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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to hate my Christmas present from DH

353 replies

lilypoppet · 14/12/2017 00:54

I've realized DH has bought me a gift set of chutneys this year and I hate it. Especially as I helped him choose a lovely gift for his mother which cost three times as much and which I would have loved. I can't even take it back because it's gift food. Is that all I'm worth to him a tenners worth of chutneys? AIBU?

OP posts:
BarbaraofSevillle · 14/12/2017 06:58

God the 'My DH got me the wrong present' posts are starting early this year.

There's no point whatsoever telling people what to buy. If there's no thought or effort involved it's not a present really. He needs to choose something himself and go out and buy it himself.

Unless you really like chutney and have agree to only exchange token presents, it's not a great gift, but isn't it a bit early to assume it's your only present? He's got plenty of time to order online or go to the shops to get something. Or perhaps he's kept your real present at work or in his car?

deptfordgirl · 14/12/2017 07:04

He's still got plenty of time to buy something else. Not very romantic but dh and I always ask what each other want, sometimes I might give him a few options so it can still be a surprise. Can't you do that? What have you got him?

LazyDailyMailJournos · 14/12/2017 07:06

You need to tell him. It's all very well and good hoping that he's be one of these people who gives the time and thought into getting something you'd really like. But he's not - and by not saying anything all you'll do is sit there and fester about it.

You still have time between now and Christmas, so just tell him that you'd like a more personal gift and that chutney is not it. Give him an idea of the kind of things you'd like and ask him to re-think.

Splinterz · 14/12/2017 07:07

People only buy things for presents that they would like to receive themselves.

So in your situation I would go and buy my self something nice, wrap it, swap the tag with the chutney under the tree, he gets his chutney and you get what ever it is you want. Sorted.

RJnomore1 · 14/12/2017 07:08

Did you buy it for him if he got discount on it?

MiniCooperLover · 14/12/2017 07:10

How do you know what it is? Could you do a ‘I seriously hope for your sake that’s not my main present’ followed by a slightly menacing laugh ??

MoodyTwo · 14/12/2017 07:11

I honestly don't understand the pressure in either side to get the perfect gift, I understand your upset OP but if he is lovely in every other way then he is just not good at buying gifts.
You had to help him buy MIL present so you are aware of this.
Tell him what you want, or go and buy it? Or set up a quick amazon wish list and say you want something off it as your sorry but chutney doesn't cut it.
And then next year give him a list and tell him to pick off it, so you'll still be surprised.

ZacharyQuack · 14/12/2017 07:17

He bought you chutney and he's the one who likes chutney?

Buy him a handbag.

FlouncyDoves · 14/12/2017 07:18

In the grand scheme of things it doesn’t really matter. You sound quite materialistic,
Which isn’t an attractive quality.

What did you buy him?

Original poster
lilypoppet · 14/12/2017 07:18

I asked him what he wanted and he said a woolly hat so I've been looking at all the different ones. The reason I know what it is is from the shape of the box. I can see he went from the Moulton Browne counter to thegift food and seen this stupid box of cottage chutneys. We were in the supermarket last week and I said I love pickles, but I didn't mean I wanted them as a gift!

OP posts:
Ragwort · 14/12/2017 07:20

Do you think your husband honestly loves every present you have bought him over the years? Hmm Present giving is a nightmare, I just don't believe people who say they are 'thoughtful' present buyers and everyone always loves what they give them - I think their friends/family are just good at acting.

Do the grown up thing; either explain exactly what you what, or buy it yourself, or agree on a joint present - dinner out/theatre tickets/whatever.

LazyDailyMailJournos · 14/12/2017 07:21

Flouncy it's not about materialism. It's about knowing that someone who is supposed to love and care about you, has taken the time and put some genuine thought into getting you something meaningful and that they know you would like.

Being bought a present that is essentially something that the giver wants themselves is indicative of a lack of care and respect. I think that's what the OP is upset about. The indication of the 'spend' illustrates that it's not a budget constraint.

Cambionome · 14/12/2017 07:21

This is seriously crap!!
Chutney - ffs! Angry
This has got nothing to do with him not being very good at buying presents, and everything to do with him being too lazy to make an effort. How come he could put some thought into his dms present but not yours?

ZigZagandDustin · 14/12/2017 07:22

How do you know it's chutney? Can you not say 'DH, please tell me you didn't get me chutney for Christmas?'.

What is he thinking! Wrap him up a pack of mustard and put it under the tree.

LiveLifeWithPassion · 14/12/2017 07:23

Do what a pp said. Buy yourself something you really like and put it under the tree for yourself.

hesterton · 14/12/2017 07:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Rainybohoho · 14/12/2017 07:27

I would like chutney as a gift, with cheese and wine and crackers. Maybe a posh cheese plate.

But not just lone chutney.

abigamarone · 14/12/2017 07:28

Whilst I think a pack of chutneys is a crap present, the fact that the only thing he asked for is a woolly hat shows he probably doesn't have much imagination. Be specific about what you want.

OldGuard · 14/12/2017 07:29

If he’s bought them with love thinking that you “love pickles” then i’d find it impossible to be upset by it

cooldarkroom · 14/12/2017 07:30

My Oh asked me, & I said he can pay my gym sub... he has no idea how much it is :o) One year he bought me a bottle of Cillit Bang, as a joke, I can guarantee you he will never do it again-- He said is that all ? I said no, I've just ordered a new professional cooker.... so I can cook & get fat, & you can pay for me to get slim.

HotelEuphoria · 14/12/2017 07:31

Ok, so hide his hat (just in case he got you something else) then buy him a cheese board or some fancy sausages or something equally shit. Then see what he thinks.

Blahblahblahzeeblah · 14/12/2017 07:31

I usually give my husband a short list of ideas and he does the same for me. Present buying isnt his strongest point although not for a lack of trying.

HermionesRightHook · 14/12/2017 07:32

People are bad at buying gifts usually because they don't put much thought in. Not always, as a PP has said, but usually.

And this is a "best get something for the wife" present, and it's shit unless you're a massive chutney fan and there's a cheese hamper still to come.

In fact no it's still shit, because they're not even very interesting chutneys - if I was buying for a Chutney Fan I'd be collecting unusual ones from all over.

Also, people don't only buy what they like - I've given all sorts of stuff I hate over the years, including contributions to the stupid bloody chili sauce collection of my husband.

Kickassname2 · 14/12/2017 07:33

Could you do a ‘I seriously hope for your sake that’s not my main present’ followed by a slightly menacing laugh ??

You are beautifully evil 😈 Grin

Hmm yeah I don't think gift picking is his strong suit at all op.

Don't you dare share that chutney that's exactly what he wants.

userabcname · 14/12/2017 07:33

I agree with pp about telling him what you want. I send DH links to exactly what I want with specific size / colour instructions if needed. He does the same with me - he usually want tools/ DIY stuff. Smaller, stocking filler stuff is left up to the buyer but as it's not the main present, it doesn't matter so much if it's a bit rubbish. I would definitely count chutney as a stocking filler so tell him what you want for your main gift.