.

[TheJoxter]

(Le Creuset casserole dish instead of my old TK Maxx special etc....) Whilst it’s not entirely relevant, all 3 of my local t k Maxxs are full of le creuset at the moment!

My brother had a cardboard post box style box on the gifts table at their wedding for a ‘honeymoon fund’ and got a decent amount of money given to them as well as gifts. They didn’t bother with a registry but they had a very non-traditional wedding (and have rather unconventional friends)

[Pipandmum]

Some people will give you a silver photo frame no matter what. But my stepson had been living with his fiance for years and owned their home. They love to travel and got a wedding list on a site that specialised in experiences - so you could buy a scuba session, restaurant dinner, cooking lesson etc where they were going on their honeymoon. I'm sorry I can't remember the site, but try google.

[WinterCat]

Regardless you’ll find some people will give you gifts rather than money so you might as well make a list and give people the option. That way the gifts will at least be things you want and can put to use.

[Babybel90]

Personally I hate it when couples ask for cash, it’s grabby and puts pressure on the guest to give more than they can afford to avoid looking cheap. However it does seem to be the norm now.

On another note I never understand people who say we already have everything, surely you’d like nicer versions of something or new towels? When we got married we were still using our crappy student cutlery and mugs that came free with Easter eggs, so it was nice to be able to get “good” crockery that we wouldn’t have been able to afford in one go, but it meant people could buy us a couple of plates or a tea pot and not spend more than they wanted to, and we can look at those things when we use them everyday and think cousin bob got us this plate for our wedding.

[happymummy12345]

I think asking for presents or money is rude and unnecessary so. I don't like gift registries. To me you don't ask for anything. We didn't. When people asked what we wanted we just said your company on the day is all we'd like.

[okiedokieme]

Cash for a holiday is rude in my opinion. Where friends have been living together they simply say no gifts - if people still decide to buy something, give a gift card or money in an envelope that is up to them but on the invitation it says no gifts (I usually slip a £50 John Lewis voucher into the card

[GingaNinja84]

Hmmmm. Maybe I am being a bit grabby then? I guess I'm just too used to this being the norm for all my friends weddings! Maybe it's a generational thing.

[AllTheCakes]

If you are under a certain age it’s the norm to ask for honeymoon contributions rather than new plates!

You could do a registry style thing where people buy experiences for you that you have chosen. We used Prezola and put things on there in a variety of price points like £20 for cocktails on the beach or £50 for a meal. It’s the best of both worlds in that people can buy something from the list and you aren’t asking for cold, hard cash.

[Darbs76]

Every wedding I’ve been to in the last 10yrs have asked for money towards a honeymoon. I’m more than happy to do that. My brother had a gift registry 16yrs ago, I couldn’t believe some of the stuff he had on it, for example a silver PS2 which was the latest model then and a couple of hundred quid! Obviously there was cheaper stuff on there. They already lived together and had 2 children so I think they were scrapping for things to get.

[Thehop]

I think it’s perfectly fine to ask for honeymoon money and always give cash as a gift anyway.

I haven’t seen a gift list in ages and I think a gift list looks way grabbier!

If people ask what to get be honest “well we’re really not short of anything but we are saving for Grand Prix for our honeymoon so we’d really appreciate contributions to that or anything at all people want to get, we don’t expect it, though, we’re looking forward to seeing everyone most of all”

[Darbs76]

Really don’t see how it’s rude to ask for money over listing items on amazon. Weddings are expensive and most guests understand it costs the bridge and groom a lot of money per guest. I’d never expect to attend and not provide a gift or cash. It’s not grabby in the slightest. People have been giving presents at weddings since the beginning of time. If someone spends £50 on a casserole dish or £50 towards a honeymoon it costs them the same. In the real world people are more than happy to provide cash.

[ShayAndBlueSeeker]

“Tacky as fuck” Wow. What an expression.

[LuckyLickitung]

We asked for money towards home improvements. We did buy a Denby set, but bought seconds in the January sale up the road at the factory shop at easily a third of the prices of a store like Debenhams. Directing guests towards buying the same items of a registry in the name of tradtional ettiquette would frankly have ripped our guests off. We also didn't know at that point that our home improvement items would be 5l of Dulux sunrise paint etc. Even if we had known what colours we needed for the following year, cans of paint are a bit risky to tote along to a wedding anyway

Other friends have asked towards their honeymoon, and we've been very happy to oblige.

I'd much rather give cash that is useful towards something bigger or something un-gifty than stuff for the sake of buying stuff because people needed household stuff 50 years ago and ettiquette hasn't caught up yet.

[MadamePewter]

If you have everything you need then asking for money or gifts is totally wrong and grabby. Tell people no gifts.