Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to hate my Christmas present from DH

353 replies

lilypoppet · 14/12/2017 00:54

I've realized DH has bought me a gift set of chutneys this year and I hate it. Especially as I helped him choose a lovely gift for his mother which cost three times as much and which I would have loved. I can't even take it back because it's gift food. Is that all I'm worth to him a tenners worth of chutneys? AIBU?

OP posts:
blueskyinmarch · 14/12/2017 08:51

My DH and i always pick out a few things each we really want then add a few surprises. I wouldn't actually mind getting chutney - as long as i got some other nice things too!

Laiste · 14/12/2017 08:53

Hang on hang on!

I was right with you OP until you said you routinely only spend a tenner on each other.

What would you want him to buy you for a tenner which would be romantic, thoughtful and shows how much you mean to him? (your words OP) Confused Genuine question.

chocatoo · 14/12/2017 08:53

Buy him a bobble hat with a big furry pom pom on it.

Laiste · 14/12/2017 08:57

Tenner aside, the thing is he's asked for a wooly hat. Not a gift traditionally steeped in romantic meaningfullness OP Grin

I think this reveals his attitude to xmas presents. For him they're NOT representative of your feelings towards each other.

Blackteadrinker77 · 14/12/2017 08:57

My husband would not blow our budget by 150%. The whole reason of having a budget is you stick with it.

Can you change the label and re-gift it to some one and choose yourself something else?

I just can't see how your husband could have known, you said spend £10, you said you liked pickles.

Original poster
lilypoppet · 14/12/2017 08:59

It was him that decided the only a tenner rule because last year that's what he decided he would spend on me and when I asked what he wanted he deliberately said small things to keep it all down a bit. I don't need a lot spent on me I just want something more personal than a food gift.

OP posts:
NoSquirrels · 14/12/2017 09:00

lilypoppet but you pay for DC’s gifts jointly, right? Even if you choose them?

If you want a “thoughtful” gift from a clueless Lidl-chocolate-buying bad-present-giver, you need to lay the groundwork.

Why can’t he return it now unopened?

Original poster
lilypoppet · 14/12/2017 09:00

I wish if never mentioned to him I like pickles when we were in the supermarket. I like Brussel sprouts but I don't want those for a gift either!

OP posts:
Original poster
lilypoppet · 14/12/2017 09:01

You can't return a food gift in my store I'm afraid.

OP posts:
Laiste · 14/12/2017 09:01

The Love Language thing is fascinating if anyone hasn't had a look already. Google throws it up easily.

We all have hardwired ideas of what constitutes a decent way to show love. With a bit of luck you and your partner will have the same 'language' - but if not differences can cause friction.

There's no reason why you can't vary your behavior to tally with your partners ideas - but you can't do that until it's on your radar so to speak. It's interesting.

NoSquirrels · 14/12/2017 09:02

Why didn’t you say “A tenner?! I won’t get anything I’d like to receive for a tenner - let’s make it £30, I’ve got loads of ideas.”

Branston Pickle is an utterly shit gift - I do appreciate that. But you need to direct it a bit if you’re upset about the outcome every time.

Kaykee · 14/12/2017 09:04

If you have a £10 budget not sure what you expect? Unless I’m missing something?.

Chutney is shite but perhaps his heart was in the right place ish. If I’d liked the set you both bought for his Mother why didn’t you just say oh I love this brand too maybe someone will buy me some too. Hint for goodness-sake just give some ideas and ask for some from him or just accept the chutney and make sure you’ve got some nice cheese and crackers in to have with them.

If my ex partner can buy me something nice from our kids then sure someone who lives with you can manage with a hint or 2 in the right direction

Worriedrose · 14/12/2017 09:04

I think you could get something thoughtful for a tenner.
Impo I think people who buy shitty gifts simply don't give a shit. If they did they would think hard about what the person receiving it would like.
It's not about the money.

Laiste · 14/12/2017 09:07

x posted OP.

I do get it.

I hinted about a smart little handbag for my birthday last year. DH bought me a foul bag online. It was like something you'd strap to a camel. Literally. Tassels and all. You could have fitted a bloody camel in it, it was ENORMOUS!

He'd gone on a website of a designer i'd recently mentioned i like (mathew williamson) and clicked on the first bag he saw. Then he'd not bothered opening the package till the night before my birthday and had to wrap it and give it. I had a thread here about it!

He was mortified when i opened it and the DCs laughed.

If you really need to only spend a tenner on each other then it is tricky. I think you need to say you know what he's bought and can you put it towards the family xmas food and get you something else please.

Anatidae · 14/12/2017 09:09

So HE imposed the ten quid limit? It wasn’t agreed between you.

I’d be talking about that. There’s not much you can get for a tenner and it allows him to pull stuff like this. He’s effectively checked out of Xmas present buying hasn’t he?
You dont have to spend a fortune but yes, branston pickle would have me in a huff.
The pickle isn’t the issue really, it’s him setting a limit that allows him to excuse himself from any thought or responsibilities

Original poster
lilypoppet · 14/12/2017 09:11

I did say about ten times 'small luxuries are best'. How he interpreted this as a cardboard box shaped like a house with chutneys inside I will never know.

OP posts:
deptfordgirl · 14/12/2017 09:13

That's not that much you can get for a tenner and you did say you like chutney so to me for does seem very thoughtful. Not sure why you're comparing it to the present for your mil when you chose it and you don't have the similar price limit on her present.

vapourtrail · 14/12/2017 09:13

When he said he wanted the hat what did you say you wanted?

chainedtothedesk · 14/12/2017 09:14

You need to tell him now that you are disappointed. He thinks he has got you something that you will like when instead you feel hurt and unloved. He obviously needs you to tell him exactly what you like otherwise you're in for a rubbish Christmas with you feeling resentful.

expatinscotland · 14/12/2017 09:15

So return the hat! Get yourself that small luxury and make it his gift from you, because he bought the pickles for himself, he imposed a cheap limit and then bought something for himself, he checked out.

Laiste · 14/12/2017 09:16

Anatidae I agree.

It's all very well if 2 people agree to think hard all year to exchange a meaningful present for a tenner each year ... i'd be dead impressed by it!

But that's not what happened. From your updates it sounds like decreeing a low value for the presents for each other was his excuse to stop trying.

Original poster
lilypoppet · 14/12/2017 09:17

I asked him what he wanted after he had very proud placed this wrapped gift under the tree. He was all smiles about it.

OP posts:
Laiste · 14/12/2017 09:19

You can either say something or not.

You could go all PA and buy him a tenners worth of food you like and bung it under the tree.

Or you could have a convo about it now, tell him bugger the ten pound limit because you've worked out what's under the tree, and save the situation.

RestingGrinchFace · 14/12/2017 09:20

Are you a child? He's got you a gift. Ok, it's a rubbish gift. No one is saying that you need to be grateful just accept it politely and quietly and leave it at that. Don't throw a tantrum ffs.

Original poster
lilypoppet · 14/12/2017 09:23

Well I'll be on the returns desk after Christmas which will be full of women returning stunning gifts that I would have loved.

OP posts:
Swipe left for the next trending thread