To be really fucking fed up with people thinking I'm pregnant

[frieda909]

I'm 33 and slightly overweight. I'm tall-ish, 5 ft 8, and BMI 26 or so. I'm completely prepared for people to tell me this makes me disgusting and obese, but I consider myself reasonably fit (I can run a half marathon) and I have always been very muscular so I don't think I'm particularly huge.

However, people always seem to think I'm pregnant. At least once or twice a week someone will offer me a seat on the tube. I seem to naturally have quite a round belly and a pronounced curve in my spine, and no matter how much I adjust my posture or change my outfits it always seems to happen.

I was at a work do tonight wearing a nice cocktail dress and feeling quite good about myself, but then the very first person that I introduced myself to asked me when I was due I even had a large glass of wine in my hand FFS.

I then had to do the whole awkward 'oh I'm not actually, haha, but don't worry, I'm not offended' thing and practically fall over myself to reassure this person they hadn't upset me. I held it together for the rest of the night but I've just come home and burst into tears over the whole thing. And now I'm not only feeling fat and ugly, I'm also really annoyed with myself for getting so upset over the whole thing. Why does it matter so much if a random stranger thinks I look pregnant?

I should add that even when I've been a couple of stone lighter I've still had the pronounced belly, so I'm not even sure losing weight would be a miracle cure. I feel like these incidents have happened more and more since I reached my late 20s/early 30s, maybe because more people see that as an 'acceptable' age to be pregnant? I don't know.

I just feel really really shit right now

abbsisspartacus "I got accused of having five children"

How odd.

People are just arses. I would never dream of commenting on whether a woman was or wasn't pregnant.

I wouldn't bother trying to pretend anymore that you are not offended by it. That is the only way such twats learn to think before commenting.

This has happened to me a few times too and I had a bmi of 25 at the time but also carry weight around my stomach. I'm usually too embarrassed to tell them they're wrong ... why I don't know!

Had the same problem for a time. I'm of the opinion that unless you are sure someone is pregnant, you shouldn't be commenting.
My response was always " No, I'm just fat".
Their embarrassment at this response, was to me eminently satisfying and I hope it made them consider whether they should comment at all.

I have a huge belly and have had this a few times, I like to deliberately misunderstand the question. Ie, when are you due? due where? Do you know what you're having? mmm, I'm thinking spaghetti bolognese. or even better 'what makes you think I'm pregnant? are my boobs leaking or something?' followed by some frantic looking at my boobs. I used to go with 'i'm just fat' but making them squirm really amuses me.

I have this shape to my body too. My belly is always the first place I gain weight. I used to be 40 lbs heavier and had someone poke my belly and ask when I was due. It was humiliating and upsetting because I was also suffering from infertility. I never, ever ask anyone when they are due or if they are pregnant. I never would want anyone to feel like I did. I told her I was just fat and walked away.

My back kinda sways in, too so that part sticks out even now that I'm 40 lbs lighter! Sucks! Even core training doesn't seem to change the shape, grrrrr. At least you are offered seats!

This has happened to me too in that age, but now when I'm older people don't say it anymore. It could be an age thing, you being in your thirties. I stopped hearing those comments sometimes around the age of 40, but right up until then people seemed to indulge in commenting and "it's never too late" and all that.

I just read on the website alreadypretty about people sharing experiences under the headline "I'm not pregnant. I'm fat". One of those stories is about a woman writing "I met some of my husband's relatives for the first time and his grandmother asked me (in front of everyone at dinner) if we were expecting. I was mortified. I acted cool though and smiled and said, "no" politely." This happened to me too except it was the brother and not the grandmother. I very much dislike it when people poke you hard right in the middle of your tummy, while asking the question, as if testing out what's inside, it's so rude. But now I'm over 50 so it's not happening to me anymore. Like the reply shared by one woman on that website "One of these days when someone says 'Are you pregnant?' I'll say 'No, are you?' Even if the woman in question is 80."

Hum.
I was going to ask if you were permanently bloated, but then you mentioned the pronounced curve in your back.

Still, the bloating might be an option - do certain foods seem to increases the bulging of your belly? If so, it might be worth investigating the possibility that you may have something digestive going on, that could be resolved by dietary changes (intolerances, yeast overgrowth, excess gas, that kind of thing).

Your "sway back" though - have you tried yoga? Have you seen an osteopath? do you get back ache? Just being fit isn't good enough, if you're not using the right muscle groups in the right way - and if your back has been like that your whole life/adult life, then it might take some work to change it - but it might be worth it as, even if you don't have back problems now, you might start to have them as you get older.

Just a few ideas to consider - but in the end, essentially, other people should just STFU and mind their own business!

I get this fairly often, and have been a range of sizes from 6-16 but get it whatever size I am. It's just my shape (my sisters are the same), although a couple of c sections haven't helped! I'm also a (marathon) runner and do a lot of yoga & Pilates so it's not likely a fitness/core issue.
However much I know I shouldn't take it personally, it does sting. Happened this week, just some random woman where I was waiting to cross the road. I also do the over the top 'please don't worry, I'm totally not offended...' thing.

I look pregnant after eating carbs, especially bread. It's also the first place weight goes on me, it's very annoying.

You don't need to rescue anyone's feelings if they ask you, it's downright rude to ask someone if they're pregnant.

I can recommend investing in magic knickers/stomach support I always put them on when wearing a summer dress for example. I seem to be developing middle aged spread despite no more gain in weight.

I swear by it and I feel better in it.

I went to try a yoga class once years ago and the woman said 'oh, i;ve not had a pregnant lady in one of my classes for a while' I wasn't! didnt go back..

I'm short with a flat chest and a BMI of 21 (size 10) and I have this - a round, non-flabby tummy that in the 'right' clothes can look early(ish) second trimester. I also have scoliosis. I also get the odd 'accusation' of pregnancy - if it's any comfort, I think it happens more when someone is otherwise slim all over, as it looks, in people's minds, 'less likely' to be from extra weight.

I don't let it upset me because I refuse to build my self-esteem on a flat stomach or lack of it. It saddens me when i see on threads on here that weight and figure are such important determiners of a woman's self-esteem. Yes, it's society/patriarchy at fault, but I think we ourselves need to stop buying into it if we can.

I keep meaning to do a Pilates course when I have time - not for this, just for general core strength and spine reasons - but wondering idly if it will make any change. I did some weekly very intense gymnastics/power yoga classes for a while when I was younger and it didn't help.

I had a man do this to me. He was hitting on my friend and she was trying to get rid of him, she sat back down next to me after getting the drinks and he followed her, I said something like " dude she's not interested" and he looked me up and down with a nasty sneer on his face and said " ooh uoure pregnant!!!" in this huge exclamation voice.

I'm 48, and it was last year, I was a little drunk, a size 10-12, 5foot 8, clearly not pregnant, from the age perspective and drinking bit alone.. Even though I knew he was just being a nasty piece of work and trying to insult me I was actually quite hurt and embarased and it made me feel shit. So I get your feelings, whether people are being malicious or thoughtless.

Try to shrug it off as hard as that is, people really are arseholes sometimes 💐

Echo pp - No, I'm not pregnant, just fat' is a very satisfying comeback!

I can't stand the idea that I've made someone else feel bad. Even if that someone else has been really thoughtless!

With people you know, or that you encounter professionally or socially, I think it's better to tell them. You're doing them a favour.

If they don't learn the lesson of "don't assume people are pregnant" now, they might do again it later on in a situation that will be worse for them.

Apart from on the tube. Then just take the seat. I've been offered seats on the bus before and maybe I had bad posture or maybe I just looked tired. Either way it's easier to take the seat than to have a discussion.

A guy at work did this to me recently. I'm tall and relatively slim, but have split abs and a c section overhang to contend with.

He initially asked if I was pregnant. Then, when I said no, asked if I'd put on weight in that case! Talk about keeping digging!

He hasn't lived it down with our colleagues at all and still apologises every now and then.

It did piss me off, but there's no going back in time. A tummy tuck is on my shopping list when I win the lottery, however.

Those people are just rude. (well apart from the on the tube where i'd take the seat gladly). I NEVER compliment anyone on being pregnant until they mention it themselves. I ignored a colleagues huuuuge bump until she mentioned maternity leave. You just never know.

Do you have scoliosis? If so I'd just tell them that and let them squirm.

How is your posture? Are you standing up straight with shoulders back and core drawn in? If not that might help.

It is rude to assume someone is pregnant because they have a rounded belly. Next time someone comments don't rush to answer - leave a pause if possible, or say 'pardon' as if you haven't heard. Let them be the one who feels uncomfortable.

I've had three kids and do have a belly now - I've had a few older ladies comment on when is the next one arriving and I usually say something like 'oh no... I'm just fat' - then they're on the back foot trying to apologise.

If you could afford it - maybe a trip to a physio to discuss your posture, etc.

I've also had this for years. My standard response is " No I'm not pregnant, just fat." Then depending on the general attitude and manner of the person so far, I occasionally add "It's rude to make assumptions on people's appearance, and even ruder to say it out loud". That usually elicits a fulsome apology.

That being said I've always taken the seat on the tube or other public transport, 10 years commuting in central London sorts your scruples out fast!

Tell them it's wind. Then hopefully they'll keep away.

I used to say "Oh no love, that's just my lunch!" And swiftly move on

How much ab work do you do? Lots of Mumsnetters recommended a programme to me called MuTu, which helps get rid of the rounded belly a lot of people suffer with after having kids (it also helps with pelvic floor which is my issue) and flattens the stomach. You have to work the deep inner abs, crunches and sit ups etc aren't effective. Also focusses a lot on alignment and posture which is crucial.