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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ban the inlaws from coming anywhere near the hospital...

166 replies

GoJetterGirl · 13/10/2017 22:41

While my DS has his central line fitted for his chemotherapy to start?

My inlaws are the worst variety, always questioning my parenting of DS, undermining DH and I and generally making the whole situation about them, bear with me, this could get quite long...

OP posts:
DartmoorDoughnut · 18/10/2017 22:21

They are disgusting excuses for human beings and YANBU at all.

Thinking of you and your DS Flowers

TeaAndToast85 · 18/10/2017 22:45

I have nothing insightful to say, just wanted to say that your PILs are actual dickheads, and I'm so sorry that you are going through this Flowers

AcrossthePond55 · 18/10/2017 22:49

Good for you for looking out for yourself AND your son! Let your DH handle his parents on his own. And don't be surprised if he suddenly 'sees the ligh't about them when you aren't there to facilitate or divert them away from him!

I hope you can book yourself a nice comfy hotel room near the hospital for when they're here and it can become a place of respite and calm for you. And spare yourself no (semi-reasonable) expense. You and DS are in my prayers.

littlemissglittersparkles · 18/10/2017 22:57

Honey this is absolutely awful!
If you are near me I would be MORE than happy to offer you RL support stand guard to keep the fuckers away from you at the hospital
Truly awful bastards!!
I'd be making sure they get nowhere near your baby either!

Hebenon · 18/10/2017 23:00

YANBU. Hope you can make it through without them causing more drama. I send you the very best of wishes for your DS and his treatment. May it be as successful as possible and as untraumatic as possible.

TheABC · 18/10/2017 23:07

Good luck OP. I hope it goes well and if that means ejecting the in laws or just walking out yourself, so be it. Do what you must to protect your sanity and DS.

Protectingmydaughterfromfilth · 18/10/2017 23:30

I nearly dropped my phone when I read the “replacement” crap. That is the most vile shit I have ever heard in my life. Why the actual F did your DH not disown her immediately, on the fucking spot when she said that? ShockHmm

Sprinklestar · 19/10/2017 04:20

You don't have to let them stay with you. My PIL turned up to stay the day after DH was diagnosed with cancer. Uninvited, tried to take over, didn't trust the Drs blah blah blah. As I said upthread, I barely speak to them now. What's more, DH, who is doing pretty well at the mo, now has a strained relationship with them too due to the way they treated me.

Right now you need your home to be your sanctuary and you should categorically not leave. Your DH needs to step up. Your DH needs to take a stand. If he sides with them over staying, you seriously need to rethink your relationship. It would be game over for me, seriously ill child or not. How dare he allow his family to make matters so much worse than they already are?

Flowers OP, thinking of your little one (and from DH's experience, the central line placement was pretty quick and straightforward so try not to worry too much).

justilou1 · 19/10/2017 04:33

You are without a doubt 100% right not to give a shit about them. You need to be with your little boy and don't need their dramas!

Cupcake99 · 19/10/2017 04:59

You are definitely not being u or a bitch! You are a strong,amazing woman who is trying to deal with the hand she has been dealt the best she can. As others have said, you are not responsible for where your in laws stay. As for dh, the way I finally got through to mine (who had a similarly overbearing father) I sat him down and said "when you married me you went from being their son to the head of THIS family-act like it! You need to be looking out for me and the kids,that is the only people you have a duty to". Sending my prayers that you can minimize the stress from the il and make the most of the time you have with your lovely boy.

emmyrose2000 · 19/10/2017 08:19

Or the real classic MIL came out with last night "well, she's already pregnant with his replacement

Oh my god. Shock

That has to be one of the most revolting things I've ever read on here.

These people are absolute vile scum. I have no idea why they're even still in your lives.

Please, please, tell your husband not to let them into your house, or to even answer the door to them. They should've been cut off years ago.

gymbummy · 19/10/2017 08:46

Your in-laws are cruel, callous, nasty pieces of work, with every update I feel more angry on your behalf. But actually, they don't matter, all that matters is your precious boy, my heart is breaking for you. I'm so glad you've got your sister (and you've also got a whole bunch of strangers on an internet chat room you can vent to).

SuperDandy · 19/10/2017 09:05

OP, I'm sending you strength. A lot of your posts have resonance for me, though my ILs are not as out and out nasty as yours.

Like you, I had to say to DH, you can have your parents continue to stay here if you feel that's is necessary for them, but kids and I will be moving out until they leave. He did manage to ask them to leave then, but it was by no means a given.

I came to realise that's he was and is so bound by his own parental fear obligation guilt thing that he is not able to put our family wellbeing above that. This made a difference, because now I don't wait for him to do it, I really ask him to do it, I just get on with protecting the boundaries for me and kids without expecting him to participate in that defence. It was an important shift, because now I just get mad at them, not at him for also letting me down.

You go right on ahead and protect the boundaries for you and your son.

And they can fuck right off with their nasty remarks and domineering behaviours. If I were there I'd get between them and you, like people did for me when my own parent tried the tragedy hijack thing. Fuckers.

Motherofterriers · 19/10/2017 09:39

I am so sorry. I hope your DH steps up and protects you from any nastiness from his parents. If not, ask them to leave. They should be the ones staying in a hotel, not you. But if that's not possible, then I agree, find a nice hotel and move out until they go.

This is more than hard enough without taking any crap from them. How dare they!

Wishfulmakeupping · 19/10/2017 09:59

They are truly disgusting op- I'm so sorry this happening at this time :(

Justanothernameonthepage · 19/10/2017 10:46

So sorry to hear of all the extra crap you're having to put up with.
If you've anyone who's asked if there is anything they can do, do you think you can get them to run interference during the IL stay? Taking them out for the days or even just taking them to supermarkets and telling them how nice it is they've turned up to do all the chores to relieve the pressure etc.

Justanothernameonthepage · 19/10/2017 10:51

Or if you can afford it, yes get a room in a hotel near the hospital as a base and leave them to it.

GrockleBocs · 19/10/2017 11:15

Nothing to add except best wishes for your ds and you Flowers and agreement that you absolutely should have no qualms about keeping as far away from your awful PIL as possible.

lookingforthecorkscrew · 19/10/2017 11:21

No advice to add but fucking hell OP, you’re amazing! Your DS is lucky to have you.

ohfourfoxache · 19/10/2017 12:00

I've just had to pick my jaw up off the floor reading this Shock

Op you are doing so well, I hope things go as well as they can

ohfourfoxache · 19/10/2017 12:02

I've just had to pick my jaw up off the floor reading this Shock

Op you are doing so well, I hope things go as well as they can

namechangeforthisasouting · 19/10/2017 12:30

Just read this thread in amazement. I can not believe how utterly selfish people can be around a sick child or adult for that matter. My ds was very prem and was obviously surrounded by very sick babies in the unit. My ex mil turned up to see him and expecting to hold him stinking of whiskey with a heavy cold and the biggest cold sour on her lower lip. This can be very harmful to premature babies there where huge signs up on the door saying you must not enter with cold sours. I pointed this out which was bad in itself that I had too and I was called awkward. They had made a long journey blah blah. Wants to see gs blah blah. These people shouldn't be causing you extra stress right now. They should be your support. I'm so sorry for what your all going through Flowers

Sashkin · 19/10/2017 12:52

The “replacement” comment is vile enough on its own to merit going NC. I’m shocked that your DH can’t see that.

Really, I would never see anybody again who said something like that to me. It is disgraceful. Please show your DH this thread so he understands how unreasonable he is being by inflicting such nasty nasty people on you at a time like this. I don’t care how much they are grieving themselves, it is no excuse at all for being so vile to a very sick child’s mother (or anyone, come to that).

MrsLupo · 19/10/2017 13:01

They sound awful. It all sounds awful. Flowers for you Jetter. I will keep you and your DS in my thoughts.

namechangeforthisasouting · 19/10/2017 13:49

Totally agree. The replacement comment winded me. Unforgivable