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To ban the inlaws from coming anywhere near the hospital...

(167 Posts)
GoJetterGirl Fri 13-Oct-17 22:41:24

While my DS has his central line fitted for his chemotherapy to start?

My inlaws are the worst variety, always questioning my parenting of DS, undermining DH and I and generally making the whole situation about them, bear with me, this could get quite long...

MrsPicklesonSmythe Fri 13-Oct-17 22:43:58

What a horrendous thing to go through. flowers
Without the info I can already say no YANBU. It's not a about them.

SoNouveau Fri 13-Oct-17 22:44:53

Depends, you say they are The Worst Variety, your DH might see it differently and they are his parents and the child's Grandparents.
Are your own parents also banned?
I understand it's a very difficult time for you and your child and your DH but don't forget they love your child too.

Aquamarine1029 Fri 13-Oct-17 22:45:37

Of course you should ban them but you wouldn't have to if you don't let them know when it is. Why would you tell them??

SaucyJack Fri 13-Oct-17 22:47:57


If they're not capable of being helpful and supportive, then it's probably in your son's interests that they take a backseat on the day.

I'm sure the medical staff don't need a family drama on the ward either.

Best wishes to you and yours, also xxxc

GoJetterGirl Fri 13-Oct-17 22:47:59

Oh dear, hit create by mistake 😫

Since we got DS' prognosis (not good) they have made the whole situation about how hard it is on them,

Now, FIL has unilaterally decided that they will be coming up to stay while he has his CVL fitted and for a while after, DH has very little say apparently, his dad will just turn up! 😡

So, am I being unreasonable to tell them that it's parents only on the ward my DS will be on that day, and that if they don't get their flu jabs, they had better not expect to come onto a ward with vulnerable children undergoing chemo?

Also, would I be unreasonable to let the staff know how stresssful their presence is and how their constant undermining of my parenting will make this situation more difficult? (Think FIL promising DS he could go for a walk outside during his first treatment and original DX, without checking if it was ok with the staff or me first!!! Incidentally, it wasn't, he more or less got asked to leave)

I'm not sure I can handle the stress of them at present tbh...

SnowBodyforrrrm Fri 13-Oct-17 22:48:32

Firstly and most importantly I'm so sorry your DS is needing to go through chemo and hope it's not too hard on him and is of course a success.

Secondly, no, you are not being unreasonable. At a time like this, you are your immediate family unit are what matters. If that means asking them to stay away then so be it. flowers

JKR123 Fri 13-Oct-17 22:48:40

They sound like an absolute nightmare. No YADNBU ban them

BlueSuffragette Fri 13-Oct-17 22:49:19

Say due to the nature of the treatment visitors are prohibited except for parents. Best wishes for a speedy recovery for your son. flowers

GoJetterGirl Fri 13-Oct-17 22:49:31

I grew up in care SoNouveau, no parents to speak of

GoJetterGirl Fri 13-Oct-17 22:50:33

Unfortunately, recovery is highly unlikely, this is a relapse rather than 1st diagnosis

Valentine2 Fri 13-Oct-17 22:50:55

What in the world is wrong with all these well-wishers who think imposing their trillions of germs on a vulnerable chemo patient is worth the love? I am angry on your behalf OP.

furryelephant Fri 13-Oct-17 22:51:40

Oh bless you all sadflowers
I've worked on a children's oncology ward, and I'm almost certain that if you tell the staff that you do not wish for them to be allowed in, they aren't allowed to let them in and should put a note to say that to anyone who may answer the door. Which is always an option if you feel they won't listen to you.
Hope it all goes well, children are amazing and far more resilient than us adults flowers

JamPasty Fri 13-Oct-17 22:52:08

Fuck that shit - tell the staff not to let them in, and tell your DH to put his son first and prevent the in-laws risking his and your son's health!

SoNouveau Fri 13-Oct-17 22:52:09

So sorry to see you DSs prognosis is not good, perhaps your DH should be talking to his parents and explaining the situation?

Sunnydaysrock Fri 13-Oct-17 22:52:36

This is definitely a time to put yourself and your DC first. Anything you have to do to get through this terribly stressful time would not be unreasonable. Their feelings do not come before yours. Do what you have to OP flowers

GoJetterGirl Fri 13-Oct-17 22:52:57

God only knows Valentine, FIL is under the impression that you have to be actively snotty and practically flu ridden to spread flu, then again, the same fucking moron believes that antibiotics cure all ills...

JamPasty Fri 13-Oct-17 22:53:17

Just saw your other post - I am so so sorry that recovery is unlikely flowers

GoJetterGirl Fri 13-Oct-17 22:56:24

DH is unfortunately emotional abused by his parents, he is starting to see it but isn't quite all the way there yet,

I'm planning on running interference via the staff and will be speaking with my oncology nurse to make sure that the ward knows I dont want them there,

My sons behaviour became an issue after his last treatment ended as they didn't believe in "upsetting the little fella" ha, well, it's not them that has the back lash, is it?! 😡

JamPasty Fri 13-Oct-17 22:57:53

I'm so sorry - what a hideous situation. Running interference and getting all the staff onside sounds like a very good plan.

Neuroticwoman Fri 13-Oct-17 22:58:24

flowers for you all.
Whilst I have some sympathy for your in laws, you and your child come first. Do what you think you need to and don't give it a second thought.

TooStressyForMyOwnGood Fri 13-Oct-17 23:01:46

You would not be unreasonable at all.

The staff will have seen lots of situations like this before and absolutely getting them on side would be an excellent plan. They may be able to help you deal with the in laws to at least reduce very, very slightly the stress you are going through.


GoJetterGirl Fri 13-Oct-17 23:06:39

I think the staff got the just during DS last treatment, when I got upset because MIL told me I was not "motherly" as I wasn't jumping up and down demanding Lab and scan results the day after they were taken...

DH was a DuH back then, still needs some work, but he's getting there

All I keep hearing from the MIL is "if DS dies it will kill FIL" fuck him, it'll fucking ruin me 😡 (Apologies for the language, their self involvement and entitlement is astounding)

Sprinklestar Fri 13-Oct-17 23:08:17

YANBU. My DH has had cancer and his parents were just dreadful! Made it all about them, couldn't control their emotions around our DC, constantly questioned our decisions and the Drs. It was embarrassing! You'll be so emotional yourself, the last thing you need is the added pressure of them being around. Wishing your DS lots of luck, OP.

shakeyourcaboose Fri 13-Oct-17 23:08:27

As @jampasty says fuck that shit! Let the staff know- you do not need to be dealing with this at such a horrendous time.

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