To be really fucking fed up with people thinking I'm pregnant

[frieda909]

I'm 33 and slightly overweight. I'm tall-ish, 5 ft 8, and BMI 26 or so. I'm completely prepared for people to tell me this makes me disgusting and obese, but I consider myself reasonably fit (I can run a half marathon) and I have always been very muscular so I don't think I'm particularly huge.

However, people always seem to think I'm pregnant. At least once or twice a week someone will offer me a seat on the tube. I seem to naturally have quite a round belly and a pronounced curve in my spine, and no matter how much I adjust my posture or change my outfits it always seems to happen.

I was at a work do tonight wearing a nice cocktail dress and feeling quite good about myself, but then the very first person that I introduced myself to asked me when I was due I even had a large glass of wine in my hand FFS.

I then had to do the whole awkward 'oh I'm not actually, haha, but don't worry, I'm not offended' thing and practically fall over myself to reassure this person they hadn't upset me. I held it together for the rest of the night but I've just come home and burst into tears over the whole thing. And now I'm not only feeling fat and ugly, I'm also really annoyed with myself for getting so upset over the whole thing. Why does it matter so much if a random stranger thinks I look pregnant?

I should add that even when I've been a couple of stone lighter I've still had the pronounced belly, so I'm not even sure losing weight would be a miracle cure. I feel like these incidents have happened more and more since I reached my late 20s/early 30s, maybe because more people see that as an 'acceptable' age to be pregnant? I don't know.

I just feel really really shit right now

I would never dream of asking when someone is due unless they had just told me themselves that they were pregnant! It astonishes me what some people will say to others, especially strangers! The remarks about babies etc I can never understand. And people can be so judgemental about how others are dealing with their children. Everyone needs to mind their own beeswax!

Why mention it then? Because it can be as rude to ignore the fact that a woman can be pregnant.

I think lots of people must think this - hence the questions - but I really disagree. You either know the woman well, in which case if she's chosen not to tell you about a pregnancy it's for a reason, or she's an acquaintance, in which case there's nothing wrong or rude with not mentioning it, surely - it's just one possible conversation topic among many? I've never been in this position, but surely pregnant women don't want/expect every conversation to involve a mention of their bump at some point?!

I did once totally fail to notice that an obese mate who I hadn't seen for a while was six months pregnant - she didn't say anything but I know she was hurt that I hadn't noticed. But a) there was absolutely nothing I could have done about it because it really didn't occur to me and b) even if I had thought "is she...?" I still wouldn't have been right to risk it.

OP - it sounds like if you lose a bit of weight you'll feel better about yourself.

Perhaps, but as I've already stated more than once, I've always been more or less the same shape even when two or three stone lighter, and my sister also gets the pregnancy comments even though she's a lot slimmer than me.

I've also said several times that I've struggled with my weight in the past, have lost 10lb this year, and feel like I've finally found my 'happy' weight.

But you're apparently determined to tell me to lose weight, despite never having met me or seen what I look like, so have at it.

I get similar, it's really upsetting. At my works Christmas do I'd got dressed up and thought I looked ok. Then got asked when I was due and also did the huge 'oh don't worry thing' and was sort of ok until the next day she sent me a card and chocolates to apologise, but the card went on about how it wasn't her fault as everyone in her team thought I was! Agh.

I used to get offered tube seats when I was a size 10 with a good bmi, so I didn't think it's always to do with being overweight although I am now.

Why mention it then? Because it can be as rude to ignore the fact that a woman can be pregnant.

There's a huge difference between watching someone you see every day growing gradually bigger in the tummy and wondering 'should I say something?', and deciding to ask a total stranger who you've known for ten seconds.

I also agree that if someone you know well hasn't mentioned it, then I'd assume they didn't want to talk about it.

I had a colleague who got to 7 or 8 months before it finally became 'public knowledge' at work. It was really bloody obvious but we all just figured she didn't want to talk about it. A lot of people are very reluctant to talk too much about the baby or get too excited before it's safely arrived, so I would never dream of prying!

I can heartily recommend reading 'The Life-Changing Magic of Not Giving a F*ck'. I too can be easily offended by well meaning strangers and waste far too much time and energy worrying what other people think. I still do a little but not nearly as much as before I read that!

Ooh good recommendation, thanks! I'll check it out.

Next time someone asks when you are due, just say (regardless of their gender or age), oh, I have a feeling we are due on the same day!! Then watch them try to explain they are not pregnant 😉😁

Or 'we are both due on the same day!"