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Would you charge family for Xmas dinner?

(501 Posts)
Staceyjas Sat 24-Nov-18 15:31:22

AIBU to think you should ask family to pay for their Xmas lunch?
My partner has just told me
Me that his mother who he's having Christmas lunch with said she wants £17 per head from him!I'm going to my family's for lunch so invited him also but he has had it there all his life with his grandparents and siblings too. she said she doesn't want to do It all from scratch and wants to Get it all pre done so it's more money, which I understand but he's gutted and feels like he wants to come to my family now. I can see it from both sides and it's hard work and can be expensive but not like she is financially destitute.

this has never happened before and he has offered to bring the dessert etc but he said handing over cash just feels wrong. As he says it's about family not money but I wanted to see what other people's opinions are ? Or if you do this.
Thanks thanks

formerbabe Sat 24-Nov-18 15:34:41

It's really expensive to cater for Christmas dinner for a lot of people.

I did it one year for my better off than me in laws angry. It cost me over £400shock

If we do Christmas with my family, we will share cost of food or all bring different components of the dinner...

Don't think of it as her charging you but instead think of it as you all contributing to the cost of the food.

OlennasWimple Sat 24-Nov-18 15:35:18

Personally I wouldn't - I would ask people to contribute by bringing specific contributions to the meal instead ("Uncle Paul is bringing stuffing, Auntie Lucy is doing the sprouts" type thing)

But if someone asked me for cash I'd pay - it's really expensive hosting, particularly at an expensive time of the year. When we have had Christmas meals as a big group of friends, we split the cost.

raisedbyguineapigs Sat 24-Nov-18 15:36:33

I'd allocate a dish to each person but £17 a head sounds a lot. Surely it's just a posh roast dinner! What's she buying?? Is tell your bf to come to yours!

user1493413286 Sat 24-Nov-18 15:38:45

I think it’s fair to be honest; why should she have to cover the cost every year when it’s likely to be £100 plus and why should she have to cover the cost of not wanting to do so much cooking.
We don’t actually give money to whoever hosts but do the equivalent really in bringing champagne/pudding/starter but maybe she doesn’t trust everyone to remember/get the right thing and wants to organise it herself.
Also £17 isn’t exactly much; maybe Christmas is breaking her financially and she can’t do it all any more

PersonaNonGarter Sat 24-Nov-18 15:40:00

OMG! No! Fuck, that is horrible.

We host Christmas: buy the turkey and pudding, everyone else brings a dish eg sausages in blankets etc. That shares the cost and the work.

Cannot think of anything less hospitable than setting the menu and demanding your ‘guests’ pay for it.

peachypetite Sat 24-Nov-18 15:40:02

In our family it's more normal that we all share out the cooking between us so contributions are split like that

lalalalyra Sat 24-Nov-18 15:40:49

It depends if you see it as charging or as chipping in.

We 'host' Christmas dinner every year, but it's only here because we have the space for the tables. So everyone chips in to cover it (There's 29 people this year - no way could we afford to pay for all of that every single year).

BIL's girlfriend refuses to come because we 'charge' - which is entirely her perogative, but the rest of them wouldn't dream of expecting us to foot the bill every year. And it's not like we take all the money - it's just that DH gathers it and works out who is owed what for the trifle ingredients or bits that other folks bring. It's just that we buy the bulk of it because quite a few people travel (and DH does the majority of the cooking) so they can't bring a dish.

Worriedmummybekind Sat 24-Nov-18 15:41:57

Based on how much Christmas costs us I’d say that was a good deal! We tend to have family stay for a week over Christmas due to distances, so rota different people for different meals. But I don’t think asking for a financial contribution is at all cheeky. But honestly until I’d done it myself I was probably a bit naïve to the cost.

Kpo58 Sat 24-Nov-18 15:42:39

I wouldn't charge for Christmas dinner. If she didn't want to do it from scratch, wouldn't it be cheaper to hire a local student to help do it instead?

Staceyjas Sat 24-Nov-18 15:43:11

There's 4 adults(including him)and 1 toddler attending. And if I was hosting I would not dream of Askin for money just bring a bottle.
My point is she don't charge him for a normal Sunday roast and it's just added bits so why can't he bring them ?

whatnametouse Sat 24-Nov-18 15:43:33

No - I would never ask people to pay to come to my house for dinner

Take turns each year or ask people to bring a dish if you are short on cash.

drquin Sat 24-Nov-18 15:44:40

I think it's the terminology that sticks in my throat.

I'd never "charge" anyone for attending Christmas dinner at mine.
Particularly if I was hosting for a large number of people, it would however be reasonable for people to offer or me suggest that they bring a dessert or wine etc.

Alfie190 Sat 24-Nov-18 15:44:42

I definitely would not ask for money and would not ask for food contributions either, but I would hope that my guests would bring some wine and nibbles for supper / snacks.

whatnametouse Sat 24-Nov-18 15:44:55

That’s really tight it it’s just 5 people!!

lalalalyra Sat 24-Nov-18 15:48:17

Tbh it sounds like his mother is just fed up with being the only one organising and cooking the Christmas dinner every year. Has it ever occurred to him to pitch in? To take a dish? Or is it all just left to Mum?

If there's 4 adults paying £17 each then that's only £68 all in so it's not like his Mum is spending an absolute fortune and expecting everyone to sub it.

Timeforabiscuit Sat 24-Nov-18 15:50:08

God its hard being British!

I think there are ways of saying it, sometimes people are a bit thoughtless and don't offer to chip in, but saying its a charge would make me think twice - especially if I was paying for certain tiresome relatives company as well as a poorly cooked martyr meal.

FlyingMonkeys Sat 24-Nov-18 15:50:49

£400 for a Christmas dinner?! How many people was that for? We cater for 7 and including; booze selection, cheese board, chocolates and decorations I think I paid 70 quid all in and thought it was steep.

wishingitwasfriday Sat 24-Nov-18 15:51:17

If he thinks it's wrong to charge then why doesn't he/you offer to host and fund it all. Maybe you'll then appreciate what goes into a Christmas lunch with all the trimmings/alcohol etc.

KaliforniaDreamz Sat 24-Nov-18 15:52:05

No i wouldnt ask. I might suggest someone bring wine, for example, but i would not ask or want cash from family, or friends.
OBV if you are skint diff story, but no, i prob wouldbt even then!

AgentProvocateur Sat 24-Nov-18 15:52:36

If you can’t afford it, don’t invite people. Or only cook what you can afford. I’d never charge anyone, far less family, for dinner.

formerbabe Sat 24-Nov-18 15:53:54

£400 for a Christmas dinner?! How many people was that for? We cater for 7 and including; booze selection, cheese board, chocolates and decorations I think I paid 70 quid all in and thought it was steep

11 or 12 people I think.

I don't see how you can cater for 7 for £70 if you're including alcohol.

Marmelised Sat 24-Nov-18 15:54:03

Charge family or share costs?
Agree with pp it’s expensive to host Christmas.

MillicentSnitch Sat 24-Nov-18 15:54:23

Is this her way of saying she doesn't really want to do Christmas in the same way any more? Maybe they'd rather go away as a couple or just not bother with the whole palaver? Would she be bothered if your partner came to your family instead or is it just him wanting to carry on the tradition?

lalalalyra Sat 24-Nov-18 15:56:39

Charge family or share costs?

I think that's the crux of it. People who see it as charging family are horrified, people who see it as sharing costs don't see the issue.

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