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Mother in law wants to buy next door

(263 Posts)
ezzycozzy Thu 12-Jul-18 16:46:17

My widowed mother in law has repeatedly asked to sell up both houses and live together. (She already lives in the next road to us and her other son lives 1 mile away). I have repeatedly said no in no uncertain terms to her. I have avoided a full on face to face confrontation about it but I have sent a couple of strong worded texts about how it is not an option. At this stage my husband always says he is open to the idea but he will 'talk to me' about it. Anyhow, our elderly next door neighbour has just died and leaves behind a dooer upper of a bungalow. She wants to buy it. Stupid husband wants to do it up. (Basically he sees the plus of having an extra garage and driveway. We also have out buildings with a log burner that we do not have permission for so he is happy to have the easy ride of a non complaining neighbour like his mother). I on the other hand feel like moving out. She would be here all the time Molly coddling him and our kids would constantly choose to be next door at nannies where they can do as they bloody well like!!).......

Atlantea Thu 12-Jul-18 17:26:28

surely you just laughed your arse off when DH said that?

katseyes7 Thu 12-Jul-18 17:28:38

Not quite the same, but when my ex husband and l were splitting up, there was a house for sale two doors along from the one l was buying. He actually suggested that he could buy it.
l can't recall exactly what l said, but l think the words "over my" and "dead body" were mentioned....
Put your foot down. Hard. Tell your husband that you have a good relationship with your MIL, and you'd like to keep it that way.

WooYa Thu 12-Jul-18 17:29:07

I'd let her move in then I'd move out grin I'd also go if it was my DM! I like the short distance (20min in a car) between us all

mostdays Thu 12-Jul-18 17:29:30

So tell your H, and mean it, that if she moves in next door you will be moving out.

Racecardriver Thu 12-Jul-18 17:29:32

Having been in that situation I can tell you that it is just as bad as you imagine. I have told my DH that if it happens again the day she moves in us the day I move out.

70isaLimitNotaTarget Thu 12-Jul-18 17:30:07

Has your DH worked out how much time and money it will cost to refurbish the bungalow?

And where is she going to live with YOU while its happening? Does she need to sell her house to buy the one next door?

Chances are , the bungalow will sell to property developers .
But you'd miss the chance of On Tap Babysitter and Taking Your Parcels In.

FTR , I wouldn't want my MIL next door to me either hmm

PitterPatterOfBigFeet Thu 12-Jul-18 17:31:36

I think you and your DH need to get on the same page and if she does buy this place make sure you both agree on some boundaries and he helps you enforce them as a team. Not by saying "sorry ezzy says..." but but by saying "we've agreed that....".

I would hate this too (fortunately my DH would be driven even more insane than me).

Singlenotsingle Thu 12-Jul-18 17:33:02

My ddil would love to have us live next door. So handy for babysitting and doing the school run. We currently live about eight miles away. I love her and the family dearly, but next door might be a bit too close...

JennyOnAPlate Thu 12-Jul-18 17:36:05

I think dh and I would end up divorced very quickly if mil moved in next door. I don't see how you can stop her though if she's determined?

CtrlCandCtrlV Thu 12-Jul-18 17:36:49

It depends on your relationship, if you think it's insane, I agree tell your DH you will be selling as fast as she is buying.

It would work for me, because we are all very independent. We would have the luxury of being close if needed, without walking on each other's toes. Things like a very tall fence to give complete privacy from each other for example!

With the thread of childcare, I am pretty sure my MIL would be the one scared of moving too close grin

BounceAndClimb Thu 12-Jul-18 17:38:37

Just tell her there's no point as you are looking at moving.

SoyDora Thu 12-Jul-18 17:39:33

Good lord my mother in law lives in another country and it’s too close grin. I’d feel exactly the same if it was my own mother too... she’s a few streets away and I often find it too close for comfort. Next door would be a definite no no.

Bluelady Thu 12-Jul-18 17:39:50

You can't stop her, unfortunately. Interestingly my dad was very keen on my gran (his MiL) moving next door at one point as it would have made it easier for Mum to keep an eye on her.

NoNotheresnolyrics Thu 12-Jul-18 17:41:05

Nightmare! But it’s up to her where she chooses to live

Deshasafraisy Thu 12-Jul-18 17:41:41

Time to move to another country

GeorgeIII Thu 12-Jul-18 17:44:48

Well she might be unsuccessful in the purchase. Is it a desirable property?

Warn DH that you might insist on a move if she does move in and you don't get on. Then he can't whinge when that happens.

BringOnTheScience Thu 12-Jul-18 17:47:38

Bucking the trend ... my MIL lives next door and it's perfect! smile

Dh pops in morning & evening.
She does our gardening & ironing.
Take it in turns to do Sunday lunch.
Permanently available cover for if a DC is off school it needs a lift (eg work experience)

When she was unwell a while ago we were on hand to support her without any extra hassle.

She doesn't come round unless planned. I had been apprehensive about her dropping in but DH set clear expectations before she move.

All in all, it's been a blessing.

CantankerousCamel Thu 12-Jul-18 17:54:00

The very title of this thread filled me with dread

bessie84 Thu 12-Jul-18 17:54:31

FUCK THAT!

itsBritneyBeach Thu 12-Jul-18 17:55:18

The title of this thread alone made my heart fall out of my arse.

Absolutely fucking not! I'd run a mile grin

bridgetreilly Thu 12-Jul-18 17:56:35

You need to have this conversation with your husband, not your mother in law. You need to be clear that you are not okay with living with her or next door to her. Your wellbeing trumps any extra garage or parking space. If she buys that bungalow, make it clear that you will be moving out or putting your house on the market.

He then needs to communicate this to his mother as your JOINT decision which he will not be changing. This is not something that you should be backing down on, nor something that you should allow to divide the two of you, with him taking his mother's side.

girlsyearapart Thu 12-Jul-18 17:56:42

You could point out that she ll be able to hear you in your bedroom from her house ..?

SkivingSnackbox Thu 12-Jul-18 17:58:14

No way!

Snickerdoodledandy Thu 12-Jul-18 17:59:17

That would be a nightmare for me. Mine lives in another country and still dh listens to her advice over mine. We get on ok but she drove me bonkers by the end of her last visit cos she's meticulous and set it in her ways.

Bluelady Thu 12-Jul-18 17:59:18

Won't those buildings with a log burner but no permission make your house a bit difficult to sell?

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