Would you charge family for Xmas dinner?

[Staceyjas]

AIBU to think you should ask family to pay for their Xmas lunch?
My partner has just told me
Me that his mother who he's having Christmas lunch with said she wants £17 per head from him!I'm going to my family's for lunch so invited him also but he has had it there all his life with his grandparents and siblings too. she said she doesn't want to do It all from scratch and wants to Get it all pre done so it's more money, which I understand but he's gutted and feels like he wants to come to my family now. I can see it from both sides and it's hard work and can be expensive but not like she is financially destitute.

this has never happened before and he has offered to bring the dessert etc but he said handing over cash just feels wrong. As he says it's about family not money but I wanted to see what other people's opinions are ? Or if you do this.
Thanks

Horrible. If you host and can't afford it, ask guest to bring something to eat and a bottle with them. If you host and you can afford it then just ask for the bottle. Or ask for nothing.

Every year I do all the planning and prep for a big family Christmas. I set the menu and send it to everyone, ask them if there's anything else they want to add and then I do an online food shop. I give everyone the password so they can check the shopping and add any snacks etc they want and then we split the cost. Before we did it this way, I used to pay for the main meal and ask everyone to bring snacks and drinks etc. All that happened was that everyone brought the same stuff so we were drowning in Bailey's and Pringles, everyone spent a fortune and half the stuff didn't get eaten. This way we only buy what we need and we all contribute a fair amount. I certainly don't view it as charging my family for Xmas dinner and I'd be happy to do the same if I went to someone else's house.

I wouldn’t but we’re not struggling. Certainly when we’ve taken the family to my inlaws we’ve sent a cheque for £200 beforehand to help. offset costs. I’m not sure it was ever value for money but better than them scrimping or not paying our fair share.

grabem Nearly all you listed as expensive isn't vegan, which is why I don't see Christmas as very pricey I guess.

Christmas meal for me is roast potatoes and veg, stuffing and nut roast. The ingredients for this is well under £5 per person. Sure, there is alcohol on top, but guests usually bring this.

If going down the preperared route them there is far more affordable options than m&s eg Aldi, Iceland

We always offer money at my dsis for Christmas dinner. It's only fair.

It's a bit cheeky to ask. But you should have offered.

Total derail but how much is everyone paying for their turkey? Just curious as it's normally the biggest expense for the meal (alcohol aside).

Really tight and takes the fun out of Christmas quibbling over a bill and food shopping. The only thing that’s ok is to tell family member what to bring. Can say booze to one and snacks to another etc and specify if there is anything others really don’t like, not that difficult. I personally would not ask at all and just not go all out if I couldn’t afford it!

I am gobsmacked at the amount of replies who think this is acceptable. To me it's the height of bad manners. So all those in agreement, are you planning on charging your DCs when they are adults? You may find they would rather not eat with you. I wouldn't go to family who would charge me for it. Either host and pay or don't host.

DH's family used to have 'gatherings' where everyone was expected to bring the main food. Apart from it being at their house, I was confused as to where the hosting was as they didn't supply much. My family would never dream of doing this.

If she is stuck with the expense and inconvenience of hosting every single year then why is it unreasonable to want to share that?

Christmas dinner for a crowd is expensive especially if booze is included. It’s fair to share that cost among the guests.

Not cheeky at all, why should she bear the cost? Surely it's cheekier to expect someone else to pay to feed you every year?

Why is asking people to bring a dish/pudding/wine less cheeky?

I don't think anyone's suggesting M and S is the most affordable option!

It's all very well saying if you can't afford it don't invite people-but what if you want to see family on CD?

I suppose the best thing is to ask who is hosting this year & make sure that you get invited?

I have given my mum an asda gift card I have been saving onto all year to cover some of food for Christmas.

I think if your going to someone else for Christmas then it’s only fair to contribute towards the cost. It’s not fair to expect the host to cover all the costs unless you move between host family every year

He's gutted ?? At being asked to contribute? He's an adult yes? So he should pay his way...should his family pay for him forever???.

We've hosted but would never dream of asking for payment. Don't offer an invite if you can't afford to host, it's very simple.

My Mum cooks each Christmas but my partner and I chip in as it gets crazy expensive. She's never asked us to but I wouldn't feel right expecting her to foot the bill.

I hosted my DPs and ILs one year, 7 extra adults. I asked for a contribution of £10 each. They were happy to pay but I did host for the duration - Christmas Eve through Boxing Day and beyond.

I cannot imagine asking for actual cash , if you can’t afford to host then don’t offer to do so, surely most people who go to family for Christmas dinner offer to provide a course / wine etc which offsets some of the cost .

I wouldn't dream of asking my family or friends for money towards it. I feel blessed to have these people in my life and see it as a pleasure to cook for them.

I did clean for a lady who's friends neighbour invited her and her friend to dinner every Christmas, she never took anything or contributed (she's a right tight arse but loaded) I was very no way I would have asked them back.

There will only be 3 extra people with us so I wouldn't. If I was hosting all my family there would be about 20 so I think people would bring things

I would ask people to bring dishes but would never ask for money. I'd just not host if it were too much bother.

I understand the principle, but think it would come across better if she asked people to bring various items rather than charging a flat fee.

Perhaps the woman is asking for money as she's knows that no one will bring anything or offer to?

he has had it there all his life with his grandparents and siblings too

How can that work out to 4 adults and a toddler?

Anyway, if it was just 4 adults I wouldn't expect more than a couple of bottles of wine and some nibbles. However, I often host xmas and boxing day for 16 people (all dh's family) and they traditionally give me £50 per couple. I've never asked for cash but it's glaringly obvious that it costs a fortune, and I'd be a bit pissed off if none of them had ever put their hands in their pockets.

I'm of the opinion that it's contributing to the feast rather than paying for your dinner. I wouldn't appreciate contributions of food because I already have it all organised. There also might be some financial worry that you don't know about.