Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ban the inlaws from coming anywhere near the hospital...

166 replies

GoJetterGirl · 13/10/2017 22:41

While my DS has his central line fitted for his chemotherapy to start?

My inlaws are the worst variety, always questioning my parenting of DS, undermining DH and I and generally making the whole situation about them, bear with me, this could get quite long...

OP posts:
Belleende · 14/10/2017 06:55

I would go further. Ban them from coming anywhere near full stop, and remove them from your thoughts. You need all your strength for your son. You need to be surrounded by people who add to that strength, and remove all people and things that are draining.
Whatever the fallout is you can deal with it later, it is just not important right now. You have total permission to do whatever you need to remain sane.
I hope the treatment does its job this time round take care of yourself..

Fishface77 · 14/10/2017 07:14

Maybe you can channel all that anger/frustration/grief/emotion and blast them good and proper so you never have to see these awful people again.
Flowers for you all op.

CakesRUs · 14/10/2017 07:22

I've been where you are now, we found many people to be thoughtless - down right stupid sometimes ("you've got less hair than your dad now", "this is what they call the cancer diet" - to our 5 year old DD) at a time when emotions are raw. Whatever you decide YANBU, you've got to get through this in any way that helps you cope.

Having said that, it's important to consider what DH thinks about his parents, their input and how you handle them, not just as he has his his wiggly put in, but in general. There were times for us when we didn't want visitors - it's fine to say so and should be respected.

Good luck with his line op. Genuinely sending you a sincere hug. If you were in front of me now, I'd be hugging you.

LazyDailyMailJournos · 14/10/2017 07:25

No words to add except to wish your DS the very best of luck and that I hope all goes to plan Flowers

gunsandbanjos · 14/10/2017 07:29

I’d ban them and not give it a second thought, your DS needs all your love and attention and if they don’t like it then they can fuck right off.

Good luck, hope it goes as well as it can.

MamaOfTwos · 14/10/2017 07:30

Ban them, tell them you'll get a restraining order if necessary. My mum let herself into the NICU when my DD was in, I came back from the toilet to find her there, I was livid.
All that matters is you, DS and DH Flowers

Wishfulmakeupping · 14/10/2017 07:31

Wishing your ds all the best op hope so much that his treatment work- lots of love.
Do whatever you can to make this whole thing more manageable it's not about your unlaws it's about your son and you and Dh being there for him- in laws sound like a nightmare.
So sorry this is happening

pp2017 · 14/10/2017 07:33

I started out at the top of this thread angry 😡 and by the bottom I was choked with tears 😢

What a horrific enough situation for you and DH to be going through without the added stress of dealing with the behaviour of a pair of chuffin morons!!

All I keep hearing from the MIL is "if DS dies it will kill FIL"

This comment alone would have landed my MIL on her arse.....

Thewinedidit · 14/10/2017 07:34

I'm so angry on your behalf OP. You do not need selfish people giving you stress right now.

You have to do what you think is the best thing for your son and your family. If PIL don't like that, then it's their issue to deal with.

I hope the treatment goes well. You will be in my thoughts.

purplepandas · 14/10/2017 07:35

Hoping this goes as smoothly as possible for your D'S, you are doing the right thing. Definitely time to focus on you, DS and DH. Thinking of you all.

GeekyWombat · 14/10/2017 07:35

A couple of your comments have actually taken my breath away. What horrible self centred bastards. Fuck them. You owe them nothing.

Sending best wishes and good thoughts to you, your DH and GoJetterBoy.

malika54 · 14/10/2017 07:38

The only question for me is: would your son be happy about having his grandparents around? If so, don't push them away.
If not, make excuses. DS is the only person who matters here. Lots of Flowers and love to you xxx

MissEliza · 14/10/2017 07:42

Good luck to you and your ds on Monday Op Flowers

OnTheRise · 14/10/2017 07:43

All I keep hearing from the MIL is "if DS dies it will kill FIL"

Good grief. I'm amazed you still have anything to do with them at all.

You need to focus on your child. And yourself. Tell your husband you don't want to see or hear from them at all for the foreseeable future, and that this is not up for discussion. Tell the staff at the hospital the same. And then try not to think about them ever again.

I am so sorry your son is so ill. I hope the two of you can have some happy times together, and that the putting-in of the line goes as well as it can.

HeppyKestrel · 14/10/2017 07:56

You sound like an incredibly strong mum.

Best wishes for your son's treatment.

Booboostwo · 14/10/2017 07:57

Your DS's needs come first and fuck anyone who does not understand that. Your MIL and FIL are obviously suffering too but this does not excuse taking out their anger and hurt on you. They are adults, they have to find ways of managing their feelings without impacting you. Their role is to do xactly what you need, exactly as you need it.

Is there anyone else in the family/friends who could have a frank talk with them? My best friend's mum behaved in a similar way and I had to speak to her privately about it - I think it helped as I was once removed from the situation.

Hugs for you and your family.

CiderwithBuda · 14/10/2017 07:59

Why are some people so unutterably selfish, self-centred and stupid???

You are definitely not being unreasonable at all.

Do I get it that they want to come and stay with you? Please ask your DH to tell them not to come. He can tell them the hospital have said that nobody other than you and DH is to be in contact.

Wishing you all the very best and I sincerely hope that your DS is ok. Flowers

Bucketsandspoons · 14/10/2017 08:03

It's very clear these people (bloody understandably!) stress and upset you, need a lot of your time, attention and management - and that I. Itself is why they shouldn't be anywhere near the hospital on Monday.

Ds is the one having the procedure, he will need his mum, not a crowd of noisy, emotional family, and he needs to have all of his mum being able to be calm and focused on him. Not the bits of her that two selfish, childish adults don't use up. Angry

So sorry you and your little boy are going through this.

emmyrose2000 · 14/10/2017 08:50

she's a product nobody wanted

Holy hell! Even without your son's situation, this comment alone would've had me permanently cutting off this vile, evil, toxic piece of shit. WTH says something like that?! Especially to someone whose child is going through cancer treatment.

I think your plan to ban them from the hospital is the right one.

Best wishes to your little boy. Flowers

justilou1 · 14/10/2017 12:03

Nope - those two can fuck right off. You don't have the time or energy to waste on humouring them. Your son's time is precious and you need to spend it with him and your dp. They sound batshit, quite frankly. DEFINITELY run interference at the hospital and DEFINITELY call the police/ security/ national guard - ANYONE to keep them away from you right now.

I am so sorry you are going through this, OP. I wish I could be there to bounce the grandparents from the hospital on your behalf!!!

KeepItAsItIs · 14/10/2017 12:10

YANBU!!!!!

Fuck them and their drama. I've never heard anything a selfish in my life!!

Good luck to you and your brave DS. Flowers

washingmachinefastwash · 14/10/2017 12:11

I’m so sorry about your sons diagnosis.

Let the staff know you don’t want them there and give their names.

SilverySurfer · 14/10/2017 13:59

I'm so sad to read about your DS OP and am sure the hospital staff will keep your PIL at bay. They are outrageous to act in such a way that you have to spare even a minute to deal with their selfish actions.

I am an atheist but will gladly pray to any god who may be listening to look after your DS and giving you and your DH the strength to cope with what the future may bring Flowers

Original poster
GoJetterGirl · 18/10/2017 14:42

update

Thank you all, DS is having his procedure over the next few days as we decided to let him have a little more time of 'normal' before the onslaught of treatment was to begin, all done with agreement of consultant and staff...

The inlaws are now jumping up and down saying that it's not good enough, how he should already be being given his chemo etc..

My DH is slowly going to pieces, I'm trying to remain strong for both him and DS, but the arseholes (having not listened) are arriving tomorrow... so, I will be talking them that I don't expect them to mention anything about DS being ill, and the second they undermine me or DH I will be leaving with DS until they get the fuck out of my house. DH can either have his wife and child at home or his parents, it's up to him, I get that they are in the later stages of their lives, but I don't have the energy to worry about "this killing dad" or "what are we going to tell everyone?" Or the real classic MIL came out with last night "well, she's already pregnant with his replacement" so suffice to say my patience is wearing very very thin.

Hospital staff have been briefed, and if they do much as try to push their greedy little snouts in on the day they will be asked to leave and escorted out by security if necessary... I do not have to put up with their shit, especially on such a crucial day at such a crucial time.

So, one more AIBU "to permanently ban them from the hospital on the basis that I never know what's going to come out of their pot holes and save me the stress of having to put up with 2 adult children?"

OP posts:
XJerseyGirlX · 18/10/2017 14:52

Go Jetter, im so sorry about your DS. Your PIL's sound awful! TBH I wouldn't be worrying about offending them.. just tell them they don't know what they are talking about and to fuck off.
Take care

Swipe left for the next trending thread