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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to hate my Christmas present from DH

353 replies

lilypoppet · 14/12/2017 00:54

I've realized DH has bought me a gift set of chutneys this year and I hate it. Especially as I helped him choose a lovely gift for his mother which cost three times as much and which I would have loved. I can't even take it back because it's gift food. Is that all I'm worth to him a tenners worth of chutneys? AIBU?

OP posts:

BewareOfDragons · 14/12/2017 08:21

Ugh. Lidl chocolate is revolting. You did a good thing there.

Maybe you should just tell him gently that you would like him to try a little harder to think of you and what you might actually like that isn't a cracker spread that everyone will be eating.

You want something for you. Giver him a list of ideas.

Good lucik.

Nikephorus · 14/12/2017 08:22

If you only spend about £10 on each other, agree to give token presents and you mentioned liking pickles, then I think you are being a bit unreasonable.
This ^^ If you had an unlimited budget & you were buying him something decent (a woolly hat, while wanted, isn't exactly wow) then yes chutney would be a bit crap. But you're spending a tenner. Personally I'd get more excited about that then a tenner worth of fancy smellies.

Lizzie48 · 14/12/2017 08:23

Some people are hopeless at Christmas presents, and it sounds like your DH is one of them; and he himself has only asked for a woolly hat. He's just crap at presents and that's probably not going to change, sadly, so maybe your DDs, or a female colleague at work, could point him in the right direction?

I'm hopeless to buy presents for, as I never know what I want. I really don't mind what I get. I'd probably be very unimpressed with chutney, though, I admit!

CommanderDaisy · 14/12/2017 08:23

Passive Aggressive Responses that I know will work (from experience).
Start commenting loudly and regularly about how shit husbands are who spend less on their wives at Christmas than they do on their mothers.
Throw in a couple of comments about how rubbish it would be to receive jam or other food related items at Christmas time because it's lazy and thoughtless.

Or go buy the exact chutney package he got you, leave it on the bench, and openly serve it as part of a ploughmans lunch over the next couple of days and make a point of complaining that they aren't as nice as you thought they'd be.

Overt response.

Rearrange the presents in front of him, pick up yours and say " You better not have got me that box of chutney/pickles we saw the other day - because that would be LAME and I will be pissed off."

LakieLady · 14/12/2017 08:24

I'd be pretty pissed off, but then I usually am, because DP is crap at buying presents for me unless he has a explicit list. One year, he did astonishingly well, got me 2 tops I really like and a scarf that went with both of them. Then he mentioned that he'd bought them in town X, which happens to be where his sister lives, and I suspect she had in it (she's like me, notices the colours and styles people tend to wear etc).

I've done all the buying for his family, except for his son. He hasn't bought his son's present yet. I suspect he hasn't done anything about mine, either. He said he'd get me some earrings for my birthday, which was months ago, and wanted me to come with him to choose. I haven't been able to get him near a town with a decent range of jewellers yet!

I will start dropping hints about wanting a Russian wedding ring, to replace the one that was my late mother's that mysteriously fell off my finger somewhere a while ago. Then we can go to some jewellers and get both presents!

LakieLady · 14/12/2017 08:25

Had a hand in it! Brain moving faster than hand today, obvs.

Ragwort · 14/12/2017 08:29

I agree with Barbara - I only like very specific things, actually I don't like many 'things' at all - I am not into jewellery, perfume, clothes, music, films. I like reading but I get my books from the library or charity shop. I only drink very specific wines. Quite like the occasional posh scented candle.

I love & really appreciate charity goat type gifts, but so many people think they aren't a 'proper' present - whatever that means .

I really think present buying isn't as easy as some people like to think - my DH is into golf and fishing but would only want very specific items to go with his hobby - nothing I could choose without the exact details.

I honestly don't mind 'practical' presents, one year I got a dustbin that genuinely made my life easier - no leaving full black sacks around .

That's why we no longer exchange gifts but buy something jointly that we will both enjoy.

lynmilne65 · 14/12/2017 08:29

I love chutney 😋

g1itterati · 14/12/2017 08:31

OP - that is a ridiculous present for your wife, but there is still plenty of shopping time before Xmas. Tell him straight - "DH I am feeling a bit down and neglected at the moment - have you noticed? I am really hoping for a, b or c for Christmas."
Give him a choice of a few things, stated clearly. He will just have to buy you another gift.

coalit · 14/12/2017 08:32

Molton Brown is known as thrush in a bottle in this house, I'd rather have the chutney, and I don't eat chutney.

Nakedavenger74 · 14/12/2017 08:33

The only way around this nonsense is not to buy into the nonsense that retailers impress on us. So much expectation.

Just agree no presents between adults. We did it 10 years ago and the bloody relief is immense. If I want something I buy it and I don't have to hold the fortune of our relationship in a single gift purchased because ... 'well you have to think of something'. It's a fucking horrible time of year because of the expectations about thoughtfulness, meaningfulness, value and being romantic.

Same with the shite that is Valentine's Day. Unite with me people!!

g1itterati · 14/12/2017 08:35

I just don't understand why you would do nothing OP, knowing there is chutney under the tree.

Willow2017 · 14/12/2017 08:35

Pickles and chutney.are not the same.

HE likes chutney.

Not to far of a stretch to see why he bought chutney.

Even if op did ĺike chutney its hardly a gift for her unless she is going to eat it all herself over xmas! It will end up in the cupboard for everyone.

You dont get your oh something thats not actually something for them. Everyone who visits over xmas who likes chutney will be eating it. Hardly personal.

The mind boggles sometimes at peoples idea of a personal gift. If you chose to buy someone a gift at least put minimum effort into thinking about the person you are buying for and make it about them not you.

Disclaimer - if someone specifically is a foodie and actually wants specific food things as its thier interest then thats different.

user1474128210 · 14/12/2017 08:41

Black eyed- that cracked me up - call a spade a spade !

LEMtheoriginal · 14/12/2017 08:42

Last year I bought dp four espresso cups! Ok so they are naice espresso cups but espresso cups??? Really?? I love my Dp. I'm just shit at present buying when there is nothing they particularly want

AChickenCalledKorma · 14/12/2017 08:42

So, in summary - you normally spend about £10 on each other. You have recently told him you "love pickles". He saw something nice in a shop for about £10 that he very possibly classifies as pickles.

Sounds like he has listened to what you like and chosen something appropriate to me. I have no idea why nice food doesn't count as a gift and I think he'd be pretty upset to see a load of strangers slagging him off on the internet.

NoSquirrels · 14/12/2017 08:46

Branson pickles is an appalling present, so on that score YANBU.

But - it’s a £10 budget, he’s shit at choosing gifts (you effectively chose MIL’s Molton Brown, and left to his own devices he’d buy Lidl chocolate) which you must have known before now, AND you said you liked pickles...

Why didn’t you say “MIL is going to love this Molton Brown stuff - I’ve been eyeing up the bubble bath myself, I’d be thrilled to get that on Christmas Day”?

Why are you spending all the money on DC’s gifts and he contributes nothing there? That’s not right, unless I have misunderstood?

Littlechocola · 14/12/2017 08:46

Get him some frozen sausages to defrost under the tree.

Ethylred · 14/12/2017 08:47

Well what do you actually want?
Your very own personalized "Glorious Brexit" handbook?

irregularegular · 14/12/2017 08:48

The older I get (and especially the more Mumsnet I read) the more I think that present giving between adults is more trouble than it's worth!

Yes a Branston gift pack is a pretty crap gift to a wife (though if it was really nice chutneys, I'd be quite happy!). But as others have said, if you only exchange fairly small gifts ( like a woolly hat) and you said you like pickles, it seems quite forgivable.

But really. Either he is basically a good, kind, loving husband or he is not. If he is, then forgive him the slightly crap presents and move on. (if a "good" present is important to you, then tell him what you would like. Give up on nice surprises). And if he is not, then you have more important things to worry about than Xmas presents.

Hulder · 14/12/2017 08:48

In fairness to him with a £10 budget what is he meant to get? And a direction of 'I like pickles'

You are only getting each other token gifts on that and the opportunity for him to buy unwanted tat is high.

You either a) raise the budget to the same as MIL, b) scrap buying gifts for each other altogether or b) write him a list

pigeondujour · 14/12/2017 08:48

I think I'd only agree to £10 token gifts if we were both committed to spending thought and effort on it and getting a wanted, personal small gift (my preference for that budget would be a book or some kind of makeup product.) Otherwise I'd much rather not do presents at all, since he's spending neither money nor effort on it.

Also, Molton Brown is known as thrush in a bottle in this house - totally! I want to cry when I see people talking about giving or getting Lush products especially as gifts.

Belleoftheball8 · 14/12/2017 08:49

To be honest I don’t understand the angst over partners getting presents unless a list has been given. Me and dh don’t treat ourselves often so we both pick out what we would like. Dh has a particular taste to clothing so I would never buy anything without asking first.

mummmy2017 · 14/12/2017 08:50

Does he know you know...
If not go buy a set the same and have it with some cheese and tell him that it's so nice to have luxury's at xmas but food really isn't a good idea, and you hope he has got you something sparkly from the jewellery dept.

Original poster

lilypoppet · 14/12/2017 08:51

I always buy all the children's gifts one birthday on the morning he turned to me and said, what have we got her? If was some Benefit make up actually but because I work in a department store and enjoy shopping I always get the gifts. Just this one Christmas I hoped there'd be something nice for me.

OP posts:

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