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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ban the inlaws from coming anywhere near the hospital...

166 replies

GoJetterGirl · 13/10/2017 22:41

While my DS has his central line fitted for his chemotherapy to start?

My inlaws are the worst variety, always questioning my parenting of DS, undermining DH and I and generally making the whole situation about them, bear with me, this could get quite long...

OP posts:
Original poster
GoJetterGirl · 13/10/2017 23:11

Thank you sprinkle, they really have no idea of how sick even the slightest bug can make DS once his treatment starts again, it's almost like they think that they can't make him ill as they "never go anywhere foreign" or "eat any strange foods" it's like banging my head against a brick wall... I'm sure I'm not meant to feel this exasperated with 2 adults older than me (not that I have parents to compare them to) but I'm damn sure that those to fuckers just ain't normal....

OP posts:
StaplesCorner · 13/10/2017 23:13

So you simply tell the staff that they are not to be admitted into the ward . You cut them off, no oxygen, say you will call them when you have news. Or just tell them to fuck off.

SoNouveau · 13/10/2017 23:15

How old are the Grandparents?
It seems unusual that anyone these days doesn't get how infections are with such ill children?
Is there anyone at the hospital who could have a chat with them about the possible outcome of your child's illness?

Original poster
GoJetterGirl · 13/10/2017 23:17

Oh I would love to tell them to fuck off, luckily enough, the ward is locked, I'm calling the ward before and explain there may be a couple of hangers on who will need to be sent on their way, they can wait the next 5 days on a park bench for all I care, not my circus, not my monkeys...

OP posts:
Sprinklestar · 13/10/2017 23:19

They sound like they'd get on well with my PILs! We also had a lockdown re germs etc and MIL would go on about how carefully she was preparing food but not wash her hands properly before preparing it and FIL came to visit with a cold... Honestly, you have more than enough to deal with. I barely talk to my PIL now as a result of their behaviour. I know they found it hard but it was way harder for me, facing an uncertain future with two toddlers, and they just made a dreadful situation worse.

Original poster
GoJetterGirl · 13/10/2017 23:19

They're late 60's early 70's, FIL would argue that blue is black and still inside he was right until the other person gave up...

As I said upthread, these idiots think antibiotics cure everything,

OP posts:
CheggarsPlaysPlop · 13/10/2017 23:20

GoJetter you have no obligation to these ignorant people, just to your son. I really hope and pray that he defies odds and expectations. I am so sorry to hear that they are adding further to your distress

Original poster
GoJetterGirl · 13/10/2017 23:22

As for hospital staff educating them, FIL is already demanding 2nd and 3rd opinions, but DS doesn't have time for those, (actually, I'm pissed about that, DH and I agreed no second opinions, why FIL thinks he has the right to any sort of opinion is beyond me)

OP posts:
gillybeanz · 13/10/2017 23:23

Please don't lie to them, it will only get worse.
I think you are going through enough without having to worry about your ils, just call them and tell them that it isn't happening and also tell your dh he does have a say, it's his son too.
Talk to the staff and tell them under no circumstances are they to be admitted into the hospital, and tell the ils this too.

So sorry you are going through this, Thanks for you all.

winglesspegasus · 13/10/2017 23:23

so sorry
in usa you can have anyone banned from hospital/treatment rooms
had to do this once.made things simpler to cope with .not easier but so less stressful and could use energy for sick one.

JamPasty · 13/10/2017 23:28

I think you're right, they don't sound normal to me. What happens if you totally lose your shit with them? Might it shock them into behaving a bit? And yes definitely to the park bench!

Original poster
GoJetterGirl · 13/10/2017 23:29

I've decided that I'm going to ban them from the hospital, I don't need the added stress while I'm trying to care for my sick child knowing full well that DS could take a turn for the worse at any time through treatment, I have a sister who I gained during my time in care and she is here for me and was even there for me last Time, giving me an hour to myself, bringing me stuff I needed but didn't want to leave to get iykwim?

Oncology nurse is being called Monday morning, and request fm for transport will be booked, I don't want them taking us to the hospital and hanging around like bumps on a log and trying to push their way into the anaesthetic room, it's not happening, thank you for lending me your spines ladies (and gents?!) what a lovely nest of vipers you are WineCakeBrewFlowersGin

OP posts:
JamPasty · 13/10/2017 23:32

Good on you! I really really hope that things go well for your son and for you all

Original poster
GoJetterGirl · 13/10/2017 23:33

@jampasty

I lost my shit with them once, it turned into a total shit show, think MIL laying in tears, then turning into a banshee and screeching alto DH about "that stupid little girl" not knowing how to bring up a child because "she's a product nobody wanted" (please note, just because I was in care doesn't mean I wasn't wanted, it just meant that my parents couldn't look after me, it's my choice not to have contact now)

OP posts:
yolofish · 13/10/2017 23:35

I am so sorry you and DS are going through all this. Flowers
Definitely agree to getting the staff on side and telling the PIL to fuck right off.

JamPasty · 13/10/2017 23:36

HOLY CRAP!! She sounds evil. If you managed not to deck her for what she said, well done. I'm actually speechless that anyone could be that nasty.

RarelyInfallible · 13/10/2017 23:38

They sound absolutely appalling. You are totally doing the right thing to ban them. Thinking of you at this awful time.

winglesspegasus · 13/10/2017 23:38

need more growls just let us know

dameglittersparkles · 13/10/2017 23:42

OP they sound fucking horrific
I'm that mad on your behalf I'm more than happy to send my ex doorman DH your way to keep the fuckers out!!
There really are some VILE people on this planet!

Original poster
GoJetterGirl · 13/10/2017 23:42

@JamPasty

I have immaculate self restraint (thank God)

Thank you everyone for your well wishes for DS, GoJetterBoy and I, I'll update once we know more and let you all know how it went

OP posts:
AcrossthePond55 · 13/10/2017 23:43

Fuck them and the horses they rode in on!! You do whatever YOU feel is right for your son. And if your DH won't back you up, then fuck him too!

Right now, there is nothing more important than your son's comfort and safety and your own strength and ability to deal with whatever may happen in the future. NOTHING! And whatever you need to do to protect him and make it easier for you to deal with this is the right thing to do!

wingless is right. Here you can put an absolute 'lockdown' on visitors and information regarding a patient. Not only no visitors but they annotate their system so that anyone pulling up the records will see that no information is to be given out by phone, even whether or not the person is actually a patient in their facility. I'm sure you can do the same thing in the UK.

JamPasty · 13/10/2017 23:44

You're one impressive woman! Best wishes and unmumsnetty hugs

Catrina1234 · 14/10/2017 00:06

I think you have made the right decision. Both of them are seriously out of order and are beyond tactless. I honestly don't know how you have put up with all this shit from them especially with a sick child. Do they live far away -if so could you tell them of your decision to save them arriving at your house.

I'm sure the ward sister will take notice of your wish -you are stressed enough without the PIL's crap. DH sounds like he could stand up to them though I gather that's a work in progress!

Really hope you little boy makes a good recovery and you take caree of yourself too.

HeebieJeebies456 · 14/10/2017 01:35

My 10 year old niece went through chemo treatment last summer.
From the moment she was due her central line and all throughout the actual chemo, only 'named' adults/carers were allowed contact with her.
My mum, one brother and myself were the 'named' people who took it in turns/shifts (along with her mum) to be with her.
I'm surprised the nurses haven't mentioned that to you yet.
The poor kid has basically zero immunity during that time hence why contact with others has to be seriously limited to 'needs' only.

Your toxic, nasty mil can just go fuck herself.
Don't let her anywhere near you either during that time.
It was tough both emotionally and mentally for me and i'm just the aunt, my sis put on a brave front but actually she was terrified.
You need supportive people around you not narcissistic leeches like your mil.

Crownandheelshigh · 14/10/2017 02:14

Hello.

Sorry to hear about your ds.
I have just given birth to my first child, he was born 9 weeks premature and was in special care, I would tell people not to come in if they had a cold etc and people still would - even parents etc of other children. It would really irritate me as obviously they are a little more vulnerable then usual.
People would try come and see me when they had a cough/cold when I came home with him 3 weeks ago and I basically cut anyone out of my life that attempted it. My son comes first.
i banned 2 people from seeing him and ward were fine with this.

Hope the stress of that goes soon so you can focus on your ds xxx

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