To be embarrassed by my friend?

[MrPoppersPenguins]

Whenever we meet for coffee she has her 2yo with her and proceeds to whip out snacks and drinks (for the child) brought from home. These aren't even subtle... think large pastries, sandwiches, yoghurts etc

I'm cringing in the coffee shop hoping the staff don't notice. This week they clearly did (although they didn't say anything). She doesn't have special dietary needs so could eat food from the cafe. My friend isn't struggling for money (she's relatively well off). I'm really embarrassed!! Am I BU to think you don't take your own picnic to a coffee shop?? She does buy herself a drink though.

YABU. I take a packed lunch for ds to cafes (2.5), as long as I'm ordering a meal and drink for myself. Often kids meals are a) something he won't eat b) not healthy e.g. burger and chips or c) huge and therefore a lot goes to waste. I would buy snacks for him but a lot of places don't do healthy snacks like fruit. As long as I'm spending money on myself I don't see the problem

I do this because DD can't sit still for the 15 mins or so it takes them to bring the food! I bring a tub of pasta, chopped fruit, breadsticks etc. I don't see a problem since I'm buying food and drink for myself. I'm sure they'd rather have food brought in than a hungry screaming toddler

If your child can't sit still for food to arrive, or is screaming in a cafe, then you shouldn't be bringing them out to cafes.

Yabu- not your business and most restaurants acknowledge that a small child can be fussy. As long as she is buying food/drinks then I don't see the problem.

' I've been to a few of these with the same friend and had to sit next to the car in the car park so her kids could eat their packed lunch. She also only buys one ice cream for her 2 children (youngest is 2.5) and makes them share. I guess I'm feeling she's a little tight?? '

She's not just a little tight, she's a misery miser. I get doing this when you have no money, but it's usually people who don't have such issues who do this. Sharing one ice cream? How miserable.

I'd stop hanging out with her.

I don't blame these places one bit for having 'no picnic' signs.

For sll the people saying to not go to cafes if your child won't eat the food/ sit still etc, the cafes will be losing the money parents would have spent on themselves so that doesn't help the businesses. I never sit in somewhere really busy and give child a packed lunch though!

At 2 I suppose it's a bit of a grey area but it's not as bad as what I witnessed last week; a mum with 2 dd's ( about 6&9) sat in a local chain coffee shop with a picnic bag with crisps, bars and cartons of juice ( sandwiches may well have already been consumed) while she drank her coffee that she'd bought in a take away cup.
I know you can never tell but judging from her designer jacket and numerous large jack wills and white company bags she's not short of a penny or two.
The most noticeable thing however was that she spent the whole time on her phone and did not say a word to dd's until she told them it was time to leave.
I just wouldn't have the nerve

SomethingBorrowed I wasn't trying to turn this into a debate about SN, I'm sure I was the only one who mentioned a 5yo who doesn't know when it's inappropriate to be loud. He does his best.

For sll the people saying to not go to cafes if your child won't eat the food/ sit still etc, the cafes will be losing the money parents would have spent on themselves so that doesn't help the businesses

I don't care about that. I do care if your unable to sit still and screaming toddler is giving me a headache while I'm trying to have coffee or lunch or whatever.

But they won't scream if they have something they like to eat for lunch! Mum gets nice lunch, toddler happy, cafe makes some profit, other customers get peace and quiet. Everybody happy!

Exactly Tortycat, the best places to go for lunch are the ones which have decent children's menus.

If your child can't sit still for food to arrive, or is screaming in a cafe, then you shouldn't be bringing them out to cafes

I disagree. I avoid child-unfriendly places or anywhere smart. But there are at least 5 child-friendly cafes in my local town centre, all very welcoming despite the noise and mess. They sweep the floor with a smile while chatting to DD and making a fuss of her. I always pick up large bits of food from floor/table and wipe the table with a wetwipe. But I'm not getting down on hands and knees in the middle of a cafe, crawling under tables or producing a dustpan and brush from the buggy basket as previously suggested on MN! 2-year-olds are noisy and messy. Cafe staff mostly understand this. If they make a fuss of children and have a relaxed attitude to noise/mess, mums will return and spend more money. We buy lunch, coffee and sometimes cake/ice cream, and tip well. Yet I often see groups of adults nursing cups of tea or glasses of tap water, or one person with laptop and paperwork spread over a table for 4.

The mums might, but no-one else will. It's not a creche with coffee.

evil absolutely, some DC are louder than others, and it can be more difficult for them to control their voice.
But do you tell your DC to keep hos voice down every single time? Not only in cafés but also at home?
I know lots of children who are allowed to be very loud at home and of course it is difficult for them to understand how to be quiet when needed.
FWIW I am sorry if I sound a bit harsh, I am quite sensitive to noise, my DM todl me that even as a child I used to ask my siblings and parents to be quieter all the time

YANBU. I find this very unacceptable. My DD has eaten out with us since 6months old, baby led weaning is ace for this reason, not for everyone I know.
If there's nothing on the kids menu then she eats what we have or we ask if she can have something like scrambled egg and a sausage with beans. All our locals are very family friendly but I'm with cafes and restaurants 100% when they say "only food bought on this premises may be consumed here".

I've wondered that too babybat. My dc is 9mo and I take food with us when we go out (very rare). She usually would eat something off the menu (she'll eat pretty much anything) but I worry about the salt content. I try to take either a packet or something very mushy looking from home so it's not something they could make. I've also always got rice cakes or wafers in my bag for bribery and distraction in cafes.

Thinking about it while writing the salt content on those very rare occasions probably isn't anything to worry about but it's automatic to take something. I could see me falling into the trap of carrying food around for too long. What do other countries think of babies eating food that has been brought in. We're in the UK but going abroad to USA/Canada this year.

Food for weaning babies is fine to me.
Small snacks for toddlers don't bother me.

Anything more than a small snack I think is quite cheeky.

Costa does serve crisps or fruit salad tubs though...

That's what my friend's 3 year old has had for the past 2 times we've been there.

I take snacks for my one year and will offer them if we go to a coffee shop, as well as offering part of my meal (if I get something to eat). I bring water for her in a cup as well rather than buy it whilst out. If I am honest I think a coffee shop would rather have the huge profit it makes on a couple of drinks and lunch for two adults when it is otherwise quiet than not at all.

Yes SomethingBorrowed and he really does try. It's always better if he's not overtired, but sometimes that's unavoidable. At least he tries now.

I would suggest if you don't like it you don't meet with your friend anymore, or accept that everyone is different and have their own way of doing things!
I honestly don't see the issue with her taking food for her 2 year old child though.
I only feed my little girl organic food and would be unlikely to find this in any cafe, so yes I would always take snacks for my daughter while she is so young.
I'd be more concerned that your friend is feeding her two year old pastries!!!

Poor people don't go into 'coffee shops' so it's just people being tight with money. Toddlers eat very little, their parents/carers don't want to spend as they'll barely touch it.

Poor people aren't tight..they don't have the money..

Lots of mixed opinions- fair enough. All I can say is at least she didn't have her other 2 kids with her at the time. I don't get to see her very often (live a distance away) so it's not a mega issue, just wondered if it was "the done thing". It wasn't a big chain place either, it was a small independent place so I felt bad for the owners. Each to their own!

I only feed my little girl organic food and would be unlikely to find this in any cafe, so yes I would always take snacks for my daughter while she is so young

That's your choice - and fair enough. But - then I'd say you don't go to cafes with your daughter if so. Where do you draw the line? If I said "I only drink vintage champagne but would be unlikely to find it in the local pub, so I take my own when my DH goes for a pint"? Would you think that was okay? The pub is still getting the money they'd make from his beer, surely?

I agree with a pp - a rice cake or a packet of sweet corn puffs? No big deal. But bringing your own sandwiches for kids to a cafe that sells them? That's rude and bad form and is simply disrespectful of their business.