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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Looking after DPs exes new baby.

175 replies

CupofFrothyCoffee · 03/04/2018 15:55

DP has been split from his ex for years, they have 2 DC together who we have for weekends and holidays, they are 11 and 9. DP and I don't have any children together and don't want any more. I have 1 DC from a previous marriage, aged 8

His ex met her new partner about a year ago and is now pregnant, due next month. She works full-time as does her partner. When she told my DP about the new baby, she said "obviously we might need some help with child-care, it'd be much appreciated". DP thought she was joking and said "Oh our baby days are long gone but congratulations" and she said "Oh but you'll be having X and Y anyway so..." and it was left at that, as DP was a bit stunned and speechless.

Now, that is strange isn't it? Of course this is not an option is it? It's cheeky isn't it? I know she doesn't mean every time we have the older 2 kids but I think she thinks if she's stuck we can take new baby. AIBU to think it's a bit weird?

OP posts:

CripsSandwiches · 29/12/2018 21:01

I don't even think there's any need for you to even occasionally take the baby (especially as she's obviously a massive piss-taker). The age difference is so huge it's not like the kids will be interested in the same activities so you'll probably have one of you occupied with the baby while everyone else does bowling or whatever.

bifflediffle · 29/12/2018 21:02

Zombie 🧟‍♂️

currentcake · 29/12/2018 21:06

That is some serious baby brain going on there the mad cow

HidingFromMyKids · 29/12/2018 21:08

Come and update us OP!
Has she had the baby yet?
Have you looked after the baby?

jessstan2 · 29/12/2018 21:08

She obviously thinks of you as friends, I doubt she meant you should have her baby all the time but she may ask you to mind her occasionally. The baby will be related to the other children after all.

Don't take it too seriously but be prepared to look after the new baby sometimes, it will be nice for the other kids.

caringcarer · 29/12/2018 21:09

My sister occasionally looks after her ex dil's new baby with new partner at same time she takes her own 2 dgc. She kept friendly with ex dil as she was worried she would be denied access to her dgc. Then when ex dil got pregnant from cheating on my nephew and they subsequently split up my dsis has on occasion looked after new baby. Her view is it is not the baby fault and if her ex dil does not work she will expect more child support from my nephew. On one occasion when my dsis was going to have all 3 but had to go to funeral I stepped in and looked after all 3. Not a big deal. It is only occasional.

YearOfYouRemember · 29/12/2018 21:12

@CupOfFrothyCoffee - someone brought this thread up again. Has the baby been born yet? Have you babysat?!

slashlover · 29/12/2018 21:14

Come and update us OP!
Has she had the baby yet?

This was posted 9 months ago so probably!

Bertiebitch32 · 29/12/2018 21:16

I know this thread has been resurrected but what a cf your dh ex is ! I'd be laughing in her face if she said that and I'd act if it was a joke

Giraffey1 · 29/12/2018 21:17

Wonder what happened, perhaps the OP can come back and update us!

slashlover · 29/12/2018 21:19

I don't understand how people find and then think it's a good idea to reply to old threads. What was @RaeNoctem searching for?

abbsisspartacus · 29/12/2018 21:21

The mirror published this it popped up in my newsreels today!

Tiny2018 · 29/12/2018 21:28

Good God OP, this is absolute madness.
I can't even comprehend how anyone would find this to be acceptable x

Lookatyourwatchnow · 29/12/2018 21:33

Come back OP!

colorao · 29/12/2018 21:34

I used to go on holidays to my older half sister's house. My dad and his ex wife married very young (at a time when they were expected to because she fell pregnant). My dad's ex wife always treated me like one of the family and my DC have a relationship with her and her DH. I think it depends on the dynamics, my dad and his ex wife split on good terms. I never thought it was a weird set up until a friend at secondary school was gobsmacked that I was off to stay at my sister's for Easter.

However, I don't think my parents ever expected dad's ex wife to provide childcare, they just ALL wanted us as siblings to have a close relationship. There is 13 years between us also.

I do think in your scenario she is a CF to expect childcare.

Skittlesandbeer · 29/12/2018 21:40

Your DP’s ex has clearly enjoyed her free time in the past, when the kids stay with you. She’s only just done the maths that she’ll be shackled to a baby again, and doesn’t like it. She’s holding onto the last shreds of denial, as she watches those cafe dates, weekends away, romantic afternoons drift away...

You have to admit, it was a pretty creative way of trying to keep hold of her old life... hilarious! Perhaps you should offer to look after the baby yourself, at her house. That would keep down the mess, while the older kids stay at yours with their dad, and give you the chance to do a bit of housework for them at the same time.

Holidayshopping · 29/12/2018 21:45

I presume she’s had the baby now.

Can we have an update @CupofFrothyCoffee

AWishForWingsThatWork · 29/12/2018 21:48

Yikes!

While I hope the baby arrived safely and is healthy, it is certainly not your or your DH's responsibility to provide childcare! Hope you have stood your reasonable ground!

Singlenotsingle · 29/12/2018 21:51

CF
for her, not you.

PatMustardsMoustache · 29/12/2018 22:06

Ok, so this one is complicated...

EXDH and I have 2 DC
He remarried and his DW already had 2 DC
I went on to have another DC with my DP
EXDH divorces again
His EXDW goes on to have another DC with her new DP.

I will willingly have her 3 DC and vice a versa, we see them weekly.

Occasionally my 3 DC will go to EXDH.
However her 3 will not go to him.

😅

Cherries101 · 29/12/2018 22:33

Just tell her that if she tries to drop the baby off with the other kids, you’ll tell the police the baby was abandoned. Be firm.

blackteasplease · 29/12/2018 22:44

Why so many old threads resurrected today?

abbsisspartacus · 29/12/2018 23:41

It's the holidays 🤷‍♀️

Jimdandy · 29/12/2018 23:58

I think she was rude and presumptuous the way she went about it.

I wouldn’t like to have been used for free childcare so she can have a break or go gallivanting on a regular basis, but emergencies, funerals or one off hospital appointments or whatever I’d do a favour if I was on good terms with her. Like I would for any friend.

RaeNoctem · 27/01/2019 01:16

This post only just came up for me, didn't immediately realise it was an old post. I wasn't searching, just giving opinion @slashlover

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