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To be embarrassed by my friend?

(132 Posts)
MrPoppersPenguins Fri 28-Apr-17 05:21:39

Whenever we meet for coffee she has her 2yo with her and proceeds to whip out snacks and drinks (for the child) brought from home. These aren't even subtle... think large pastries, sandwiches, yoghurts etc confused

I'm cringing in the coffee shop hoping the staff don't notice. This week they clearly did (although they didn't say anything). She doesn't have special dietary needs so could eat food from the cafe. My friend isn't struggling for money (she's relatively well off). I'm really embarrassed!! Am I BU to think you don't take your own picnic to a coffee shop?? She does buy herself a drink though.

I used to if it was around lunchtime and they didn't have any suitable food for DD.

ButtermilkPancakes Fri 28-Apr-17 05:40:48

If she's feeding her 2 yo pastries, then no YANBU, she should buy them from the coffee shop

LightYears Fri 28-Apr-17 05:44:49

You can get away with that type of thing with kids.

Railgunner1 Fri 28-Apr-17 05:47:06

Meh.
Maybe her DD is a difficult eater. So she has stuff that she knows would be eaten.

Littlepond Fri 28-Apr-17 06:07:21

I wouldn't like this either, I think it is quite rude! However as this is AIBU everyone will jump on you and say you are being unreasonable and of course it is fine for your friend to feed her kid her own food in a cafe. Probably the same people who jumped on the poster a few weeks ago who fed a small pot of pasta to her son in a cafe and told her how awful she was.

The real question is, does one of you sit at the table to reserve it before you have bought your coffees?!

KERALA1 Fri 28-Apr-17 06:38:39

Yanbu I would be embarrassed too.

I think some parents get "stuck" in a stage - so fine for parent of weaning six monther to whip out a pack of baby food but not to bring substantial amounts of proper food for a two year old. She hasn't appreciated she needs to move on.

GreatFuckability Fri 28-Apr-17 06:46:14

is the child a picky eater? I used to take food for my ds everywhere because it was a waste of time and money buying him food out places.

timeforabrewnow Fri 28-Apr-17 06:48:43

What the hey - I wouldn't be embarrassed. Probably wouldn't even notice <don't pay attention to stupid little things>

Lostwithinthehills Fri 28-Apr-17 06:50:34

KERALA1 has pretty much written my thoughts.

ItsNiceItsDifferentItsUnusual Fri 28-Apr-17 06:51:16

I agree with Kerala - I think you get so used to lugging food around for a weaned child that you automatically do it. But I agree that at 2 they're old enough to just eat whatever is in the cafe. Drinks are different though I think.

apotheke Fri 28-Apr-17 06:55:39

I can see both sides here but YANBU to be embarrassed.

I still carry a snack bag for my youngest (23m). However, I do order something from the menu for her and only resort to the snacks if it's taking ages to come as she gets very restless.

The thing I find much more embarrassing is being out with other mums who make absolutely no attempt to clear up their DC's mess. There were a couple in an NCT group I attended in a nice cafe that were BLW and would order the babies a full English. blush I was mortified about the state of the place at the end. At least they paid for the food though!

Pinkandwhiteblossoms Fri 28-Apr-17 06:57:58

I once went to the Waffle House in St Albans with someone who brought a full packed lunch for their child hmm

I think it is pretty rude. If I had to take a lunch due to allergies I'd ask politely and explain. To just get your own food out is obnoxious.

Shurleyshummishtake Fri 28-Apr-17 07:00:42

Nope YANBU that is very bad form
From your friend

A cafe is a business and if everyone who is a child/picky/snowflake starts bringing along their own grub they won't make much money

If he is that picky then she should just buy him a drink in the cafe and feed him in the park or in his pram later, there is no need to do it right in the cafe.
Or suggest to you that you all meet elsewhere etc etc

I'd be so oissed off about this if I was a cafe owner

I've actually seen a waitress call someone out for this and was completely on her side
The mum was saying oh but Peregrine only likes certain foods etc and the waitress pointed out they would be very happy to do plain bread and butter or carrot sticks or whatever but that they didn't offer picnic tables.

I'd say something to the friend personally or just suggest you meet in the park so she can feed her kid what she likes

KP86 Fri 28-Apr-17 07:02:02

Like a PP I've only just recently stopped bringing DS (3.0) a full packed lunch because he was so fussy he just wouldn't eat it and I would end up with a (relatively) expensive meal that was untouched.

These days I tend to carry snacks but will order him something normal and have the snacks in case or refusal or if still hungry afterwards.

I have a feeling I have embarrassed a friend or two doing that but I always bought something for myself so not as if the shop was missing out completely.

Naughtyfrog Fri 28-Apr-17 07:04:04

Littlepond - 😁

ToesInWater Fri 28-Apr-17 07:06:50

YANBU, I would be embarrassed too. I think some people get so enmeshed in the parenting thing they are totally oblivious to everything apart from their kids and forget social norms. It's like parents of little kids get so used to the noise of crying/whining they don't realize that other people around them don't have the same tolerance to noise.

Toes yes we do but babies and toddlers rarely come with a volume control. DS 5 is only just learning that other people don't appreciate his noise. hmm

SoulAccount Fri 28-Apr-17 07:45:40

I wouldn't be embarrassed by someone else's behaviour: if the cafe don't like it, they can speak directly to her.

If you go to an obviously child orientated place for a child centred treat, then it would be very bad to use the place for a children's picnic. But when parents meet for a coffee it is really them that are the customers, and the toddler is an accessory that they have to bring with them. So I don't think it is the worst thing if the toddler is kept occupied with a home bought snack.

Why is she feeding her 2 year old huge pastries?

Tiptoethr0ughthetulips Fri 28-Apr-17 07:46:09

I usually take some form of packed lunch and snacks with us if we're going out mid morning. I will buy toddler food if there's something appropriate but usually its a babybel or piece of fruit he wants and it makes life easier if I have them.

Pinkandwhiteblossoms Fri 28-Apr-17 07:49:56

Does he have additional needs evil?

fourteenlittleducks Fri 28-Apr-17 07:51:46

I do this because DD can't sit still for the 15 mins or so it takes them to bring the food! I bring a tub of pasta, chopped fruit, breadsticks etc. I don't see a problem since I'm buying food and drink for myself. I'm sure they'd rather have food brought in than a hungry screaming toddler.

I have had funny looks TBH but assumed because she was throwing food and making a mess.

fourteenlittleducks Fri 28-Apr-17 07:53:24

Also don't most mums share a meal with their toddler? Mine can't eat even 1/4 of a child's meal (she's nearly 2)

Pinkandwhiteblossoms Fri 28-Apr-17 07:53:33

Toys and books then.

Surely you don't feed her every time she doesn't keep still

Only1scoop Fri 28-Apr-17 07:56:41

Yanbu my friend runs a lovely coffee shop and got sick of a particular group doing this. They would sit there nursing one latte for 3 hours in a big area of comfy chairs whilst their little ones literally had a picnic. Other customers complained and she had a word.
I think her takings have gone up since grin

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