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They didn't use car seat!

(423 Posts)
jollybobs89 Fri 24-Jan-20 03:34:56

Ok so DD almost 2! Grandparents looked after her at the weekend for the day asked if they needed the car seat to which they said no probably won't go out!

Anyway turns out they did go out and took DD in the car with no car seat on MIL knee to a supermarket which was probably a 13 mile round trip!

DH has gone mental said it's not acceptable at all which it isnt! Caused a massive row as they said she was 100% safe that they are upset that we think they would put her in danger?! (But they did there was no need to take her in the car one of them could have stayed home) they have said that she was probably safer on MIL knee that she would be in a car seat!!! And said thats just what they do ?! They have numerous grandkids.

AWBU? To be mad re this?? They didn't tell us they'd gone out it was till a few days later we realised from pics they sent of having her.

Just don't want everyone falling out re this! But they won't hold their hands up and apologise they just think it's acceptable

justilou1 Fri 24-Jan-20 03:47:13

Absolutely can’t be trusted.

Bluewavescrashing Fri 24-Jan-20 03:49:54

I'd be fuming. She's not 100% safe on a lap.

I know it's a different generation but I would be putting the car seat in their car myself next time or not trusting them to look after the child.

Purpleartichoke Fri 24-Jan-20 03:49:57

You don’t have to fall out with them. You just stop having them babysit. You can still do visits as a family, but you will always be around so you can be in charge of safety decisions.

Shev1996 Fri 24-Jan-20 03:50:38

It’s absolutely unacceptable. But from their generation viewpoint would have once been normal. Rather than arguing with them (it’s already done and no one was luckily hurt) instead show them some evidence they can understand. And I wouldn’t leave her in their care again if it was me

GeorgiaGirl52 Fri 24-Jan-20 03:50:48

They cannot be trusted. You are not being unreasonable.

PragmaticWench Fri 24-Jan-20 03:51:06

So they NEVER have her alone. They are a danger to her basically, unless you are there to supervise.

Jokie Fri 24-Jan-20 03:57:46

Perhaps a generation thing but they might not even get or accept any safety videos you show them. The only option you have is to either install the car seat by yourself and preempt any visits (but then you're reliant that they'd use the seat properly/strap her in) or just not letting them have her alone.

Bowerbird5 Fri 24-Jan-20 04:10:37

Unless they are in their seventies or eighties it is not a generational thing I had my first in 1977 and his carrycot was strapped in ( lots didn’t) and when he was old enough he had a car seat. Lots of ads in the 1970s and 1980s about children in accidents.

Next time put the car seat in and have a strong talk about using it or losing the chance to look after their grandchild.

RubysRoo Fri 24-Jan-20 04:18:24

I am pretty mellow and I would have lost it. Big time. I'd buy them a carseat and make it clear if it ever happens again they will not be allowed to see her alone until she's 10+ and no longer requires a car seat or booster. I'd also provide some literature on the dangers. It's ludicrous they thought she was safe. One minor fender bender or even going over the curb quickly and she would have had a head injury or even been ejected out the car. Honestly I'd probably also sign them up for a car seat clinic. They are incredibly ignorant.

Nomorepies Fri 24-Jan-20 04:34:10

So ridiculously unsafe it's hard to believe anyone could do it. Never leave her with them again, ever. This would seriously dent my relationship with them tbh.

Connie222 Fri 24-Jan-20 04:39:56

If this were my PIL they wouldn’t be seeing my children for a long time. Totally unacceptable.

MrHaroldFry Fri 24-Jan-20 04:40:24

Gosh OP. They have been very lax and do t appear to see the error of their ways. Do parents of other Grandchildren they look after know it's "what they do"?

perhaps showing this literature to GP might wake them up?

user1471549213 Fri 24-Jan-20 04:46:33

I absolutely would have lost it at them. This is so irresponsible. Not to mention ILLEGAL!!!! I would never leave dc in their care again unless they promised that they understood the safety aspects and that they would never do this again. It's not like they were sneaking her a bit of chocolate or something. The "oh back in my day" argument 100% does not wash here. It's black and car seat no dc.

Phillipa12 Fri 24-Jan-20 04:51:38

Having just had my car written off by a driver pulling out of a side road (i was doing 35mph, his car also written off). The only reason my children recieved no injuries was because they were properly restrained in car seats, oh and my parents who are in their 70s never put their grandchildren in a car without the correct seats. I would never allow unsupervised access again.

Lou573 Fri 24-Jan-20 04:52:28

Both my mum and mil will say how it wasn’t done in their day but are still really hot on car seat safety with my kids because they’re aware how important it is. The fact that they won’t back down and admit they were wrong would mean they don’t have my child on their own again.

mamma437 Fri 24-Jan-20 04:55:27

Send them a YouTube of what happens to children crash test dummies in a crash. They can think they drive as safe as they like but they can never guarantee that others will be driving safely.

mamma437 Fri 24-Jan-20 04:56:41

And is this acceptable to the parents of the other grandkids?

peanutfoldover Fri 24-Jan-20 05:11:43

Isn’t it a legal requirement? I’m not sure why but I always understood the driver would get points/fine/lose license if a child doesn’t have their seat belt on and automatically assumed that applied to car seats too.

I’m not sure screaming “YOU COULD HAVE KILLED HER” is going to help anyone. Just make sure you put the car seat in their car next time.

My mum and dad are of that generation (they are 70+) where kids/babies just rolled around on the parcel shelf while they drove home drunk from the pub! But even they use car seats religiously. Although in my dads case it’s probably more to take full advantage of the parent and child spaces in the supermarkets than for the child’s protection which he suspect he thinks is all a bit ‘over the top’ but he does what my mum tells him and she’s super cautious with our kids!

OhWellThatsJustGreat Fri 24-Jan-20 05:12:56

Do the other grandchildrens parents accept it. Although that still doesn't make it alright, that would be telling from a stand point if why they think it's OK.

I do think that they won't listen even if you give them statistics. So I would point out that if the police pulled them over they would be in pretty severe trouble.

I would also wouldn't allow them to have her alone again until she is old/tall enough to not require a seat.

myself2020 Fri 24-Jan-20 05:16:05

Its a generation thing - just never use them as babysitters again! luckily nobody got hurt

GiveHerHellFromUs Fri 24-Jan-20 05:16:07

Another one who's saying they don't ever look after her again as they clearly can't be trusted. If they can't do the basics you're screwed.

I'd also be sure to inform the parents of the other children and let them make their own decisions.

Rosehip345 Fri 24-Jan-20 05:18:37

My parents did this. Idiots.

They simply aren’t to be trusted then until she’s old enough to insist she sits in her car seat herself and you make sure she’s got one.

Ozgirl75 Fri 24-Jan-20 05:46:21

My In laws are in their late 70s and are totally au fait with car seat laws and have no problem getting seats and kids in and out so I don’t think it’s a generation thing, more a “can’t be bothered” thing.

My parents are in their early 70s and they marvel at the car seats and remind me how I used to sleep in the car sprawled out across the seat but in a “thank goodness we survived and don’t do that any more” way.

ColdCottage Fri 24-Jan-20 06:05:37

I'd be fuming too.

Agree just send them some links and leave it at that for a while. Did this with my in-laws who thought leaving chicken out to defrost all day on a hot summers day was hygienically fine. Arguing wasn't working. They read it themselves and came back saying they now see I wasn't making it up.

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