To want to totally exclude the inlaws at Christmas?

[GoJetterGirl]

Right, just as the title says, but so as not to drip feed:

Those of you who read my previous thread about my inlaws will remember that my son's cancer has relapsed and unfortunately he will not recover, we are buying him time.

The inlaws have come out with gems such as

"You're already pregnant with his replacement"

"She's not very motherly, we don't think she is making the best choices for DS"

"Her parents didn't want her so she can't possibly be a good mother"

"If DS dies it will kill FIL"

Amongst other really vile things to come out of their pot holes...

So, AIBU, being as stressed and as pregnant as I am to tell DH that his parents are not welcome, and our DS's last Christmas should be just us and not with them making demands and stressing me out? Bearing in mind I may have the baby early anyway as DS was a preemie?

💐

No, obviously YANBU.

Have a wonderful Christmas.

Am so sorry about your son.
I struggle to believe the utter heartless crud that some people spout!
At this point you should not feel guilty or unreasonable for your choices. Have Christmas just you and Dh , Ds, relax and enjoy it. The last thing any of you need is that sort of stress.
Tbh I would cut them off cold over the replacment comment - polite words fail me.

They sound like vile people I wouldn’t even be talking to them let alone having them come for Christmas.

I would not be having them anywhere near me at all. They sound very toxic. for you.

YANBU. Your son is ill, he may be very tired at christmas. Keeping it small and family only is going to be best for him.

No way would I want them any where near my last precious Christmas with my child. There is also an off switch for Skype. I’d insist your dh spoke to them in a room by himself with the door shut. Why the hell is he speaking to them every day? Or is it your ds? I’m so sorry . I cannot get over their comments. Your dh is in the fog.

I saw your last thread but didn't comment. I'm so glad to read the school and hospital are being supportive - sometimes it's helpful when people show their true colours!

Close the door and shut off communication with the outside world for at least 23-27 December, and have the loveliest, coziest Christmas you can possibly manage in the circumstances.

Meet PIL briefly before or after Christmas if it will mean a lot to your DH.

All good wishes to you and your family

I remember your other thread.
You's deserve a stress-free Christmas with your DS. Yanbu to not see them.

This is truly awful. Why does your DH let this continue ? My thoughts are with you x

Of course people who are highly likely to make your son's last Christmas a nightmare shouldn't be there. I'd suggest you disable Skype as well.

They sound disgusting and of course YANBU, but what does this mean please "Hubby is still slightly affected by FOG... I'm slowly cutting it out of him"?

You most certainly do not need these type of people in your lifes, esp family who are supposed to help and support you at this very difficult time.
You spend this time with your son and the family and friends who are there to hand hold.
Create speacial memories jetter

YANBU

Oh my goodness, what is there to say?

Even if they were lovely people who you get on well with you can have Christmas without them.

I hope that your husband finds the strength to go NC.

FOG= Fear Obligation and Guilt.

No - do not invite them. Have your peaceful Christmas with your son - a time to treasure.

You do what's right for you, DH and DS. Bollocks to anyone and everyone else. Be kind to yourselves and do whatever makes you happy

FOG is Fear Obligation Guilt. People who have been abused by family members often struggle to stand up to the abusers (in this case, OP's H was brought up by these awful people and will find it hard to break free of them.)

Ach Op, I am so sorry. I can’t imagine the pain that you are in with regards to your wee one and I’d expect people to be bending over backwards for you ~ not causing you more pain.
As others have said don’t have them near you if you possibly can.
Again, I am so very, very sorry about your son.

Thank you very much for the explanations of FOG.

Dear god GoJetterGirl - absolutely do NOT have them there.

Even if they were lovely kind gps and you just wanted it to be you, DH and ds this Xmas then that is what you should do.

Nobody in their right minds would think you should do anything other than focus on your son.

You are so brave OP, your son deserves his last Christmas to be surrounded by love, and not sullied by people who could say such unkind things.

((hugs))

Have you already spoken to DH about what you'd like to do for Christmas? Explain that you do not the additional stress on top of everything else. He is going to have to completely have your back on this though because you will forever be the one that denied them their last Christmas with their grandson (in their eyes). They have made the rod for their own back though but you will need DH to stand firm I fear despite his FOG!

No, you are not unreasonable. not ever.

I'd reduce the skype calls, they have no right to intrude on your family time. I'd also make it clear that whatever happens that you will be at home with just your DH/DS/Baby and that there are categorically no visitors this year