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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ban the inlaws from coming anywhere near the hospital...

166 replies

GoJetterGirl · 13/10/2017 22:41

While my DS has his central line fitted for his chemotherapy to start?

My inlaws are the worst variety, always questioning my parenting of DS, undermining DH and I and generally making the whole situation about them, bear with me, this could get quite long...

OP posts:
Fishface77 · 18/10/2017 14:58

Op.
Tell them to fuck of. Delete and block. This is drama you do not need.
You can do it.

WildRosesGrow · 18/10/2017 15:01

Is there anyone who could offer to have them to stay, so you are able to keep your house nice and peaceful? You understandably are feeling very antagonistic towards them, so having them to stay doesn't sound like a good idea for anyone.

grimeofthecentury · 18/10/2017 15:02

They sound beyond insensitive and your dh needs to stand up to them

If they want to come and stay they stay in at the Travelodge or somewhere near and they only come and see ds when YOU SAY it's ok

All the best luck in the world for your family and your ds, hope he is feeling ok and everything goes smoothly

AcrossthePond55 · 18/10/2017 15:02

They're showing up anyway and staying with you!!??!! OMG!

I know neither of these is probably practical, but I'd either book them a (cheap) room elsewhere and tell them they aren't staying in my home OR I'd just take DS for a little 'holiday' and get a room for the two of us right off the bat.

You know they're going to create a shitstorm. Why wait for it? Preemptive strike is the way to go. And I know you want to 'be there' for your DH, but do realize that he's creating this situation by refusing to stand up to his parents in the first place. You take care of you and your child. Your DH needs to grow a pair and get counseling help to do so.

Hillingdon · 18/10/2017 15:16

What a terrible situation to be in. Its so easy to then just blurt out something due to tiredness etc which could cause a massive family rift.

Could I ask what involvement you would like from them? The reason I ask is that you don't sound as though you want them in your lives at all.

The most pressing issue is your DS so what about writing them a short letter. Close down the situation but say you want time on your own to come to terms with all of this Many apologies but they wont be able to stay with you and you want to keep the environment as clean as possible. Tell them the hospital has guided you so no colds and they must have the flu jab and such like.

If you tell them to fuck off as others have said you will then create a massive rift in the family and if your DH wont support you you will be under even more stress.

DH must be OK with the letter as well as I suspect they are likely to contact him first

Nocabbageinmyeye · 18/10/2017 16:02

"already pregnant with his replacement" Shock you could probably murder the fucking witch and get off with on this alone! What an absolute evil cunt!!!

Wishing you and your ds all the very best GoJetterGirl

sinceyouask · 18/10/2017 16:04

Your dh is a weak fool.

KiaraS · 18/10/2017 16:30

I'm so so sorry for your DS and that you are dealing with such tragic news and circumstances. You need your strength and resilience at this time so you do whatever you need to do to hold onto that. They are his grandparents so they should see him at some point and perhaps their 'drama' is down to their hearts breaking too and they don't know how to deal with it. Either way, you do what you need. And I wish you all a better outcome than you fear. Flowers

OnTheRise · 18/10/2017 16:32

I'm horrified that they're turning up anyway.

You don't have to let them in.

If you do let them in, you don't have to let them stay.

You don't even have to speak to them.

You do not need this stress now. I am so very sorry. I hope your son's procedure goes well and that your in laws turn human in the next few hours, and realise how extremely wonderful you are.

Take care of yourself.

StaplesCorner · 18/10/2017 20:03

The fact that you are asking AIBU after they said "well, she's already pregnant with his replacement" says to me that you don't think you are going to be able to cope with this. Your DH is a dick.

Is there any chance you could get a doctor or someone in authority to talk to your DH so as to (a) get him off your back, because in not supporting you he is on your back and (b) tell him the inlaws have to be sent away? Who might do that - do other posters know? Do you have a Macmillan nurse or similar that could do a home visit?

THirdEeye · 18/10/2017 20:31

I think a preemptive strike is what is needed.

You need to create a clam atmosphere for your DS and having two adult children creating drama etc, will not help.

Stay somewhere else with him, tell DH he has a choice he can stay with them or enjoy some time away with you both.

What your MIL has said was/is unforgivable.

Original poster
GoJetterGirl · 18/10/2017 20:45

I've banned them from the hospital full stop, I will be disappearing from the house for the time they are here, I'm hoping it will send a very stark clear message to all

It looks like I'm going to have to tell staff the things they are saying and to get them on board to help prevent the crazies from causing me or DS any emotional harm or stress,

My worst nightmare is these 2 arseholes making themselves comfy at DS's death bed and making the whole thing about them, you get the picture, dramatic crying, MIL screaming and fainting, wanting to push me and DH aside and take over when we as his parents are the only ones who should be there... I will nip this in the bud before it becomes an issue... I already told DH that I don't really care how stressful his parents are finding this, my worry is DS, not them. Or do I sound like a bitch?

OP posts:
browndollXo · 18/10/2017 20:47

Yanbu at all.

browndollXo · 18/10/2017 20:47

Good luck and all the best for you ❤️

Neverknowing · 18/10/2017 20:47

Absolutely no you do not sound like a bitch. Yes the situation is hard for all but being dramatic and acting like an arse isn't helping you or your child. Be with your son, you shouldn't have to worry about anyone else.
I'm so so sorry you're going through this Flowers

Hissy · 18/10/2017 20:57

What makes me tha absolute angriest I’ve ever been is the injustice at the hand you’ve been dealt. I’m so sorry!

I will be thinking of you and your ds and please my darling know that you are most definitely NBU, your h does need to tackle this head on and make sure that they are NOT going to come down or stay with you.

You’re in my thoughts, I hope TI helps xx

Hissy · 18/10/2017 20:57

It! Not ti, sorry!

HeebieJeebies456 · 18/10/2017 21:05

Longterm - i think you're better off going totally no-contact with them.
If your dh wants to keep a relationship with them that's up to him......but don't subject yourself and any future dc to this level of crazy.

ItsNachoCheese · 18/10/2017 21:16

Yanbu in any way shape or form. Those 2 clowns on the other hand...

undertheradarplease · 18/10/2017 21:18

You do NOT sound like a bitch. You sound like a mother going through hell and back whilst trying to keep it all together for your gorgeous boy.

He is YOUR child and you need to do what's in the best interests of you all. How can you care for him if you're full of anxiety and stress?

Sometimes, being civil and fair doesn't mean rolling over and being a doormat complacent. If keeping the peace = keeping your distance then that's what needs to be done.

Sending lots of love to you during this awful time Flowers

stopfuckingshoutingatme · 18/10/2017 21:23

Oh my lord OP . I am so sorry you are g I feel through this

You have every right to rant at the whole fucking world quite frankly

Don't know about your in laws but sending you every ounce of support , strength and healing for your child FlowersFlowersFlowers

I hope you come through this soon xx

OnTheRise · 18/10/2017 21:30

You're not only not behaving unreasonably, you are being magnificent in making sure your son isn't stressed right now. Keep on with that. You're good.

stopfuckingshoutingatme · 18/10/2017 21:32

Ah I just read it was a relapse . Fuck OP

No not BU . Never never

Just use the medical staff to keep them away they will have seen this shit before it's so common

Can you try and block them out .
Do they genuinely love your sons and what does he think of them ?

I am desperately trying to find some positive angle for them to interact

And you are not BU it's a crazy time Flowers

TwitterQueen1 · 18/10/2017 21:52

You are one very strong, lovely lady OP. You are dealing with the most awful, stressful situation and doing it with courage, determination and an overwhelming resolution to do what's best for your son first of all, and then you and your DH.

You are so right to keep your in-laws out of this. You've tried to help them understand. They don't seem capable of this so you have no option but to bar them from the room.

Your instincts are right. Your gut is right. Your decisions are right. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise. You will find the strength to do what you need to. Such a shame that you have no-one to support you (except all of us here!) and that you are having to do all the supporting.

Love and hugs and flowers and a great big kick up your PILs arses!

Figgygal · 18/10/2017 21:56

They are disgusting
Your poor ds I hope his treatment goes as well as it can