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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to hate my Christmas present from DH

353 replies

lilypoppet · 14/12/2017 00:54

I've realized DH has bought me a gift set of chutneys this year and I hate it. Especially as I helped him choose a lovely gift for his mother which cost three times as much and which I would have loved. I can't even take it back because it's gift food. Is that all I'm worth to him a tenners worth of chutneys? AIBU?

OP posts:
Ontopofthesunset · 14/12/2017 09:25

I don't understand why all these adults on Mumsnet care so much about presents. It's different when you're a child - you've got no money and you're dependent on presents to get stuff you want. Most adults can get themselves the things they want. Why would you hope that someone else would do it for you?

I wouldn't be thrilled with chutney either but if there's anything I really want ( a specific type of bag or item of clothing or book), then I'll get it myself. If you're not happy with the £10 limit, that's a different matter.

Maybe it's an age thing. I grew out of expecting presents at the age of about 25.

expatinscotland · 14/12/2017 09:25

Then why not say something, lily, why are you being such a martyr?

Hulder · 14/12/2017 09:31

My DH needed training into present buying. In fact, he needs on-going present training every year. This year, because he was in the shop, he bought himself his presents from me with the expectation I would then wrap them up and he would unwrap them on Christmas Day despite him having bought them in the first place.

We have had words.

Reality is we have totally different views on presents and he would have been perfectly happy with his self bought CD while I would have been questioning the whole basis of our relationship.

So each year we talk about what we are getting for each other a lot so neither me is disappointed.

AlexaDoTheDishes · 14/12/2017 09:31

Get him a half kilo of value Cheddar and some biscuits.

At least then you can make a meal.

NoSquirrels · 14/12/2017 09:32

Stunning gifts for a tenner, tho?

The pickle isn’t the issue really, it’s him setting a limit that allows him to excuse himself from any thought or responsibilities

But OP had the chance to disagree with this limit!

I agree the gift is shit, and not thoughtful. I just also think OP is being very passive in this situation- she KNEW he’s shit at present buying. What’s a “small luxury”? Perhaps he thought chutneys were?

Be more directive, OP.

Ask him: “Have you bought me Branston Pickles for Christmas? I recognise the shape of the box. When I said I liked pickles, I didn’t mean that wanted some for Christmas! Please could you get me something else- it’s upset me the idea of unwrapping food in Christmas Day and trying to look excited in front of the DC. I’d really like anything from Molton Brown, or X, Y or Z. We can share the chutneys.”

Sashkin · 14/12/2017 09:32

Ontop even from your DP?

I usually ask for food/bath stuff/other consumables from my family because we have limited space in the house for clutter, but I would expect something nice from DH (he usually gets me jewellery - nothing expensive, but he has good taste).

Sarahjconnor · 14/12/2017 09:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DonkeysDontRideBicycles · 14/12/2017 09:37

He has listened to what you said you likebut took it to mean unwrapping a jar of chutney on Christmas Day would make you happy. Xmas Confused
I'd be disappointed too.

taybert · 14/12/2017 09:37

It’s difficult to get even a small luxury for £10 at Christmas. What would you have liked?

g1itterati · 14/12/2017 09:38

OP - Just because he announced a £10 limit last year - so what? You could just say, "er no thanks, I think at least £50 is appropriate."

Do you have any say in anything?

I repeat - why are you setting yourself up for a downer on Xmas day if the gift is important to you? Just tell him what you want - email him if you must! Aaggghhhh!!!!!

Porpoises · 14/12/2017 09:40

To be fair with a budget of £10, if that is what you have agreed, its hard to get something stunning. What would you have wanted to receive?

TonicAndTonic · 14/12/2017 09:41

Chutney is undeniably a shit gift OP, I feel for you on that one. But I don't get why there are so many couples on MN who don't just ask each other for Xmas/birthday present suggestions! DP and I have a great relationship but there's no way I'd expect him to think of a surprise gift for me, even for a tenner. He's just not good at it, plus he doesn't like receiving surprises himself so the whole thing would just be stressful and a waste of time. He can follow instructions amazon links brilliantly though!

BarbaraofSevillle · 14/12/2017 09:41

Bollocks taybert. Small box of nice chocs. Nice hand cream. Bottle of wine or liqueur. Loads of things.

I keep mentioning flotentines and they seem to be getting quite a following. You lot had better not grab them all before dp can get to the shops to get mine for Christmas Smile

Original poster
lilypoppet · 14/12/2017 09:42

Some of the beauty products can be bought for a tenner with discount. Or if have liked gloves. You can get some for a tenner with discount. I wish he'd asked me.

OP posts:
BarbaraofSevillle · 14/12/2017 09:42

I think some people just seem determined to be disappointed no matter what their DH buys them for Christmas.

jaseyraex · 14/12/2017 09:43

Just tell him outright OP, you are clearly very unhappy with the gift. Have you got another tenner to spare at all? Tell him as lovely as the chutney is you feel it's more a household item to share over Christmas and you'd like something just for you, so could he take another tenner and buy something else. Give him some examples of what you'd like.

FinnegansCake · 14/12/2017 09:44

Some men are just completely thoughtless when it comes to present buying and look upon it as yet another chore on the list, to be done as quickly and painlessly to themselves as possible.
She said she likes pickles? These in the fancy house-shaped box look nice ... yeah, they look Christmassy, she’ll love them ... tick! Great! I’ve got that sorted!

Original poster
lilypoppet · 14/12/2017 09:46

To summarize. I helped him but lovely gift for MAIL. I buy all the gifts for our children using the money I earn working a 40 hour week in the store. On my rare day off on Christmas morning I unwrap a cardboard box shaped like a house with four little chutneys in each window and a jar of Branson pickle behind its little paper door. FML.

OP posts:
Tugtupite · 14/12/2017 09:47

This box of cottage chutneys is like a house and has a door you open and there's a jar of Bransten pickle behind it.

No worries OP.

  1. Get yourself something physically small that you really want instead (diamond studs, new pen, whatever)

  2. In the dead of night, go downstairs and open the "house", remove chutney, replace with your chosen gift (see 1., above) and re-wrap

  3. Roll on gifting time on 25th December.... Look shocked as you open your highly gorgeous and appropriate present and enjoy your DH's equally shocked face too

If confronted, deny all knowledge.

Happy Christmas Xmas Grin

NobodysChild · 14/12/2017 09:47

Branston pickle for Christmas isn't good by any means, but it's better than the re-purposed jar, filled with homemade jam that we get gifted every year. Sometimes, it even has mould on it. Personally, I wouldn't wallow about the pickle, I'd just announce I'm off to get my hair/nails/eyebrows done, and he's paying.

Bluntness100 · 14/12/2017 09:48

The issue here is clearly your gift budget is a tenner. It’s quite hard to buy something stunning for that amount.Next year either up the value or tell Him in advance what you want for a tenner.

Although, I have to say, a gift box of Branson pickle is particularly bad. He clearly just bought the first thing he saw for ten pounds.

I’m trying to imagine the scene on Xmas morning

“Omg, branston pickle, that is so thought full of you! I love it!, shall we crack it open with the turkey sandwiches”.

🤣

whiskyowl · 14/12/2017 09:49

The trouble with price limits is that you really, really have to put the work in to get something wonderful and creative. Scouring ebay, etsy, Trouva, really THINKING about what you do, or even making something - it takes time and energy. It's actually much easier just to lob a load of cash at a big present and have done. Buying great and personal gifts on a small budget is hard. But that's part of the love you show the person, really - a thoughtfulness, a care, an investment of time.

I think YADNBU for being upset about chutney. It's a shit present even if you like it, ten times shitter if you don't.

Bluntness100 · 14/12/2017 09:50

I think some people just seem determined to be disappointed no matter what their DH buys them for Christmas

I’m not sure many folks would be delighted with some branston pickle, irrelevant of how it’s packaged....

expatinscotland · 14/12/2017 09:50

'I buy all the gifts for our children using the money I earn working a 40 hour week in the store. On my rare day off on Christmas morning I unwrap a cardboard box shaped like a house with four little chutneys in each window and a jar of Branson pickle behind its little paper door. FML.'

More fool you for doing all this. Why are you the one buying his and your kids presents? Do you not have blended finances? Why do you put up with this and not say something about this? Does it work for you being a martyr? Sounds like you have bigger problems than his shitty gift, like him being a shit spouse, too.

'Some men are just completely thoughtless when it comes to present buying and look upon it as yet another chore on the list, to be done as quickly and painlessly to themselves as possible.'

Bullshit! Has FA to do with having a cock and everything to do with people excusing thoughtless behaviour because someone has a cock.

pigeondujour · 14/12/2017 09:52

I think some people just seem determined to be disappointed no matter what their DH buys them for Christmas.

There's quite a big middle ground between 'disappointed no matter what' and 'disappointed by chutney' for most people, even though you personally are happy with florentines, as you keep pointing out.

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