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Looking after DPs exes new baby.

(176 Posts)
CupofFrothyCoffee Tue 03-Apr-18 15:55:01

DP has been split from his ex for years, they have 2 DC together who we have for weekends and holidays, they are 11 and 9. DP and I don't have any children together and don't want any more. I have 1 DC from a previous marriage, aged 8

His ex met her new partner about a year ago and is now pregnant, due next month. She works full-time as does her partner. When she told my DP about the new baby, she said "obviously we might need some help with child-care, it'd be much appreciated". DP thought she was joking and said "Oh our baby days are long gone but congratulations" and she said "Oh but you'll be having X and Y anyway so..." and it was left at that, as DP was a bit stunned and speechless.

Now, that is strange isn't it? Of course this is not an option is it? It's cheeky isn't it? I know she doesn't mean every time we have the older 2 kids but I think she thinks if she's stuck we can take new baby. AIBU to think it's a bit weird?

HollowTalk Tue 03-Apr-18 15:57:24

She's completely bonkers. Why would you look after her baby?

Also, she rushed that a bit, didn't she? She's known him a year and is having his baby soon? Clearly she hadn't given much thought to childcare.

HolyMountain Tue 03-Apr-18 15:58:46

Make sure your DP tells her loud and clear that the baby is not part of any weekend childcare arrangement.

Bixx Tue 03-Apr-18 15:59:13

grin She’s got more front than Brighton. Your DP needs to tell her that won’t be happening.

Liskee Tue 03-Apr-18 16:00:29

She’s absolutely not thinking straight if she believes you and DP might actually consider that a possible option. A swift ‘No’ should set her straight.

ohreallyohreallyoh Tue 03-Apr-18 16:02:01

My gut reaction is ‘she’s got a cheek’ and I would suggest it has nothing at all to do with your partner and certainly it is way too removed from you to be your problem. On the other hand, if mum genuinely struggles, there could be a negative impact on your step children’s lives and as such, perhaps there is an element of ‘it is our problem’.

So I’m on the fence. As something regular no, of your problem. As childcare, no not your problem. If there is an emergency, ill health, PND of a very serious nature then yes, being open to helping out is perhaps reasonable.

kaytee87 Tue 03-Apr-18 16:02:46

I doubt she means looking after the baby. Sounds like a misunderstanding and she just means extra help with the older kids.

Takfujuimoto Tue 03-Apr-18 16:02:47

Sweet Jesus what's wrong with her?

No, just no!shock

ItStartedWithAKiss241 Tue 03-Apr-18 16:03:24

That’s clearly not a normal arrangement, however In the past when I was friendly with my ex and his gf of years and stuck for childcare I would vocations ask them.... One time our daughter needed to go to hospital, another time my car broke down and I was at the side of the road... he took our children and baby...
I wouldn’t be happy with it tho.... x

RawhideRingpiece Tue 03-Apr-18 16:03:34

Haha she’s nuttier than squirrel poop 😁

Everytimeref Tue 03-Apr-18 16:04:16

The father of my two oldest DC's did look after my youngest DD when my second relationship failed. I was working evenings and he looked after her for a few hours when he had our DS's for contact. His new gf wasn't happy with the situation so it didn't happen for long. I really appreciated his support.

allertse Tue 03-Apr-18 16:06:30

She sounds rude and is making a massive assumption, but it's not necessarily that weird.

My DP is the "new" younger sibling in this scenario and his older siblings' "other" parent (i.e. your DP in your situation) definitely looked after him occasionally. I guess their relationship is like that of an aunt/nephew - it's all just extended family. Personally I would hate the thought of my kids having siblings I had no relationship with.

BUT she's still being cheeky as anything to assume and if that's how she goes about things I would definitely refuse. But the actual concept I think isn't that weird.

Thursdaydreaming Tue 03-Apr-18 16:07:07

That is not reasonable! If there is an emergency, ill health or PND, this women's partner, parents, friends, siblings, in laws or paid childcare professional will have to step up.

Maybe she was joking?

TheHobbitMum Tue 03-Apr-18 16:07:52

grin That's a contender for the CF of the year award

feelinggoodinspring Tue 03-Apr-18 16:08:33

She's got a cheek! Tell her to do one. Yes you'll be having the other children because they are HIS children. Doesn't mean you'll be having her baby as well.

Leeds2 Tue 03-Apr-18 16:09:27

Did she ask DP on April Fool's Day?

Oscillationss Tue 03-Apr-18 16:09:38

My dad used to look after my younger half brother (my mum and stepdad's child) and my mum and stepdad are godparents to my half sister (dad and step mum's child) and often looked after her when she was little.

I suppose it just depends on the relationship.

I would never in a million years have entertained the idea of DH's ex looking after my babies!

Idontdowindows Tue 03-Apr-18 16:09:45

The only answer here would be: LOLNO.

CupofFrothyCoffee Tue 03-Apr-18 16:09:51

Oh thank god, I was beginning to doubt myself. grin

I doubt she means looking after the baby. Sounds like a misunderstanding and she just means extra help with the older kids

She definitely meant with new baby. We will of course have the DC more when she needs it, there's no issue there.

Also, she rushed that a bit, didn't she? She's known him a year and is having his baby soon? Clearly she hadn't given much thought to childcare

Yes, he was living with her for a few months and we didn't even know, she told the kids not to tell their dadhmm. The whole thing's been a bit of a shock tbh. This is her first relationship in years, I just don't know what the hurry is.

LaurieMarlow Tue 03-Apr-18 16:11:07

Wtf? confused

Mydoghatesthebath Tue 03-Apr-18 16:11:31

Tell her no no and no. Cheeky cow

BrandNewHouse Tue 03-Apr-18 16:12:34

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BrandNewHouse Tue 03-Apr-18 16:13:03

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

JessicaJonesJacket Tue 03-Apr-18 16:13:15

I'm secretly admiring her cheek tbh grin

ClemDanfango Tue 03-Apr-18 16:14:43

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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