To be embarrassed by my friend?

[MrPoppersPenguins]

Whenever we meet for coffee she has her 2yo with her and proceeds to whip out snacks and drinks (for the child) brought from home. These aren't even subtle... think large pastries, sandwiches, yoghurts etc

I'm cringing in the coffee shop hoping the staff don't notice. This week they clearly did (although they didn't say anything). She doesn't have special dietary needs so could eat food from the cafe. My friend isn't struggling for money (she's relatively well off). I'm really embarrassed!! Am I BU to think you don't take your own picnic to a coffee shop?? She does buy herself a drink though.

I think YAB a bit U and oversensitive to be embarrassed by something so minor. But I guess if that's how you feel that's how you feel.
It's up to the staff if they allow it imo.

Yup, and their toddlers.

I think YABU my 2 yo DD has multiple allergies (gluten, dairy, nuts , eggs to name a few but also random ones like apples and baked beans!) and is under the care if a dietitian etc therefore we almost always bring a packed lunch out with us because cafes hardly ever have anything which caters to all the allergies e.g some will have gluten free bread but it usually contains eggs. So anyway the way I see it is if I hadn't of bought my DD a packed lunch we wouldn't be in the cafe and they are still getting money for our drinks/ my food so why does it make a difference? Especially when it's not overly busy we aren't depriving anyone of a table we are actively giving the place business so IMO as long as you buy something you have a right to sit at a table and you can feed your DC what you like

wheatchief I'm not sure that matters really. People give their very small children food from home when they're out and about for all sorts of reasons. Being one of those parents (although my reasons are "legitimate" - i.e. allergies) I have found that not one single cafe I've been in minded, even if I wasn't buying food myself.

The thing is if you're going to go somewhere for a coffee as the parent of a toddler, you're going to take that toddler into the cafe with you. It makes not the blindest bit of difference to anyone if - whilst they're there - that toddler eats a biscuit or not. Parent still has their coffee, toddler still takes up space in the cafe, biscuit neither here nor there.

I think in this situation your friend was wrong and I would be embarrassed too.

What I think would help is if restaurants/cafe's etc wised up to the fact that I don't just want to feed my child chicken nuggets and chips or a cheese spread sandwich. Probably area specific but a lot of places near me are seriously lacking when it comes to children's menus so I have been known to take fruit/healthy snacks with me to compensate for the beige options they have.

Having worked in a cafe, so many people do this. It is very annoying, especially when it's busy and people who are going to actually pay for things can't get seats. A small biscuit is just not the same as a whole packed lunch or a sandwich. Cafes are businesses, not lunch halls.

Wheatchief that's a good point about other people looking on and thinking 'they're bringing in stuff so why can't I?' It did cross my mind when my dd was little that I was being a bit of a mug paying for something she just nibbled.

Don't worry wheatchief, I'm totally chill about the issue too and can see both sides.

The OP didn't say the kid was messy though... leaving kiddy mess in a cafe when you leave is a massive no-no anyway, but that's another AIBU! It's the having the food in the first place - even a full on packed lunch - that I don't think is all that bad. I think the idea of any revenue being lost is pretty spurious; if you're not going to buy something for your kids from a cafe you're still not going to be buying it even if you don't bring them something else to eat. And if they really wanted the revenue they'd offer child-friendly food in the first place.

But like you say, not a massive thing. Guess I'm just defending my position because I don't like the idea of people tutting under their breath if they see my little boy squashing a sandwich into his face in Costa while I have a much deserved cup of tea... Actually who am I kidding, I wouldn't give a shit

Costa's tea isn't as bad as the dishwater they serve in Starbucks!

I don't think its bad for a 2 year old. Alot of 2 year olds are fussy and if it keeps her dc quiet whilst you enjoy your coffee, whats the problem. Most coffee shops wouldn't have a problem with someone bringing in a sandwich or some crisps for a toddler as long as the adults and any older children were buying something.

I have no idea how it tastes wheatchief, I'm generally too shocked to be enjoying a drink that's still HOT!

I don't know a single mum friend who doesn't do this.

We all buy coffee and cakes and usually more than one and bring snacks for the kids - it is very rare that a cafe (particularly a chain one) has anything suitable for children. They are all very high in salt and sugar.

I also don't know a single chain place that minds either - it keeps the kids quiet and we spend enough anyway.

If it was an independent cafe then we don't do it, we ask for toast or fruit for the kids. Something cheap and we know they'll eat we might give them raisins to keep them entertained until food arrives though.

And we always clean up our mess!

One of my pet hates! When we take the kids for lunch there's usually 4-5 parents and 1 of them always brings a packed lunch for her snowflake while the others get what's bought for them. If she was broke then fair enough but she is well off but says she doesn't believe in spending money on food. Just for him though, she eats off the menu 🙄

I've been embarrassed by a friend like this in a similar way. She has a few dc and it looks like the locusts have been when you leave the table - rubbish and food scraps everywhere. I can't relax because I'm forever waiting for the staff to come and tell us to go. She's otherwise quite a reasonable person, so I don't understand that aspect of her. I definitely think it bothers the staff, you can see them fuming.

Fair enough one toddler eating a carrot stick snack. But it's embarrassing when they get out lunch boxes and there's hoards of them.

I think it's really cheap and rude. If your D.C. are too fussy to eat anything or if you can't stop your D.C. throwing food or screaming then perhaps you shouldn't go out to cafes. It's obviously different if there are allergies or SN.

I bet most of the time it's done because the parent is trying to save money. I feel sorry for the businesses.

I always took snacks with me, in case food took too long etc, as a distraction etc. But on the whole unless you have a very picky eater I think it is important to at least try something from a menu, it helps children try different things and adapt. If the kids' menu looks crap many places will do a small version of an adult dish. I don't tend to worry about salt and sugar in a one off meal, if we are out every meal and every day I might.

Maybe part of my reaction is from seeing signs/going to places/reading reviews of days out where the venue states "no picnics". I've been to a few of these with the same friend and had to sit next to the car in the car park so her kids could eat their packed lunch. She also only buys one ice cream for her 2 children (youngest is 2.5) and makes them share. I guess I'm feeling she's a little tight?? I get why taking a packed lunch on days out saves a lot of money if you've paid a lot to get in (I do it!!) but these are free places like ice cream farms or cheap play barns with their own independent cafe. And like I've already stated the kids have NO allergies, they are the least fussy kids I know too. Oh and if we do ever go out for a meal her kids share one children's meal- they have good appetites too!

What's the consensus on when it's no longer acceptable to be giving children food from home in a restaurant? I ask because DD (14 months) is still at the stage where I'll generally need to give her something to eat before the orders arrive, and I figure keeping her quiet with an Ella's Kitchen or some breadsticks is preferable to a noisy baby disrupting other people eating. Obviously a cafe or anywhere that's self-service is different to a pub/restaurant where it can take 25 minutes to get your food. If 2 is too old, when's the cutoff?