Would you charge family for Xmas dinner?

[Staceyjas]

AIBU to think you should ask family to pay for their Xmas lunch?
My partner has just told me
Me that his mother who he's having Christmas lunch with said she wants £17 per head from him!I'm going to my family's for lunch so invited him also but he has had it there all his life with his grandparents and siblings too. she said she doesn't want to do It all from scratch and wants to Get it all pre done so it's more money, which I understand but he's gutted and feels like he wants to come to my family now. I can see it from both sides and it's hard work and can be expensive but not like she is financially destitute.

this has never happened before and he has offered to bring the dessert etc but he said handing over cash just feels wrong. As he says it's about family not money but I wanted to see what other people's opinions are ? Or if you do this.
Thanks

My parents come to mine and this year while talking about it my dad said they thought we might want to go there for a change, I said I didn't mind hosting and straight away he said it's settled, they'll come. Last year they gave us £60 for the turkey. I suppose the idea is that alternate years we will pay but really it cost much more than £60 although I don't mind... we would be making it anyway, what's another two people?

I'd definitely not charge or wish to share costs. It doesn't really matter. If you're at home, you're making it anyway and surely it's better to have family there.

I think his mum is spot on charging. At least it stops him being such a drain on her finances at Christmas, of all times.
How does he contribute towards his Sunday dinner for the rest of the year? Does he help prepare it or wash up afterwards?

I think your comment that she can afford it, says it all really.

I don't think there's anything wrong with splitting the costs of hosting Christmas. Not everyone has a home suitable for hosting all the people who they want to (or have to) spend the day with, and for families where there is more of a financial struggle to afford hosting Christmas dinner, it means everyone gets a better dinner than they would have been able to afford separately.

YANBU

For four adults and one toddler, I think it is very odd to charge/share costs, unless she is really poor.

Most people would bring wine/chocs/flowers anyway surely?

I have hosted a lot of meals over the years, including many Christmases, and ever even thought of asking anyone for money. Offers of "Shall I bring dessert" are gratefully accepted but not expected.

She's probably sick of hosting after decades of never sitting down! Why can't she go to one of the other adults for lunch? How about the grown ups doing the cooking this year? That might help. Hope she doesn't usually do all the washing up as well.

No, I'd never 'charge'. I'd serve what is in my budget, be it filet mignon and Veuve Cliquot or hot dogs and beer. If someone doesn't feel that's 'good enough' for them, they can eat elsewhere.

I don't think there's anything wrong in asking someone to bring a dish to share, my family usually brings their 'speciality' dish, but I'd never ask for cash.

Spending Christmas with inlaws and we have been asked to pay £10 per person so £50 from us. I don't mind there will be over 20 people to cater for so it can't be expected to fall on just the hosts to pay.

I don't see how you can cater for 7 for £70 if you're including alcohol.

Our turkey generally costs nearly that much....

Which is why, when I got to Christmas at my Mums, I offer to buy the turkey for everyone.

It may be rude for his mum to ask, but it is even ruder for him not to offer to contribute towards the costs....

We always chip in with food items rather than cash - I always do some baking for example (bread and a non-fruit Christmas cake, plus some biscuits usually)

me and my sister and our families stay at our mum and dad’s from christmas eve to new year’s day and we both contribute £200 each for the christmas dinner ingredients, nice food for the rest of the week, and booze. we see this as only fair seeing as she is catering for 3 extra adults and 5 children for a week.

We are going to family for dinner and have given them £30 and are also bringing soft drinks and a bottle of wine.

I wouldn't (and don't) but I can easily afford to cover everything, not everyone is so fortunate.

The way your DP's mother managed things sounds a bit cack-handed though.

PIL charge us. The last time we went it was £15 per head. I had two roast potatoes (so not even an entire potato), a bit of carrot and a small slice of turkey with gravy. We took three bottles of wine, a pudding, big box of chocolates, a tin of chocolate biscuits and a bunch of flowers for PIL (they weren’t shared out). Then we also took presents as well. Neither of us drank alcohol as I was pregnant and DH drove. They never pay or contribute anything when they come to us.

Yes it’s a bit weird. Mind you if you’re in a relationship and living together it’s a bit weird to spend Christmas dinner with your respective families as opposed to each other and perhaps taking it turn about

I wouldn't word it as charging but instead ask everyone to chip in, either financially or with physical food. I would never expect a single person to cover the cost of everyone's meal at Xmas but this is mumsnet where if you can afford the (often) huge expense of feeding everyone then you are a peasant who should never enjoy a large family get together.

As he says it's about family not money

As long as he isn't doing the paying? He sounds like he is just after a free meal. I give my mum half the price of the meat joint (as it is usually £80) and bring lots of fizz. Not just a paltry pudding.

We were charged by BIL and SIL and we took extras and alcohol.
They charged us a lot of money, more than they spent.
They served us a tiny Christmas dinner, didn’t serve any of the extras. They were very ungenerous with drinks.
They served the majority of the food and all the extras to SILs family the next day.
They aren’t hard up, they are just twats.

Ironically BIL has called us ‘cheap’ on several occasions even though we are generous and they do stuff like this.
I refuse to go there now.

Agree that I wouldn’t use the word ‘charging’ but that people should share the cost in some way. 100% fair enough if you’re happy to host Christmas and pay for it all yourself, what a lovely treat for your family. But also 100% fair enough to ask for people to chip in.

SIL hosts Christmas every year for our family. There’s 11 of us - 2 of which are my DCs and then me and DH. We always buy her some scratch cards for Christmas day and give her about £75. Another family member chips in by buying the turkey and another buys some bubbly.

Don’t see any difference in chipping in cash or taking the starter/booze etc.

We chip in cash as year about either we’re travelling 5/6 hours or the others are. So the one whose house it is buys in everything for the 2/3 days and the other two families chip in cash.

Then over the days everyone chips in with cooking, washing up etc.

I consider it the same as if you went to a cottage for a weekend together or whatever - no one would expect one person to foot the entire food bill. Christmas is no dofferne

And I will add that SIL goes all out and there is lots and lots of food and drink, and it is a lovely day all round. If it wasn’t I would chose to have the day at our own place rather than contribute to a rubbish day.

Crikey a £70 turkey? We're NE and local butchers is actually cheaper than supermarket in price comparison. Everyone gets enough from the crown we buy, but it's just to feed us all for the dinner. Nothing after for sandwiches and whatnot. I think I'm massively naive in what it'd cost for a full bird as we've never cooked for enough to warrant it.

i agree and think it's extremely tacky and cringe making to ask for money.

It is his mum for goodness sake. Surely they don't need to worry about etiquette? She's just saying she can't afford it so can they chip in.

NRFT but we all chip in in my family, as we always have it at the same venue and one of us (me) always does all the cooking and shopping.

I'm asking for the family to contribute to costs this year, we have 15 coming and I've done the meat order and it's £100 !! No way can we afford all the rest in top as well, no one else cooks in the family and I'm the only one who offered to do it , other years they've gone out for as lunch as £50 per head so asking for money towards costs is still less than it would be at a restaurant

My granny used to hive dm the money for the turkey (£80) and we'd all take desserts otherwise it's really expensive. I lost track of last year but hosted and fed us 5 plus 4 of dh's family (adults) for 4 days and one couple brought mince pies. Must have spent more than £500 including alcohol.