They didn't use car seat!

[jollybobs89]

Ok so DD almost 2! Grandparents looked after her at the weekend for the day asked if they needed the car seat to which they said no probably won't go out!

Anyway turns out they did go out and took DD in the car with no car seat on MIL knee to a supermarket which was probably a 13 mile round trip!

DH has gone mental said it's not acceptable at all which it isnt! Caused a massive row as they said she was 100% safe that they are upset that we think they would put her in danger?! (But they did there was no need to take her in the car one of them could have stayed home) they have said that she was probably safer on MIL knee that she would be in a car seat!!! And said thats just what they do ?! They have numerous grandkids.

AWBU? To be mad re this?? They didn't tell us they'd gone out it was till a few days later we realised from pics they sent of having her.

Just don't want everyone falling out re this! But they won't hold their hands up and apologise they just think it's acceptable

I found out my in laws didn't strap child in to the seat belt on the car seat, even though I had fitted the carseat properly. I think the reason was that they were embarrassed they didn't understand how it worked (pulling a strap under the seat to tighten it). They told me it didn't matter because it was a short trip to church. They have now not looked after my children since, it's been 5 years.

Nope they wouldn’t have mine unsupervised I’m afraid

That would be the last time they saw my children without my DH or I.

Generation thing my arse. My gps are early 80s and have been using car seats when taking my children out since 95 when my first was born

We are in our 70's and 80's wouldn't dream of going out without the correct car seat for our grandchild.

I would find the crash test dummy clips and send them to them. Snow them what could be done by their stupidity and ignorance

But from their generation viewpoint would have once been normal.

I was born mid 70s. We had car seats. They were entirely normal in the 80s. This isn’t a generational thing.

nobody died

Except the did. Hence the law brought in to change things.

She'd have been safer in her own seat with a seatbelt than sitting on your MIL's lap, though obviously that's not safe either. On her lap, if there'd been an impact even at 30 mph, your DD would have had the force of your MIL behind her as well as the airbag in front. She would not have survived.

We had a couple of incidences like this when DD was little (different people). We went apeshit, both times they apologised and we recognised it was a temporary lapse in judgement. It never happened again.

In this instance as your PIL refuse to acknowledge it was wrong, they can't be trusted to have unsupervised access with your DD until she's old enough to insist herself she wears a seatbelt or is in the right seat.

Your PIL are lucky they didn't have an accident and kill your DD.

They didn’t make a mistake, they made a choice. They knew you would want them to use the car seat as you had discussed it. Neither of them thought that what they were doing was wrong. For me, there would be no second chances. No more unsupervised visits. And I would be telling the parents of the other children they look after - imagine if you didn’t speak out and the worst happened?

Of course they were in the wrong and I’m sure you have had a firm word with them but please don’t let it ruin a loving relationship between them and their granddaughter. However, in future fit a car seat for them just in case they decide to take her out and check their house for other possible hazards. The bond between grandparents and grandchildren is precious and should be encouraged.

I’m just hoping that the fact Nuttys kids were out and about on day trips with their mates in the early 80s means they are in their mid to late 40s now, and unlikely to have children for Nutty to neglect.

My parents had an accident with my little brother in 1975 as I’ve already said, and we didn’t have car seats at all when we were growing up, but they had their own car seats for their grandchildren.

I would have gone nuts and I don't think I even be able to look at them for very long time. On the odd occasion my in laws take toddler DS out, I fit our car seat in their car because they wanted to put him in his older cousins car seat and I was not having any of it. Few grumbles about it being more difficult to use than the other seat but tough.

My PIL were old and out of touch (so much so that MIL once gave vegetarian DD black pudding because she didn’t think it counted as meat) when they became GP but they would never have done this. Of course it’s how they did things in the 50s and 60s with their own kids but they accepted it’s not how we do things now. There are a lot more cars in the road, travelling a lot faster than they did back in the day.

Your DH is right to go mad. I wouldn’t want her to babysit her again until she is old enough to strap herself into a seatbelt without a car seat.

My first child was born in 1972. We were hard up and only of average intelligence, but I still did some research and had the best car seat available fitted by a garage

I was born in 1972 and cars didn't have seat belts in the back, and the ones in the front weren't compulsory to use. I don't think you can have been that hard up, it certainly wasn't usual practice and must have been massively expensive. My mum said when they brought me home from hospital they put me in the well of the seats at the back.

Coaches didn't have seat belts either and we sat three to a double seat on school trips.

@nutty44 chill out is a totally stupid thing to say. Thank goodness that you don't have grandchildren - I'd say it's a pretty safe bet that you won't be allowed to look after them anyway given your utter lack of responsibility and common sense, let alone regard for the law. You have shown yourself to be utterly ridiculous.

Sorry but Nutty is just shit stirring. No normal person would come on a parenting forum, read these replied and respond like that. It's just shit stirring and trying to get a reaction.

I would be livid too. Car seat safety is the one thing I wouldn’t need compromise on.

My in laws never had our children their disregard for car seat safety really annoyed me. My niece was in a high back booster from about 9 months old and no matter how many times I said she was in the wrong sized seat they just ignored my advice, hence why our children were never left with them.

@Moondancer73 I think @Nutty44 is either in a wind up or not from the UK. Possibly both.

My DH is 49 and his parents bought a car seat and fitted it to FIL’s van. They were hard up but have always been switched on about safety prioritised it. My dad was in the police and seen some awful RTAs so always fitted rear seatbelts and made us wear them. It seemed unfair as my friends didn’t have to but I appreciate now he was looking after us. He would have been 74 this year.

cologne, I was a SAHM, which was the norm then. DH was a postman, so I can assure you we were not well off, just had our priorities sorted.

The fact that they said she was probably safer on MILs lap than in a car seat shows that they aren't going to listen to reason. They need to have no unsupervised access at all.

@Nutty44 you value your "car interior" more than your grandchild's life? Hopefully your children see you for what you are and won't let you have your grandchild alone. You've read on here how important it is to have children in suitable car seats and still think you'll do it "how you used too".

And being a "professional" doesn't mean your not stupid as you've proved here.

Honestly, I've read some things on MN but this has got to be one of the stupidest!

OP don't trust them ever again, they're not understanding the importance of the child's safety!

@Nutty44 I'm 68 and I have never done this. I'm reminded of the quote from Maya Angelou 'Do your best, and when you know better do better'. You might have done this in the past but children died and we know better now.

They wouldn't be looking after my dc again. Even if I physically strapped my car seat into their car, I wouldn't trust them to use it.

Almost everyone on this thread is nuts. You're acting like rabid cult-members who can't see beyond their ideology.

If it was unacceptable not to use a car seat for a 13-mile journey, it should be equally unacceptable to take the child on the same journey at all, given they could have stayed at home. The difference to safety a car seat would have made for that journey is similar to the difference between making the journey with a seat and not making it at all. But no-one is threatening to cut off access just because the child was in a car for an unnecessary journey.

(I've just googled car seat safety, and the first article says there is a 54% reduction in fatalities using a seat compared to being completely unrestrained. Though it also says that for children over two years old, there is virtually no difference between being in a seat and merely using a seat-belt.)