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AIBU to hate my Christmas present from DH

(354 Posts)
lilypoppet Thu 14-Dec-17 00:54:31

I've realized DH has bought me a gift set of chutneys this year and I hate it. Especially as I helped him choose a lovely gift for his mother which cost three times as much and which I would have loved. I can't even take it back because it's gift food. Is that all I'm worth to him a tenners worth of chutneys? AIBU?

MiraiDevant Thu 14-Dec-17 00:59:26

Some people hate buying presents and are not good at it. Don't equate that skill with love.

Next year suggest that you don't so presents and the two of you go out for dinner or to a show or a concert or something instead.

FWIW I cannot buy presents. I agonise, I think, I research I play it safe. and that;s for the people I love the most

LiquoricePickle Thu 14-Dec-17 00:59:38

Of course you're not being unreasonable. Tell him that it's great that he is so prepared and bought the Christmas chutney for the house and so could you talk about things that you'd like for Christmas. Or open the chutney and say you hadn't realised it was actually your Christmas gift. Or all of you can gift that to your colleague as you need a last minute gift.

EasterRobin Thu 14-Dec-17 01:08:38

He's still got time to make an Amazon order with a better present. Maybe tell him what you want if he's that far off the mark.

And get a delicious cheeseboard to have with your posh chutney, of course.

BlackEyedKid Thu 14-Dec-17 01:34:38

If that’s really your present then it’s a shit present and he must be punished.

Tartyflette Thu 14-Dec-17 01:35:30

Chutney? Good god, that's a seriously crap gift. Is it likely to be just the one present?
After years of weird and not very wonderful presents froM DH (left handed potato peeler, chunky wooden ethnic bangle -- so not me -- sexy underwear which I opened in front of my parents) he now asks me to specify what I'd like for Christmas and I tell him, specifically. He is also very precise about what he'd like. It's usually a gardening tool

MorningstarMoon Thu 14-Dec-17 01:37:51

Why are so many people whinging about what their DPs have gotten them this year? I'd appreciate a chutney tray with some posh cheese.

CheapSausagesAndSpam Thu 14-Dec-17 01:43:38

Partners shouldn't buy food for gifts. Food's food! The only exception is chocolate and even that I'm hmm about.

We'd buy posh chutney for Christmas as part of the big shop! I'd be confused if DH got me some!

Withhindsight Thu 14-Dec-17 01:44:27

Gift wrap and give him some crackers as his gift and you can have a Xmas picnic

LightDrizzle Thu 14-Dec-17 01:46:44

That really is a shite effort. I second the pp’s suggestion of wrapping up some Ritz Crackers for the lazy sod.

Ginkypig Thu 14-Dec-17 01:58:37

Get him a shitty jam pot set!

Watch his face fall

TheHobbitMum Thu 14-Dec-17 02:07:02

That's a shit present and I'd be pretty upset at that! No thought has gone into it and it's just a set he saw in a supermarket/market stall and grabbed it being thoughtless and lazy! Can you keep the gift you got MIL and give her the chutney? If chutney is good enough for you it's certainly good enough for MIL. I hope he has a proper present hidden away for you flowers

Psyfer Thu 14-Dec-17 02:10:45

My house rules : Birthday or Christmas presents - for the person only... not for the household/general use. So no new dishwasher, oven gloves, car valet kits, mops, vacuum cleaners, loo brushes....you get the idea

MrsTerryPratchett Thu 14-Dec-17 02:14:36

Does he like chutney?

Bastard Chutney Husband fangry

lilypoppet Thu 14-Dec-17 06:23:52

He has already posted MILs gift, some lovely Moulton Browne smelliest that cost £39. (I work in a department store so he got 25 per cent discount). My chutneys cost £16 plus discount. So, a tenner. No he doesn't have a decent gift tucked away.he has wrapped them and put them under the tree with our children's names in as well, even though they got me gifts anyway. It's so impersonal and unromantic I feel insulted really. That he has so little respect for me.

lilypoppet Thu 14-Dec-17 06:25:36

Yes he likes chutney. I'll tell him he can keep it. Because it's gift food I can't take it back.

GeekyWombat Thu 14-Dec-17 06:32:21

What did you get him OP?

TheMasterNotMargarita Thu 14-Dec-17 06:33:11

I'm shit at gift buying, especially for DH. It's because he doesn't need or want anything and if he does he gets it for himself.
What makes it worse is he is really good and thoughtful.
I do try though and he appreciates the effort even of the gifts are sometimes laughable.
Sounds like your DH hasn't even really tried. I'd be a bit miffed at that too.

SummatFishyEre Thu 14-Dec-17 06:34:13

Tell him it's not good enough

pinkblink Thu 14-Dec-17 06:35:27

Have you opened it and had a little peek or where you there when he bought it?

TheGoldenBowl Thu 14-Dec-17 06:39:28

Yeah - how do you know what it is?

AmeliaFlashtart Thu 14-Dec-17 06:40:21

I don't understand why people claim to be shit at giving presents. Its really just lack if thought. Its hardly difficult to look at someone, see what they wear,use,talk about and find something in that vein.

listsandbudgets Thu 14-Dec-17 06:41:27

Cheer up OP. I feel for you, I really do. I think dp has bought me an electric toothbrush. he keeos making comments about mine wearing iut and how i shouldnt worryvabout buying another! Still at least it will be useful.

BillywilliamV Thu 14-Dec-17 06:46:44

My DH would be wearing them on Christmas morning..bloody chutney! I tell DH exactly what I want and he buys it and wraps it. I buy my gifts from the DC myself and let him wrap them too.
I always think MN are far too quick to suggest leaving a relationship but in this case I’d make an exception.

Frogletmamma Thu 14-Dec-17 06:49:04

If it worries you so much choose your own present then tell him what to get you. If I left it to DH would probably end up with a fleece 2 sizes too small every year

Jerseysilkvelour Thu 14-Dec-17 06:55:25

So MIL only got a nice present because you chose it.....

Chutney. Im speechless.

BarbaraofSevillle Thu 14-Dec-17 06:58:23

God the 'My DH got me the wrong present' posts are starting early this year.

There's no point whatsoever telling people what to buy. If there's no thought or effort involved it's not a present really. He needs to choose something himself and go out and buy it himself.

Unless you really like chutney and have agree to only exchange token presents, it's not a great gift, but isn't it a bit early to assume it's your only present? He's got plenty of time to order online or go to the shops to get something. Or perhaps he's kept your real present at work or in his car?

deptfordgirl Thu 14-Dec-17 07:04:58

He's still got plenty of time to buy something else. Not very romantic but dh and I always ask what each other want, sometimes I might give him a few options so it can still be a surprise. Can't you do that? What have you got him?

LazyDailyMailJournos Thu 14-Dec-17 07:06:58

You need to tell him. It's all very well and good hoping that he's be one of these people who gives the time and thought into getting something you'd really like. But he's not - and by not saying anything all you'll do is sit there and fester about it.

You still have time between now and Christmas, so just tell him that you'd like a more personal gift and that chutney is not it. Give him an idea of the kind of things you'd like and ask him to re-think.

Splinterz Thu 14-Dec-17 07:07:10

People only buy things for presents that they would like to receive themselves.

So in your situation I would go and buy my self something nice, wrap it, swap the tag with the chutney under the tree, he gets his chutney and you get what ever it is you want. Sorted.

RJnomore1 Thu 14-Dec-17 07:08:11

Did you buy it for him if he got discount on it?

MiniCooperLover Thu 14-Dec-17 07:10:41

How do you know what it is? Could you do a ‘I seriously hope for your sake that’s not my main present’ followed by a slightly menacing laugh ??

MoodyTwo Thu 14-Dec-17 07:11:52

I honestly don't understand the pressure in either side to get the perfect gift, I understand your upset OP but if he is lovely in every other way then he is just not good at buying gifts.
You had to help him buy MIL present so you are aware of this.
Tell him what you want, or go and buy it? Or set up a quick amazon wish list and say you want something off it as your sorry but chutney doesn't cut it.
And then next year give him a list and tell him to pick off it, so you'll still be surprised.

ZacharyQuack Thu 14-Dec-17 07:17:56

He bought you chutney and he's the one who likes chutney?

Buy him a handbag.

FlouncyDoves Thu 14-Dec-17 07:18:17

In the grand scheme of things it doesn’t really matter. You sound quite materialistic,
Which isn’t an attractive quality.

What did you buy him?

lilypoppet Thu 14-Dec-17 07:18:49

I asked him what he wanted and he said a woolly hat so I've been looking at all the different ones. The reason I know what it is is from the shape of the box. I can see he went from the Moulton Browne counter to thegift food and seen this stupid box of cottage chutneys. We were in the supermarket last week and I said I love pickles, but I didn't mean I wanted them as a gift!

Ragwort Thu 14-Dec-17 07:20:12

Do you think your husband honestly loves every present you have bought him over the years? hmm Present giving is a nightmare, I just don't believe people who say they are 'thoughtful' present buyers and everyone always loves what they give them - I think their friends/family are just good at acting.

Do the grown up thing; either explain exactly what you what, or buy it yourself, or agree on a joint present - dinner out/theatre tickets/whatever.

LazyDailyMailJournos Thu 14-Dec-17 07:21:04

Flouncy it's not about materialism. It's about knowing that someone who is supposed to love and care about you, has taken the time and put some genuine thought into getting you something meaningful and that they know you would like.

Being bought a present that is essentially something that the giver wants themselves is indicative of a lack of care and respect. I think that's what the OP is upset about. The indication of the 'spend' illustrates that it's not a budget constraint.

Cambionome Thu 14-Dec-17 07:21:06

This is seriously crap!!
Chutney - ffs! angry
This has got nothing to do with him not being very good at buying presents, and everything to do with him being too lazy to make an effort. How come he could put some thought into his dms present but not yours?

ZigZagandDustin Thu 14-Dec-17 07:22:41

How do you know it's chutney? Can you not say 'DH, please tell me you didn't get me chutney for Christmas?'.

What is he thinking! Wrap him up a pack of mustard and put it under the tree.

LiveLifeWithPassion Thu 14-Dec-17 07:23:03

Do what a pp said. Buy yourself something you really like and put it under the tree for yourself.

hesterton Thu 14-Dec-17 07:27:07

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Rainybohoho Thu 14-Dec-17 07:27:53

I would like chutney as a gift, with cheese and wine and crackers. Maybe a posh cheese plate.

But not just lone chutney.

abigamarone Thu 14-Dec-17 07:28:25

Whilst I think a pack of chutneys is a crap present, the fact that the only thing he asked for is a woolly hat shows he probably doesn't have much imagination. Be specific about what you want.

OldGuard Thu 14-Dec-17 07:29:12

If he’s bought them with love thinking that you “love pickles” then i’d find it impossible to be upset by it

cooldarkroom Thu 14-Dec-17 07:30:29

My Oh asked me, & I said he can pay my gym sub... he has no idea how much it is grin) --One year he bought me a bottle of Cillit Bang, as a joke, I can guarantee you he will never do it again He said is that all ? I said no, I've just ordered a new professional cooker.... so I can cook & get fat, & you can pay for me to get slim.

HotelEuphoria Thu 14-Dec-17 07:31:08

Ok, so hide his hat (just in case he got you something else) then buy him a cheese board or some fancy sausages or something equally shit. Then see what he thinks.

Blahblahblahzeeblah Thu 14-Dec-17 07:31:46

I usually give my husband a short list of ideas and he does the same for me. Present buying isnt his strongest point although not for a lack of trying.

HermionesRightHook Thu 14-Dec-17 07:32:03

People are bad at buying gifts usually because they don't put much thought in. Not always, as a PP has said, but usually.

And this is a "best get something for the wife" present, and it's shit unless you're a massive chutney fan and there's a cheese hamper still to come.

In fact no it's still shit, because they're not even very interesting chutneys - if I was buying for a Chutney Fan I'd be collecting unusual ones from all over.

Also, people don't only buy what they like - I've given all sorts of stuff I hate over the years, including contributions to the stupid bloody chili sauce collection of my husband.

Kickassname2 Thu 14-Dec-17 07:33:04

Could you do a ‘I seriously hope for your sake that’s not my main present’ followed by a slightly menacing laugh ??

You are beautifully evil 😈 grin

Hmm yeah I don't think gift picking is his strong suit at all op.

Don't you dare share that chutney that's exactly what he wants.

KatnissK Thu 14-Dec-17 07:33:40

I agree with pp about telling him what you want. I send DH links to exactly what I want with specific size / colour instructions if needed. He does the same with me - he usually want tools/ DIY stuff. Smaller, stocking filler stuff is left up to the buyer but as it's not the main present, it doesn't matter so much if it's a bit rubbish. I would definitely count chutney as a stocking filler so tell him what you want for your main gift.

2gorgeousboys Thu 14-Dec-17 07:36:40

Are you sure it's the only present you will get? My DH often buys me something that other people would find a little strange but it's been bought because at some point I'll have said "ooh I like that cheese" or some such comment that he's stored away (one year I got a sandwich toaster as I mentioned I like fancied and toastie but couldn't make them at home).

The slightly random gifts are however always supplemented by a beautiful piece of jewellery, perfume or something lovely just for me.

I wouldn't stress about it just yet!

StrangeLookingParasite Thu 14-Dec-17 07:37:53

Some people hate buying presents and are not good at it. Don't equate that skill with love.

Yes let's just cluck indulgently at their incompetence - I mean, actually observing someone for five minutes and seeing who they are and what they like is sooo haaard. hmm

People only buy things for presents that they would like to receive themselves.
Of course, because having a tiny touch of empathy and thinking about someone other than yourself - also toooo haaaaard.
I think I may sprain my eyeballs from the eyerolling.

AreThereAnyUsersnamesLeft Thu 14-Dec-17 07:41:11

I do sympathise with DH. someone I work with bought v expensive smellies for her secretary last year- and secretary was furious - she'd couldn't believe someone would waste £50 on a few bottles of soapy stuff when she can get supermarket stuff that she thinks is perfectly adequate for a few quid. She'd much prefer to have a voucher or the money to spend on something that wasn't an extravagance - even if the money went to charity. So she would have hated Moulton Brown. Secretary was "grateful" to the giver's face - so this year she'll probably get another extravagant frippery. If it is Jo Malone candles, we may have to restrain her from burning the packaging on her desk grin.

expatinscotland Thu 14-Dec-17 07:41:39

Seriously, seriously, buy him a cheese board. Do it. Or buy him a food gift you'll love. And stop helping him buy his mum a gift, he's a grown up.

BarbaraofSevillle Thu 14-Dec-17 07:50:01

I mean, actually observing someone for five minutes and seeing who they are and what they like is sooo haaard. hmm

You could look at me all day, or all year and not come up with a good idea for a present that I will like because I don't spend all day talking about me and the things I want. I don't really want anything.

I want to choose my own things and buy them when I need them or see them at a good price. I only read on kindle. I don't like stuff, clutter, jewellry, beauty products, make up or perfume.

I'm into reading, scuba diving, running and hill walking and if I need something connected to any of these, I want to choose them myself. I see no value in producing a list of 'buy me X items from Y shops'. Once I've done that, I've done all the thinking and might as well buy the things myself.

Like the person mentioned above, I see absolutely no value in stupidly expensive toiletries and candles. In my mind, things like shower gel is in the same category as washing up liquid, you buy it from the supermarket because you need it.

But I'm happy to only receive a couple of token things from DP for Christmas. He knows I like florentines and mentioned getting them last time we were in the biscuit aisle so here's hoping.

ravenmum Thu 14-Dec-17 07:50:47

What's the point of getting presents if you all just tell each other what to get?

BarbaraofSevillle Thu 14-Dec-17 07:51:23

Well practically, if the OP can get a discount on Christmas presents for his DM, it makes sense for them to buy things that way.

But the DH needs to look online to choose things and then give the OP a list/send links so she can pick them up.

BarbaraofSevillle Thu 14-Dec-17 07:52:33

What's the point of getting presents if you all just tell each other what to get

I know. Equally pointless is buying your own present, wrapping it and putting it under the tree to open on Christmas Day. Who is pretending what to who by doing that?

disappearingninepatch Thu 14-Dec-17 07:55:44

Does he know that you know? If not, you need to do the, "There's a woman on MN whose DH has bought her chutney for Christmas. What was he thinking?"

ravenmum Thu 14-Dec-17 07:55:46

Ha ha, I get my own presents and put them under the tree so that I have something to open along with the kids. Usually some nice little things I would have got anyway at some point. It's actually quite nice saving it up and then having these nice things all at once.

I like chutney, I like smelly bubble bath, I like socks. I don't have loads of money so am pleased not to have to get these things myself.

lilypoppet Thu 14-Dec-17 08:00:48

Sadly there is no other gift. This is it. He gets MIL something decent because she sends gifts for our three children. But I buy the children's main gifts I spend just over £100 on each of them. We spend about £10 on each other. This box of cottage chutneys is like a house and has a door you open and there's a jar of Bransten pickle behind it.

HidingBehindTheWallpaper Thu 14-Dec-17 08:01:18

Could you say something like ‘I was talking at work about crap Christmas presents and Julie said that all her husband got her one year was some chutney. How crap is that?’

AmIAWeed Thu 14-Dec-17 08:01:40

Just return whatever you've bought for him, buy him crackers to dip in the chutney and pocket the change

falange Thu 14-Dec-17 08:02:09

How do you know he's not got you something else?

Loonoonow Thu 14-Dec-17 08:03:04

Presents are such an emotive topic. He is obviously shit at buying presents but that doesn't necessarily make him a bad husband. He listened to what she liked ( 'I love pickles' could be construed as a massive hint). And the OP needed to be told what to get him. And will the MIL really be thrilled with Molton Brown toiletries just because they were expensive? On the odd occasion I have been given MB (or anything that's not my chosen brands) they have been politely received and then discreetly donated to charity shops.

All that being said I would hate chutney for Christmas. Could you be open with him OP and tell him that much as you love chutney you would be hurt to only receive such an impersonal gift and you would love it if he bought you something a bit more special such as X, Y or Z?

Wallywobbles Thu 14-Dec-17 08:03:23

How old are your kids? My DDs would explain to DH this wasn't suitable. They do the thinking and DH pays. They've been doing this since they were about 8.

expatinscotland Thu 14-Dec-17 08:03:23

'We spend about £10 on each other. This box of cottage chutneys is like a house and has a door you open and there's a jar of Bransten pickle behind it.'

Then why not return what you got for him and get some food you love for him, since he got chutneys for himself as a gift to you?

ReanimatedSGB Thu 14-Dec-17 08:08:06

If you only spend about £10 on each other, agree to give token presents and you mentioned liking pickles, then I think you are being a bit unreasonable.

Letseatgrandma Thu 14-Dec-17 08:08:50

What sort of thing does he normally get you?

I’d tell him a story about someone from work whose husband bought them an x (something crap) last year and then she left him...fgrin

JingsMahBucket Thu 14-Dec-17 08:11:52

Seriously, just go buy him some crackers to go with the chutney and then go buy yourself your own present. And make sure you deliberately write that the present is from you to you. smile

JingsMahBucket Thu 14-Dec-17 08:13:37

@ReanimatedSGB if she mentioned liking pickles then why the f* did he buy her chutney? It's because he likes chutney and can't even be arsed to go find some freaking nice pickles for her. He's being lazy and thoughtless.

lilypoppet Thu 14-Dec-17 08:16:31

MIL is well known for liking Moulton Browne it's her favourite. It was my idea to get the one with all the different scents so she could try them all. There is definitely no other special gift hidden somewhere else, sadly. I've given him this discount card to stop him buying people chocolate in Lidl by the way.

DrRanjsRightEyebrow Thu 14-Dec-17 08:17:02

buy the chutney yourself, leave it on the kitchen worktop. When he questions it, say you wanted to get something small for the postie/binmen etc. Should make a point, all nice and passive-aggressive like.

geekone Thu 14-Dec-17 08:17:11

Tell him about reading on mumsnet that some twit got his wife pickles for Christmas and ask him what kind of wally would do that. Then laugh and move on. Hopefully he will take the hint.

feska5 Thu 14-Dec-17 08:19:55

Chutney! Perhaps you should both agree not to buy Christmas presents for each other in future, saves any disappointment. Go to the cinema or for a pub lunch after Christmas instead. In the meantime buy some tasty cheese and a bottle of wine to have with the said chutney.

BewareOfDragons Thu 14-Dec-17 08:21:30

Ugh. Lidl chocolate is revolting. You did a good thing there.

Maybe you should just tell him gently that you would like him to try a little harder to think of you and what you might actually like that isn't a cracker spread that everyone will be eating.

You want something for you. Giver him a list of ideas.

Good lucik.

Nikephorus Thu 14-Dec-17 08:22:18

If you only spend about £10 on each other, agree to give token presents and you mentioned liking pickles, then I think you are being a bit unreasonable.
This ^^ If you had an unlimited budget & you were buying him something decent (a woolly hat, while wanted, isn't exactly wow) then yes chutney would be a bit crap. But you're spending a tenner. Personally I'd get more excited about that then a tenner worth of fancy smellies.

Lizzie48 Thu 14-Dec-17 08:23:04

Some people are hopeless at Christmas presents, and it sounds like your DH is one of them; and he himself has only asked for a woolly hat. He's just crap at presents and that's probably not going to change, sadly, so maybe your DDs, or a female colleague at work, could point him in the right direction?

I'm hopeless to buy presents for, as I never know what I want. I really don't mind what I get. I'd probably be very unimpressed with chutney, though, I admit!

CommanderDaisy Thu 14-Dec-17 08:23:42

Passive Aggressive Responses that I know will work (from experience).
Start commenting loudly and regularly about how shit husbands are who spend less on their wives at Christmas than they do on their mothers.
Throw in a couple of comments about how rubbish it would be to receive jam or other food related items at Christmas time because it's lazy and thoughtless.

Or go buy the exact chutney package he got you, leave it on the bench, and openly serve it as part of a ploughmans lunch over the next couple of days and make a point of complaining that they aren't as nice as you thought they'd be.

Overt response.

Rearrange the presents in front of him, pick up yours and say " You better not have got me that box of chutney/pickles we saw the other day - because that would be LAME and I will be pissed off."

LakieLady Thu 14-Dec-17 08:24:08

I'd be pretty pissed off, but then I usually am, because DP is crap at buying presents for me unless he has a explicit list. One year, he did astonishingly well, got me 2 tops I really like and a scarf that went with both of them. Then he mentioned that he'd bought them in town X, which happens to be where his sister lives, and I suspect she had in it (she's like me, notices the colours and styles people tend to wear etc).

I've done all the buying for his family, except for his son. He hasn't bought his son's present yet. I suspect he hasn't done anything about mine, either. He said he'd get me some earrings for my birthday, which was months ago, and wanted me to come with him to choose. I haven't been able to get him near a town with a decent range of jewellers yet!

I will start dropping hints about wanting a Russian wedding ring, to replace the one that was my late mother's that mysteriously fell off my finger somewhere a while ago. Then we can go to some jewellers and get both presents!

LakieLady Thu 14-Dec-17 08:25:32

Had a hand in it! Brain moving faster than hand today, obvs.

Ragwort Thu 14-Dec-17 08:29:43

I agree with Barbara - I only like very specific things, actually I don't like many 'things' at all - I am not into jewellery, perfume, clothes, music, films. I like reading but I get my books from the library or charity shop. I only drink very specific wines. Quite like the occasional posh scented candle.

I love & really appreciate charity goat type gifts, but so many people think they aren't a 'proper' present - whatever that means hmm.

I really think present buying isn't as easy as some people like to think - my DH is into golf and fishing but would only want very specific items to go with his hobby - nothing I could choose without the exact details.

I honestly don't mind 'practical' presents, one year I got a dustbin that genuinely made my life easier - no leaving full black sacks around grin.

That's why we no longer exchange gifts but buy something jointly that we will both enjoy.

lynmilne65 Thu 14-Dec-17 08:29:54

I love chutney 😋

g1itterati Thu 14-Dec-17 08:31:28

OP - that is a ridiculous present for your wife, but there is still plenty of shopping time before Xmas. Tell him straight - "DH I am feeling a bit down and neglected at the moment - have you noticed? I am really hoping for a, b or c for Christmas."
Give him a choice of a few things, stated clearly. He will just have to buy you another gift.

coalit Thu 14-Dec-17 08:32:43

Molton Brown is known as thrush in a bottle in this house, I'd rather have the chutney, and I don't eat chutney.

Nakedavenger74 Thu 14-Dec-17 08:33:51

The only way around this nonsense is not to buy into the nonsense that retailers impress on us. So much expectation.

Just agree no presents between adults. We did it 10 years ago and the bloody relief is immense. If I want something I buy it and I don't have to hold the fortune of our relationship in a single gift purchased because ... 'well you have to think of something'. It's a fucking horrible time of year because of the expectations about thoughtfulness, meaningfulness, value and being romantic.

Same with the shite that is Valentine's Day. Unite with me people!!

g1itterati Thu 14-Dec-17 08:35:23

I just don't understand why you would do nothing OP, knowing there is chutney under the tree.

Willow2017 Thu 14-Dec-17 08:35:51

Pickles and chutney.are not the same.

HE likes chutney.

Not to far of a stretch to see why he bought chutney.

Even if op did ĺike chutney its hardly a gift for her unless she is going to eat it all herself over xmas! It will end up in the cupboard for everyone.

You dont get your oh something thats not actually something for them. Everyone who visits over xmas who likes chutney will be eating it. Hardly personal.

The mind boggles sometimes at peoples idea of a personal gift. If you chose to buy someone a gift at least put minimum effort into thinking about the person you are buying for and make it about them not you.

Disclaimer - if someone specifically is a foodie and actually wants specific food things as its thier interest then thats different.

user1474128210 Thu 14-Dec-17 08:41:23

Black eyed- that cracked me up - call a spade a spade !

LEMtheoriginal Thu 14-Dec-17 08:42:37

Last year I bought dp four espresso cups! Ok so they are naice espresso cups but espresso cups??? Really?? I love my Dp. I'm just shit at present buying when there is nothing they particularly want

AChickenCalledKorma Thu 14-Dec-17 08:42:43

So, in summary - you normally spend about £10 on each other. You have recently told him you "love pickles". He saw something nice in a shop for about £10 that he very possibly classifies as pickles.

Sounds like he has listened to what you like and chosen something appropriate to me. I have no idea why nice food doesn't count as a gift and I think he'd be pretty upset to see a load of strangers slagging him off on the internet.

NoSquirrels Thu 14-Dec-17 08:46:03

Branson pickles is an appalling present, so on that score YANBU.

But - it’s a £10 budget, he’s shit at choosing gifts (you effectively chose MIL’s Molton Brown, and left to his own devices he’d buy Lidl chocolate) which you must have known before now, AND you said you liked pickles...

Why didn’t you say “MIL is going to love this Molton Brown stuff - I’ve been eyeing up the bubble bath myself, I’d be thrilled to get that on Christmas Day”?

Why are you spending all the money on DC’s gifts and he contributes nothing there? That’s not right, unless I have misunderstood?

Littlechocola Thu 14-Dec-17 08:46:34

Get him some frozen sausages to defrost under the tree.

Ethylred Thu 14-Dec-17 08:47:20

Well what do you actually want?
Your very own personalized "Glorious Brexit" handbook?

irregularegular Thu 14-Dec-17 08:48:16

The older I get (and especially the more Mumsnet I read) the more I think that present giving between adults is more trouble than it's worth!

Yes a Branston gift pack is a pretty crap gift to a wife (though if it was really nice chutneys, I'd be quite happy!). But as others have said, if you only exchange fairly small gifts ( like a woolly hat) and you said you like pickles, it seems quite forgivable.

But really. Either he is basically a good, kind, loving husband or he is not. If he is, then forgive him the slightly crap presents and move on. (if a "good" present is important to you, then tell him what you would like. Give up on nice surprises). And if he is not, then you have more important things to worry about than Xmas presents.

Hulder Thu 14-Dec-17 08:48:25

In fairness to him with a £10 budget what is he meant to get? And a direction of 'I like pickles'

You are only getting each other token gifts on that and the opportunity for him to buy unwanted tat is high.

You either a) raise the budget to the same as MIL, b) scrap buying gifts for each other altogether or b) write him a list

pigeondujour Thu 14-Dec-17 08:48:38

I think I'd only agree to £10 token gifts if we were both committed to spending thought and effort on it and getting a wanted, personal small gift (my preference for that budget would be a book or some kind of makeup product.) Otherwise I'd much rather not do presents at all, since he's spending neither money nor effort on it.

Also, Molton Brown is known as thrush in a bottle in this house - totally! I want to cry when I see people talking about giving or getting Lush products especially as gifts.

Belleoftheball8 Thu 14-Dec-17 08:49:19

To be honest I don’t understand the angst over partners getting presents unless a list has been given. Me and dh don’t treat ourselves often so we both pick out what we would like. Dh has a particular taste to clothing so I would never buy anything without asking first.

mummmy2017 Thu 14-Dec-17 08:50:38

Does he know you know...
If not go buy a set the same and have it with some cheese and tell him that it's so nice to have luxury's at xmas but food really isn't a good idea, and you hope he has got you something sparkly from the jewellery dept.

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