To be really fucking fed up with people thinking I'm pregnant

[frieda909]

I'm 33 and slightly overweight. I'm tall-ish, 5 ft 8, and BMI 26 or so. I'm completely prepared for people to tell me this makes me disgusting and obese, but I consider myself reasonably fit (I can run a half marathon) and I have always been very muscular so I don't think I'm particularly huge.

However, people always seem to think I'm pregnant. At least once or twice a week someone will offer me a seat on the tube. I seem to naturally have quite a round belly and a pronounced curve in my spine, and no matter how much I adjust my posture or change my outfits it always seems to happen.

I was at a work do tonight wearing a nice cocktail dress and feeling quite good about myself, but then the very first person that I introduced myself to asked me when I was due I even had a large glass of wine in my hand FFS.

I then had to do the whole awkward 'oh I'm not actually, haha, but don't worry, I'm not offended' thing and practically fall over myself to reassure this person they hadn't upset me. I held it together for the rest of the night but I've just come home and burst into tears over the whole thing. And now I'm not only feeling fat and ugly, I'm also really annoyed with myself for getting so upset over the whole thing. Why does it matter so much if a random stranger thinks I look pregnant?

I should add that even when I've been a couple of stone lighter I've still had the pronounced belly, so I'm not even sure losing weight would be a miracle cure. I feel like these incidents have happened more and more since I reached my late 20s/early 30s, maybe because more people see that as an 'acceptable' age to be pregnant? I don't know.

I just feel really really shit right now

[notevernotnevernotnohow]

On the tube, I'd just take the seat.

But then had to do the whole awkward 'oh I'm not actually, haha, but don't worry, I'm not offended' thing and practically fall over myself to reassure this person they hadn't upset me

Why? Why would you do that? You are offended and they have upset you. You don't have to explicitly say so but a nice long pause and a chilly "Im not pregnant" would embarass them into maybe shutting the hell up next time, and make them feel a bit shitty for being rude to you.

I get it, I've had it from people (I'm fat around the middle), but don't let them off so easily.

[abbsisspartacus]

I got accused of having five children one was a thirty year old mom of three I'm 42 FPS

And I'm going to go to the gym when I'm better because people have been looking at my stomach I'm flabby not pregnant 😕

[abbsisspartacus]

I should add I looked at the woman like I was going to kill her my friend stepped in and explained I honestly couldn't get a polite word out

[Farmerswife4life1984]

Bmi 26 or so ???? - it's hardly obese (unless you are much bigger ) Why would you then justify it ? Just say " no I'm not thanks "

[Lonelystarbuckslover]

Who are these people that do this? I could be sat in front of a 36 week pregnant woman and I still wouldn't verbally assume she was pregnant. I sat with a woman at a meeting all day thinking that she must have been, then we were having dinner and she mentioned imminent maternity leave. No pregnancy or baby convos until that point!

I'm sorry you feel so shit, that sucks.

[BramblyHedgeHog]

Oh that sounds shite. People can be thoughtless.

Chin up. I wouldn't bother trying to convince people you're not offended or upset tbh.

[userofthiswebsite]

You're not alone. I've never been expecting but my tummy permanently has that air... I just think some people put weight on in certain places and for me at least it's all on my middle.

[ethelfleda]

Agree with starbucks - why can't people keep their mouths shut unless they know for sure!! I would never assume someone was either!
People are crap. I wish I had some good advice for you OP

[GammaDelta]

Ooh my god this is my story... I am tall ..DS is 3.. 2 years back i lost all my pregnancy weight (14 kgs.) ran a half marathon... n voila discovered my love for food n i gained back..... 20... Yes 20 kgs.. now when people congratulate me on my second pregnancy (I am not pregnant) I just say thanks n the due date is after 6 months.... I know it's silly but I am bored of correcting people and explaining reason for gaining back all the weight

[AssassinatedBeauty]

A friend of mine had a large fibroid and had a similar shape. Is that something that could be possible?

[user1andonly]

Huge sympathy from me. As a classic apple shape, I used to get this all the time and, yes, it made me feel really crap about myself.

I don't get it anymore although I still have the belly. I must look old enough for it to be assumed to be middle aged spread I'm 47 but the belly has been there since I hit puberty, whether I was a size 10 or an 18.

On the tube though, I would take the seat with a smile! Silver lining and all that!

[HillaryWinshaw]

Right with you, OP. I got it constantly, didn't stop until I had s tummy tuck (not much help to you, I know.) I agree with a PP, though - stop trying to make rude people feel better. Just tell them you're not pregnant and let the bastards squirm.

[DSHathawayGivesMeFannyGallops]

Ahhh I have the "is she isn't she belly"! I'm curvy with big boobs, too. In the wrong clothes or with my "please offer me a seat" badge fron tfl (not a BoB one), I get this a bit! I find "no I'm just fat" or pointing out it's not a BoB badge usually mortifies people. Take those offered seats and then tell them!

[MrsOverTheRoad]

OP it could be bloating. You might have a food intolerance. Gluten and wheat cause bloating.

Look at your diet. You also sound as though you have a weak core. Get thee to Yoga.

[10greenapples]

I'm surprised you get offered a seat so much, I got offered a seat only twice in my whole pregnancy and I was huge. But yeh I would say "um I'm not" and just stare at them hopefully will make them think before asking in future.

[Notevilstepmother]

I get that shape when I am pre-menstrual, which emotionally is not the best time for dealing with such comments! I'm not pregnant I'm fat seemed to stop them in their tracks!

It may be worth getting checked because I did have an ovarian cyst that made me that shape all the time.

People shouldn't be so rude.

[mummmy2017]

I pat my tummy and say, i really love my Food baby my partner has a Beer baby, and we both laugh.
you can then walk away.

[mobotdontneeddrugs]

I'm apple shaped and have had this once or twice.

Weirdly, when I WAS actually pregnant the 2nd time round (not having shed the weight from 1st pregnancy) and told a contractor from work that I was going on maternity leave I was a bit put out when she was all "oh my god, you're pregnant, I hadn't noticed!!" and I was 6 months gone and thinking...did you just think I was THS fat?

Meh. I'm a healthy weight and have worked hard to be all my adult life (HM runner also) and I still have the pudgy belly that makes people think I am fatter than I am. No matter what I do...

[JeffyJeffington]

It happens to me occasionally. And it happened to me this week with someone I'm semi friendly with and she was mortified. I have my best bright and breezy laughing it off act and I don't think she bought it. As I had a miscarriage a few months back I was all the more upset but didn't want to show it because a) it seems like an overreaction and b) cos I can do without people's pity and guilt quite frankly - them feeling bad for thinking I'm a big fat of tummy, and also about how much they perceive that I want a second baby. It is shocking that anyone would make that kind of comment if they weren't sure. I would member dream of it myself

[Italiangreyhound]

'BMI 26' is excellent. Just one point over into overweight.

I hvae a round tummy and despite being in my 50s people still ask me when I am due. I once had someone question me three times.

Ignore the question, pre-empt as they start with, does this blouse make me look preggers! Or simply say, I'm not pregnant.

[MaisieDotes]

then had to do the whole awkward 'oh I'm not actually, haha, but don't worry, I'm not offended' thing and practically fall over myself to reassure this person they hadn't upset me.

You don't have to do this. Just say "I'm not pregnant". It isn't your fault that they mistook you for being pregnant and you don't have to reassure them. Who tf asks this kind of thing? Have they ever seen an actual third trimester bump I wonder?

[scottishdiem]

I get that its a hassle but we also get posts on here from women in tears cause they werent offered a seat on public transport despite being pregnant. Seems a delicate issue.

[ExplodedCloud]

I once made the mistake of saying to someone 'ooh are you pregnant again?' In my defence she was skinny normally and looked exactly like she had done in her previous pregnancy. She looked me in the eye and said 'No. Just fat'. I'm cringing 5 years later

[frieda909]

Gosh, thank you everyone! I must say these are much nicer and far more sympathetic replies than I expected on AIBU

To those asking why I bothered to reassure the person asking, I guess it's because I can't stand the idea that I've made someone else feel bad. Even if that someone else has been really thoughtless! I knew they didn't mean it unkindly and were just trying to make conversation, plus I knew I had to spend several more hours at the party with them. I couldn't stand the idea of awkwardly avoiding eye contact with them for the whole evening.

But yes Lonelystarbucks, that's why I find it so odd. I will literally NEVER allude to a woman being pregnant unless she mentions it herself. I had a colleague who was pretty much ready to pop by the time she finally announced her pregnancy to the office. It was so bloody obvious but I still didn't say a word until she herself brought it up. I would certainly never, EVER say anything to a total stranger who has the 'is she, isn't she?' belly!

I was travelling for work a few months ago and had to go to a drinks reception, and I noticed that the hostess made a point of telling me that they also had plenty of soft drinks available in addition to the trays of champagne that were being handed out. That I really didn't mind, because she did it very discretely and even though I'm fairly sure it was because of my belly, it wasn't done in an 'OMG you're pregnant' kind of way. It gave me the chance to just say 'thank you, I'd love some champagne' and that was that. So if someone really isn't sure and they feel they really need to know, then there are still tactful ways around the whole thing.

DSHathaway I have long thought I need an 'I'm just fat, thanks' badge for the tube Although on a different note, I am so pleased to see that the blue badges have been brought in permanently. They're a great idea!

Assassinated, funnily enough someone else mentioned fibroids to me when I was talking about this a few weeks ago. I feel like it's unlikely as I've had this shape for pretty much all my adult life, but nothing's impossible I suppose. Certainly something to think about!

[user1andonly]

I did have fibroids and had a hysterectomy three years ago but I still have a fat belly!

I was aboslutely gutted when I weighed myself a week after the op and had only lost four pounds as the fibroids were quite large apparantly.