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To want to totally exclude the inlaws at Christmas?

(137 Posts)
GoJetterGirl Tue 07-Nov-17 13:50:10

Right, just as the title says, but so as not to drip feed:

Those of you who read my previous thread about my inlaws will remember that my son's cancer has relapsed and unfortunately he will not recover, we are buying him time.

The inlaws have come out with gems such as

"You're already pregnant with his replacement"

"She's not very motherly, we don't think she is making the best choices for DS"

"Her parents didn't want her so she can't possibly be a good mother"

"If DS dies it will kill FIL"

Amongst other really vile things to come out of their pot holes...

So, AIBU, being as stressed and as pregnant as I am to tell DH that his parents are not welcome, and our DS's last Christmas should be just us and not with them making demands and stressing me out? Bearing in mind I may have the baby early anyway as DS was a preemie?

Changedmename1234 Tue 07-Nov-17 13:53:38

Christ no. Do what's right for you and your ds. Sod everyone else. So sorry about your ds 💐

Japanese Tue 07-Nov-17 13:54:04

Crikey, based on your OP, you are absolutely not being unreasonable at all.


What does your husband say?

I am very sorry about your son flowers.

Trailedanderror Tue 07-Nov-17 13:55:48

I remember your threads and I'm so sorry. Have you anyone in RL who can help you work this out?

GoJetterGirl Tue 07-Nov-17 13:56:04

Hubby is still slightly affected by FOG... I'm slowly cutting it out of him, but I've been quite lucky with their stupid behaviour, they're banned from the school and hospital

HaudYerWheeshtBawbag Tue 07-Nov-17 13:56:43

In wouldn’t even think about this, you need to do what’s best for your family.

I hope your ds has a wonderful Xmas, much love to you and your dhflowers

RibenaMonsoon Tue 07-Nov-17 13:56:44

What horrible things to say! I wouldn't be inviting anyone round for crimbo if they spoke to me/about me like that.
What's your DH's take on this?
How far away are your IL's? Could you maybe pop round or get them to pop round on boxing day instead and have your Christmas day to yourselves? I'd make a point to tell them why though. They need to know their behaviour is not okay and that it has consequences.

GoJetterGirl Tue 07-Nov-17 13:57:12

Hi Trailed, the health visitor is being wonderful, and the hospital and school know the crap they try to pull, so they have taken appropriate action to help me with this...

MusicToMyEars800 Tue 07-Nov-17 13:57:23

I'm so sorry to hear about your DS flowers You are most definitely NBU, you should definitely have Christmas with just your family.

Lottapianos Tue 07-Nov-17 13:57:24

Dear lord OP. I am so very sorry to hear about your son. Its breath-taking how callous and self-centred people can be. I have no words about the 'replacement' comment. Its one of the worst things I have ever heard.

You are absolutely justified in telling them they are not welcome in your home this Christmas or ever again and get on with planning a Christmas that you will all enjoy. In fact, if you were my friend, I would be begging you not to allow them anywhere near you or your DS

I hope that Christmas will be peaceful and enjoyable for you and your family x

SpottedGingham Tue 07-Nov-17 13:58:32

Do what you have to for your ds. flowers

GoJetterGirl Tue 07-Nov-17 13:58:34

They're 250+ miles away, thank god for small mercies, but they're "here" every single bloody day via Skype, their voices give me a headache...

HouseworkIsASin10 Tue 07-Nov-17 14:00:07

Hi OP, I remember your other thread.

Under no circumstances have them around your house. It will be all about them.

I would rather regret not inviting them, than inviting them flowers

ineedwine99 Tue 07-Nov-17 14:00:08

They can sod off! Have your Christmas the way that you'll all get the nicest day, none of you need the stress they'll bring.
So sorry about your son, i hope, despite the outlook, you can all have a lovely Christmas and make some fond memories flowers

GetOffTheTableMabel Tue 07-Nov-17 14:00:17

Every bit of that is so awful. I am very sorry for what you are going through and you are not being at all unreasonable. How does your dh feel about his parents' comments & behaviour? Do you think he will try to make a case for them being there?

Toblernone Tue 07-Nov-17 14:01:46

You ought to give PILs the care and support they've given you, they are giving you less than none so why have then over at all, let alone Christmas, even speaking to them after those comments is being generous.

RaptorInaPorkPieHat Tue 07-Nov-17 14:01:50

I remember your threads GoJetterGirl sad I'm so sorry flowers

I think you would be absolutely right to not have them anywhere near you x

Fishface77 Tue 07-Nov-17 14:01:57

Fuck them bastards!
For your sake and that of you DS tell em to piss of!

greendale17 Tue 07-Nov-17 14:02:28

*You're already pregnant with his replacement"*

This comment alone would make me want to go NC with them.

JamPasty Tue 07-Nov-17 14:02:30

GoJetterGirl - I'm so sorry flowers

Absolutely exclude them at Christmas (and forever more)

VodkaPenne Tue 07-Nov-17 14:05:06

“You’re already pregnant with his replacement”


Never, ever talk to them again. They’ve lost everything with that comment tbh.

BenLui Tue 07-Nov-17 14:05:20

Anyone whose behaviour is bad enough to have been banned from the hospital and school has no place staying for Christmas.


BarbarianMum Tue 07-Nov-17 14:05:40

"You're already pregnant with his replacement"

I think I might quite possibly kill someone who said that to me. angry Excluding them from my Christmas would be the very, very least of it.

ElBandito Tue 07-Nov-17 14:06:52

I would be excluding them from a lot more than Christmas.

Cheby Tue 07-Nov-17 14:06:54

Absolutely YANBU. Ban them from your house. I hope you have a wonderful Christmas, just the 3 of you, plus bump.

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