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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to hate my Christmas present from DH

353 replies

lilypoppet · 14/12/2017 00:54

I've realized DH has bought me a gift set of chutneys this year and I hate it. Especially as I helped him choose a lovely gift for his mother which cost three times as much and which I would have loved. I can't even take it back because it's gift food. Is that all I'm worth to him a tenners worth of chutneys? AIBU?

OP posts:
2gorgeousboys · 14/12/2017 07:36

Are you sure it's the only present you will get? My DH often buys me something that other people would find a little strange but it's been bought because at some point I'll have said "ooh I like that cheese" or some such comment that he's stored away (one year I got a sandwich toaster as I mentioned I like fancied and toastie but couldn't make them at home).

The slightly random gifts are however always supplemented by a beautiful piece of jewellery, perfume or something lovely just for me.

I wouldn't stress about it just yet!

StrangeLookingParasite · 14/12/2017 07:37

Some people hate buying presents and are not good at it. Don't equate that skill with love.

Yes let's just cluck indulgently at their incompetence - I mean, actually observing someone for five minutes and seeing who they are and what they like is sooo haaard. Hmm

People only buy things for presents that they would like to receive themselves.
Of course, because having a tiny touch of empathy and thinking about someone other than yourself - also toooo haaaaard.
I think I may sprain my eyeballs from the eyerolling.

AreThereAnyUsersnamesLeft · 14/12/2017 07:41

I do sympathise with DH. someone I work with bought v expensive smellies for her secretary last year- and secretary was furious - she'd couldn't believe someone would waste £50 on a few bottles of soapy stuff when she can get supermarket stuff that she thinks is perfectly adequate for a few quid. She'd much prefer to have a voucher or the money to spend on something that wasn't an extravagance - even if the money went to charity. So she would have hated Moulton Brown. Secretary was "grateful" to the giver's face - so this year she'll probably get another extravagant frippery. If it is Jo Malone candles, we may have to restrain her from burning the packaging on her desk Grin.

expatinscotland · 14/12/2017 07:41

Seriously, seriously, buy him a cheese board. Do it. Or buy him a food gift you'll love. And stop helping him buy his mum a gift, he's a grown up.

BarbaraofSevillle · 14/12/2017 07:50

I mean, actually observing someone for five minutes and seeing who they are and what they like is sooo haaard. hmm

You could look at me all day, or all year and not come up with a good idea for a present that I will like because I don't spend all day talking about me and the things I want. I don't really want anything.

I want to choose my own things and buy them when I need them or see them at a good price. I only read on kindle. I don't like stuff, clutter, jewellry, beauty products, make up or perfume.

I'm into reading, scuba diving, running and hill walking and if I need something connected to any of these, I want to choose them myself. I see no value in producing a list of 'buy me X items from Y shops'. Once I've done that, I've done all the thinking and might as well buy the things myself.

Like the person mentioned above, I see absolutely no value in stupidly expensive toiletries and candles. In my mind, things like shower gel is in the same category as washing up liquid, you buy it from the supermarket because you need it.

But I'm happy to only receive a couple of token things from DP for Christmas. He knows I like florentines and mentioned getting them last time we were in the biscuit aisle so here's hoping.

ravenmum · 14/12/2017 07:50

What's the point of getting presents if you all just tell each other what to get?

BarbaraofSevillle · 14/12/2017 07:51

Well practically, if the OP can get a discount on Christmas presents for his DM, it makes sense for them to buy things that way.

But the DH needs to look online to choose things and then give the OP a list/send links so she can pick them up.

BarbaraofSevillle · 14/12/2017 07:52

What's the point of getting presents if you all just tell each other what to get

I know. Equally pointless is buying your own present, wrapping it and putting it under the tree to open on Christmas Day. Who is pretending what to who by doing that?

disappearingninepatch · 14/12/2017 07:55

Does he know that you know? If not, you need to do the, "There's a woman on MN whose DH has bought her chutney for Christmas. What was he thinking?"

ravenmum · 14/12/2017 07:55

Ha ha, I get my own presents and put them under the tree so that I have something to open along with the kids. Usually some nice little things I would have got anyway at some point. It's actually quite nice saving it up and then having these nice things all at once.

I like chutney, I like smelly bubble bath, I like socks. I don't have loads of money so am pleased not to have to get these things myself.

Original poster
lilypoppet · 14/12/2017 08:00

Sadly there is no other gift. This is it. He gets MIL something decent because she sends gifts for our three children. But I buy the children's main gifts I spend just over £100 on each of them. We spend about £10 on each other. This box of cottage chutneys is like a house and has a door you open and there's a jar of Bransten pickle behind it.

OP posts:
HidingBehindTheWallpaper · 14/12/2017 08:01

Could you say something like ‘I was talking at work about crap Christmas presents and Julie said that all her husband got her one year was some chutney. How crap is that?’

AmIAWeed · 14/12/2017 08:01

Just return whatever you've bought for him, buy him crackers to dip in the chutney and pocket the change

falange · 14/12/2017 08:02

How do you know he's not got you something else?

Loonoonow · 14/12/2017 08:03

Presents are such an emotive topic. He is obviously shit at buying presents but that doesn't necessarily make him a bad husband. He listened to what she liked ( 'I love pickles' could be construed as a massive hint). And the OP needed to be told what to get him. And will the MIL really be thrilled with Molton Brown toiletries just because they were expensive? On the odd occasion I have been given MB (or anything that's not my chosen brands) they have been politely received and then discreetly donated to charity shops.

All that being said I would hate chutney for Christmas. Could you be open with him OP and tell him that much as you love chutney you would be hurt to only receive such an impersonal gift and you would love it if he bought you something a bit more special such as X, Y or Z?

Wallywobbles · 14/12/2017 08:03

How old are your kids? My DDs would explain to DH this wasn't suitable. They do the thinking and DH pays. They've been doing this since they were about 8.

expatinscotland · 14/12/2017 08:03

'We spend about £10 on each other. This box of cottage chutneys is like a house and has a door you open and there's a jar of Bransten pickle behind it.'

Then why not return what you got for him and get some food you love for him, since he got chutneys for himself as a gift to you?

ReanimatedSGB · 14/12/2017 08:08

If you only spend about £10 on each other, agree to give token presents and you mentioned liking pickles, then I think you are being a bit unreasonable.

Letseatgrandma · 14/12/2017 08:08

What sort of thing does he normally get you?

I’d tell him a story about someone from work whose husband bought them an x (something crap) last year and then she left him...Xmas Grin

JingsMahBucket · 14/12/2017 08:11

Seriously, just go buy him some crackers to go with the chutney and then go buy yourself your own present. And make sure you deliberately write that the present is from you to you. :)

JingsMahBucket · 14/12/2017 08:13

@ReanimatedSGB if she mentioned liking pickles then why the f* did he buy her chutney? It's because he likes chutney and can't even be arsed to go find some freaking nice pickles for her. He's being lazy and thoughtless.

Original poster
lilypoppet · 14/12/2017 08:16

MIL is well known for liking Moulton Browne it's her favourite. It was my idea to get the one with all the different scents so she could try them all. There is definitely no other special gift hidden somewhere else, sadly. I've given him this discount card to stop him buying people chocolate in Lidl by the way.

OP posts:
DrRanjsRightEyebrow · 14/12/2017 08:17

buy the chutney yourself, leave it on the kitchen worktop. When he questions it, say you wanted to get something small for the postie/binmen etc. Should make a point, all nice and passive-aggressive like.

geekone · 14/12/2017 08:17

Tell him about reading on mumsnet that some twit got his wife pickles for Christmas and ask him what kind of wally would do that. Then laugh and move on. Hopefully he will take the hint.

feska5 · 14/12/2017 08:19

Chutney! Perhaps you should both agree not to buy Christmas presents for each other in future, saves any disappointment. Go to the cinema or for a pub lunch after Christmas instead. In the meantime buy some tasty cheese and a bottle of wine to have with the said chutney.