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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want to totally exclude the inlaws at Christmas?

136 replies

GoJetterGirl · 07/11/2017 13:50

Right, just as the title says, but so as not to drip feed:

Those of you who read my previous thread about my inlaws will remember that my son's cancer has relapsed and unfortunately he will not recover, we are buying him time.

The inlaws have come out with gems such as

"You're already pregnant with his replacement"

"She's not very motherly, we don't think she is making the best choices for DS"

"Her parents didn't want her so she can't possibly be a good mother"

"If DS dies it will kill FIL"

Amongst other really vile things to come out of their pot holes...

So, AIBU, being as stressed and as pregnant as I am to tell DH that his parents are not welcome, and our DS's last Christmas should be just us and not with them making demands and stressing me out? Bearing in mind I may have the baby early anyway as DS was a preemie?

OP posts:
Hissy · 07/11/2017 15:04

When the time comes, I'd make it a watershed for going full NC and leave it there. they have been unforgivably cruel and rude.

BitOutOfPractice · 07/11/2017 15:06

You are being the least U OP of all time. They sound just vile.

I am so so sorry about your DS Thanks

Ellie56 · 07/11/2017 15:23

You can do without this toxic pair in your life. Absolutely don't let them come at Christmas. It needs to be a quiet family time for you, DH and DS, without any histrionics and vile comments.

So sorry about your DS Flowers
.

DancesWithOtters · 07/11/2017 15:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MsHarry · 07/11/2017 15:34

YANBU. Don't waste anymore time thinking about it. Do what you need to do. Flowers

nannybeach · 07/11/2017 15:38

How awful for you I am so sorry, stuff the inlaws (not the turkey) what horrible people!

TaggieRR · 07/11/2017 15:41

What awful comments. I would never see them again, let alone at Christmas.

TheWhyteRoseShallRiseAgain · 07/11/2017 15:42

Namechanged since your other threads but have been with you and DS all the way. No way on earth are you bu to ban them (you'd be unreasonable to have them in those circumstances!) Also as a preemie mum never mind with what your DS is facing that's a challenge in itself, you need to focus on your family unit (as you always do) Flowers

scaryteacher · 07/11/2017 15:44

YANBU at all. I cannot begin to imagine what you are going through, and you need to do what is best for your ds, your dh, and of course yourself, especially as you are pregnant.

I would also be considering very carefully what contact if any, I allowed with the new baby, as you don't want to have to deal with whatever label they use, like ' the replacement'.

As with everyone else, hugs and flowers to you. I wish you strength.

ohfourfoxache · 07/11/2017 15:48

Every time I even think of their comments it makes me feel physically sick. What utterly unforgivable, nasty, toxic comments from a couple of cunts Angry

Yanbu AT ALL to exclude them; actually, I think it would be unreasonable to include them. You and your family need this time together without them. Can you imagine how awful you would feel if (when) they ruined it?

Please please put your foot down.

Go, please know that I think of you and your DS often and (I hope it doesn’t offend you) but you’ve been in my prayers x

DistanceCall · 07/11/2017 15:49

"You're already pregnant with his replacement"

Anyone who said that about my children would be instantly dead to me forever.

Blobby10 · 07/11/2017 15:53

YANBU and you would not be unreasonable in the slightest to have a permanent malfunction with your broadband so that they can't Skype either! How horrible they sound Shock

GloGirl · 07/11/2017 15:55

You'd be totally within the bounds of reasonable to go No Contact.

Not sure if this will put more strain on you than trying to minimise contact though, have a serious think for 5 minutes about which you would rather.

You absolutely should not see them over the festive period, and advise them in advance (if you do not go NC) that they between 20th December to 2nd January you are going to be having a family staycation and request peace and quiet. They can Skype for 5 minutes on Christmas Day at 11am, when you will be busy in the kitchen not listening. And position yourself next to Router to unplug at 4 minutes 59 seconds. They sound fucking intolerable.

GeekyWombat · 07/11/2017 15:55

I remember your threads well (we’re another GoJetter family here so your name sticks out as much as the horrible details).

You owe these people. Let them Skype on Christmas Day if they must (maybe hide elsewhere in the house while it happens) but keep your Christmas just your little family and bump.

Thinking of you all - in all your threads you have come across as a really kind, rational person in a terrible situation. I hope you and your DH are getting all the care and support you need while caring for and supporting your DS.

Flowers
GeekyWombat · 07/11/2017 15:57

You owe these people NOTHING.

Got to love it when the word you miss out is the most important in a sentence. This is what happens when you’re thumb jabbing on your phone in outrage!

whiskyowl · 07/11/2017 15:58

YANBU. Don't let them ruin your Christmas. And if they ask why they can't come, then tell them.

mylaptopismylapdog · 07/11/2017 15:58

I really wouldn't want them near any of my children ever again based on those cruel comments at a time like this. I hope you have a wonderful Christmas.

Islacornx · 07/11/2017 15:59

I remember your last thread, YADNBU at all!
Please please do not let them anywhere near, you need to have such a magical and special last Christmas for you all, having them there will only taint the memories for you and you will forever be angry at them ruining it for you. Shut yourselves out from the world and have a beautiful Christmas just the 3 (or 4) of you!
If your DS is able maybe you could go away and not tell them where you are so they don’t just turn up anyway?

Glumglowworm · 07/11/2017 16:01

I remember your other threads, nothing you could do to these people would be unreasonable!

Focus on your son, ignore them

IggyAce · 07/11/2017 16:03

OP I remember your previous thread. I'm sorry about your son. In the circumstances I definitely would exclude them from Christmas, I think it should be 3 of you and bump.

Ttbb · 07/11/2017 16:07

Firstly I am so sorry for what is happening to your son. Secondly no, that would not be unreasonable. Tbf I would have stopped acknowledging their existence after the pregnant with a replacement comment. Good on your for not assaulting them, they deserve a good box around the ears.

Lottie509 · 07/11/2017 16:13

Yanbu, They are lucky that you bother with them at all, I would go no contact.
You deserve to have the christmas you want.
Hope you have an amazing christmas Flowers

Iris65 · 07/11/2017 16:20

I would be excluding them from a lot more than Christmas.

Me too.

motherinferior · 07/11/2017 16:20

My love, I am so sorry you are going through this. Please do whatever you can to make this a Christmas you can look back on and smile about.

Mia1415 · 07/11/2017 16:22

I'm so very sorry about your son.

In your situation I don't think I could bring myself to ever speak to them again. Disgusting behaviour.